Hello, I have been reading your forum for a few days and I sincerely laughed at some stories and thought deeply about others. I am writing you my story with the hope and expectation that you may respond with a similar experience, useful advice, or laugh at it, although it is not at all comical for me at the moment. I have been living abroad for 8 years, passing through 4 countries for the purpose of education, internships, work and education again. I often wonder if this does not confuse my ideas about the world and life. Radically, comparing the normalcy of life, for example, in a big city in Bulgaria, or just one city in Western Europe, I say again I have moved 12 times in the last 2 years, so get, lodging, work, internships and an episode of depression. This is done by me and only me without physical and financial help from family or friend (s). You say, don't you study, how do you have no income, my direction is quite difficult and competitive (there just aren't many places, and if there are, in most cases they are for locals) for realization, I don't want to separate from it, but if it continues like that I can think about changing my profession. Let's say this is my first question, do you think my head is fundamentally confused after a lot of ambition (and probably, now I appreciate, not so great opportunities / abilities) and the constant pursuit of better horizons (I want to say that I was also forced by the circumstances / non-renewal of the contract for example) ? They say that in order to solve the problem you have to define it. As I write this story, I try to do this, for myself and for you, so that you understand me better. Like many others, I went through periods of adaptation, depression (periods according to the circumstances, but there were a few strong monthly episodes, similar to those described in other foreign student stories, culture shock, lack of stability, money and one hope that you will prove yourself and shoot yourself forward in life). I finished with good grades, even very good ones (ok, I wasn't in the top 3, but at least the top 10 in the class), I had internships, I started working, then I started studying again. Now, at the age of 27, the motivation and the unbearable stunts I undertake to afford this education come to me much, much more. My question is, do you think all this is too much? That the competition is huge and I have to move forward and keep going, even though 90% of my time is hard with small moments of satisfaction and personal happiness, very small. Do you think that if I had developed in Bulgaria the competition in proportion to the efforts, which I put would be smaller and the development professionally faster (I had a proposal for Bulgaria, which I refused because I did not want to be in a chalga type environment, I know, you will say that everyone chooses, maybe I was wrong then) Maybe at the moment , and for almost a year and a half it has been hellishly difficult for me and I think if my life would be easier and happier at home? Maybe there is more than one problem, that is, misfortune never comes alone, as the Germans say. Without emphasizing to create a general picture, I will say that I am nice and I have not felt a lack of male attention. I have been alone for 3 years after I ended, say, a promising, good and secure relationship of my choice, mainly because of the feeling that I grew up a lot (personally as an adult, well, my boyfriend was local and did not experience much of my obstacles ,, which in turn made me stronger and more able to cope with life, and also in that period I grew professionally quite strongly). Now the roles have been reversed and I think I'm alone and lonely and it's quite difficult for me again, and he developed slowly, gradually and surely, typically in German. I mention it because it is an important part of my story in terms of emotionality and level of security (deceptive or not, there is no security, it is a concept of consciousness in my opinion). After him, short contacts without much content, it is not easy to find a quality person, especially in the multicultural city where I live now is a collection of lame and crippled, apologizing for the politically incorrect Bulgarian tale. The question here is, is the fact that I don't have a friend a fundamental prerequisite for my wandering and difficulties, even professionally, or am I just fantasizing? I hope I haven't bored you too much! As is clear from my story, I have no close friends to share with, otherwise I probably wouldn't have written here. We missed many of them, some on my own, some on their "fault". So, now I'm lonely, alone (being alone is not a problem for me, everyone is alone, but I have the feeling that too often I lose ground under my feet and my goals and motivations are blurred, so lonely, lonely without my own confidence and spark and steadfastness that guided me and faith in myself). Ok, last question, lately at some point I think I live in a huge bubble that has nothing to do with reality, that my opinion of myself and the normal way of life is just my own and "normalcy" and reality far from seeming so.
Answers 13
If you are in Western Europe, there are 'reserved territories and professions' for the locals. For example, they will not let you be a diplomat, banker, politician, journalist, etc. They are for the locals. For foreigners, there are professions in which a lot is studied, such as a doctorate, computers, engineering, accounting, and the locals do not want them. You do not say what your profession is, but if it is preferred by the locals, you will always be in a bad position. So find out what professions are in demand in the local market and work them. For the local man, you had to keep it. Not to compete with him. It was hard for you and you put it on him. It is not his fault that he is local, that his parents and grandparents fought for a good life and achieved it. Unlike our parents and grandparents. In general, realize that you are in a foreign country, where whatever comes to you, you are a foreigner. Realize who you are and what you want. And also whether it is realistic. Success!
Let me just add that if you want to be married according to your abilities, it is better to try yourself in the USA and other emigrant countries.
Hello! You don't say in your story what you want yourself. I saw only one ambition - but for what - for a better job? for more money? for approval? What does your ambition mean - what are your real goals - what do you want your life to be like. You need to understand exactly what you want, but specifically about work, man, place of residence. Make this choice according to your experience so far - you already know what you like, what - no, what you are good at, what - not so good. Inside you know what you need. I think you work with stereotypes, for which you are not right. In Bulgaria it is not only "chalga", as you put it. Be careful with judgments, do not be prejudiced, because life will constantly disprove you. It is important to have academic knowledge, but it is also important to have life knowledge. It is also more important to deal with yourself. He doesn't think so much about specializations, about studying, about learning. The reason for your depression, in my opinion, is in the wrong approach to people. You have allowed many people to come out of your life. Do not waste contacts lightly. Start with small goals - the little things you want to do. Appreciate every success - even if it is minimal. Analyze every failure - professional or personal. Otherwise you can't move forward. Feelings of dissatisfaction haunt you because, as you said, your expectations collide with reality. Which of them can you change? Both! You have lost yourself - you will find yourself, but you understand that you can't drive it like that. You need to stop and think about what you are actually doing, what the consequences are - causes - effect - solution. Success! You have allowed many people to come out of your life. Do not waste contacts lightly. Start with small goals - the little things you want to do. Appreciate every success - even if it is minimal. Analyze every failure - professional or personal. Otherwise you can't move forward. Feelings of dissatisfaction haunt you because, as you said, your expectations collide with reality. Which of them can you change? Both! You have lost yourself - you will find yourself, but you understand that you can't drive it like that. You need to stop and think about what you are actually doing, what the consequences are - causes - effect - solution. Success! You have allowed many people to come out of your life. Do not waste contacts lightly. Start with small goals - the little things you want to do. Appreciate every success - even if it is minimal. Analyze every failure - professional or personal. Otherwise you can't move forward. Feelings of dissatisfaction haunt you because, as you said, your expectations collide with reality. Which of them can you change? Both! You have lost yourself - you will find yourself, but you understand that you can't drive it like that. You have to stop and think about what you are actually doing, what are the consequences - causes - effect - solution. Success! Analyze every failure - professional or personal. Otherwise you can't move forward. The feeling of dissatisfaction haunts you because, as you said, your expectations collide with reality. Which of them can you change? Both! You have lost yourself - you will find yourself, but you understand that you can't drive it like that. You need to stop and think about what you are actually doing, what the consequences are - causes - effect - solution. Success! Analyze every failure - professional or personal. Otherwise you can't move forward. Feelings of dissatisfaction haunt you because, as you said, your expectations collide with reality. Which of them can you change? Both! You have lost yourself - you will find yourself, but you understand that you can't drive it like that. You have to stop and think about what you are actually doing, what are the consequences - causes - effect - solution. Success!
Stay where you are, search and develop, you will always find someone.
From the Author: Thank you very much for the answers. I start with an explanation: N. 1 Yes, I am in Western Europe and of course you have to be better than here to be offered the position. Diplomacy here is related to belonging to the state, there are a lot of foreigners bankers, I'm in the social sciences, there are also, but you have to be one of the best, yes. For the man, my idea with him was not whether he was local or not, whether this person like me is developing, do we have common plans if he wants to buy a house and go to work from 8-5, and I I have entered the meat grinder, so I am looking for high horizons (and if I don't look for them, you will say a blind careerist, there is no great chance of a middle position, they are occupied by the locals, who don't have to work so hard). For the race, I definitely consider it a mistake, before I thought they were racing, and I think I was, to a large extent. H 2. I agree in general about the United States, but I feel like a European, the way of life and work there are quite unattractive to me, if you do not have the motivation to give 100% there is no point. To 5. Thank you very much for the comment. The ambition to achieve professional recognition in my life, to support myself calmly. It is very important to be stable and balanced and finally, as a consequence of the former, to have a person next to me who has similar understandings and to build a harmonious environment. Regarding the stereotypes, they are an easy way to summarize and point out the problem, in this case, of course, that in Bulgaria it is not "just chalga". (I don't mean the music, but the upbringing, the model of thinking, especially of the young, which it imposes!) My family lives there and none of them have anything to do with this environment. They seem to be one of the exceptions. One of my main motives for leaving was that I want to see a more developed and mature society (again, in general, there is of course a lot of scum) You're right, open-mindedness is key, I've been trying to open my mind for so many years and here it is there are still quite a few provincial elements. I agree that the focus should be on me now. The specialization will go anyway. Indeed, many people have come out of my life. Largely because, typically as a child, I have tried to change them and I have been angry if they do not accept my ideas and values, which I thought were the right ones, mainly P. Dissatisfaction or dissatisfaction with what you have on the one hand is good in small doses, leads you to the next step. For me, it seems to have derailed for my own capabilities at the moment. To 5. Thanks, the development does not stop, and so does the demand. Finding just someone is not difficult, I wish this was not the case. Thank you again, you left the feeling that I am not alone in these thoughts !!!
Nowhere is life normal, or at least for you it should be like that, if you do not seek professional help. I am writing the above absolutely in good faith, the writers here can hardly help you.
The mistake of the Western world, and not only that, is that they pursue a career all the time and it consumes their whole life..the thought of family and children is not a priority ... that's why natural growth is so low, they have problems with birth and so on further ... in my opinion we are in this world not to work tirelessly all our lives as robots .. namely to leave something behind, but everyone has their own point of view on the issue :)
by the Author / N.9 Thanks for the opinion! I share the view that a person is here to develop in a complex way - as a person, a professional, a mother / father and to leave something behind. And yet we live in a competitive world, not only in the west, but also in the east, and the moment comes when we have to pay the bills at the end of the month and what it depends on the work ... Realization is not only a choice, it is a necessity, especially if one does not have a "back". How much and in what direction you choose to grow is another matter, and age and life experience are also factors. There is no universal recipe. However, the people who contribute, create and motivate progress are those who develop professionally and at the same time personally, I'm not saying that I'm necessarily one of them, but I certainly admire them. Considering our mentality of "now now" - "slowly" as the Greeks say. It also has its place in the world.
Your main problem in general is that you think of yourself as something more than the others, without any sign of it. It would not be easier or happier for you in Bulgaria. Here the effort to achieve something will be less likely, but the environment in which you have to achieve it will burden you a lot more. Not because it is a "chalga" environment. In the west it is the same chalgia, but here it is more burdensome that they consider themselves untouchable and are very impudent "successful". Come to think of it, you could fit in. There is no normal person who will treat their relationships according to how "grown" or not their partner is. But looking at the western picture, there is something normal already. One kind and relationships and marriage are nothing more than contractual relationships. Well then live on anti-depressants and regular visits to psychologists, but the important thing is that they "succeeded". If this "succeeded" made them happy, most would not be on the pill or ask questions like "why am I not happy". Everyone is very smart and educated, and so most can not realize that life from work in bed and back to work and here and there learning is the last thing that can make a person happy. There are very few who do what they want because it does not bring enough money. And they have to fit into the standard - the more money you make, the more "successful" you are. Well, those who make the most money are the lowest scum scammers. If they are their ideal for life, to be alive and healthy. You ultimately decide what you want. Whether you do what you really like, where you like it - then you will not roar that it is difficult for you.
N. 8 / If by professional help you mean a psychiatrist, I had consultations, his words were "who did not enter the office, I did not diagnose him": D In our world, if you can afford time and finances psychologist I think that it is almost mandatory for internal balance. At least from time to time. If you can clarify where you see normalcy and abnormality in the story, it will be great. N. 11 / Thank you for the direct and sincere answer! I think that each of us at one time or another had "for more" at some point, where deserved, where not. After all, there are grades, classes, layers, etc. I remember banal and stupid obvious examples, branded clothes, expensive cars, isn't this a possession for more and a highlight of status? Neither of them seduced me, rather, my position in society on the basis of my merits as a student and as a worker. I am first and foremost a spiritual person and on the surface someone can make it so, based on my own sense of complex that I have more, I also thought of other people to have more, if I judged objectively that they have something I want and don't have. Well, I don't have myself, the more I learn, the more I understand how much capacity there is above me and I humble myself. Maybe when I was 18 I thought I would conquer the world and I was 100% sure of that, there was just no other way, then maybe I was for more than someone for example who decided to finish school and enjoy life. . Now I'm just telling myself different people, different ideals, maybe they found the recipe. For the relationship, it wasn't success, and the driving force that determined the way of thinking, the priorities, what is important to me, how I behave in my daily life, where I want to live, what compromises I am ready to make ... My driving force to stay above the water here is such, that I have to be better, more understanding and stronger than my western colleagues, otherwise I can go directly to serve, not that I haven't done it enough. The boy was on stage, I am buying a house, I have a profession, a car, I live relatively well and I am secure in the countryside, well, but I took a risk, traveled, applied with all my might in 100 places, if I had started this life I would always have I'm sorry. I would never know what it was and what it was like to manage on my own and I would not touch my dreams. Never. I'm not even talking about any peaks. Last but not least, I'm not a corporate banker, I do social sciences. Is it bad to want to have your place as a woman and as a foreigner, maybe I should add, without the possibility of financial support from family, family, etc., it seems that both (woman, foreigner) are a prerequisite for discrimination, but still, nobody cares, work harder. If you are not striving for this, in what century do we remain in our thinking?
Your self-esteem is too high. That's all your problem. Hence the wandering and the inability to make a normal decision for yourself. In fact, only a wayward person can seek to find himself at 27.
From 11 - The question is not what you have and what you do not have, but how you treat people. From what is described in the story about the friends / German, I guess I'm not the only one left with the impression that you have something more based on what you have achieved or what your ambitions are, and it's kind of not worth wasting time with them. It is very likely not so, but what is written leaves a similar impression. And here we don't have more :) In general, however, it seems to me that the problem is rather that you yourself are no longer sure whether the professional realization is so a priority. You already know what price to pay for it - loneliness and lack of privacy and freedom, and obviously you get more. And no, it's not easier for men / foreigners. What you are going through at the moment, every average man / foreigner who has had to achieve something in life alone, without mom kneading and dad carrying, has passed or is passing. The peaks are lonely. That's why it's good to be sure that you are really ready to sacrifice your personal life for the sake of professional success - only he will be your company at the top, if you reach it. Of course, there are exceptions, but they are enough to confirm the rule. In general, few people are so in love with what they do. Most, no matter how sweet and worn out, are like the image in Jerry Maguire - they do not find much meaning in any success if there is no one to share it with. Usually men suffer such deprivation only because of the woman next to them or simply because of the social status that gives them more choice among women (for many of whom status is the leading criterion). See why "modern" women are forced to deprive themselves, I have no idea. For me personally, a working woman who can support herself and do something she enjoys has found her place in the world. But basically I'm one of those people for whom peace of mind and enjoying life is much more important than making money you can't spend if you don't flaunt your status and be successful. After all, it's important to do what draws you to life. If you are drawn to fight the competition and prove to whom you see that you are the best, there is nothing wrong. But most who do, do so almost out of obligation and for human opinion. That's why they end up on sedatives, drugs, alcohol and the like. So it will be good to know if you really need this realization so much, according to whose criteria you are trying to achieve it, and if you are ready to pay the right price. There is no point in justifying yourself with discrimination, that there is no one to get you to the top or of the sort. After all, the only questions that matter are - What you can't live without, and what you're willing to sacrifice for the comforts you can do without, but want in your life.
To the author, don't listen to them. I understand what you mean by growing up. I am a bit in a similar situation with ambitions, but not directed in a certain direction. I can't give advice about that. Have confidence. It is normal to look for cultured, educated people. However, they are not often found: D Good luck!