Hello! I decided to share my story here because I really need someone to share their experience in similar situations and if they can give me advice. I have been with my friend for 5 years. We had many difficult moments, we were in terrible situations, but we always managed in the end and our relationship survived. In the last 1-2 years our relations have smoothed out a lot, we no longer have arguments, of course I am quite well with some exceptions. But these exceptions are likely to overturn the cart, because they are on many general issues. One problem is that he has a fear of attachment. Although so much time has passed since we were together, he often tries to defend his personal space, sometimes with harsh "measures". He repeats to me that he has no intention of committing permanently and if I want to do so I can look for another. I also don't want a wedding or anything like that right now. But I can't even explain it to him because he thought I wanted to "tie" him. It comes out as a kind of accusation that one day I want to have a family and children. The other problem is that he cares a lot about his career because he works in a prestigious and good company. Of course, I respect that and I try not to disturb him when he's busy, but sometimes I have the feeling that work is everything for him and if we have to separate because of that, he will do it on time. He tells me he loves me. But when it comes to work and money, he just becomes different. I also feel slight beginnings of indifference in him when we are not together, from which I suffer a lot. I'm working too. I like my job, but I wouldn't trade it for what we have with him after so many years together. I'm afraid, that this is a whirlpool that is yet to unfold. Maybe we should break up in spite of everything before it's too late, even though it may have already happened. What can I do, help me ! :(
Answers 8
Really difficult situation. This is a decision you have to make yourself. In order to have harmony, many compromises are needed. I understand you very well, because I am currently going through a very painful separation after 7 years of marriage. I hate sections and I think you will be able to find the right path to each other, because from what I read your situation is not inescapable. I hope that by the time I write these lines, things have settled down. I'm squeezing your thumbs.
If he was my friend, I would leave him. But of course, you decide. My advice, if you are looking for one, is to "release" it, ie. not to feel attached to him internally. Let him go ... I suspect that what I'm telling you is not what you would like to hear, but I can advise you, look if you can, to free yourself internally and not be so dependent on him. For me, behaving like his is unworthy.
I would leave this one for a moment. I divorced after 15 years of marriage for the same reasons. I'm sorry I put up with it for so long and I was still hoping for something to get better, but it was getting worse. And when the children appeared, it became completely impossible.
If he behaves like that now, imagine that one day, if you marry him, you will suffer. Still, you have to decide what to do, but my husband and I have been waiting for him for 5 years to change for these things, but alas, I am just waiting for him to last. So think carefully and make the right decision for you. Success !
Thank you for the advice! I thought and realized that I did not want to become a tortured and gray woman who has dedicated her life to WAITING for a man! And probably even if we can become a family one day, it will not be very successful if everything stays the same.
Don't push him to tie. First, ask yourself if you are happy with him after his job comes first. For me, this person has no personal life and if it really is so, I think you have no future together / it is a married couple /, but still if you want to be with him, start sharing his interests related to work. You can be friends, but for the rest ....... don't push him.
This one is selfish and if he is tight - run immediately! Do you have any idea what it's like to have children and a tight man? A nightmare! But even if it's not tight - are the men ready for a family over? They are not! So you can live for many more years and be caught by the critical one (and it is a disease and it also catches girls at the age of 25) and be left without children because of a selfish person.
if I were you I would leave him. You deserve a man who, even if he is overwhelmed with work, will find time in which he is only yours. Of course you decide this is just advice. Hurry while you still have time to find the right person. :)