Hello, everyone! I've been quite confused lately and decided to write a few lines here to hear what you think. My husband and I have been together for 2 years, we have a wonderful 5 month old son. I will not tell in detail. He was divorced when we got together. At first glance, everything is fine between us, but I feel kind of lonely. He goes out to work at 23:00, comes home after 15:00 -16: 00, kisses me, hugs me, but is forever tired, eats, sees the little one for 30 minutes and goes to bed in the living room to be able to sleep . He quickly tells what he sold and how much he earned, and with a satisfied smile he escapes. He works 6 days a week, the seventh rests to be refreshed and to start the week properly. As you remember, the care of the child and the household is entirely on me, I study and I am on the verge of going crazy, no one helps us because our relatives are far away. My daily life is the same, no entertainment, almost no friends, because as you can imagine, there is no way and when to go out or get together at home. The only thing that happens is that once or twice a month we go to visit my parents, not to see them and to die from the child's crying. We don't celebrate holidays, except for one Christmas with my parents, he didn't even have time to get the Christmas tree out of the basement because he was very tired. He missed my birthday and my name day because he had a hard day's work. I plan to stop here. What is your opinion about my dear husband? Should I continue to be silent in the same spirit, to greet him with a delicious lunch and to pretend that the little I get from him is enough? I tried to talk, but it didn't work. Workaholic ... for how long? Or there is another reason ... Thanks,
Answers 26
From what you write, it seems that the person is really tired. Work, take time for the child as much as possible, talk to you, share ... Is there no opportunity for a second day off at least once a month? I don't think there are other ... "distracting" factors (woman). In fact, rather, a normal family, mobile healthier than much here. Yes, you are probably very tired from homework and have a baby, but sometimes you ask a friend to take a little for 2-3 hours, to give yourself some time for general and very personal pleasure (sex, a walk, even just a movie). to look at) You have entered the routine of the gray everyday life, look for a way for a little time just for yourself. I don't think you have anything to worry about, other than that ... you don't have time. Show him in a gentle, feminine way that you miss him, so he will look for a way. Maybe he thinks too ...
You have two options ... 1. You resign yourself because you are a housewife and a mother, after all he takes care of the finances. And ... 2. You don't resign yourself and leave him. Which I do not advise you for the second. But everyone chooses his own path in life to follow.
I support number 1. And now the baby is still very small. When he turns one or gets a little older, you will be able to leave him with a friend, or even for a weekend with your parents and you will have time for yourself and your family. Ana
Your husband is getting tired, he is overworked, that's it. You can't work as much with one day off, there must be 2. Otherwise, if the person is systematically overworked, it's not good for himself, he gradually gets stressed. , tension, fatigue and finally we get sick, we ruin our nervous system. A conversation is unlikely to happen, he has to decide for himself if he wants to. I know people - workaholics, there is no day off, no day and night, only work is in their head ... when it hits them somewhere and they start not being able to endure mentally, but also physically, then they decide to take measures ... but then it is more - It is difficult to restore the exhausted broken organism ... I don't know what to advise you about your husband, someone needs to talk to him about this topic, someone from whom he has respect. Even if he scares him if he has to ... tell him
Imagine raising the issue seriously or taking something even more drastic. What will he think? I give kindness to them, I work almost around the clock, I pay attention to them as much as my free time allows, just so that they have and are satisfied, and how does she thank me? Otherwise, if it doesn't work as well, how will you live, have you thought about it? If he works normally, he will receive, say, 700-800 BGN with maternity, you will eventually take 1000. We live with that much and I can tell you that they are not much. Then you will say "we love each other, but we have no money". The problem is that in Bulgaria, especially at the moment, it is very difficult to experience and this reflects on family relationships. He probably wants to provide for you in some way, so assess that he is making such a sacrifice, he could be lazy and miserable, then it would not be good again. There is no perfect happiness.
Well, that's right, darling. Life is not just flowers and roses. Your husband may be a little overwhelmed with his work, but overall he is not far from the standard model of a modern family. Especially if only he can support you all three. It may just be a period of his life lasting several years, and in the next he may not want to be so dedicated to his work ... There are ways, as №1 wrote. Think constructively, not destructively.
M • 23. Hello and I was so night and day, I did not have time to sleep. But now I have chosen abroad and I am very sorry to see that they are well and not deprived. And as for friends, there must be other mothers with small days and see you, that's what social networks are for. So watch it because there are worse than you.
Author, how did you imagine family life? I know you feel burdened by taking care of the home and the baby on your own and studying at the same time, but who was the one who decided to push you with so many responsibilities at once, and what else do you want from your husband? Weren't you the person who decided that right at the moment you are studying, you will be able to handle a household and a baby? Your husband works so hard for a single purpose, to be able to cover the expenses of the family he has created. What do you think makes him happy to have no more weekends and entertainment? You seem to do a little work for the family than he does when you have time to think that entertainment is not enough for you. Reading your topic, I think how many Bulgarian women dream of a husband like yours, who is ready to work 16 hours a day to provide for his family, normal life and pay for your wife's education / who pays your fees, textbooks, travel to university and everything related to learning /. In Bulgaria, usually two working parents complain that they cannot support a single student, and your husband also manages to support the needs of a baby and a wife.
Amy, start some work from home, too, so your husband won't have to work so hard.
It works hard so you can live normally. There is no other. Ask him to talk - it may not happen the same day, but the next day, or after 2 days when he is not so tired. Don't blame him! No way! Tell him how you feel and that you need him. Ask him out well if he is no longer absorbed in the connection. You are great people - talk and find an option in which both (all three rather) will feel good. F27
Dear Author, enjoy your child both, you spend more time with the child, so you are nervous, but motherhood is not discos and wandering until the middle of the night. The child wants care, your men are obviously really tired, I hope he has not found activity outside of the work he tells you to do. If your husband treats you well to know that there are no problems, but if he starts to ignore you and hide things, this is no longer good. Of course, you will not separate, that's his job, whether you accept it or not, let it bring you some income, because you can't drive everyone normally on one motherhood.Be kind to each other and show common sense by paying attention to the child, the other is trifles, you will go out and get together with people as you want. I hope things work out for you.
Thank you darlings for paying attention to my story. I thought a lot about what you wrote and I realized how right you are. Maybe this hectic and busy daily life has completely engulfed me and I have stopped paying attention to the essential things. Nobody talks about discos and wandering the streets as some put it, I just added that we have no entertainment, even if we sit with friends for two hours to distract ourselves a little, I miss the time with him, because before the baby was born he was quite different. It all happened suddenly. No one comes home, he doesn't call to hear us because he doesn't have time. It may be true that I realize that there are other activities, which worries me the most. I have no reason to judge him and, as you said, you should not, because thanks to him the little one is not deprived of anything. In principle, we don't have any problems, he's not the one to make remarks to me, to keep accounts of small things, we don't have time to pull ourselves together for something, I'm just quite depressed and lonely. When I sat down to talk, he stated emphatically that he could not afford a second day off or shorten his working hours, it all depended on him. In my opinion, he can but he doesn't want to, because he is immersed in his work and besides, he completely forgets us. I asked him one Saturday and Sunday just to move somewhere for one night, to rest aside, not to think about work, to stop talking on the phone around the clock, his answer was not in the next 5 years. One day when they could do it and without him he would have come home early and sat with us, now it is impossible. I told him that I missed being alone around the clock, but the answer was the same.
Well, look at this author, I know what it's like with a little baby and alone, you don't have time to take a bath, let alone something ... But we women always find a way to remind that besides mothers we are women. I'm not going to go into details now, but try, you know it, you should know how to give him images of your wife, such that when he goes to work, his eyes don't turn on him. , panties under a supposedly long T-shirt, clean but disheveled hair ... don't push him, on the contrary, completely careless and "unconscious". My husband, for example, drove him crazy, why after a walk with a baby I come back without lipstick. it was my trick of course :)))) No, don't make him jealous, but desire. To see the sex in you, if he sees you only as a mother .... But I repeat, I do not think you have reason to worry at the moment. And don't bother sometimes, before his day off, to invite a couple home, friends ... After he doesn't have time to go somewhere, bring him "somewhere" at home. Be calm, smiling ... and a woman! H1
This is family life. Things do not change with time, on the contrary, time changes and now at this stage you are excited about tomorrow - something completely different. You have to enjoy life as it is.
.... neither this is the family life, nor this is the caring man "does not call to hear us because he did not have time" ..... certainly his income does not correspond to his absences from home ..... ZARA
If a man starts to prefer his job to the family and the woman next to him - things go in the wrong direction. It is true that life is difficult and you have to work hard to survive, but always - if there is a desire, there is time for love, tenderness and attention! Be aware!
Now I have read the story and I think that women have their own indicator when something is wrong. You felt it. Don't go with the flow. From my own experience, I recommend that you do not lose the relationship between spouses and father and child. In time, no financial opportunities will fill the gap. Ask yourself and him at what cost is the rhythm of your life? Is that how you imagined it or is it temporary? And until when?
Hi, I had a similar problem even though I work and we don't have a child and such expenses. The truth is that life for young families today is disgusting in BG and no one asks you, only gives reason. But I agree that if there is love, a way will be found, if not ....
As long as it was 23:00 to 15-16 hours are your double shifts and 6 days. It is normal to work 40 hours not twice as much as yours. If he can change jobs. This and his is not life.
Look what, it is clear to her that the situation is not normal. What about working non-stop, and making money, money can not compensate for loneliness and lack of harmony and comfort in the family and home. A balance must be struck, some compromise must be made on his part as well. You can't stagger to extremes. Give now that by working and supporting the family, nothing else is required of him, neither to be a husband nor a father. This is not possible only with work and money. If not, there will be a "benefactor" who will pay more attention to the author and so, there is nothing empty in life. But let's say that the situation is temporary, but only if a way to resolve it is sought in time, otherwise several years have passed.
Better a workaholic than an alcoholic or a slacker to sit at home all day and hang on to it. Darling, I want a man like yours !!! Yes, a woman needs attention. Sit down and talk if he can take a vacation, take time just for the two of you. People show their love in different ways, in this case he is trembling because of you and the child.
Well done, Zara. I do not want to comment, the author knows what she has in mind. Most of the comments here on the site are somehow superfluous in terms of help, ie the authors of the stories do things the way they want. And this is their life after all. I just wanted to congratulate Zara :) Soul
.. we disappeared from here Soul, and I, and you .... and others ... just sooner or later everything runs out .... p. with ... you have no idea how much I was pleased with your greetings, thank you .. ZARA
ZARA, Soul, it's not like we're gone! Some of us are still messing around ... :) But we are working on a slightly different level and with slightly different approaches (see for example the hash of comment №6 and this one ...). Sincere greetings, girls! I'm glad you're calling from time to time! Ray
Eheee, great, you made my day smile :) Zara, so did I - I was happy and commented just to congratulate you. We disappeared because somehow it seems to me that commenting is useless to authors, as I said above. But this is a period - to comment or not. Zara, let's figure out how to connect, huh? :) Even Ray can help ??? His e-mail is here, should he say where it is and get through it? :) Ray, you came up with a way that I tried to apply. Although I was recently called 'young' here, hahaha. So the signature has the same meaning. Congratulations to both of you again! :)
Well welcome! My email is in the topic "The Path of Souls" (use the search engine above), comment №15 I think it was. It is a bit veiled, but requires very little ingenuity. If you are from / in Sofia we can even drink coffee. Greetings.