Hello, I have been dating a man who has a small child and is in a very bad relationship with his ex-wife for almost 2 years. (Apparently he realized how vicious and damned he is, but unfortunately it's too late). In our first year, they were still suing because she refused to let the child see him, constantly insulting and threatening him, and we went through quite difficult times together. I have an excellent relationship with the child and I am glad that he feels happy in my company, as he has said many times that I am his favorite poop and that he loves me very much. Several times he even admitted to me that he loved me more than his mother's friend, without even asking him. At the beginning of our relationship, I was very confused about how the relationship between us would develop, whether this was the right path for me, whether I should be in this relationship, considering the problems, which he had by his side, and how confused and depressed he felt for the child. At first, when I met his family, everyone seemed very worried and depressed about the problems my friend had with the case for his child, but 1 year later I seemed to be able to bring back the smiles on their faces, seeing in me a serious and loving person. both to their son and to their little grandson, which I am very happy about :) Everyone welcomes me with open arms and constantly says how grateful they are to me for being with them in all these difficult moments, for not leaving my son. to wander alone in all this slop that has been poured on his head and so on.
Over time, however, more and more people found out about our relationship and began to judge me for how I could have started a relationship with someone who already had a family (Nothing, that he had been deceived by his wife and abandoned and deprived of seeing his own child). Didn't I have the dignity to start something clean and not get bogged down in other problems and that I made a huge mistake. In general, I am not influenced by people's opinion, but these words definitely made me feel nasty and guilty. I don't want to go into too much detail about my whole relationship so far, so I try to be brief. I just need to hear different opinions and worldviews on these issues. I know that nowadays many people are in the situation of my friend and unfortunately this picture can often be found in our daily lives. My question is to everyone, but especially to the women who are in my position, are you influenced by such words? Has your attitude towards your partner changed? Did you manage to stay long or did you break up? Does it matter what your loved ones say about you? All answers and tips are welcome! PS: I'm 25 and he's 32. PS2: I want to add that I'm not the man who separated them, his wife started behaving disgustingly with him and she decided to leave on her own and started she hides the child from him for a long time, for which he was obliged to initiate a lawsuit against her. I witnessed how she yells at him in front of their child when he goes to pick him up, which is a very pathetic picture ... Our acquaintance with him began 2 years after their separation. his wife began to behave disgustingly with him and she herself decided to leave and began to hide the child from him for a long time, for which he was obliged to initiate proceedings against her. I witnessed how she yells at him in front of their child when he goes to pick him up, which is a very pathetic picture ... Our acquaintance with him began 2 years after their separation. his wife began to behave disgustingly with him and she herself decided to leave and began to hide the child from him for a long time, for which he was obliged to initiate proceedings against her. I witnessed how she yells at him in front of their child when he goes to pick him up, which is a very pathetic picture ... Our acquaintance with him began 2 years after their separation.
Answers 23
I don't know what you want to hear from here / according to one member, all men here are oligophrenics;) /. If you want to be with him - be. If you don't like it - throw it away.
Why did you make a mistake? There is nothing wrong with that ... If you have a child and a previous relationship, let the person sit alone? It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman ..... People who claim it's a mistake are too limited. The important thing is that you have gone through the cacophony and you still have good moments ahead of you.
I'm not in that situation, but I want to tell you that other people don't live your life, so you shouldn't be influenced. Not to mention that it is quite rude to get their opinion without being asked.
And what do you feel guilty I did not understand? If you understand each other and you all feel good together, well, there is nothing better than that. People and the child have obviously appreciated you, which is a good start for a good relationship. Don't be interested in other people's opinion, and you are on the right path. And men with children are human. Be happy! Love each other!
No problem, you have a relationship between a man and a child. You make a bad impression on me that you keep repeating how bad and vicious and disgusting your ex was. This is the first sign that there is something rotten .... remember always the former is made blacker than the devil, it's something like a mantra. At the same time, it doesn't speak well for your friend. One day be careful not to become like her. Look at what he tells you about her, about their relationship, it says a lot about the man himself. It's not ok to spit on her ... The second thing I'll tell you is that their relationship shouldn't concern you, don't get confused there, you will be very wrong. And thirdly, look very, very well, at how he behaves with the child, whether he takes care of him, whether he gives more than the support. If he doesn't do these things, it's best to spit on your heels. About outsiders, what do they say about your relationship,
I am a man as old as your friend and I have a child like him. After the divorce with my ex-wife, I had 2 relationships with women, and neither with them, nor with their relatives, nor with their friends, I had problems of this nature that you mention. And the other thing is that my girlfriends didn't have any problems with these people, that they have a relationship with me. Even their parents accepted me as a son, we had such a strong relationship. But the truth is that people who talk to you like that have outdated understandings of life or envy you (if you are happy with your friend). And there is something else - if you are influenced by the opinion of others or you chew, you do not love him enough. And I, as a friend of your friend, will tell you what I would be grateful for you to do - just talk to him about it and he, if he's a dude, will understand.
I think you will separate. Why? Well, because now you do not realize, but the day will come when you will feel that in order for a woman to change to her husband, especially after the birth of a child, it is not only her fault. A woman's disgusting behavior is a response to her husband's actions. There is a reason for her ex to start behaving disgustingly, since the scandals and quarrels have not helped, she grabs her child and runs away, as you know no one runs away from good, it is normal that she was angry and angry with him. As you know, quite angry women hide their children from their husbands, and it is perfectly normal for him to cause a scandal even in front of the child when he goes to pick up his son with the new one. Because it is clear to her that he wants to offer his son a new "mother". And the scandal is in front of the child because she does not see the ex on another occasion.
I'm a woman, 30 years old. I have not been in such a situation, but here is my opinion. The man is free, he has separated from the mother of his child. You're a single woman, I guess. You love each other, you are happy together - I guess so in your words. Then I see no obstacle to being together. The even better news is that the child likes you and you can build a strong relationship with him, not only with the father. I don't think your loved ones are right to talk to you like that. They think well of you, I suppose, but I don't see from your words why this man isn't good for you, since your story implies that you have a stable and happy relationship. I wish you to stay together, build a strong family and be very happy!
It is better to let the boy look for his happiness elsewhere, and not with a person who is influenced by opinions that he had a child. He doesn't need such narrow-minded people, and if you post such a topic, then it bothers you, it would be right to release him from your presence. From experience - with the family living in the 20th century, I did not see anything good! I hope it works out for you
I am a man of 39 years. If I can call myself a man. Very familiar story. For 6 years I have been suffering humiliations, scandals, nonsense and what not. I live with a mentally ill person who, despite the difficult life, the mental problems with our 5-year-old son, did not at least push his head to remain silent. In the morning he "sends" me to work with a scandal, in the evening he greets me in the same way. At times, my head begins to ache brutally from her constant attacks and angry outbursts. I have a feeling that one day I will scroll and she will be there. You just have no idea what jokes I put up with. And I do everything just so that the child does not suffer for her or for me. As you have seen, the court is 80% in favor of the child's rights to the mother. It is very difficult to prove that you have rights over this child. That your acquaintances speak this way is not right at all! You judged the man. The important thing is your relationship and how you feel with the child. That it likes you is commendable. It is already very difficult to find a person who experiences the same as you. Love it! Love his child too! He is a fragile creature with a life of his own. In the future you will have your own child. Don't push him. Help yourself with everything. You can send the stories to a "close relative".
To the questions: - To be influenced. - No, it hasn't changed. - We stayed, then we broke up. - Does not matter.
I've been in such a relationship for 3 years and so far I haven't thought about abandoning him because of that, we're even trying to have a baby. His child, he has a 7-year-old son, when he was with us he told me that he was very nice to us and even when my friend had to return it to his mother every time he cried and my heart broke. My parents accepted my boyfriend without any problems, at first when I told them he was divorced they stumbled, but when they met him they even wanted to drink brandy with him every night. It is very important to you how you feel with the man next to you, if his child is not a problem, that he has it in his life I do not know how your relatives would affect you, they are obviously more old-fashioned, their thinking is related to what people would say and not whether you are happy. In general, everything is in your head, I, my friend, would not exchange him for anything in the world, he is my soulmate and everything of his is mine, even his child makes him feel like the best little friend I have. F27
Oh, wow ... How can you be influenced by such nonsense at all - what did people say? Do you know that when you turn 45-50 there will be almost no people around you, let alone tell you something ... You will have 3-4 friendly families and that's it. Basta everyone and live of life! Love each other! Didn't she have the dignity to start something clean ... For me, and for what you did for your husband - YOU ARE A WOMAN-HEROINE! (I'm telling you without a gram of sarcasm). What is "clean" and "dirty"? Anyone who has slept and had a relationship with someone else before - is he "dirty"? Well ... you idiots !!! This speaks quite badly about the environment in which you live! An intelligent person would never go to judge like that ... Moderators, are you a little tight? What does it mean for 11 comments to wait for approval, but to have popped up №11, while 10 before it and 1 after it are waiting? №11, the fact that you have separated does not mean at all that the author and her husband will follow your example ...
From the author: Thank you all for your kind words! I accept the criticism, of course. I want to add that I do not interfere in any way in his relationship with his ex. I don't know her personally and I don't want to, because it's a quarrel between him and her. (I've seen her from afar 2 times exactly) My friend makes her mean and damned, I've never expressed an opinion on the matter, but the fact that she treats him terribly, even though they are separated and divorced. Even if he wasn't perfect in his relationship with her, she allowed herself to threaten him and hide the child from him for more than 5 months, I don't know what kind of person you have to be to cause such a thing ... He he neither attacked nor threatened her. Will you believe me that this is the first time in 24 years that I have encountered this type of relationship and I have always been of the opinion that at least because of the children, parents should have a good relationship with each other, even if separated. And the little cutie is great and I feel very close to him, for him I am his favorite poop and I am happy in my relationship. The problem is that people have huge prejudices and can break you down mentally. I just wanted to hear here what people think and how they deal with this type of problem. I'm not looking for regret, just advice. We all know that no one is insured in this life. Just as any man can be in my friend's situation, so can any lady be in my shoes. And for serious steps, we drive slowly, because there is time for everything. that people have huge prejudices and can bring you down mentally a lot. I just wanted to hear here what people think and how they deal with this type of problem. I'm not looking for regret, just advice. We all know that no one is insured in this life. Just as any man can be in my friend's situation, so can any lady be in my shoes. And for serious steps, we drive slowly, because there is time for everything. that people have huge prejudices and can bring you down mentally a lot. I just wanted to hear here what people think and how they deal with this type of problem. I'm not looking for regret, just advice. We all know that no one is insured in this life. Just as any man can be in my friend's situation, so can any lady be in my shoes. And for serious steps, we drive slowly, because there is time for everything.
If you love each other, it doesn't matter if either of you has a child or a divorce :) For me, there are people for whom it's different, but it's important how you feel - he and you, not what people think. I feel tenderness when I see a man with a child or even a dog, I do not feel such affection for mothers, but my fathers fill my heart, they are so dear to me. I see fathers with prams or children holding hands, maybe they are paternal, now it was fashionable, it's strange for me, but ... They may be separated, divorced from their wives, but it's very nice when one a man takes care of his children. My father dumped me when I was little, I have three months with him, no more, but I'm not angry with him.
Everything is great and accurate, but isn't the topic a provocation? Judging by the fact that "you feel guilty." For what? Another thing - it's very easy to pass sentences on your ex, and your friend is an angel. Not that it's not possible, but in reality it's unlikely. ;) Happy Holidays to all! F31
Off, listening to your outpourings, how did you fix the lives of everyone around you, I can't help but ask you - did they erect a monument to you and if so, when will the opening be, so that I can come and hold hands and strike a dance around it? in your honor. You have a very high opinion of yourself - Mother Teresa. But I don't know if Mother Teresa was influenced by the opinion of the people around her. Beat his father's jester and enter the lonely girls' cup. Let the reality hit you a little and start appreciating the people around you.
To №7 Don't think that everything is as you feel, experience or have seen it. There are all kinds of people and all kinds of situations. It is not necessary for a man to do nonsense and that is why the woman ran away. It happens that married ladies want variety, more money, a new thrill, etc. There is rubbish and it does not depend on gender.
Number 17, who said I had a high opinion of myself? The way you write shows that you are a very negative person, calm the ball down a bit. These are the opinions of other people, they are not decorated by me to rise with the eyes of the people. If I didn't appreciate people, I wouldn't get here :). The topic is not a provocation, but in order to express one's opinion, I have never said that I am influenced by people's opinions, but that I feel dumb from the constant insinuation, nothing more. I think the topic will benefit many people. Anyway, your opinion is also accepted, thanks for that.
19, don't worry, here they don't hear that someone has fixed something in their life and they immediately start pointing fingers at him, that he bragged, that he was contemptuous, that he was looking for envy, a word is put in his mouth, some insults , because it beats their ego - how can someone have fixed his life, and I am such a loser. I'm seriously thinking about playing the site totally, because it's full only of geeks and they only burden me. The idea and meaning of the sharing site was lost altogether. It became a site for pouring out malice, nothing more.
Author, be careful, because you only know his version. It's not good when a man talks so badly about his ex. That's how he'll talk about you one day, that's for sure. I don't believe she was a Demon in a dress. Didn't he choose her, did he start a family and a child with her? Be alert and if you are not sure about the person, find another one, free. Because if / if you give birth to a child of this ... it's only a matter of time before you enter the club of single mothers.
Don't wonder how there can be a woman like his ex. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old because of the infidelity of my father and my mother was so enraged that she did not want to let me go to him at all and even he came to bring me some clothes and toys and she threw across the terrace. And when she was older she kept shouting what a simpleton she was. I rarely went as a child, but when I was older my grandmother was tired of the guests and didn't want to listen to them and she made her let me go and even he called my other grandmother and told me for a few days that my father would not return me at all. And my dad's boyfriend doesn't have a problem with that now, and nobody tells her anything like that.
Up to 21 You are very interesting, but if the boy is telling the truth, what do you want to tell her that she was the perfect wife, mother, housewife and that's why they broke up? And the author herself describes what she is like, she saw it live! And since they have been together for so long, she has gained an idea of what kind of person she has next to her. Author, one piece of advice as a woman in your situation - you abstract from your friend's past, that's why it's past and you say to yourself if this is the man who makes you happy, is this the man next to you who you wanted and you imagined having, if the answer is yes, be with him, if not, you are parting.