I am a man of 26. I have been living alone for about 14 years, when I went to live in a flat to study in another city. I say this as a note so that you do not think that I live in us, because it will be about my mother and father. I'm 26, but mentally I'm starting to can't stand it. Here I am sure that many people will say to themselves, yes, I have your problems, but really the biggest problems of a person are in the head, where the diseases come from. It seems to me that my mother and father are really toxic people, or at least over time they have become such and can no longer survive. For 20 years I have not heard a normal conversation between them, they are just quarrels, insults, shouting, banging, swearing. I've been listening to their nonsense for 20 years, but that's not the problem. I moved out a long time ago, but the problem is that every time when one of them calls me, spitting starts on the other. My father calls me, he starts spitting at my mother, after 5 minutes she calls me and starts throwing and spitting at my father. My father works, constantly traveling to different cities, but I don't know for what reason and how he solved it, but he calls me 10 times a day. He just can't stand it every hour, he literally calls me and starts explaining to me where he will do what and who did what there at work. 10-15 times, and even more happened a day. People, there is not a gram of peace, he calls me literally every hour, and all his life he complains about everything. He constantly complains, constantly spits on others and curses them. And when you tell him he's not right to stop doing it and stop complaining to me, he hangs up like a kid and makes you feel almost guilty. All this complaint 24/7 just drives me crazy, I have the feeling that I will get a nervous breakdown at times. I broke a glass door with my fist after talking to him because I was tired of listening to his complaints and insults about others. Then, of course, I went with a bandage and paid for my door. My mother on the other side. She always pretends to be innocent, but she manipulates him in a global way, both him and me and my brother. My brother is much older no longer, but he treats me as if I were 15. Supposedly in order to give me advice and help me, but constantly when I talk to her he behaves as if I were a small child. Absolutely mother's son. And she's been spitting all my life at my father for nothing. I don't even know how to describe to you exactly the way he does it, but he always, always turns things around wonderfully. I literally feel like a mother's son, and I haven't lived with them for 12 years and we see each other super rarely. It took a long time, but give some advice on how to set some limits. They helped me a lot and I have sins against them, but this psycho attack on both sides will just finish me off. These are years, years of constant ringing and complaining, spitting on the other on both sides. They call me one after another without knowing and complaints and insults begin. I can even say that my father doesn't know me. All our lives we deal only with his stories. He didn't ask me once what exactly I was going to do with my life. At least my mother knows what's going on, but at the other extreme she's too worried and insistent about how things should be. He keeps telling me what and how exactly should happen, explaining to me how to do what it's like to be my brother's child's age. I have the feeling and I'm sure that I have been mentally impaired since I was a child. That's why I don't get along with women and making friends, because there's something in me that makes me weird, that makes people distance themselves. It's been like this all my life and I wondered what the reason was. I look good, but it doesn't help if you have any mental issues to solve. An absolute mother's son on my mother's side, and together with my father's constant round-the-clock complaint, they literally finish me off every day.
Answers 8
I understand you very well!!!
Not only toxic, but also annoying.
It's a dude! What can I tell you, love is boundaries. Set boundaries, where their place is, where yours is. Porat does not understand that on the one hand the family is mom, dad, dad, and the young child, but as the children grow up and they are now separate organisms the family is one of the children his half his children his his his problems. I had problems with my family and I solved them as soon as I moved out of us and set boundaries. In the same way I have taught my dogs in us where what can be done, people are no more mischievous. They will accuse you of being cold and soulless, but in order to maintain your emotional and mental health, cut a few pollinations. I do this with friends as well - an acquaintance has been breaking up with her boyfriend for 6 months every other day, she comes during the day and roars at me. So much so that it started to affect my relationship, because more or less this load is carried and spread and it is not cool. After her last break, when they were 2 weeks apart, but they got together and I said I don't want to talk if I'm going to roar because of him, because the first kitten told me "but he's different after those 2 weeks" my answer "no I don't care if we go back in the mud of this conversation, please end it and we'll hear from you tomorrow. "And it's not scary. My mother told me not to call her after 8, my father told me not to bother him after 10. I told them that if they called me and I didn't pick up, then I was working. My partner knows that if I don't call him 1000 times, then I have a job and it's not for her to raise scandals because I don't pick up my phone, that's what. Tell them you can't talk after 5, that you don't want to hear anything about the other person and that you're not their psychologist. If they have problems to go to therapy or divorce as so many can not stand. You don't owe them anything, but absolutely nothing. Good luck;)
Well done on 3. Great advice he gave you. Set a limit and warn them not to call you. And when they ring you can interrupt them. Say you just can't talk to your friends and shut up. And since there will always be moments when you talk to them to tell you, what am I doing. I just leave the phone and because it's the same every time, I just say yes from time to time, I understand you. And when you see each other, tell them that you refuse to listen to the same thing and if they don't stop, you just leave. It has an effect.
The very fact that you ask yourself this question and start thinking about it means that things are not right at all :). Talk to them only about basic things and help them when they need something urgently. I lived on my own and that's it. Life is not so scary.
You may have moved out of the house, but mentally you are still sleeping in their room. It's up to you to break the umbilical cord by setting boundaries, otherwise you can go across the ocean to live, all the same. My mother is like that, she calls 100 times a day and if you leave her, she will talk for 5 hours. I've blocked her number, I return the call, when I decide if she starts bothering me with nonsense, I hang up directly. Don't let them manipulate you for how bad such behavior is, it's just a way to keep you submissive. These limits are the healthiest for you and for them. They are great people and they have to take care of themselves, and you have to live your life while you are young.
Yes, they are toxic. One behaves as if you were his father, and the other behaves with you as if you were a mother's child, but you are not - you have realized many things, how they make you feel, how they manipulate, etc. What is your necessary really are boundaries. You know you need them, but you don't know how to impose them. Read Borders or Your Weaknesses. If you don't have time, here's a brief overview of what to do. You tell them not to call me 10 times a day. If they call you - you do not pick up. You tell your mother don't talk to me like a little child. If it does - you hang up the phone. You tell the two of you not to hear a bad word against each other. If they continue, you don't pick them up. The important thing is to say what your limit is and to have consequences if they do not respect it. Viangi has initial resistance when setting boundaries to take it down or check how serious you are. If you hold on, will be forced to comply. Don't feel guilty. You don't owe them anything. They watch us, we watch our own children. You do their nonsense, you can't focus on yourself, do what makes you feel happy, find a wife ... From my experience with toxic people, there are no fixes. My husband and I totally cut off contact with them because the gram boundaries were not respected and the rare cases in which they saw us used them for accusations, attacks and explanations of what we should do and what we owe them. The simplest advice is to ask yourself if you would have picked up the phone if they were not relatives. If the answer is no, there is no point in communicating with them. to do what makes you feel happy, to find a wife ... From my experience with toxic people, there are no fixes. My husband and I totally cut off contact with them because the gram boundaries were not respected and the rare cases in which they saw us used them for accusations, attacks and explanations of what we should do and what we owe them. The simplest advice is to ask yourself if you would have picked up the phone if they were not relatives. If the answer is no, there is no point in communicating with them. to do what makes you feel happy, to find a wife ... From my experience with toxic people, there are no fixes. My husband and I totally cut off contact with them because the gram boundaries were not respected and the rare cases in which they saw us used them for accusations, attacks and explanations of what we should do and what we owe them. The simplest advice is to ask yourself if you would have picked up the phone if they were not relatives. If the answer is no, there is no point in communicating with them. The simplest advice is to ask yourself if you would have picked up the phone if they were not relatives. If the answer is no, there is no point in communicating with them. The simplest advice is to ask yourself if you would have picked up the phone if they were not relatives. If the answer is no, there is no point in communicating with them.
Author: What can I tell you I have already heard that you could not rely on me, I am always the victim all my life. Yes, if they were not my relatives I would think very seriously. And certainly not to my father. It was easier with the circle of friends because I had such people. But parents always make you feel guilty. Thanks so far for the answers