To a black corner, a black corner led me my way. There, in that darkness, I felt the cry, the agony of one's soul. I approached quickly and saw a girl on the floor I saw. She looked at me and she felt the pain in her soul. Her eyes were red, naive, childish, hurt. She's a weird, pretty girl, But why are you laughing, not singing like a bird I smelled blood running down my left and almost lifeless hand. With a knife she carved letters in the flesh "INSENSE" she wrote. A groan came from his tender mouth as if screaming, "I loved you, and you didn't even understand ..." I felt a breath beside me and saw a panting young man, tired. He fell to his knees beside her, leaning over her stop. He saw the wound with hot lips and kissed his left hand. A smile appeared in her heart when with bloody lips he, he kissed the pale face. He hugged the almost lifeless girl and returned the last smile on her face. The red blood touched the floor, and soon the girl was buried. The crushed young man hugged her for the last time and turned her knife to his body. I stood as if nailed in front of these bodies, the police came and unjustly doomed me to eternal darkness .. ATMTT What do you think?
Answers 15
Sad and strong, really! There are one or two mistakes, but we all make them. Otherwise, I really like the idea, and the title is exactly in my style. ~ sad-baby ~
It's great!!! It is very cruel.
I envy you for the optimism in life!
Writing poetry is much more than rhyming lines. Think about the meaning and the hidden messages ...
I agree with number 4. Also, choose your words more carefully. "Omatsala" does not go somehow in this register. "Spilled makeup" - there is no such phrase. It takes a lot of work on the rhythm, the rhyme is first class. I understand what the poem is about, but it doesn't touch me the way you intended it.
N4, hidden messages? !! Mu-ha-hah! If there are any in the specific text, they are inadvertently omitted, and one such example is "my windows are knocking!". Meaning? Forget and forgive ...
I liked it :) It was interesting, there was development and the end was unexpected.
1st - I'm 14 and I'm still developing my style. 2nd - there are hidden messages! 3rd - there is a phrase: "spread makeup", and I didn't think of anything else: D 4th - this is my first attempt to express my feelings through action, not literally. And the spelling mistakes are because I'm on the phone. From the Author pp: do not judge me without knowing my story
Thank you N: 7 The author
I imagine some torn muffin, sori .... Number 3, that killed me: D
First attempt? This is pretty good for a first try, at least in my opinion. Well done, you will become very good! ~ sad-baby ~
You wanted to know what we were thinking, didn't you? Here, we tell you. Don't be offended now. As your first experience, get inspired, read a lot of poetry and learn to feel the rhythm so you can apply it. Avoid clichés. These are the instructions I can give you :) Good luck! From number 5
Thanks for sharing your opinion! The author
It sounds to me like an excerpt from "Romeo and Juliet", this last part. Otherwise it is very good and yes, with an unexpected ending, it keeps you in tension, it made me tingle while reading, very, very strong !!! Angel4eto
Thanks to H14, the author