Hello! I don't know how to describe my problem, but I will try. We have been together for about 5 years, we are both 27. For a long time I began to have extremely mixed feelings about our relationship, caused by various events, from my and his behavior, from our characters. The truth is that we do not understand each other very well - we are complete opposites, but we have had many good moments together. The thing is: I have no straightforward feelings for him. And by that I mean that they change in hours - from strong affection, affection and a frantic desire to be together to a lack of any interest, ignoring, thoughts of revenge and how to hurt him. From the sweetest and most caring, I become a nasty harpy with an extremely vicious tongue. I can't control myself, I can't and I don't want to hide my feelings. It doesn't have to be something that happened, it is enough to remember past events and I start to wonder how bad the situation is, how I will return it to him, etc. In the morning I just want to hug him and be by my side, after a few hours it starts again and so on. I turn 180 degrees several times a day. I don't want to blame him and make me cry like a lily of the valley, but I think he started provoking this behavior in me from the very beginning of our relationship - he left me for his friends, he looked at other women in my presence, used drugs (rarely), petty lies, etc. I am sensitive to these topics and get hot very easily. Talks did not help, and this continues to this day, although there has been some progress. Please don't think he's a wild country boy and I went with a "bad boy" because normal people are crazy and so on. Not like that on the contrary - a disturbing book rat and nerd, he is working on his doctorate, I am his second. Needless to say, this affects both of us. I am disgusted with myself and my indecision. I've been thinking for a long time that I'm not quite right. Am I sick of something? It is not normal to gravitate like this in very different moods. I want to dwell on one decision and stick to it - to be together or to separate. It is very painful. Thanks! I want to dwell on one decision and stick to it - to be together or to separate. It is very painful. Thanks! I want to dwell on one decision and stick to it - to be together or to separate. It is very painful. Thanks!
Answers 12
Go to the doctor, you probably have hormonal problems. It is not normal for him not to do anything special, and during this time you change your attitude towards him 2-3 times.
You're sick, yes. Mentally ill people like you need to be treated. Pay attention now, before it's too late, I'm telling you quite seriously. This is a pure bi-polar disorder. Brother.
As an indecisive person and a person of internal contradictions and opposites, let me tell you that I understand you and that I do not think you are abnormal. I'm not a relationship specialist, but I hope to be useful. How does he treat you? From his behavior and your attitude, can you say that he is serious, that he wants to be with you or for him it is just a relationship - maybe with you and maybe without you. How does he react to changes in your mood and attitude? If you are complete opposites and most of the time you don't understand each other, don't you want to have another kind of relationship that lacks all that tension? Is he your man? If you want to have a family, children, etc., can you imagine this life with him? I don't know if these questions can help you clarify the situation. The questions are only for you and we who read and comment do not need to know your answers.
Nasty harpy, you call ...
Have you had any hormonal tests recently? What you are describing screams a hormonal imbalance. Please consult an endocrinologist - just briefly describe to him the symptoms you shared with us.
Apparently this man hurt you a lot and in no way managed to solve the problems or stop harassing you. Thus, your love for him, which is obviously a fact, is already beginning to be overwhelmed by bitterness, insult and aggression. You haven't been able to accept him as he is (and you shouldn't when he hurts you), and he hasn't been able to take care of your feelings. It has happened to me to feel such feelings in waves towards a man whom I loved very much, but I never realized what he was doing to me with his actions. Accordingly, my advice would be to separate and see how this will affect you. Otherwise, I think your hatred will grow until it takes over. And if you really love each other, time away from each other can help you rethink some things.
Procrastination is not the solution to the problem, and you have procrastinated for too long. The relationship ends like anything else. If a relationship doesn't make you happy, you have to end it. And you definitely don't sound like a happy and satisfied person to me. Whether you are in order or not, as you write, I do not know, I do not make diagnoses, especially as I do not know the person personally. I am not a judge of anyone, to say which of you is bad and which is good. In each there are both, there are contradictions, but I think you are very critical of yourself, and when evaluating it you somehow blur things out. Not only among the rural fathers, but also in the scientific circles there are quite a few scoundrels, I have worked in an institute and I have seen simple scientists. I don't see a perspective in front of you, how many years do you plan to move from one extreme to another, while time flies? In your place, at least, I would go somewhere alone - on vacation, excursion, as a guest, to take a break from it for a while as soon as it irritates me so much and to calmly consider my decision. Separation is not as difficult a thing as we think, it is experienced and passed away like all other troubles. It is more painful to endure for years something that does not satisfy you.
In my opinion, go to a psychologist, your behavior is not normal, the meaning is a sharp change of mood.
Go to a psychiatrist. We are not doctors here, but it is clear that something is wrong in the head. Behavior of a mad woman. Run to the psychiatrist, I'll be in trouble if you want revenge. Ah, and bye-bye, you are to blame for everything, as long as you have endured and have not left it to this day. You have neither a child nor anything. He can hardly hold you. That's what I'm talking about - examine yourself. And another thing - 360 degrees is not 180, this is not one extreme in the other, as you try to describe us.
I am 28, I have not lived together for 3 years with my boyfriend. I'm bored with him. How so? Well, here it is - we see each other every day, our topics run out. This doesn't bother me very much, but I, like you, have different feelings for my friend - there are even days when I'm sorry we saw each other instead of lying down and clicking on the phone - yes, I'm more interested.
Hi, I find the comments they send to a psychiatrist quite rude. In principle, yes, a hormone test would not hurt, but you obviously have objective reasons for stress. You yourself share that there are past events that have deeply burned you and obviously you have not overcome the emotions generated in you. Your friend is equally responsible to you, even more so. In order to be with him for so many years and still hurt him, and to feel close, you obviously love him. But if for so many years you have not overcome the insults and disappointments of past things, obviously something is wrong in your communication, he does not take responsibility, you did not speak openly and with understanding ... I'm sorry, but I think your relationship has become in toxic. Think about parting before you actually drive each other crazy. I wish you success! Ž
Either you forgive and move on, or you leave. Such punishments for past events are completely meaningless.