The story is trivial, but I can no longer burden my relatives, because they are tired of my fickle position on the relationship, and with each passing scandal I feel more and more confused and alone. Our relationship is like a train of horrors. When it's nice, it's wonderful, but when we fight, our communication is like between two crazy people, and worse - a lot of stupid people. He doesn't want to know what hurts me in his behavior and apologizes to stop the scandal after a while, but he never really regrets it. Even if I talk about where he went wrong and what I want to change, he seems to agree, but when a new reason for quarreling comes, his behavior is the same as every time. As if he is not the same person as he is angry - he insults, humiliates, annoys, shouts (quite illogical things, I don't know if he follows his own thoughts), he is aggressive even when he wants to get along after that - he hugs me by force, he doesn't let me go if I want to back off, but when he sees that I'm not behaving according to his expectations (to reconcile as if nothing had happened), he gets angry and the cycle starts all over again. And in such moments I need to talk, to discuss both mine and his mistakes, I have no desire for stupid caresses, and for him this is "peace". I've never called him, I've never insulted him, I admit that I never take the first step, but when he behaves like crazy, my instinct for storage is to shut myself in and think. He forgives himself terribly quickly, and as soon as he gets angry with him, the problem is over. It also hurts me, because if you love someone, it won't be so easy for you to get on with your life after hurting them.
No matter what I tell him or how I behave, he forgets about his actions and if I "dare" to complain about his behavior attacks me again. I went out a few times, but he immediately started praying and promising me that everything would change. I admit that until recently I really believed in this change. I don't know if I'm affected now or now is the time to start realizing that he's just a crazy person who's only good to me when he's in the mood. My question is, has anyone been in a similar situation and have you somehow managed to reach out to your partner to start a constructive conversation? What can I do to understand once and for all that Stockholm Syndrome is not a way of life and if he wants to have a partner he must learn to control himself? He is very convinced of my feelings at the moment and I think that is the main reason why I should not be taken seriously. I don't want to manipulate him,
Answers 12
Offff, isn't yours a Taurus? It's like describing mine, but I'm deeper than you. These people are not crazy, they are big manipulators and egocentrics! I'm going to be very angry if you don't leave this person now, it's a nasty character who will never change. Run now while you have the strength to get rid of and fight this man! Run!
You will not re-educate him. Get out of this poisonous relationship!
Rather, you have to think about how much longer you will live like this ...
Personally, I myself would not tolerate this, I tell you honestly. I've always hated excessive drama. I think that my relationship is to feel GOOD with the person and to support each other, not to be a problem for each other. These are some children's stories or from immature and unstable brains. I would not deal with such a person.
I read the beginning. I want to tell you that an adult can't change. And if it can be minimal.
If you want to change the circumstances around you for the better, you must first change yourself for the better, become patient, undemanding, understanding, forgiving, and so on. If you want the world to change to suit your soul, this will not happen and you will be constantly disappointed and bitter. It's hard and I know it may not be easy for you, but you have to remember this: "You're not special." If you can realize it, understand it and it humbles you, then you can change things for the better.
Aggression and you are still without problems and commitments, tomorrow with 2 children, loans and real life .... watch the news there are many interesting examples. The problem is not in him, but in you. Because common coexistence is not roses but a series of responsibilities and problems. When these problems are garnished with real ones, you will sober up to reality, whatever they write to you will not change anything. Analyze your behavior, his.
From the author: to 7: Yes, this is the thing that worries me the most about the future. After children, I will be even more "attached" and then he will be even more impudent. But what do you mean by my behavior? Because I allow it, or because I choose such a relationship, or do I provoke it? to 1: the zodiac sign is a psychopath if you ask me ... such are beyond the moon and the stars ... up to 4: I would write such a comment if I were on the sidelines ... until before this relationship I thought in exactly the same way and so I spoke to my friends si .. but you never know how you can fall into the trap of a predator.
from the author: And of course I don't want a separation, otherwise I wouldn't be writing here .. I love our good moments together, and I see potential as funny as it sounds ... I want to reach it so that it can be seen through my eyes, but I don't know how, I'm powerless ... and physically and mentally he prevails over me, and I don't want to be against him, but with him.
Up to 6 And you are not special to tell people how to bow their heads to oligophrenics, the world will not change because you said so
Yes!!! I was in a similar situation, only I was subjected to domestic violence by the man, and about the one-on-one attitude with what you described. There was peace only when man wanted peace, there was drama when he decided. At one point, the harassment became daily, that we were even engaged !! How did I escape? After another fight over me, I waited in the morning with tears, I recovered as if I was going to work, the man did not suspect anything, of course, when he went to work HE, I had already contacted my relative. All my luggage was packed, everything, so that I had nothing to go back to so I wouldn't see it, and God forbid it beat me. Now I live a new life, I realized how good it is without drama, without a person who likes to pick on my every word and look for an opportunity to take my soul. You are right - this is Stockholm Syndrome. Run while you can, because I guarantee you will start beating you, it's only a matter of time. "... he's just a crazy person who's good to me only when he's in the mood." I will ask you from the position of a person who has endured and experienced a lot / a month ago I ran away from the abuser /, how can you even think about a constructive conversation ???
There will be none! Understand !!! These are deeply complex people who "turn", use their complexes on another person. It will get worse if you stay. Then you will regret why you were patient. I can't believe for myself how good I feel that I'm not with this person who did me a lot of atrocities, but I gathered courage and left. I will repeat again - he will not change, even if you change in some way / but I do not think that you are the person who needs change /, and you need to get out of there. These are very toxic and destructive relationships. This individual is drinking from your life, dear girl. Collect your thoughts, realize sooner ... It's like reading part of my horror. Please save it. It will get worse over time. This is not a normal relationship between two people who seem to love each other. It will be disappointing if you stay with him. Write again what is happening. ~ EL
From 6 to 10 - I know I'm not special but you don't know that either! Change starts with you, if you just complain about others and are dissatisfied, nothing will change except you become more and more bitter and unhappy! You can be BITTER or BETTER!