After the end of a long marriage - how? I was 19 when we met, and now I am 42. It was a good year full of love, understanding, experiences and good memories ... Last year everything turned to 180 ... Financial problems and then .. new love .. My problem is not how to overcome the end ... I accepted it! Separated by 7 months, I would say in a great relationship, mostly because of our 16 year old son .. But how can I continue ??? I have a job, hobbies, girlfriends .. I lack love and sharing ... The evenings are terrible, the child is big .. with his life .. Neither TV nor a book hold my attention :( I tried a relationship like "friends with privileges", it was complete failure .. So how does it go on? How does love meet in a small town, with limited contacts and at the same time be careful because of the child?
Answers 14
Focus on yourself - start a new hobby, go to the gym and exercise, plan to do something very important for you or go somewhere you always wanted to, but never did.
Well, you're in a hurry. After seven months and immediately a new, serious, real relationship. It's not real. You may be left alone. Neither the problem is the small town, nor your age - just no one is looking for serious relationships anymore. Everyone has scalded at least once and gives it more casually. You have had a good life for many years, that's not a small amount. Maybe you just took yours and now another stage is coming. We cannot always be loved, loving, beautiful, young and in a good relationship / marriage. Accept the reality, no one has died to be alone. On the contrary, you save yourself a lot of trouble.
Love is with your wife, wake her up again!
Thanks for the comments .. Towards 1..I have focused on myself as much as possible..I go dancing, go out with friends, travel when I have the opportunity .. Towards 2..I can hurry, but I miss that ..It is not about marriage or cohabitation, but a constructive relationship ... We have been separated for 7 months, but I have been alone for a long time .. I need a man - emotions, sex, friendship .. I just think to stay and to wait ... not a good option .. I was expecting an idea..maybe ..
There is a little truth in every cliché, remember that. Everything you've ever heard, that time heals, that hobbies help, that it's nice to be busy and surrounded by people - to some extent these things will help you get back to your life. She said it herself - a long-term marriage. You have been a family, you have lived together for years and you are used to having someone around. It's hard for you because you haven't been alone in a long time. I guess you have this nasty thought that it doesn't work out and you can't handle it. This is not true, it will work, but it will take you more time. You can't swallow 23 years in seven months. Try to avoid being home alone unless you want to be home alone. Enroll in various courses in the evening, go out with friends, invite guests. Be as productive as possible. I have a girlfriend, who after her divorce enrolled in a tourist group and was in the mountains and huts almost every weekend. Like you, she was a lonely evening, and her children are now grown up and have taken their lives more or less. She met a lot of people like her - men and women. He changed his environment, started going out often. Find a mate. Not everyone wants to sleep in a tent, but if such things are fun for you, act. There are many other hobby groups that will diversify you and allow you to meet people. If you ever wanted something during those 23 years, but didn't do it because you were married and had a child, now is the time. You are not old, you are not a grandmother, you have the opportunity to dedicate yourself and you have a chance to find a partner in your life. Concentrate more on yourself and don't get angry that books don't grab you and your TV is boring. Don't force yourself show understanding for your own feelings and believe that everything will work out. Love is not only with men, there is love between friends, between relatives ... you will manage.
You'll get used to it, calm down. There will come a time when you will not want a man in a photo. They only hurt, what is this for you? Now you think you have a chance again, ok, but ... you're going to have non-committal sex relationships, she's finally exhausted emotionally - you're going to want a serious relationship, the man is not. And how do you imagine bringing a new man home to the older child? This job is not so simple. Lonely evenings, that's enough. Read books, watch movies, write a book, knit, draw ... A hug from a man is sometimes terribly expensive. You will learn to rely only on yourself, you will become strong and free. And freedom is the most wonderful thing. When you are internally free, you may or may not have a relationship - you still remain strong and happy. Thank you for being alive and well, stop muttering I want, I want and move on. This is your life. Experience it fully today, don't lose it in anticipation of something you may not have. Love is not just a feeling for men. Love yourself and life.
Well, then you've had 23 relatively good years. That's just fine!
Share more about yourself, what new love? Just don't tell us that at 42 you had fallen in love with a new one who did not reciprocate. Financial problems are not a problem for people who love each other. My advice is, if your ex-husband is free, try again with him. At 42 It will never be the same as it was with the father of your child.
Sometimes a person needs to be alone for a while, to hear his thoughts and feelings. I am in your position, after thirteen years of marriage, I was left alone, we divorced as civilized people, there were no scandals, infidelities or insults. Like you, I was wondering how I will move forward, but for two years now I have been doing well and it is working well for me, for now I do not want another relationship, we will see in the future. Don't think so, everything will fall into place over time.
What does it mean to be careful for the sake of the child. Doesn't he want his mother to be happy? If you are going to pay public opinion tax to the people of your small town, you better say goodbye to your personal happiness.
I am the author ... After 23 years .. family life, I do not expect to fall in love as a student .. At this stage I can not imagine a relationship like family cohabitation .. But I'm just surprised by the comments like "why is it" .. When if not now? The past is the past. My life is full if I don't consider the lack of a man. It's not at any cost, but I miss it .. The strange thing is that for the time I am alone, men are most interested ... who have never started a family .. and I imagine a man in my position ..
As they say - If you sat still, you would not see a miracle. Now that you've missed the tame thing - whatever the sword shows.
And what happened to the new love?
Well, you yourself do not want to live together on the one hand, but on the other you want love and sharing. In any case, the real relationship after a while is normal to grow into cohabitation.