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A Child Suffering From A Severe Divorce

By x_marsha_x July 15, 2020 14 answers Last updated July 15, 2020

I am writing to you to seek advice, support, or maybe someone with a similar story to share ... I am 19 years old, I am a student, I have not lived with my parents for several months. Since the beginning of the summer, they have separated because in recent years they have not stopped arguing, insulting, and the like ... There was not a day that they did not quarrel, my mother has suffered so many insults during all these years, mostly from my father's parents. Just to finish and leave, so that I don't witness this divorce, and she was afraid of how I would accept it! Well, divorce became a fact in early 2020.

 

My mother is obviously happier, I would say calmer ... but my father was depressed, he wanted to commit suicide, for him, it was the end .. he lost almost 20 kilograms ... Every day he cries, suffers, and struggles he is tormented because he is alone, he constantly writes and calls me and tells me how bad he is ... Somehow, through manipulation, in the beginning, he wanted me to call my mother to tell her how bad he is, just so she can come back to him.

 

He went to extremes, started calling all his relatives to tell them about our family dramas (not that they broke them), but maybe he was looking for compassion? And I suffer the most from this, of course ... Because I both hate that he suffers and suffers, and I know that my mother did the right thing. Now he decided to go abroad, to move away, and I supported him and I think it would be better that way ... But the worse thing is that he tells me some things about how he will go and will never return ... I suffer from this, I feel bad that I can't help him, every time I try to calm him down it doesn't work ..

 

Help me .. What can I do, how to deal with it?

Answers 14

1
sexywhore696 answered · July 15, 2020
You are not a child, but a young woman :-) You can't help your father, the problems are his and I don't see how you can alleviate them, so there is nothing to blame. Apparently their marriage hadn't been going well for years, but he didn't believe your mother would have the courage to divorce, and he was unpleasantly surprised. His behavior is not at all masculine - to call people near and far and to tell your stories is unworthy, to try to use you to manipulate your mother - even more so. Going abroad seems like a good decision to me - it will change the situation, meet new people, it may affect him well. This nonsense that he would not return is again part of his manipulations. Just get used to it and pass them by your ears. He doesn't really want you to calm him down, so there's no point in wasting yourself, he wants the old situation back. Apparently he doesn't want to accept that his marriage is over. He will understand it someday, and that actions have consequences.
2
tna55 answered · July 15, 2020
There is nothing to suffer. You're 19, tighten up. The decision is correct. Don't get attached to his every word. Let everyone go their own way. Fathers too. Clearly tell him to tighten up and move on with his life. Their marriage is long gone, just some kind of roommate. Your father was used to it.
3
xhaura answered · July 15, 2020
Motivate him to leave with the idea that one day when he is well he can take you to him and eventually move because here he is without a promising country. There is no lie on your part and there is support and motivation for him because in reality, you are his only meaning.
4
hugetitz03 answered · July 15, 2020
Your father does not suffer but is angry that he has lost his victim. He'll find another one soon, just make sure it's not you. This is manipulative behavior in order to harass you.
5
bigberlincock88 answered · July 15, 2020
When I opened the topic, I thought it was about a divorced woman seeking advice that her child was suffering. But this site never ceases to amaze me! It says a 19-year-old woman described as a "suffering child after divorce"? I will like the theories that we are left with girls and boys in their 50s to speak about the child of 19. Boy, girl - yes, everyone can characterize themselves. You will say, it means a child of the parents. No, it means how it is perceived. This is the problem of this country. Infantile at 19, 30, not yet immature to work for the family itself. In other countries, people have been thinking like adults for so many years.
6
andykinzz answered · July 15, 2020
Don't get confused and don't listen to him. It is not fair to strain you and harass you with their dramas. My parents are the same, but I am much older and now I can see from the distance that I was the victim of being harassed by their quarrels. Do not show compassion to your father, because in this way, apart from being burdened, you do not help him. Advise him to find a job.
7
daddycum_fun answered · July 16, 2020
This site turned my ideas about age upside down. There are 40 boys and 19 children. Author, if you were 10, I would understand that you are suffering, but you are 19, you already have your life. OK, it is unpleasant for your parents to divorce, but you are no longer a direct victim and it is right to concentrate more on your life. You have yet to enter the real one and you have to prepare for it, not for that of Parents.
8
cynthia_fox18x answered · July 16, 2020
I have only one question for the author - does your father like to drink more?
9
mystic_delilah answered · July 16, 2020
Dear girl - and our divorced since March 19 last year and almost 7 years have not lived together (since my sister left 1st grade) now she is 8th she suffered but I do not suffer from this I have accepted things well and I am 27 years old almost Now my sister is 13 years old since our divorce, she suffers and roars all day - she suffered the most for her father but I support her My sister is just like you - she has experienced a difficult divorce
10
lovefoforrr answered · July 17, 2020
Yes, author, at 19 you are not a child, but a young woman. But let's put that aside. If your father had been a man on the spot, if he had been a man who cared for his family, he would never have allowed you to witness their quarrels and quarrels. He would never allow his parents to insult his wife. If you are in your mother's place, will you tolerate being called out every day? She did the right thing. Aren't you glad she's calmed down? Don't take anyone's side, they are both your parents, but leave them - they are great people and their relationship is their job. №4 is most right - obviously your father always needs one victim. Don't tie yourself to him.
11
ogrebeccamoon17 answered · July 17, 2020
From the author: Well, you may be right that I am not a child, but I am still a very sensitive person and I experience it hard .. Thank you for the advice! Up to number 8: No, he doesn't drink alcohol.
12
gndvpremium answered · July 18, 2020
My dear, I am old enough to be your grandmother, and I am sorry that your parents are using you as a trash can. That's exactly what your father does, he's an emotional parasite, your mother has finally mustered the courage to get rid of him. Don't feel sorry for him, everyone has their own destiny. I advise you to look at your own priorities, education, professional growth, internships, foreign languages. Think about how much you are financially dependent on your parents, do you need more money and what to do to earn money. Many students look after children or the sick on an hourly basis, clean apartments and earn decent money. A student comes home every Saturday and works in my garden and greenhouse for BGN 10 per hour of coffee and lunch, fuel too. Start considering only your interests and future, let them take care of themselves. They have time, energy and allow themselves to involve you in their quarrels, their behavior is dishonest. You have to understand it, you are an adult again and you have full civil rights! Take matters into your own hands and do not sink into other people's worries.
13
milka_babos answered · July 18, 2020
Um, the child is your father. He needs serious help from a psychologist.
14
hornyfitsouthern answered · July 19, 2020
№14, "A student comes home every Saturday and works in my garden and greenhouse 10 euros per hour for coffee and lunch, fuel too." Do you pay 10 euros per hour, or for the whole day? Do you give coffee every hour?
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