Hello ladies. I am a 20-year-old girl, I have had two relationships and one, say, friendship with privileges, that is - non-committal sex with a friend. I want to ask you, how do you manage to maintain such a relationship (friendship with privileges) without falling in love, to deepen things, to ask for more? I will give you an example of my case - we have known each other for two years, in which we have seen a chat-pat for a beer or something like that. Recently our paths crossed and we spent some very pleasant days together. It came to sex. It was clear to me that this man wanted nothing more than that, but I still continued to see him. We have common interests and it is never boring when we are together. I almost always look for him, but he never refuses. We don't always have sex. But he stated emphatically that he did not want me to "stay with vain hopes." that is, to think we are in a relationship. My question is - in such a situation, how do you manage to keep yourself and not stumble? You are happy with the man, there is a thrill, the sex is good ... what more? But ... you know he doesn't want a commitment. How do you protect yourself from falling in love? I try to be above things, but ... It's hard.
Answers 12
I fall inlove. My situation was worse because he was even in a relationship. I waited 2 years, we saw each other ... I finally realized it wasn't worth it.
So you started sinking. The way out of this type of abduction is one, you just leave.
It is very difficult. However, all the prerequisites for falling in love are in place. I succeeded (though not 100%, it still creates some kind of attachment) after many disappointments and unshared feelings - they used me, made fun of me, humiliated me, and I was stupid and in love, ready for anything for the attention of a loved one. Over time, I built something like a defense mechanism to keep me from deepening the relationship. I just don't believe in sincere love, I always have one thing in mind and I don't trust myself in any way. Bad experience speaks for itself. I'm a bit cold and emotionally drained and I just can't invest as much as I used to. For better or worse, it helps me a lot not to be disappointed in people (not only in the love aspect). One of my "teachers" was just like your gentleman - cool, fun, interesting, great sex, but the connection is absurd! I struggled with him for two years, each time with new and new hopes. Well, in the end the man really fell in love with another and started a family. Then it hurts the most, because you just understand that he is fine - he can love, fall in love, but not in you. :) After another 2-3 such performances, I (un) consciously surrendered and realized that I no longer have the mental or physical strength to engage to such an extent with human relationships.
How would you feel?
Friendship with privileges is invented by men who want to be free without consequences, obligations and scandals. I am against giving it to them in an easy way. Men's lives are much easier anyway. But as long as there are girls who itch all the time, there will be friends with benefits. I had a similar period with my ex after which we met. But isn't calling a woman sexless without feelings a whore?
I don't fall in love with men who aren't crazy about me, don't court me, and I'm not convinced that they're obsessed with me. I just don't like men otherwise. And I don't pay any attention to such a person, let alone sex. And you know, men only fall in love by their looks. The character is beyond. So you may not be his type.
Yes, men's lives were much easier. Well, don't have sex then, don't push yourself. When you stay an old girl, you will realize that sex is not just for us. Or not, you will do it for a fee, and by pay I mean not only money.
And it never worked for me. Sex for 1 night - absurd. That's why I haven't dealt with it, I don't like sleeping with (strangers), I will feel used as a rag, I don't know what other diseases it can transmit to me. You are a good girl, you need love, not sex. You are still young to distinguish them and you do not succeed. Don't do it, stop calling this boy, keep your emotions and body for a person who doesn't look at you just as a pleasure. If you continue with him you will fall in love and suffer.
Number 7 don't worry about me. I will not remain an old maid and I have never had dry periods in my life. I am already married to a wonderful man, for whom sex is not a sport, but makes LOVE. For this I am indignant at today's debauchery that reigns. You misunderstood my opinion, which is not against sex, but against sex without feelings with the first agree !!!
Stop looking for him and reorient to another person.
The best protection is not to see it if you are not feeling well. Just eliminate the cause.
I very much agree with the opinion of number 5 regarding sex without feelings, but this does not apply only to women, I think that with the same success men having sex without feelings can be called whores - whore is a state of mind, not physiological gender differences. Interestingly, no whore says I'm a whore, on the contrary, everyone is convinced that this is okay.