I am a 20-year-old girl, although I also look good, and as a character I think I am much more mature. I am introverted, more silent, secretive and anxious. I've never liked parties, nightlife, hanging out with frivolous boys. Other things I hate are the chalga, the vulgarity, the simplicity, the superficial. I feel like I'm a girl from a time, something like Audrey Hepburn's character or taken from a classic book. I like golden old hits, I read a lot of books, I love lonely walks in nature and mystical places. I am interested in the occult, mysteries, philosophical questions. I have very few girlfriend girls, even fewer boys. I have never liked a boy or a man, because we have very different interests, and I want a person with whom I can talk about different topics. I'm not a girl which can be attracted only by appearance, and even less by money. I decided to tell about myself, not to pretend to be interesting and something more than others, but to understand how difficult it is for me to find kindred spirits. I'm still a virgin. Let's move on to the topic. On the Internet I met a man with very similar interests. He is quite young, but he turned 35. He did not lie to me about anything, he did not try to take me down. We started to communicate and developed a lot of topics and I was just delighted. I liked it a lot in terms of thinking and attitude. We actually wrote to each other for months before we decided to see each other. We met in a mall, I was very worried, but the man is extremely polite. It made me relax and we discussed various topics live again. From then on, I knew I was falling in love. We kept in touch, we heard each other every night, we also started going out regularly. He himself said that he was uncomfortable because I was a kind of child, but I was the most wonderful person he had ever known. I no longer hide my feelings. He, despite the resistance he initially offered, also feels such. We are like kindred spirits, as cliché as it sounds. With everyone else I feel like an outsider and abnormal, and with him I feel like a goddess. We hugged, we kissed, but we didn't get to the end. And here, in fact, comes my concern. He knows that I am a virgin and I am afraid that if he eventually sleeps with me - he will then dump me because of our difference ... Or that I will be his mistress, then I will get tired of him and he will not want something serious with 20 years old. And believe me, I love him already. He doesn't press me with anything, especially he didn't mention anything about sex. And he told me he loved me, but I didn't believe him. I've always been rejected and I'm just scared. In your opinion, if a 35-year-old man meets a soulmate who is 20, would that be an obstacle? Would mature-minded men take such a girl seriously? And finally - why not? We do not have big differences in characters and interests. There are relationships / marriages with a 20+ year difference, but they are still happy and stable. Even if marriage wants a family, I'm ready! But we have not talked about this topic. He is not a player, he has had few women in his life, still his age (the youngest was only 5 years younger than him), but they just weren't the right ones. Can you help me figure it out? Give advice? In our case, is the difference fatal? Also - how to present it to the family? He introduced me officially to his, and I only to my mother,
Answers 26
You never know how the difference will affect the relationship. It may not hurt, but it is a fact that you are at different stages of your life. People change throughout their lives and you will change over time, and due to the age difference it is likely to be in different directions and after 10 years it turns out that you do not have as much in common as at the moment. Not to mention that when you start a family, he will be the age of a grandfather rather than a father. Or the fact that you will be sexually at completely different stages - with age, men's libido decreases. And God forbid he dies, it is a common fact that men have a shorter life expectancy than women, what are you going to do for 20 years alone? So do your homework well before investing years in something like that.
You are mentally ill.
In fact, now men over the age of 35 have not made a living, so what was this man looking for on a website? Why do you think he stopped having contact with other women after meeting you? My dear, there are few who, when they meet someone, stop previous contacts. Also, just because he's not a womanizer doesn't mean he won't take advantage of you. Now you think it's different, but wait for things to develop, wait for you to understand its true nature. Tip - Smart and be careful.
"Do you think a 35-year-old man, if he meets a soulmate who is 20, would that be an obstacle? Men with mature thinking would take such a girl seriously? And in the end - why not? ... Maybe can you help me figure it out? give advice? In our case, is the difference fatal? "I copied this for personal convenience. In my opinion, a 35-year-old man can believe in kindred spirits to the extent that he considers it possible for some people to fit in very well, unlike others. Men with mature thinking will accept a seriously smart girl of 20, will respect her, will like her company, but they will not forget that she is 20. In other words, they would have one thing in mind. It will be justified. Why not? You are 20, he is 35, he has a lot of life experience, which you can't have and that makes a visible difference in understandings and points of view. Do you live alone? Do you pay the bills yourself? Do you work? Are you studying? Do you run a household? This man probably did these things, life crushed him. More? He has had more relationships, he has made a living, he has tried many things, he has found himself and he has understood some basic things about love. Nothing personal, at 20 you can be very responsible, very smart and very mature, but you don't know what you will be at 35. No, we can't help you figure it out because we don't know him. But, usually, people do not guess anyone. They know a person by what that person shows them about himself. I can give advice. If you like it, it is clear that you will continue to follow this person, regardless of our comments. I advise you to talk to him a little more seriously on the subject. This man has his own view of things and you need to know exactly his view. And how ready are you to be with him when you're worried about your parents? You also asked if it was fatal. In your case, I don't know, but you are an adult and the difference is not so fatal, it is rather unpleasant. Once I got along with a man who was 8/9 years older than me. I was 17. One night we relaxed more and flirted, there was nothing more than flirting. Then we shared that it would be great if our difference was smaller. I could swallow for 8 years, but he explained his reasons. The reasons were the same as I listed above. We remained friends. My heart and life are healthy, thanks to this man who respected my years and let me live them properly. Then I was hurt, of course, I was sad, a little later I realized everything and now I am grateful. Author, I also read that you are afraid of leaving you if you sleep together. See, most people don't stay with their first intimate partner. I don't know, I can't judge whether it's good or bad. You have to accept that thought. When you sleep with someone, do it of your own free will so that you do not regret it. Don't have sex with anyone to keep him because he wants to, because he's begging you, or because he's just great. There are great people all over the Earth, but be intimate with the one who attracts your body as much as he attracts your soul. In this way, the sex itself will be desired by you at every level and even if you are left alone after that, it will not hurt you so much. You won't say to yourself, "I gave him my virginity, and he left me," but you will say to yourself, "We had a great time, I was left with a fond memory of my first time ... it is a pity that our relationship will not continue. Better a broken heart than a broken hope that the first will be the last and that you let him in with the idea that he will stay. But don't lose faith, my first stayed last, this also happens.
The problem will be you, because your life is just beginning. We live in a very dynamic time in which the age difference is more pronounced. We don't live in the 19th century, when people's lives were destined, and whether they start at 16 or 40 doesn't matter ... I, as a man who was also young, an outsider, got involved with older people. women from whom nothing happened ... As thinking, as interests coincide, but purely in life the discrepancy was insurmountable. A person of 35 has a lot of experience, but also luggage. Apart from the positive aspects, you should also get acquainted with the negative ones (there will be 100% of them) ...
Don't fail everything, from the beginning, because of prejudices. It will be a pity. And you are already an adult and you will be with whomever you decide.
As a 33-year-old man, I don't believe you can be happier than having a young, virgin woman who loves you and has common interests. This loved one of yours is lucky and I hope he realizes it. Good luck. R.
Well, if you like each other and your feelings are mutual, why not. Is it better to be with someone your age and not love each other. I myself am a man of 35 and I would give a chance for such a relationship. I have known for a long time that decent people are like that at 20, 30 and 60. Those who don't get up and at 70 are the same.
Author: Thank you all for the answers! You definitely told me not to start with prejudices about the relationship and let things happen. However, I want to turn first to number 1 - yes, people change and nothing is certain, but what makes you think that the same will not happen with my set? We are all individuals, however, and it is normal to have discrepancies. And I don't think he's a grandfather at 35, that's the best age. Plus, my main goal is not to become a mother or a wife, but to meet true love in any form. And to give myself to her. Number 3 - I'm independent enough, but I'm still studying and I really have a career to build. But this does not prevent love. Whatever is written will happen. And the man I did not meet him on a special dating site, but commented on my post on a famous social network, on a philosophical topic, so we started communication. Number 2 - could you explain to me how you defined me as mentally ill? And do you have a degree in psychiatry to give diagnoses ??? Get out!
I was expecting you to say that the difference is a problem for you, but it turned out that you think it will be a problem for him! He is in the seventh heaven dear. If he's as good as you describe him, he can't sleep with you and dump you. Do it, but don't rush the decision for a family! Be together for at least a year, two - the time is ahead of you. Meet and then make the decision! Didn't you say you study, what profession you have. Don't shut up from now on with marriage and children. Success!
From №1: The author is right that the same can happen to someone your age, but it will not come from the difference in your age. Here it is an additional factor that is not at all as small as most try to get it out of. Don't let it happen like in the next topic for the mother who hasn't gone crazy - you don't know what will happen to you when the routine starts. At 20, you're still far from mature. And I did not say that the man of 35 is a grandfather, but think about how the eventual child will feel when he is 10 and his father is in his 50s, while the fathers of his friends are 35. Love does not come by order, but at least by everything is constant. But give yourself to her, just keep in mind that this relationship will not last forever.
I am not one of the people with prejudices, but this difference is difficult for a joint and happy life, on the contrary, after years the disagreements come and there are objective preconditions. No, it doesn't hurt to have communication and love, but that will be for a while. I have seen such couples and endings, and I have experienced something similar. You just find your peers inexperienced and look at mature men, but this is wrong because there is no experience in feelings. There are many examples of inappropriate rapprochement with such a difference, but I do not write about them. It doesn't hurt to go with someone over 25, but 35 is a lot for high expectations.
Isn't this site a chat club, but the man Ivailo?
I'm 48 if you were 30 and there was something like that between us, there would be no problem with anything, because all the problems come from prejudices that you can't eradicate, what will grandma say, what will the neighbors say, what will say anyone just say it because here everyone has to say something because everyone knows everyone can everyone understands and everyone hides like mice and when you touch their ego everyone becomes a man and a female opener and in fact no one can stand and say out loud yes I was wrong if you have sex with older women or men can't not be accepted there must be a limit to the relationship, I ask you who will put a limit on me how to live how my life goes what to eat how to look and who I have to be,no one because I have no prejudices people do not judge so as not to judge you open your eyes your souls your hearts and think about what you actually live or experience and to you a girl who is wondering what to do and how to experience everything that is inside you, do what you have to do, because when you look after sex you may have to change your views, so live today, but think in the judgment and for tomorrow, success
Such a difference in age does not matter much in a very limited time interval of about 30 for women and about 45 for men. Beyond these boundaries, it has an impact in many ways. Those who have commented before me have said a lot of things that are true because they are the result of their experience or someone else's. Yes, a relationship with a person your age may fail, but in this case you are guaranteed. Over time, the problems will only deepen at all levels. The fact that he introduced you to his parents is disturbing to me. This does not only mean a serious attitude towards you, but a stated desire to bind you. With such a difference as your man has the opportunity to literally model the young woman next to him, this always happens, another question is whether you will feel and when. In addition, they are often painfully jealous. There's a lot more which I can tell you, but it doesn't make sense. Decide what you want for yourself and gain experience. My only advice is not to live with him soon, let alone get more serious.
I answer only because I had such a relationship, I was 36 and she was 19. First, she was and is one of the most intelligent women I have ever known, and my experience with women is enormous. He wrote that your man has not been with many women, which may mean that he may not have much experience, even though he is 35 years old. You seem to be intelligent too, but on the love horizon you have absolutely no experience and this may be the only problem between you, as it was with us. The fact that you share in this forum speaks eloquently enough that you are hellishly inexperienced and insecure in general (which is normal). The advice I can give you if you decide to get in a relationship is to never share it with other people, parents or friends - no one! Keep your relationship a secret! I'm not sure you understand me, It's hard for me to explain it in detail in a few lines, but first you have to know that this man is chasing the strong headwind - family, children, etc. If you are ok with this, go ahead, but if you feel insecure , you want to compare with other men, emotions, thrills, you better not get involved in this relationship, because you will both suffer a lot. I advise you to show him this topic and NEVER share anything with anyone again. This applies to both. I guess he'll understand what I mean. Start completely clean and continue like this! because you will both suffer a lot. I advise you to show him this topic and NEVER share anything with anyone again. This applies to both. I guess he'll understand what I mean. Start completely clean and continue like this! because you will both suffer a lot. I advise you to show him this topic and never share anything with anyone again. This applies to both. I guess he'll understand what I mean. Start completely clean and continue like this!
Author, boldly go ahead and follow first of all what your Mind tells you, and then your heart. Always bet on reason! I immediately give an example from my personal life: I will soon be 38 years old, and my girlfriend is 24, and our difference is almost 14 years. We have been together for three years, when as adults we were almost like you are now. Even then, she was much more developed than her peers - with an extremely well-developed idea of life, earthy and smart. We both had two serious relationships before we met. Yes, it may sound a little to some readers here that until I was 35 I had only two relationships lasting several years each, but I have always been of the principle that it is better to have a small number, but a lasting stable relationship with permissible amount of discounts, than to be selfish and to part with every next person even at the smallest everyday problem (something that is a mass practice in Bulgaria nowadays). The age limit between us actually worried me a lot, not her. She seemed to be wiser than I was at that crucial moment, and said that for her, age did not determine how two people would get along. For months, I was worried that because she was a student and was about to orient herself in life, she might at some point be distracted by the idea of developing professionally abroad (she wanted to go to Italy, where she had worked before). And one more thing - I am Bulgarian and she is Turkish. At the beginning, this was one of my biggest worries, but soon after meeting her I realized that he is a great person and we get along great. When I asked her what she believed in, she replied, "I believe, that if we understand and respect each other, we will be happy together! Of course, we have had moments when we have heated up the air a lot with some verbal frictions on certain topics (not related to religions, etc., for example, where to turn the roll of toilet paper and other nonsense), but again I will admit that she is wiser than me - despite most of my experience and years - and has managed to skillfully get us into the usual calm rhythm of communication. For the roll she managed to reconcile us in a brilliant way - said that who put the next one, I'll put it in his way. And so we take turns almost always one after the other. :) This seemingly small woman in age and physique managed to teach me a lot of useful things. Because of her many discounts, I also I learned to make such and I find this one of the beauties of love.
The difference is not the problem, but whether you want the same things. This is usually difficult because one isaksh at 20, another at 35. However, each case is individual. He doesn't have much time, he wants a family, you - you hardly want that. If you get together, you give birth to a child, at 30-35 your senses and desires for life will open up, for something else, for diversity, and he will be at 50. that is - at another stage of life. Tired, with problems in potency and what not. Think well. For a short-term relationship the prospects are good, for a long-term - not.
Fifteen years is not much for me. My wife is 6 years younger and if I get engaged to someone now, I don't believe I can be older than 30, and mine are 45. According to my views, 2-3 years is the minimum difference, which is smaller woman, and 5 and 10 normal. I had a familiar family with a difference of 15 years and everything was normal for many years. After a long time they separated, but the woman was to a sect and hardly the difference in age is the reason. The author, in my opinion, is good to meet this man and it is not necessary to have children and a life together. It is perfectly normal not to like some qualities of your peers.
I was 19 when I met my husband, he was 35. Now we have a child and we are very happy. For me it is important what he is like as a person, and the difference in age is not so unacceptable in my opinion!
Well, I'm about your friend's age, more or less. I don't think age is such a problem. I go out with women my age and in general girls at 20 are boring to me, but if we like one with interests, topics of conversation, appearance and attraction, I don't see why not. There is another problem - I am 32 and I want to go out with women with whom things can get serious. And a 20-year-old woman has yet to study, a career. And a person changes a lot in those years before 25. So even if I fall in love with a 20-year-old, I would be careful before I go to marry her. If you like yourself a lot, give it a try. The problems arising from age are surmountable. If things get so serious, you can wait another 4-5 years before thinking about family.
I had a relationship with an 18 year difference and I am very sorry. I felt her trying to turn me into a "lady" and ran away. He did not approve of my interests, nor the music, nor the way of life. He was extremely rigid and I couldn't go out with him anywhere. Separately, I told him not to expect a family with me, but he had figured out that he would make me wise because I was small (I was 28). Well, he failed for three years and now he hates me a lot. Now I go with peers, even younger than me, and I feel better. Separately, I am not ashamed of the streets ...
I decided to share my opinion, I have such a story and we are currently in the second stage, our difference is 18 years. we already live together, he is still as kind and good to me as in the beginning, but sex is a bit of a problem, and over time I started to miss my old life of going out and shopping and I started to think that I must have made a mistake as much and to love and like him and me maybe we just had to stay friends ... I haven't made a final decision yet, but I think the end result will be clear soon.
Carefully continue the relationship - this difference should not be exaggerated - not 30 years, after all. You may have come across a treasure without knowing it. Do not try to orient yourself by asking questions to others, as people are often driven by prejudice. If you love him, and if you think he can love you, then what's the problem? To suffocate a feeling just because OTHERS have said you MUST find the RIGHT one? How many of the so-called "appropriate" match, love, respect and have no problems of another nature? ... And another piece of advice - don't make a connection between sexual intercourse and the strength of the relationship. This is another cliché, deeply ingrained in the mind of the average person. If the man in question has serious intentions for marriage, then he should respect your desire for sex only after marriage; and if there are none, then there is no point in wasting your time and betting on something so expensive as to suffer even more severely afterwards. I personally belong to this group of men who would have a relationship with a girl with some discomfort if I knew she had slept with others before. Courage! Agape.
Carefully continue the relationship - this difference should not be exaggerated - not 30 years, after all. You may have come across a treasure without knowing it. Do not try to orient yourself by asking questions to others, as people are often driven by prejudice. If you love him, and if you think he can love you, then what's the problem? To suffocate a feeling just because OTHERS have said you MUST find the RIGHT one? How many of the so-called "appropriate" match, love, respect and have no problems of another nature? ... And another piece of advice - don't make a connection between sexual intercourse and the strength of the relationship. This is another cliché, deeply ingrained in the mind of the average person. If the man in question has serious intentions for marriage, then he should respect your desire for sex only after marriage; and if there are none, then there is no point in wasting your time and betting on something so expensive as to suffer even more severely afterwards. I personally belong to this group of men who would have a relationship with a girl with some discomfort if I knew she had slept with others before. Courage! Agape.
Hello dear! I am also currently dating a person fifteen years older than me (I am 19), I want to tell you that I have not been happier, so I do not think that your difference matters, in our case my parents met with him, but they don't ask me how old he is because I pretend I don't know, nevertheless they liked him a lot and are happy for everything, enjoy these moments ...