Hello! For me, the situation is as follows - I have a friend of 7 years, but the relationship between us is no longer what it used to be. Somehow the "sweet" part of our relationship is missing. I soon met his colleague. I want to clarify that my friend is the boss of the boy in question. So, we met, we started going out once a week, my friend, my colleague and one of their mutual colleagues. It so happened that I fell for my colleague. When I talk to my friend, he usually sends me greetings and sometimes wants to hear me. We don't talk to him seriously, we joke in principle. I don't know if he likes me too or wants to hear me talk nonsense. I'm confused. When he sees me he says - I am very glad to see you or I am very glad to hear you. The last time he said, "I'm very happy to talk to you," and he laughed. I told him - I didn't understand that, and he answered me - because I'm hiding. How does that sound to you Does he like me too or were his words just a stone thrown into the big lake?!?!? It happens to touch me by patting me on the shoulder or back. He looks at me, smiles. Sometimes, however, he is serious, a little nervous and a little grumpy. I don't know what to think. I don't think he will do anything. I want to know if he has something to do with me. When he sees me, he smiles at me, tells me that I like him, that I'm very cool, makes various nice gestures. He is too secretive and delicate, perhaps hurt by women, and is now quite careful. How do I know if he feels something when we see each other? He had started calling me on the phone more often / 1-2 times a week /. The last time he called, his colleague called on the other phone at the same time. I want to note that she also falls for him, has a child and is 6 years older than him. He hung up. I told him "if you want us to finish so that there is no talk, then I should be guilty" / possibly if he tells her that he is talking to me /. Then he told me "I don't have to call anyone" and he really hasn't called since. Yesterday, as he works in the same room with my friend, I sent him a text message that read "is it convenient to call?". He called me and said "what is this sms, you pick up the phone and call". As far as I understand, he didn't tell my friend (he wasn't in the room) and that's fine. I don't know if I offended him with something when he called. What can I do, am I guilty of wanting to be with him? A few days ago I went to the company where he and my friend work. The two of us (my colleague and I) stayed alone in the room. I asked him to look at something on the computer. He came. I was sitting, and he passed behind me and began to rub me gently on the back. At that moment, my friend came in and the colleague jerked away. My boyfriend didn't see anything because it all happened too fast. His colleague is a really great person, believe me! I know he won't do anything, because this is about his job, and it's about my friend. Maybe I'm the person who should take the first step. But what should it be?!? I found out that the colleague is registered on a dating site, where he is actually looking for a girlfriend. Horror! Please give me advice - I want to be closer to him, to call me again. What to do? Would it be convenient to ask him about coffee now? but by phone / so that there is no evidence / or will it be audacity on my part? Or how do I get him to invite me for coffee? Is there a way to know if there is something to me? I think about him all the time! I wonder if there is a difference in falling in love between a man and a woman? Do men have the same feelings as us? Thank you!
Answers 13
It's not easy for you, but think carefully about what exactly you want from this person - flirting, relationship, fun ... And think about what you look like in the eyes of this colleague - you have a serious relationship for 7 years and flirt. Wouldn't he think you wanted to cheat on your friend only once with him? My advice is to talk to this boy about exactly how you feel and to hear his opinion.
He seems to want to tell you "I want to fuck you", and that's what you want
If you know under what name and on which chat site you can find it and get to know each other, without of course knowing that it is you, you can make more than one registration and try it as supposedly different women. And whether it is right or not, I can not say anything, I have no experience, let someone else help with advice :)
Please give me advice, I'm confused and don't know what to do?
I advise you not to get involved. It would be mean behind your friend's back. Maybe if you break up with him ... then something can happen.
Yes, I'm flirting because I'm missing something. Attention, tenderness, concern ... over time, the relationship takes place without emotions, kind gestures, without thrill. In short, routine and habit ... It's not about sex - it's the easiest. I want to know what he thinks of me, how he perceives me, what he possibly wants from me. It will be embarrassing for me to stand next to him and ask him, "Excuse me, but what about me? Are you approving of my relationship with you?" Somehow it doesn't work. According to the gestures I described to you, does he only want sex?!? I want to start talking on the phone often again, I miss him ... I constantly think about him, what he does, how it is ... it's hard ...
If your friend doesn't have a thrill, what else do you do with him? Why should you cheat on him, act behind his back? You saw that your relationship has no future - break up with him. Maybe then your colleague will do something. Otherwise, I guess that's what stops him from taking you more seriously. You're not going to take your boyfriend's boyfriend off, are you? Because the moment your friend finds out, your colleague will be a passenger from this company.
Nonsense, №5. It was mean, wasn't it mean to be with someone and think and long for someone else? For me, the relationship is exhausted, and the boyfriend's colleague, of course, is worried about taking the first step. How does he know how you feel about your boyfriend, who is, after all, his boss? These light jokes, the rubbing on the back, and the particularly abrupt withdrawal - if it was an innocent gesture, he wouldn't be bothered by your boyfriend. When we feel bad we react in one way, and when we are not in another. My advice to a sufficiently experienced woman is for you to take the first step. But of course it's not wrong to ask if he likes you, if he's looking for connections, etc. Just invite him for coffee and share that you feel insecure about your feelings for your boyfriend, but for example that you don't know how to tell him. In short, let him know that you are not emotionally engaged. This will make him bolder and more determined, because at the moment he thinks that you are engaged to a colleague with whom you work. As for what he wants - it's normal to want sex, but why do you think he only wants that? You haven't had enough contact and the fact that you're attracting him is clear, and it's too early to know if he just wants sex.
Are you sure that your colleague will give you what you lack and in time you will not find yourself on the beach again with the drilled trough and calling the goldfish? If so, be fair to your boyfriend and break up with him honestly - seven years of relationship is reason enough. And won't the new relationship cause you trouble at work, given the triangle you've formed? Winnie the Pooh
Because he asked what his gestures meant - Emmy to tell you directly - He only wants sex! And from your feelings I understand that you are ready for this, nooooo do not expect more from such a relationship. You can expect more trouble from me if you ask ...
Number 8, I really liked your comment, thanks! It strikes me that when my friend is around, he behaves in one way and when he is not in another. Well, yes - normal. Until №9 - I do not work with my colleague and friend. There may be some friction, but I don't think we can still talk about a love triangle. In my opinion, his gestures do not only mean a desire for sex. Why do you think so? Because of the rubbing on the back? What then should be his actions and gestures to show that he is interested, that he has something to do with me ... and not just sex?!? As № 8 said - it is normal to want it if you really like someone. I wanted to know if he felt anything for me? Towards № 8 - I can't muster the courage to invite him for coffee. I don't know what he will think. He is a very delicate person and does not share much.
Now I'm going to give you some advice and I want you to tell me what happened next. So he is the following - sit down and talk to your friend and tell him how you feel and what you miss now. Let's see then how he will act, how he will react and what he will say. Try it, you will be surprised. You need two people to talk and share. Write if you did what followed !!!!! I will wait.
To be honest, my friend probably feels what's going on, ie that my feelings are no longer the same. I started to accept him more as a FRIEND, not a boyfriend. The thrill is gone, it's not the same. Longing, passion, desire fade away over time. He loves me very much and cares for me. I hold on to him too, but the feelings ... are different. Very naughty situation! My thoughts are now directed in another direction - to the colleague. I'm sure you'll all blame me now, won't you? I keep thinking why did you stop calling? Maybe I shouldn't have told him one last time "to end the conversation, not to start talking and to be to blame later." I want to hear it, I miss him ... He may not deliberately call to show that "he is not obliged to call anyone." What to do? I keep wondering what he thinks of me, does he want to see me, does he want to hear me?!? How do I know all this? In your opinion, if the colleague wanted to be with me, how would he show it? What actions, gestures ... I don't know how much longer this will last!