Hello, everyone! A 21-year-old man writes to you. I will go directly to the problem, which I see is quite painful in the topics here. First I will thank everyone who will read, leave an opinion, advice, criticism or whatever they think is good. The problem is entirely with me, but I don't know exactly where and how exactly to solve it. That's why I insist on sharing anonymously. Here's a little about me. I am 21 as I have already shared, I am 1, 90-1, 91 tall, I weigh about 84-85 kg. I have blue-green eyes and very thick dark blond hair (I would say the two things I really like about myself). I am a student in Sofia, my family is not an opportunity, but I love my parents very much, what they have done and are doing for me. I work (unfortunately at the moment whatever I like), I have a lot of problems around the university-work axis, but anyway. I'm not rich at all and with great opportunities, as I shared, but I'm not missing anything. I'm not a "face" at all, with a lot of likes on Facebook and followers on Instagram. I play sports regularly, I trained swimming for 6 years, now I do it for health, I love to run, ride a bike, also play football and tennis. I exercise, I train for health, tone to move and be active, I am by no means a mountain of muscles and the healthiest man the world has ever seen, but I like myself in my skin, I maintain a certain diet in general, I do the things that make me feel full and happy. I have always been and I am positive, sunny, friendly, I definitely think I have a sense of humor, irony (and a lot of self-irony). Like any young person, I go out with friends when I can, I have two really amazing ones, for whom I am grateful to have them. I also have two girlfriends, both uniquely beautiful and elegant. At least according to them, I'm a very handsome boy, a great man and a thousand other things that women say to men who are just their friends and of course they're both looking for "someone like me." I love them both, they respect me, they did it for me, I did it for them and we have a lot of each other. Well, both of them hugged and squeezed me when they were broken, that I must have scars on me. Together with my family, these are my closest people. Let's move on to the sick topic - I'm just unable to find a girlfriend or have one, and lately I've been wanting to experience the feeling of "love, thrill, desire, falling in love" or whatever.
When I was a student and my first year in Sofia I had no idea about girls, how I dress, look, etc. I knew my strengths and weaknesses, but I said to myself, "What do you care, no one is perfect." Well, the moment has come when my desire to see that I cause a spark in a girl, that I can make her smile, that someone at some point remembers me with a smile and will want to see me the moment and I called, overcame more than anything else. I confessed it to myself, I needed love, to love, to be in love, to do something for someone, to jump my heart out of excitement. I looked in the mirror one morning and saw that many things were wrong and I was not speaking visually. My gaze, my radiance - they were simply missing, there was no confidence, no self-confidence, no courage, absolutely nothing. I decided that I needed to change something, I fixed my hairstyle, clothes, style and I liked myself, I even felt a surge of self-confidence, but my development stopped there. I was a shy child and now I am a more shy person. Especially among strangers, especially among girls. I had a girlfriend when I was 17, I liked her a lot then, but if it wasn't for her, nothing would have happened because she triggered things between us. It wasn't until I was 20 that I realized that there were many things I knew were a problem, but I didn't pay attention to them. I can't talk to a girl, I can't write to a girl, I can't invite a girl to a meeting. I realized that I was totally disabled in my attitude to the fairer sex, I realized that as I am now, no girl will just not like me, and will not even say "hello" to me, smile at me or give me and 30 seconds of your time. The only girls who are happy to see me are my two girlfriends. I liked a girl two years ago, but I played my cards so poorly and so carelessly and admitted that I fully understood her, that she refused me. At least she was nice to me. I'm at university, but away from all the girls, I'm ashamed, at work about the same. I don't know what I'm ashamed of and why I'm like that, why my self-esteem gets somewhere in my soles, why I'm insecure, why I think I don't have qualities and abilities. I am constantly overwhelmed by thoughts like "why are you going to try to write to her or meet her, why are you going to admit that you like her, that you find her cute, attractive, that you just like her when she cuts you and then with her friends you smile at how crazy and lost you are, and you must have a friend - you better not expose yourself, you have no chance ". Things are more or less about that. They say that there were passengers for every train, I don't think so. I do not think, that there is a girl who will deal with me, I can't even introduce myself to a girl. But no matter how much I put it in my head, I do not accept it, I do not agree with it. Because I can and I want to love, even if they hurt me, to separate, whatever came, I want to see what it is and I want to understand that it's not so scary. But how can it happen when I do absolutely nothing. If a girl talks to me, I won't be a tree, I'll be smiling, I'll be nice company, and I certainly won't make her regret asking me "what time is it," I'll be myself, but girls don't. That's why I have to, and I can't. So, having become a hostage to myself, a man setting up his own barriers, I am in a slight emotional hole. I will also share that I have feelings for a girl for about a year and we are only happy and smiling with her until then, I even rarely see her. Sorry if it's confusing, long or annoying to read, but that's me. Lots of feelings and emotions, but no effect on them. Thanks again to everyone. I pass the baton to you. Share, criticize, shoot, whatever is needed, I will accept any opinion.
Answers 10
You're not emotionally okay, bro. Are you sleeping Are you training anything? Do useful things.
Cute, I became terribly kind. Don't share more about the girl you like. Common interests, do you know what she likes? Where does it go and can you spot yourself for more time? In a suitable setting, even if it is a bar, if there is no other free table, except a chair on hers, we will not force you to ask to sit down, and then it would be easier to have a conversation. At least for something more than hello after that, maybe an invitation for a walk. From what I've written, you look like a great young man, I wish there were more. I don't know why you are so shrunken in your shell and afraid of rejection, we reject annoying bosses, simple "omniscient" ugly (there's nothing to lie about) inside and out, so you're not among them, it seems. I have an idea: a reason to ask for a "service" from liking a girl is to ask for gift advice for a girl with whom you are close "as a brother and sister" say something like that, and not that she is your girlfriend. He'll think he's your boyfriend. So you will have the opportunity to talk a little, she will see you in this light, and then of course you "owe" a treat for help;)
You can. But you will have to overcome yourself. With action. There is no other way. Otherwise, as you felt very well, you are like everyone else who wrote a lot of topics here. And don't think that if the girls took the first steps, everything would be fine. These things will be reflected further in the relationship. And at 31 you will be like them again, women, the world, everything will be to blame for you, but there will be no fix.
Things are up to family programming in my opinion. For example, I am also tall, I am told that I am beautiful, I am relatively smart (with a degree in engineering), I make good money, I have a nice car, I live in a nice place, I have artistic qualities (I play guitar and I was an actor in amateur theater ), I wear branded and nice clothes, women look at me and ... my self-esteem is more or less as much as yours. I keep wondering what a woman can find in me. What if I'm tall, what if I have money and a car? What if I look good? Many men are tall, have money and look good. But they were told from an early age to use these qualities to achieve their goals. My parents taught me to give in, to comply, to try to help others, not to intrude, not to be impudent, and so on. And hop enters my social environment more or less like me, but a little more opportunist and ... he manages to start dating girls. I'm starting to get annoyed - at him, but mostly at myself, that I'm not such an arrogant opportunist-brazen. Even. as you can see, the very words I use to describe this behavior are negative because that's how I perceive it. That is, from the family environment I am programmed like this. At least that's how it is with me, I guess with you too, because you wrote how you respect your parents, ie you are also very emotionally attached to them. Now is the time to add that although I am aware of my "problem", I did not go to work on it because I just do not want to become such a person. I don't want to be an opportunist. For me, this is cheap behavior that I can do, but that I don't want. That's how I'm taught and I don't want to unlearn. That's why I've been masturbating for a long time, what to do. Who chooses - masturbates. I haven't had a boyfriend for 3 years now, but I'm 30. I'm just looking for a woman who won't need to lie at a dump, with whom I can be congruent with my understandings, to be able to be accurate and honest. Unfortunately, this seriousness of mine comes too much for the mass of women who are accustomed to the superficial flirtatious behavior of the mass downloader. The whole culture lately suggests such a superficial communication as fluttering eyelashes, in which people do not communicate fully, there is no revelation of the soul of the other party, there is only repetition of learned phrases, extracted as if from an American sitcom. which will not need to lie in a dump, with which I will be able to be congruent with my understandings, to be able to be accurate and honest. Unfortunately, this seriousness of mine comes too much for the mass of women who are accustomed to the superficial flirtatious behavior of the mass downloader. The whole culture lately suggests such a superficial communication as fluttering eyelashes, in which people do not communicate fully, there is no revelation of the soul of the other party, there is only repetition of learned phrases, extracted as if from an American sitcom. which will not need to lie in a dump, with which I will be able to be congruent with my understandings, to be able to be accurate and honest. Unfortunately, this seriousness of mine comes too much for the mass of women who are accustomed to the superficial flirtatious behavior of the mass downloader. The whole culture lately suggests such a superficial communication as fluttering eyelashes, in which people do not communicate fully, there is no revelation of the soul of the other party, there is only repetition of learned phrases, extracted as if from an American sitcom.
my mood and she lifted me to my feet and I broke down with laughter with her, in sex she is also amazing and I can't do without her, and I never even thought I was in love with her. That's what happened, I thought I liked another and she just took me over with all my barriers and murders. With it I felt the thrill and desire and love, and before it irritated me ... I want to tell you that it's not about how shy you are and how you look, don't shy away from the girls, it's a mistake! And I avoided her, and I would lose so much, falling in love you do not understand, it is not something that will strike you like thunder, it went through many stages with me, out of fear, indifference, hiding and finally I realized that I am in love with her, this is the feeling of her absence, when you see her clothes and feel the perfume and when she is gone and you want to call her knowing that she is asleep just to hear her voice ...
You look intelligent, and as described, I'm sure the girls like you, and that makes it harder for them to talk to you. I have not so nice friends, but with confidence-actions they manage to catch one. So there is only one right thing and it is mandatory if you want to change your relationship with the fairer sex, namely to overcome yourself or more precisely to start talking to girls and "failures" do not bother you so much. These friends of mine, let's say, have more failures than successes, but that doesn't stop them. Ask your friends for advice, if you are close and they are so beautiful and elegant, then they should have enough experience to give you some of the right advice. I wish you success, I think that with very little experience it will be even too easy for you with the girls / women. I'm just curious not to be a Libra?
Boy, you're not lost, you're lost. Act as long as you think and analyze. Just act! The first, the second, the third ... Trial-error ... and finally - bingo! There is no other way. Otherwise you will stand on the sidelines of life and become a vicious loner to whom the world is to blame.
You sound like a cool person to me, and honest, which is a rare combination. As you describe yourself, I don't see why girls don't like you. Even unlike most "lost young men", you do not hide your hatred, which is impressive. Most who have problems with women are angry, with low self-esteem, still someone else is to blame. You sound confused and naive, but by no means angry. You need a little more confidence, though. Here, you are tall, handsome, you have a tight body, you work and study - these are not a small number of sources of pride (not pride, of course). You have friends - both girls and boys, which shows that you know how to behave with people, you are funny, you can be relied on. These things that you possess, your physical, mental and social qualities, should be your source of self-confidence. When you believe in yourself, the others feel it. How people treat us is a mirror of our own self-perception. Don't be afraid to talk to the girls - the worst thing that can happen is they cut you off. Big deal. Tell your girlfriends to introduce you to their girlfriends, colleagues - not in order to match you, but just to learn to communicate with girls. It's not that scary. Success!
Author: Thanks to those involved in the topic. For the record, I'm a Scorpio. What can I say, I do not blame the world, women and absolutely no one at all, I blame only myself. For me, the world and life are not so black, nor are the girls. On the contrary, they make it a more beautiful place to live. Just as they make an empty house and apartment more beautiful, they make it home. I wrote to the girl I told her I had feelings for (I don't know how I dared after a year of "doing nothing"). It was my first serious conversation with her (we wrote to each other for about 2 hours, but not constantly), because so far we have only smiled at the passing of the road and several times a long time ago we exchanged a few words. She asked me how I was, what I was doing, where I was at sea, me too, there were a lot of jokes, and it seemed like fun, because she was joking. Well, the next day I replied to a message she had left at 4 in the morning and after a few more exchanged words just "blue". I decided not to bother and not to be impudent and now I dare not write to her anymore. In general, my problem is not with rejection (well, unless it's from the girl I've already fallen in love with), my problem is that, for example, in an environment (university or work) we all know each other and if I try something on someone is a girl and I will eat the tree, it will swell among the other girls around me, and my hands will be tied to any other woman. Because what would it look like to try with one girl, she cuts you off and then come immediately with the other, who has already learned about your failure with the colleague. I will look pathetic, intrusive and trying with everyone, and for me to wonder just which one to offer is not very right. You will say "who told you with colleagues and girls around, give some random one you met somewhere" and you will be right. But my level of self-confidence, lack of experience, I would even say talent in this regard, will put me back in the position of "you lost before you even started" and I will prefer to keep at least some ridicule and turn again in the other direction. I need a change, small or big I don't know, but a change. But I don't know where to start, what to say, how to behave. To be myself - this creature will be hard to like, I have to be an improved version of myself, but I don't know where this change will come from. they will put me in the position of "you lost before you even started" again and I will prefer to avoid at least some ridicule and I will turn in the other direction again. I need a change, small or big I don't know, but a change. But I don't know where to start, what to say, how to behave. To be myself - this creature will be hard to like, I have to be an improved version of myself, but I don't know where this change will come from. they will put me in the position of "you lost before you even started" again and I will prefer to avoid at least some ridicule and turn in the other direction again. I need a change, small or big I don't know, but a change. But I don't know where to start, what to say, how to behave. To be myself - this creature will be hard to like, I have to be an improved version of myself, but I don't know where this change will come from.
Author, you wrote well to the girl, but at the first doubt you fight back. She wrote to you at 4 in the morning! Invite her on a date, tell her you want to get to know her more personally. If it doesn't, it won't. And what if you try another? At most, the first to understand that it is so special. But it is done with self-confidence and without caring much, and you are chased by all kinds of fears and you are just looking for excuses. You are right about one thing, if you don't like yourself, which is obvious, there is no one to like you. Where to start? Well, start behaving like this version of yours that you would like, and without thinking who will react and how it will happen!