Hello. I didn't think I would ever write here, but it's all the first time. I'm 19 years old, no matter where. My story is as follows - since I was professionally oriented somewhere, that is, 11th grade, I decided that I would be a soldier. I studied, read, asked questions and chose a military university to continue my education. I threw a lot of energy into a school of assessments and physical strength to successfully take my physical exams. I succeeded, I entered the ward (specialty) I wanted. Nothing mattered anymore, I was committed to what was coming. I became more serious, I stopped drinking, smoking, training, running, even when the weather did not allow, I was in the precipices. And so, until I entered the service, all this had taken over my mind, I got up and went to bed with the thought of being there, inside. Well, the time came and I went inside. For strangers, at the military university you are a cadet, you live, study, eat there. You are limited in terms of freedom, everything is on time, discipline is iron. This brought me there, as well as the honor of being a soldier, not early retirement, not the "decent for the profession" salary of about BGN 1,000, not some privilege that is granted to the military. I was ready to give the next 15 years (minimum) to the system and the Republic. Yes, but no, I was a little disappointed for 2 days, I started to close in on myself, my beer was quite bad mentally. I physically endured 4 to 5 hours of sleep every day, with physical exertion, with getting permission from higher for small things like going to the toilet. But day by day I was getting worse mentally, I was ready to take my health to get out of there. I felt like a prisoner. To insert, that you are not allowed to go on vacation for the first 40 days, and then only on Saturdays and Sundays POSSIBLY (in case of offense, not well ironed, unshaven, in case of a couple you do not go out). I did not sign the contract. I didn't think I could refuse not to go on. I was so motivated, I've never been so determined about something before. I got out of there and felt a little relieved. This is where the problem that I am writing about here begins.
I was depressed, staring blankly, visiting a psychologist. I thought, and still, that I was a failure. If there was one thing I wanted, it was to be an officer. I don't imagine myself any other way. Now I'm at another university, I enrolled so as not to miss a year. But this is not my wish, it is not a dream. And despite what I was going through, the military still took over my mind. I think about it almost all day, I became very nervous, without self-confidence, My head hurts. I became my radical opposite - from smiling to thoughtful, from calm nervous. I had goals, and now I don't know what's next. Definitely my psyche is shaken. But I wonder if I was wrong, if I'm not applying there again. I do not know how to formulate the following sentences, just to say that I have poured out my soul and expect some guidance and advice. Thanks for your time.
Answers 5
If you really want this thing so much, don't miss it! You have a chance to make your dream come true and the fact that you lack sleep has stopped you ?! So you don't want it badly enough. If you want to make your dream come true, grit your teeth and sign up again. As he said, this is discipline. This is the main thing they teach you there. If you can't be disciplined, what kind of officer will you be? Press your lids and pursue your goal with will and perseverance. Success!
Hello, a former military man is writing to you. At the age of 15, my mother convinced me to apply to a military school, I entered the most elite specialty. I finished it with many. good, I worked for another 3 years of overtime service, the salary then (tosh time) was great, everything is top ... Because then the military was forbidden to travel outside BG, I left because I wanted to see the world (tosh time was just over). I went abroad and since then I have been living outside BG, I am happy with what I have achieved, I have made a career, I have traveled the world, I have no financial problems ... I recently heard from a former student from the military school ... Military in the past was a privilege and it was great ... but you don't develop mentally ... all your life the same ... is that how you want your best years to go? Do not regret anything,
I have an acquaintance who became a military policeman. Still on business trips .. He couldn't make a normal serious relationship since he was in high school. He is already 38. 1 month sitting in his hometown, for two or three or more send him on a business trip to another. And he was as angry as you, he stretched philosophies about patriotism, and now ... He is lonely, he wants a family, a good man has culture and attitude, but he can't find a woman who is ready for such a life - to wait for him or to moves with him from city to city and does not deal with anything. You know everything requires self-sacrifice in this life
To number 1: sleep did not stop me, I said that it is physically enduring. It weighed on me mentally. As for whether I wanted it enough ... only a person who knows me knows that I could not be more motivated. I had never imagined that I would give up, and voluntarily. However, everyone tells me that this is the better solution, that they wash inside, that it is not worth giving your best years - the student years, there are much better professional realizations. I also have a very good diploma, I don't think it will be a big problem for me to find something better. I just can't get rid of the thoughts, it weighs a lot on me. To number 2: you're right about everything, I just have no idea what else I would like and I would be just as motivated to do it
You are not very stable mentally and in this sense, you are hardly ready to be a soldier. Take care of your health, it is the most important. You tried, you felt bad, you gave up. And that, very correctly. You're not going crazy, her. Don't blame yourself. He graduated in civics. It is not bad to spend a few sessions with a psychologist, if it is possible to get to the cause of your collapse. One can have different dreams and ideas about oneself, but one catches one.