Hello, I no longer know who to turn to and I will tell my story here. I am married with 2 children. My husband and I are firmly connected and live in harmony as much as possible nowadays. The problems come from something else - the names of the children. My first child is a girl and we named it after my mother-in-law at the insistence of my husband. My mother, who is a very powerful woman, had objections, but everything passed with time. Things got complicated when I got pregnant with my son. I have no contact with my father, he has not wanted such with me since I was a child and I grew up only with my mother. For this reason, my husband expressed a desire to name our second child after his parents, who have always loved me very much, especially his father. I discussed the issue with my mother, whose name is in no way a masculine variant, and she said there was no problem for her. It never mattered to me either. And so my son was born, I named him after my husband at his father's request. The moment I told my mother, it was a big nightmare. She hung up the phone, came to the maternity ward the next day, just looked at the baby in disgust, and left. He did not come to the discharge. I was a traitor to her, long battles began to fix our recovery.
She stopped coming to our country, did not call the child by name for at least a year, stopped coming to the holidays for both children. She told me many times that she was sorry that she had given birth to me, that it was better for her to commit suicide than to look at me as a child, etc. I am ungrateful and a traitor to her, I did not love her. I had to name my child after no one, not my father-in-law. Because it turned out that I only love them. He denied me, he doesn't want to see me. She only calls me when she needs something done. I want to note that even before I married my husband, I was always nothing to her, other people always had children, only hers were useless. They ruined my graduation ball, she didn't want to come to my wedding because the flowers for the decoration weren't what she wanted, she kicked me out of the house because she didn't want the dog, etc. It's not easy, but I've always been silent. I am very sad that we are in such a relationship now. I was so wrong with these names. Should I have complied with my husband. I don't know ... It's been a long time, sorry. It's not easy, but I've always been silent. I am very sad that we are in such a relationship now. I was so wrong with these names. Should I have complied with my husband. I don't know ... It's been a long time, sorry. It's not easy, but I've always been silent. I am very sad that we are in such a relationship now. I was so wrong with these names. Should I have complied with my husband. I don't know ... It's been a long time, sorry.
Answers 22
Hey, calm down! You didn't do anything wrong or blame yourself! Your mother is just a narrow-minded person and petty when she reacts and acts so rudely. The only leading thing in human relationships should be love, everything else is details that have almost no meaning. I know you are suffering now, but you have to accept that your mother is not one of the most loving and is also a terrible egoist. Do not put a burden on your heart by experiencing its negative attitude every day, just let it pass through you without holding it in you and thinking about it. The most important thing is that your family is united and that you are all alive and well. And she can't live as she wants, so you can't, and you shouldn't try to change her. She needs to learn the lessons of life on her own, because she has obviously missed many of them! Smile, you have the greatest wealth. I am speaking on behalf of a woman whose child is named after her mother-in-law!
Of course, you are not and it is a great pity that not only you, but also the children are greeted with such an immature attitude on the part of your mother and their grandmother, respectively. You can see how much this act has affected you, and the fact that you blame yourself shows how much you care for your mother even after her ugly reaction. She is certainly affected, she sounds like a woman with a big ego, but know that no matter how important it is to have the support of your parents, now you are one and you belong to a whole new family. your husband is the person with whom you can already make decisions about your common future with your children. If you are happy with the child's name, you have nothing to regret. If your mother is silent about her dissatisfaction when you discuss it, then she must be ready to take responsibility. The only thing you can blame in the future,
Well, that's why never baptize your children to anyone !!! Otherwise, only quarrels, anger and so on ... nonsense and a waste of time and positive emotions.
Well, you're right, instead of baptizing all your price on your husband's family. You could baptize your children with nice Bulgarian names and say that only their names exist. It's very funny to me that, no matter how much you respect a person, you don't name your child after him. And these are his parents, not yours, what about fucking your children? Doesn't he wear them for 9 months? As a woman, you had the right to choose a good name for your children.
Wow, how many simple and limited people there are in this world ... My sister and I are both named after our father's parents. My parents were divorced when I was 3 years old. And I have never heard a comment from my mother's parents on this occasion and quarrel and get angry. I have only heard the typical comments that we have thrown ourselves at those where we are baptized.
That should be the worst.
Ignore her, most people only understand that. If that's how you explained, there's nothing to strain about here, she's filming and making dramas. The next day, when he falls, he will lean against you again
Your mother is a special individual. Maybe she wanted you to name the girl after her. One has a mother and you should not be in bad relations.
That's why I didn't name my daughter after anyone! In order not to, "but why her and not me!". Baptizing a child of grandparents is a guarantee of drama with other relatives. Well, it's too late to change anything, but at least try not to argue with your mother.
If this is true, your mother needs a psychiatrist.
God, God, how much sorrow there is in this world. Put away your verses. Mommy is angry? Bu-huuuu. Weak choristers. What does it matter what sulo and pullo think, be it mother or father. To burn your flip-flops when he is so opposed and that's it. Who are you trying to have a relationship with a person who has thought of "nothing" all your life ???? Tighten it a little and be tough. Brother.
If I write how angry I am at this nonsense, they will not publish my opinion. I am a man of 39. We live in a big apartment with my mother who is also a powerful woman. I got together with one person and by the first year everything was fine. But when she got pregnant, everything turned around. The child's name I said this will be the point. Coincidentally, the first letter is the same as the names of his grandmothers. But that never excited me. I have a din but I haven't named it after anyone. These grandparents, aunts and relatives up to the 20th generation do not interest me at all! I will not live with them all my life! I only dreamed of a child and a family. Let's understand and support my chosen one. Even that didn't happen! We live like a dog and a cat! Constant scandals. And the fact that you have heard such stories from your mother and, above all, not to bow your nose to a fragile and innocent creature, is a disgrace to be a parent! I swear a lot right now! This is not a man but a beast! Send her to your grandmother and don't pick up the phone! She will come alone to ask your forgiveness! Enjoy your family and love your children! Grandpa Tosho
Stop picking up your mother's phone altogether, stop calling her, stop all contact. When it calls you - do not answer. If she comes to you, open the door, ask her why she is coming and tell her that you do not want to welcome guests at the moment. Believe me - it won't be long before he sings another song. In an old, old movie, there used to be a line saying to a parent, "They can do without you, you can't do without them." Think about it.
I have experienced something similar. I named my first child, boy, after my father-in-law. Exactly in his name. My mother-in-law was very happy, there were absolutely no objections from my parents. And they are cold and powerful people, tight-lipped, they never supported me when I needed their help. Many times I have been ashamed of them and their actions, although I have never shown it to anyone. And for me, the nightmare began when I gave birth to my second child-girl. She was born on a great Christian holiday and I named her after the saint - people say - she came by name. They were mean, insults, swearing, how could they not call me and insult me and I had a nightmarish section, I barely survived, there were big problems. I gained so much weight that I don't even want to remember. They did not come to the discharge from the maternity hospital, when they met me on the street with the baby, they turned their heads and ran away from me like a plague. I am very sad when I remember. Years have passed, my father is now deceased, my daughter is my mother's favorite granddaughter. But I always have one thing in mind. I was touched by your story, it excited me. I will tell you one thing - look after your children, look after your husband, and look after your parents - when the time comes. I did so - despite everything they did to me. Just because there is someone to judge, we can't - and he slowed down, but he didn't forget. I did so - despite everything they did to me. Just because there is someone to judge, we can't - and he slowed down, but he didn't forget. I did so - despite everything they did to me. Just because there is someone to judge, we can't - and he slowed down, but he didn't forget.
While reading the description of the situation, I initially sympathized with your mother - after all, she raised you alone without a husband, and you baptize your son and daughter after your parents-in-law. It is not right and almost everyone in her place would be affected if they happen to skip it twice, since you obviously follow the tradition of naming them parents. I have the impression that in the family you are in, you don't have much of a say in basic things. It would really be better to at least look for neutral names with the latter. But then I read about the way your mother insulted you, drove you away from home pregnant, disrespected, nervous outbursts and throbbing - this is not normal behavior of a mature, mentally stable individual. She just has no hesitation in allowing herself everything with you and what she is subjecting you to at the moment is emotional blackmail. To come and shake you and make scenes in the maternity hospital? Explain to you how it would be better if she committed suicide instead of giving birth to you? You are not a trash can for emotional waste - distance yourself and stop looking for her and talking to her, no one is obliged to tolerate such behavior. Just say that if she doesn't correct her behavior and doesn't pay attention to how she behaves and talks to you, not only will you not allow her to see her grandchildren anymore, but she will be left without a daughter - let her direct the poison to herself.
We have two sons, we haven't named them after anyone. The children are ours, as we want it to be.
The third straight named your husband. Male, male, I hope at least your children do not have some wonderful names like Kancho and Tsanka.
12, to be a real family, you must be separate, not with your mother. Parents ruin the relationship a lot. Author, it is only your fault that you tolerate this toxic woman masochistically. Stop communicating with her - don't pick her up, don't invite her to your place, don't go to them. You are the mother of two children. It is naive to think that "she will change one day" or that "you have to put up with her because she is your mother." Garbage is rubbish even after they become parents. I've read a lot of psychology on the subject - you don't owe anyone, things are two-sided. She, like her mother, is expected to love and support you, but she obviously doesn't, because she even poisons you. Paichologists advise you to assess whether you would communicate with this person if you were not a relative. If the answer is no, you close the door and that's it.
I think that even if she had chosen neutral names for her children, mothers would have fallen into nervous crises again, because she is just a poisonous person and feeds on the energy of other people!
And if your mother had written one child - she will still be the same - a terrible person. You don't have a mother, you have a biological parent. Mothers do not give birth to children to poison them later. She sees that you have a family and children, and she is just looking for an opportunity to continue harassing, it is impossible for her to see that you can be happy. Total ignore it if you want your family! And you should not feel any guilt! Save yourself! It's better that the children are written to the parents-in-law, they may be old-fashioned people, but this is your family, they must have a better attitude towards you and the children than your parent, so they deserve it! Be brave and look after your family, you only have them! Success!
"She kicked me out of the house because she didn't want the dog" ... Author, I think you're very dramatic. I don't think she kicked you out, she just asked you to get rid of the dog. And you left her house to rub her nose. And did you ask her before you took a dog if she agreed. I suspect not. When people live together, they must consider each other, especially for such important things as taking a dog. You want respect - give the same. I find that you are to blame for your bad relationship. Your mother raised you alone, but you only notice the love of your parents-in-law, not hers. You know you've made a mistake, so now you're looking for flaws in her to calm your conscience. I would baptize one of my mother's children, no matter how much my husband insists. Point of view. You're to blame for me, yes.
Comments 1 and 2 have said the basics, I support them and especially you in the choice. He has no right to be angry. Be strong and cut off contact with her until your mother realizes that she has a daughter and a grandson who are also her blood.