We have been together for three years. My problem is implied in the title. I'm 18, he's 19. For a long time now, things just haven't been going well, and I'm the only one suffering from the whole thing. But hope really dies last, my naivety obviously too ... We both live in different cities, very little distance from each other. We study (I'm still in school, he graduated and is now studying for the exams, which are a month after admission to the university). I will start work soon. In general, we do not have much free time (at least I do), in theory he should not have, but in practice things are quite different. And this is where the problems between us come from. In 1 month we have only been out 2 times. I understand, to study for the exams and not to go out, but he constantly goes out with his friends. Beaches, discos, cafes, trips to other cities, and before me he develops theories that he is very busy with learning.
Let them go out, I've never had a problem with that for these years. They are his friends, I understand. They are from children together. It never crossed my mind to tear it away from them (and it's none of my business). They are an important part of his life - I understand and respect them. Many times I have offered him to go out with them myself, to have fun. I don't call him when he's with them, nor do I go with him when he goes out "like a man." He has complete freedom at all and I have never obliged him to be with me or to take me with him. He goes out with them when he wants and as much as he wants. I don't even ask him where they're going so I don't bother him. I didn't want to be like other women - to mutter to him and make him feel limited or that I was violating his privacy.
However, he understood freedom as freedom. He has been openly ignoring me for a long time to have fun with them. Unlike him, I don't have that much free time (I also go to help my mother at work) and I always watch when I have time to spend it with him first. He can be with his friends if he wants to be in the city 24 hours a day. In 1 month we have only been out 2 times. And last time he was in a hurry to go out with them and neither the sex came from this quarrel, nor could we talk. Today we agreed to go out again at 4 o'clock and in the end he comes out again with the excuse - "Darling, there will be a match, next time!" Don't be angry, I love you! "When I tell him I won't be able to in the next week and see you in two weeks at the earliest, he seems indifferent. I don't want to make scandals and grumble to him like an 'old mother-in-law' to be with me." but i'm not made of iron after all! And I am a person and I have sex and I want intimacy, tenderness. Let him go out with them, but don't ignore me that way. When we are together we have fun, laugh, sex is perfect, he has a great passion, it always ends more than once, he tells me how his day went, his views on life. I do not see what, for example, in me would be the reason for his absence, since I have always predisposed him to be comfortable and cozy? As for the appearance, I would say that I keep myself in shape. By no means do I lack male attention, on the contrary. But my heart does not allow me to cheat on him, I have moral principles and if I do, I have to hate myself as a person (obviously he knows that I am faithful to him to the point of pain and he accepts this loyalty of mine as a given).
I get along with his friends differently - and that's not the reason. I love him very much, but I can't do that anymore. I don't want to be accepted, like the girl muttering to him like a wife, but I don't feel okay anymore. Young people, and sex only 2 times a month, no conversations and intimacy - then why I was nervous. I'm very sick and it's stuck in my throat. I just wear myself out emotionally, accumulating everything in myself. I know he has feelings for me, he looks for me every day, but I don't just have to hear each other and write to each other virtually, I want closeness, touch, understanding, conversations. The very minimum of a relationship. Sam urges me "zorlyan" to cheat on him. He didn't want us to break up, he didn't want to lose me, he loved me very much, I was the girl for him - and I what? do I have to get used to it and suppress my feelings and desires? How can I show him and say that he is about to lose me with these actions? I'm desperate, I love him, but I don't know what to do ... take my rags and leave him or stay to show him where he's wrong? Please advice and thank everyone who will take the time!
Answers 19
Did you tell him those things? In general, if all goes well, a normal young man would never replace sex appointments with other activities. Are you sure there is no other woman?
Well, you tell him to go out with them, keep accepting yourself as less important than them, but then don't be surprised. :)
You definitely need to talk to him and share your feelings! You deserve more. That's all I'm going to say. Good luck
Darling, look now, you have described your feelings, thoughts, absences and attitudes in such a nice, sincere and correct way that my best advice is just to show him your post. If, after reading this, he does not understand or tries to get away with excuses, imputation of guilt or any other numbers, then it is just so convenient for him and he does not intend to change anything, nor does he care. Maybe just as a given he has accepted you, he is well and he would accept any change to his detriment, without thinking that what you have described so far does not suggest anything positive for you. You can have a conversation without grumbling. It's not a grumble when someone says things the way you do them upstairs. Yours is PATIENCE, and I hope you remember. Or another option, tell him you don't feel in a relationship, it's not normal, which is in a relationship and it will be better not to play as a couple anymore. Look at his reaction, she will tell you everything. Another question is whether you will like it. Let's say I'm from the "murmur" and in such relations I would directly put the cards on the table. I tell myself that it is not ok for me, if he wants a relationship with me, to rearrange his priorities, if not, I wish him health and happiness and at least I know that I have nothing to expect and I continue on my way without doubts, hidden questions and so on. .
Talk about all this. Tell him.
Hi, to be honest, I have a similar problem and I know how difficult it is for you. But from what I've read, you're just harassing yourself in vain for someone who obviously doesn't deserve you. And, you are only 18, believe me, there are so many things that will happen to you in the future that it is not worth bothering. I know you secretly hope things change, but I think there is someone who will appreciate you more.
The boy has another to know, if he has no interest in you for anything and beats you ignore THERE IS SOMETHING and especially a boy not wanting sex with his girlfriend is a little strange, at least for me. And even if it is not so, which I doubt, patience always ends (in this case for you) as everyone said they have needs, understanding, etc.
Darling, the man probably has a girlfriend from his town, whom you don't know about and who moves with their company. Slowly distance yourself and watch his reactions - everything comes to light sooner or later. If he doesn't respect you and doesn't appreciate you enough, he's just obviously not your man.
Take it away and find someone more serious who will really hold on to you. He obviously has no serious intentions towards you. Drop it, because nothing good awaits you with such a person, he will take you down. The exams are obviously the same for him, since instead of studying non-stop he is with friends at discos. Later in the university you will meet someone more sensible if you decide to study where you can find someone decent from school against the background of idiots, but he left it!
Hey little one, what do you expect to go, because you are with a kid, you are not real, and the real men have been in the barracks for at least a year and a half, find an old man about 30 and you will feel the difference!
I think you raised a cult for him at the beginning of your relationship and showed him that you don't break up, that you're next to him, that he's the only one, and he thought he was the only one in the world. That is, he believed in himself a lot, because you predispose him. I think he is selfish. Many couples break up like this because one gives away 100%, the other thinks it's kind of "the big deal" and that everyone else would take it that way and behave like that, they almost die for it and they almost can't to have every woman. Such people fall from a height very quickly and then, as if in an "unharvested vineyard", if I am, I immediately abandon it. It is not your connection, to be honest, as I read.
I would leave all my "friends" just to have a girlfriend, and to be with her all the time, and he does the opposite .. I'm sorry, but he doesn't care about you at all, and it's best to dump him once and for all, and you never look for it again. COMPLETE GARBAGE. Remember it
Why don't you just tell him what you wrote? I mean ... talk to him.
Everything between you is over. It's time for a big change on your part - YOU IMMEDIATELY find someone who will truly love you. Don't bother anymore. There are other kindred spirits like you. Don't make an elephant ant. Overcome the grief and move forward cheerfully. Do not despair - accept what is happening as something in life. You are a beautiful girl and you will manage. We really support you all from the forum.
Now is the time to have fun and enjoy all the pleasures of life, including sex. Because with the time when family life begins, many things change. At your age, when I had such a faithful girl, I did not part with him. Only when I'm at work. And sex was more than anything. I won't brag, but it was indecently much. Now, 25 years later, I only dream of such devotion. They give me 15-20 minutes at most a week. And I can do much more. But that doesn't matter. Find someone else to love and enjoy the things of life
Dear girl, I am very sad for you, because there are not many like you in this world. Remember one thing: Love is the best thing in this world, and only he who has not experienced it does not know it, but it is also the worst thing. All the nonsense about love is only in the movies - soaps. Never confess when you love, because you will suffer for life. You have to be a slut, a garbage man, a whore and whatever you want in this world, but not a person who loves selflessly, because that's how you will suffer all your life. Now, whatever you do, that's it. You let yourself sink to the bottom, you told him, now you have no way out. Yes, you will throw it away, you will become garbage as you should be, but you will never be happy, you will remember this bastard while you are alive, you will be with others, and he will be in your heart, you will take revenge on others and secretly you will cry. This is the great love - filth. I hope you manage to get better. I haven't succeeded for so many years. I wish you success!
Drop it!
From the Author: Thanks to everyone for their time! I appreciate it people and thank you again from the bottom of my heart! :) Our relationship is the same since I wrote the story. Apparently a fool, no matter how much you tell him and prove your love for him, will not care. A language for my loyalty during these years, devotion, love, understanding and giving ... everything was in vain. I stood behind him, despite the people's opinion of him. Well, all this diligence was for the one who blows. And imagining what I was ready for this man .... If he behaved and appreciated my efforts to be the girl with whom he will be comfortable at least a little, he would never lack love and fidelity on my part, but alas. .. It's not worth it, and I've already broken a kind and the desire to make him happy, seeing how excited I am. Sam pushed me away, and I loved him so much .... But if love, respect and fidelity are not enough for him, there is nothing more than to give him. To walk the path he has chosen for himself only not to realize that "chasing the wild he has lost the tame" .... that then it will be too late to return.
If you only meet him twice a month, then he does not have these feelings for you as you do for him and most likely he is not only with you. I am a man.