Hello, I know that this and many other sites are full of similar articles, but this is where I look for the solution to my problem. I am already 18 years old and I have known for almost a year (I saw him sending him naked photos) that my mother is cheating on my father. At first I was devastated and I couldn't believe what was happening because everything in the family was going well and in May 2018 they had almost never fought. Let me just say that this is not my mother's first time. 10-11 years ago she had caught one and even my sister and I took us on meetings with him, but we were small then and did not understand what was happening. To us, he was an uncle who gave us presents and sweets. These meetings took place, of course, while Dad was at work and he was deceiving us, that nothing bad happens, on the contrary, he is our family friend and my sister and I are silent, we are small (the difference is 3 years). There was no one after him - at least I didn't know - until the day of May 17, 2018, when I saw those photos when my mom let me take a picture with her phone. When I asked her why she wrote to him (I also said that I only saw the love stickers they sent each other) she hit me and started screaming and made it as if I was guilty and threatened that if I told my father and he left her he would commit suicide. Shortly afterwards, I heard them talking on the phone with their lover while my father was in the village. Today I saw when I sat down at the computer that she had left her Facebook open since last night and before I left hers to enter mine I saw that she had written to her ex ... this one even before my father and I doubted that again cheats on him. It has changed a lot lately and is burning with nothing, and it wasn't. He swears he loves my father madly, and doing things like that I can't understand why! I want advice on how to act and what to do, because I already feel that I can't stand it. PS The one to whom she sends nude photos is her former colleague and I know him. He is married and has two children.
Answers 14
Your mother is a rag ....
Now ... my mother, light and earthy, was a fire woman. He had countless connections with anyone. I allowed myself to rebuke her, and like, be careful not to be heard, because there will be problems for everyone. In fact, the reason was that a woman brought her husband, she had learned somehow and it became a scandal. From the standpoint of time, I now understand that I was wrong, because everyone has the right to be loved, courted, charged with energy in some way, and it was from some relationship. The truth is that we children do not understand the reasons that lead a mother, father, to this state and we have no right to interfere in their personal lives. Let them be responsible for that. If we, as children, are loved, cared for by our parents, it is better not to take attitude. Let the big ones solve their problems on their own ...
The author: I can't stand it anymore and every moment I see her on the phone, all sorts of things go through my mind. I don't want her to become a whore, but I want her to tighten up and take care of her family without interfering with foreign men in her relationship with my father.
Don't treat, if he treats you well, no problem. Her personal life is hers. One day it is possible that you yourself are in a similar situation, but then you will justify yourself, because you will clearly see the reasons that led you to this. The great ones should bear the consequences of how they live, how they understand each other, whether there is zeal and fire in their lives. There are many reasons for infidelity, you cannot know them.
I don't even know where to start. Whatever you see from the side in your parents' relationship, only they know what problems they have. Let's start with the fact that the problem may be in their sex life, at least in mine it was. My mother has had a lover for as long as I can remember, at least since I was old enough to understand what was going on. And my brother and I knew him, she introduced us to him. I don't remember when I realized these things, how I felt or what went through my head, but one thing I do know, I didn't try to interfere in their relationship or judge her in any way. Later on, from her, I realized that my father simply did not pay any attention to her as a woman, and she sought him out with another. After so many years now, my parents are divorced, but that's better. My idea was, that there is no way to know why your mother is cheating, or maybe there is no reason at all, she may just be in it, but one thing I will tell you, do not bother unnecessarily. You are not to blame for this, you should not feel guilty for being silent in front of your father. This is their relationship. If your mother's extramarital affairs do not interfere with their marriage and your family, I see no problem other than moral, of course. And even in some cases, they can strengthen marriages. Imagine that your father does not give her sex, if she did not have a lover, she would seek him from him, which will cause scandals between them. Maybe that's how your mother found the balance to maintain family harmony and no scandals between them. Don't interfere in any way, don't judge her, she's your mother. The only thing you can do is take a clear example, whether one day if you have to do the same, you will do it, whether you will still think the same way. I don't have much life experience for my 23 years, but I have seen enough things, mostly examples from my mother's life. I once allowed myself to cheat, which is one of the biggest mistakes in my life. One thing I will tell you about infidelity, it is rare what seems from the side. Not always the only culprit is the one who cheats, there is also the other side, which, consciously or not, has prompted you to cheat in some way. Yes, it is your decision whether to do it and it is not an excuse for the infidel, but in most cases there is a reason. A reason that observers on the other side cannot know. It is easiest to judge when you are not in the other person's position. Do not interfere and do not judge. This is her personal life and she has made her choice. I wish you to find peace with yourself. Good luck :)
The author: the problem is not in sex, they do not do it only when mom is in a cycle or they have quarreled. They even do perverted things that my sister and I know about ... And they are quite a lot ... And that's not the problem and judging by mom's comments (to hint at you even in front of us) sex is always very good when mom even has 3 abortions ... so i don't know what the problem is.
Author, don't be so critical! It's not easy, but your mother is not the only one who cheats. Well, it's ugly, it's hard, it's awful, but it's not unnatural. Look at other topics, many women complain about their sex life in their marriage and beyond. Despite everything, you are not in her place, you do not know what their relationship is with your father. We don't justify it, of course, but it's not something unheard of, unseen, etc., usually just children don't understand. The only important thing is not to blame yourself or her! Success! :)
Author, I also had nice and perverted sex with a man several times a day, but I didn't have enough. I don't even know why you mess up where you don't care. You are part of the family, but you are not part of their intimate relationship! I hope I never have a daughter like you! And how do you know what's wrong with your mother? !! And if after your "persecution" you reveal it to your father? !! Will it be better? !! Everyone is cheating! All! With so few exceptions that you can't imagine! Shame on you? !! You are 18, you still don't know what sex is in the full sense of the word. Be careful not to break your father and ruin the family for nothing! Be very careful! My girlfriend did it! He achieved nothing. He was 14 and what happened? !! He broke two lives for one stupidity. Even more so because relatives also intervened.
The three abortions are no indication that sex is good. On the contrary, it shows that your mother is an irresponsible person. If the abortions are from your father, he is the same. Mature people need to be able to protect themselves. If they are from the lover, I have no comment on that. So who guards another woman?
I will not comment on your mother, I will only comment on your torments. As others have told you, telling your father will not make it easier for you. There will be scandals, probably divorce, your life will change forever. Everyone should be responsible for their own actions and in this line of thought your mother is the only person who has to deal with this situation. If she annoys you, tell her that you want her to be more discreet and not to interfere directly or indirectly in her relationships. But he doesn't do anything else. It is not your business. She is your mother, but she is not your property. Her personal life is her job. Only she knows what she lacks.
The author: number 8 don't you think you're a little rude? I do not pursue what my mother does, she just betrays herself and what to do, that I am the most observant of all in this family. As for the fact that you don't want a daughter as a cop, it's your problem. I just adore my family and I don't want anything bad to happen, but I can't stand my mother cheating on us like that. Yes, I'm 18, but how do you know I don't know what sex is in the full sense of the word? That I didn't do it? Sorry, but you're wrong. I don't know why you only complain to me, and don't think because my mother took her two little children (9 and 6) when she saw the first person she cheated on him with, and even after they broke up she told us personally, like we see him on the streets behaving normally and we never say anything ... If you still think that the problem is in me well ...
The author: I don't follow her, because she doesn't know how to "mute" her messages in messenger and while I was filming some lessons, with her permission for the phone he wrote to me with the text "I pick it up" sorry, but if this is monitoring I don't know. I just wanted to call that it's not what I think and my mother doesn't make the same mistake over and over again ...
M44g: Your father must find out about this before it's too late. Do not listen to those unbelievers above who would not want to be in your mother's place for anything in the world, in case their husband finds out. When a married person breaks his promise to the altar, he should tell the other party that this moment has come and that everyone should go their own way, and not just suck money out of it and keep it as a "stove in the winter." .
The author: they are not married yet. And the one she had before my father was engaged, but my grandparents did not approve of him and I do not know what exactly happened to separate and shortly after that she met my father.