Hello readers! I am the child of a bad father and a mother full of fear. My father and I live under the same roof, but we haven't talked for a month. We haven't said a word to each other in a month! And I have no intention of talking to him. Honestly, I'm a more confident child now and I think I'm fine. But the problem is not that we are not talking. The problem is my mother! For as long as I can remember, she has been afraid of him, she hasn't been touched for years, but these cries and screams at her just can't be cut off from a child. No way! He calls her for everything! He treats her with a very bad tone and insulting words! I can't stand it ... She has no intention of leaving him ... I tell her "Mother, how do you put up with this? Leave him! We are cut off! Is this how we will live? Leave me alone, I will always leave, but you will will you stay and endure this? ”She cries, she cries too, but she never left him for 20 years of marriage with this "man". Almost every night I turn to the other side so that my sister doesn't see me crying ... For God's sake, life is in front of me, and I'm already tired ... Instead of leading a carefree life full of love in the family and understanding, I have to to hear screams and swearing at my mother! Is this woman stupid? Why tolerate this? She is not loved, but she stands still. I am very sad for her ... I am a very emotional and empathetic child and I collapse when I see her like that. She is my mother, she raised me! I don't want him to suffer! I tell you with tears in my eyes. This affects me terribly. I get up in the morning, get ready for school, go and while the class is going on I think about my mother and how she is trampled and insulted and I want to cry! I look at the other children, they are happy! Their parents probably love and support each other, but mine don't. They have one excuse - "So that the children do not grow up without ... / mother / father /." It hurts me a lot! I want a loving family that supports each other, but alas ... God wanted me to cry at night instead of sleeping a sweet sleep in bed. Please, these days are a bad period of life, but how long does this period last? I don't want my mother to suffer ... She deserves better! But it's like talking on a wall ... What is this love she feels for a person who humiliates her? She is still young ... I care about her and I want a good life for her, but at this age how can I get her out of this hole and make her happy? I need time to realize myself, and until then she will get sick. I'm afraid! You think - "talk only about his mother, the father may be like that because of some factors" ... Please! This man comes home from work, she pours him food, cleans him, cooks for him, the man lives like a king and yet he does not appreciate her. I just ... I hate him! I don't want to get depressed, I need to know that there is someone next to me so that I can be next to my mother and sister! I'm alone! Sometimes the one who gives you support and comfort in this life ... Sometimes just ... He just needs such a life, because there are moments when he also cries and needs comfort! Advise me! And comments like "go to a psychologist, call child protection, don't you have grandparents" are blind to me. So please don't write them! I'm alone! Sometimes the one who gives you support and comfort in this life ... Sometimes just ... He just needs such a life, because there are moments when he cries and needs comfort! Advise me! And comments like "go to a psychologist, call child protection, don't you have grandparents" are blind to me. So please don't write them! I'm alone! Sometimes the one who gives you support and comfort in this life ... Sometimes just ... He just needs such a life, because there are moments when he also cries and needs comfort! Advise me! And comments like "go to a psychologist, call child protection, don't you have grandparents" are blind to me. So please don't write them!
Answers 10
Really, how do you imagine a divorce to happen? Do you have a place to live with your mother and support yourself? She doesn't think she hasn't considered a divorce a billion times. But why not decide? It is hardly out of love. Maybe she's afraid she won't be able to do without him? Do you have anyone to stand behind you? Does your mother have parents to support her or a brother and sister, friends? Maybe he is afraid of revenge and harassment? If she doesn't have enough money, might she think the court will let you live with him and she'll have to go out? Talk about these things with her.
Hi, I grew up a long time ago, but I went your way. With us the situation was the same, with the addition of alcohol and the fact that at one point mine retired and we had to put up with it around the clock. My mother did not have the courage to leave him for good until my sister and I became students. She just couldn't stay there alone. Why not do it earlier - fear, is will not be able to cope alone. Understand that when you are told every day how incompetent, stupid and incompetent you are, even more than 20 years, you begin to believe in your inability. You don't think you can handle raising two more children on your own. On the other hand, I'm sure your mother doesn't want to cause you anything that would lead to a divorce case. The divorce procedure is difficult, and when there are children even more. So she endures and will endure until you grow up. Your only salvation is to run away and not know where you are. Just if you split up and live in a city, imagine that you start chasing her? Your mother is very strong, but open her eyes to her strength.
If some logical recommendations are blind to you, then make a few videos when he is at his peak. When you already have several videos proving the abuse at home and that it affects the whole family, call the police at the next such fair. After she has already come at least once, you go and file a complaint against him and provide copies of the systematic harassment at home. If you do not have the necessary effect (forcible removal from home and restraining order), you send or go to the office of a news site and provide a copy of the complaint to the police and the video (evidence). The idea is to take him out of the house, because he is dangerous for your mother and you, he is mentally abusing you, which is no less than physical harassment. Your mother ... there is no need to try to make her see, she is mentally damaged, she will not do it. She needs psychotherapy for a longer period of time. But placed closely with evidence and in the event of a fait accompli, there is no way out but to remain silent, at least to help your father's deliverance. I am "crazy" enough to order a healthy fight before that, I could not imagine such a freak at home ... Good luck!
The only option is to divorce. She may be afraid that she will not be able to support you ... Talk to her, offer her a divorce. You do not write how old you are, but offer her, if she is afraid that there will be no money, when you grow up, to work on the weekend and help her. Press her to divorce. Show her what you wrote here.
Most families in our country are completely identical. Extreme everyday life. Those that survive in time are those that are subject to change, but few. Yours will last, but it will never be a family. Your mother has suffered physical and mental abuse, which is different or frightening, and your father presents it this time for reflection. Your mother was raised in a time when a woman's word had nothing to do with it. There is nothing you can do about it, you just have to be a factor. Don't let your father's aggression and malice fill your mind. Study, study hard, and if you ever go back, do it just to remind yourself what a family shouldn't be.
Justification "for the sake of children" is the most horrible crime these days. Try to explain to your mother that you do not have a father anyway and this situation is worse than with a missing one. Explain to her how bad you are and the depression she is causing you. If that doesn't make her move a finger, then I just don't have the words. In that case, you really have no choice but to get out of there with your sister and your mother to take care of herself. You can't help a person who doesn't want help.
"It's just that he needs such a life, because there are moments when he cries and needs comfort!" ------------------------ -------------------------------------------- Author, this is the answer to what is happening to you. You have come to the conclusion that he also needs comfort. You forget something very important that your father is a father, and the bad attitude of his relatives towards him causes this behavior. The responsibility for the family weighs on his shoulders. There must be a reason for his attitude, and as you describe the situation, it turns out that you are three women on his head, maybe always grumbling about something and blaming him for all your troubles. This is the fate of most men in these "modern times" because of the emancipation of the female sex. Maybe the man wanted to have a son as heir to continue his "
One day you will be glad that she did not leave him and you will appreciate her self-sacrifice. The children of divorcing parents receive much more trauma. When you grow up you will realize everything and look at things with different eyes. You will realize that despite all this situation, your mother survived for you and that the family is not just flowers and roses, and despite everything, yours have managed to keep it. Now, pray to God to stop this and try to talk to your father or show him that his behavior is disgusting to you, such as starting to break everything or punching him in the face. You can also write him a letter.
Number 8, you're talking nonsense. I am a child of divorced parents and I am glad that they did it early enough to avoid systemic cracks. When things returned to normal after the divorce, everything was ok.
I agree with No. 2. I am the daughter of an alcoholic who, although he did not shout or beat, was simply not a father and husband - he did not give money to the family, we lived with my grandmother and looked for him in pubs every night. My mother did not leave him. I left the family at the age of 18 and it was the best decision of my life. In my opinion, women like our mothers are weak creatures or are mentally and emotionally dependent. They just need to be the victims, the good ones. These mothers are the same kind of poisonous parent, but you don't realize it. She is 50% to blame for the environment in which you grow up, and as a young woman she also chose such a man. He will stay with him even if you move out. I personally realized that I could not help my parents, but it was better to learn from their mistakes. I was very careful in choosing a man - the complete opposite of my father - not licking alcohol, I went with him for 6 years before we lived together, we lived together for another 4 years before we got married and only 2 years after the marriage we had a child. In short, BE CAREFUL of what kind of man you choose, because I will not lie to you - children like us tend to choose men like our fathers or worse.