I have been living with my friend for some time, I am 20 years old and he is 24. What worries me is that since we have been like this, we have been together everywhere. Not that it's bad, but when I want to see a friend alone I can't. He doesn't tell me in plain text, but when I don't take it with me, I feel guilty. I know that I have allowed myself to be treated like this, but the guilt is stronger. And what's left to go out to a disco with friends without him - I'll just be angry forever. And when he goes out with friends, he calls me with him, he even tells me that he wants me to be with them - I don't know if it's for me to call him too. I encourage him to go out alone with his friends more often, even if he goes out with a colleague, I'm not angry with him. But this rarely happens. Now a friend has invited me to sleep with them, but I know he will be angry with me if I go. I feel like a fool, because I'm afraid to even mention something like that - that I want to go out alone. I am both angry that I do not have personal space and I am afraid that we will quarrel. Not that I don't love him or want to be together, I just need a little freedom, I don't want to be separated. I am asking for advice on how to tell him this so that I do not offend him, make him feel unwanted or rejected. I don't want him to think I'm bored or uncomfortable with him, that's not the case, but if I tell him what I think, he'll feel right. not to feel unwanted or rejected. I don't want him to think I'm bored or uncomfortable with him, that's not the case, but if I tell him what I think, he'll feel right. not to feel unwanted or rejected. I don't want him to think I'm bored or uncomfortable with him, that's not the case, but if I tell him what I think, he'll feel right.
Answers 9
Hello. I see myself in your story 3 years ago .... My friend was so jealous, he clung so tightly to me that he wouldn't let me go to the store alone, where his name is. His problem was that he had suffered with his predecessors and he had no confidence in me. For 2 and a half years I tried to explain to him that I was not like his exes, that I was not cheating on him, that I just needed to see a friend alone, to talk in a feminine way, but he never understood me. Well, I'm tired of being doubted for no reason, I'm tired of having my phone checked when and with whom I talked, I'm tired of logging in to Skype and reading constantly with whom and what I'm writing to, I'm tired of all his restrictions - either you go out with me or you won't go anywhere, and I drew the line ... Well, I wrote this so that your friend wouldn't doubt you, did you give him any reason to doubt that there was another? Maybe that's why he doesn't want you to go out alone without him ... Or maybe he's just afraid that someone will kidnap you ... Whatever the reason, you don't have to put up with it! Everyone has the right to personal liberty and no one has the right to restrict it. Tell him, and I'll keep my fingers crossed for him to understand you :)). I hope I helped you in some way ... A.
I'll just tell you that if you want something to work, you have to get rid of something else. My relationship with my boyfriend is the same as yours. From the beginning I was angry with him, I wanted to go to a disco with friends - but first of all, the quarrels come from there, you fight, you will probably not be happy to know that he is in the disco and various muffins are taken off! In order for your relationship to be healthy, you have to lose a lot of things. I accepted this over time and realized that he was right. What prevents us from going together with his and my friends - there are no problems for either. We go out with friends together, of course we already trust each other and I don't mind him going out somewhere alone, nor him me going out. Don't be angry - I think your boyfriend is right, as long as he doesn't violate your privacy too much, but remember that if you really love each other, you have to compromise.
One thing I can tell you for sure: run away from anyone who instills guilt in you. To me, what you are describing is not love. Love does not limit, it liberates.
№2, "realized" was. It's amazing how distorted the words of some can be used, that even advice can afford to give! Apparently you can't feel what kind of movie you're in. "What bothered them" - but the fact that you perceive things this way, it bothers you. Otherwise, yes - there is no problem for you to go with his company, nor to drag him with yours, but NOT WITH SUCH MOTIVATION like yours! You see - there is no problem in the fact that you can walk, but in the fact that you CANNOT NOT WALK if you do not want to. "In order for your relationship to be healthy, you have to lose a lot of things." - Absolute nonsense! Your relationship should enrich and develop you both, not bury and ossify you. Otherwise it makes no sense. "One can't wander the streets and the other can't sleep at home" - why not? Does anyone have to collect his Akita on the street?
Thank you for the advice. Not that I mind going out together, but sometimes a person needs personal space and that's his right.
As much as a man is in love with his partner and wants to be with him 24 hours a day, there comes a time when he feels the need to go out alone without him. This is not about compromises, permissions, guilt, but about purely human needs. He does not understand this now and accepts it, and tomorrow how far will he go in his jealousy? I would advise the author to sit down and talk openly with her friend, to clarify their feelings, sensations, obligations and guilt.
Absolutely familiar. Your friend is jealous, he doesn't trust you accordingly, without you having anything to do with it. You sit down and explain to him that everyone needs personal space and time just for themselves. This has nothing to do with the lack of feelings for him, ie if you do so you do not care, he thinks. You tell him that he is greatly mistaken and that the problem is actually his. If he doesn't understand, you split up. Otherwise you will be chanting. Eli
It's very relative, and you're right, and he, too, needs balance, explain to him about freedom, but be careful not to become a freedom of freedom ... you set boundaries in the time spent together, and the other in which you are not together. ... Next
HELLO! I have a long relationship and I am constantly with my boyfriend. I call him, and he calls me ... Sometimes I go out for coffee with friends. If I'm with someone and I don't want to go out with them, I just won't be with them. What's the point? I had a girlfriend (her boyfriend was jealous of her - later it turned out that there was a reason). She always wanted like you, her personal space, the boy could never go out with her to a disco, and she flirted with this and that ... Well, they broke up .. Now this same one fell madly in love with a new one, and no he already wants his personal space so much .. He takes it everywhere, no problem ... I'm trying to explain to you that maybe something is lame somewhere ...