Hello. I want to share my story with you and hear your opinion. I'm 26, my girlfriend is 23. We met on Facebook, and we've been together for almost 2 years. In the beginning we were just friends and nothing more. At the moment she wants us to live together, and talks about children and family. But, at the moment I am a student of "Finance part-time, improving my English, and I am unemployed. I have savings from my previous job and I am in the process of changing the city and looking for a more qualified job. That is, I can not offer what he wants she at the moment because I think I'm not financially stable to offer a family to the girl next to me. Even the thought that a child may appear scares me terribly. Not that I don't want to, on the contrary, but how will I support him with a ridiculous salary from 600-800 BGN How will I offer him a good future, home, conditions to grow and so on ..!? The other thing that bothers me is that the constant pressure from her to live together somehow pulled me away from her, and she is not a bad person. But I just kind of look at the material, and it is not what I think is not very common nowadays. Otherwise, she is beautiful, smart, educated and works as a primary school teacher. He is also studying for a master's degree. As a person she is very good, but at the same time very jealous. I would even say that it suffocates me at times. I will give an example: because, I had to add a colleague from the university to send me lectures. She asked me the question why am I adding her? !! And do I need it? I removed it naturally, but the same thing happened in a group where my colleagues and I help each other. No, I like pictures of other girls, even acquaintances, because she doesn't like it. I don't have the right to go out for coffee with my colleagues if there are girls. We share the transport to the university with one of the girls, and she told me that she no longer wanted this girl to travel with me because she was uncomfortable. And I would betray me, on the contrary, this is base for me. It just kind of burdens me that he doesn't believe me. Constant explanations of what I did and why make me tired. Somehow I stopped caring and if we see each other, I don't miss him as much as before. Sometimes I act like a complete nerd and I realize that it hurts her. I began to think about how I would manage on my own, what I should do and achieve in life in order to become more financially stable and to be able to offer the woman next to me a better life. I don't want to be a millionaire, I just want to offer the best I can one day if I have children, because I grew up in misery and with an alcoholic father. Which also kept my mother in front of my eyes, but that doesn't matter. It is important what I do so that I do not become one. This girl has helped me a lot in my life, and I don't want to break up. A year ago, I developed a panic disorder due to the constant stress of work and lack of money. She was next to me. He didn't leave me for a moment during the nasty times. Lately, we've been arguing all the time over her unreasonable jealousy, even last night she cried when we argued and said she only wanted me. Somehow I feel obligated to be with her because she helped me in a difficult time for me. But, I also think that my feelings are not the same as before and I have somehow cooled down towards her and I don't know what to do. If I leave her, I'll hurt her a hell of a lot and she doesn't deserve it. But, on the other hand, somehow I don't know whether to continue blindly as I'm not sure of my feelings. Share your opinion. Thanks in advance.
Answers 13
* You should have shared this with her, not with us. Understand yourself as a great person, don't stop being honest just because it will "hurt" her. * Yes, I am of the same opinion as you, you should not have children if: * You have not lived together for at least 1 year. * You are not financially secured. * You do not trust yourself. * Do not compromise. * Love is gone. * To change the current situation, just tell her in private, if she doesn't understand a word, you decide for yourself whether to accelerate or stay in the same position. * She must accept that there will always be a female presence next to you, whether at work, at university, or involuntarily on the street. This sick jealousy must have been unlocked from somewhere, help her overcome it, if she can't, it's already her problem. * I hope you get better. -Maryan
If you leave her, you will do her a favor. Against the background of the fact that you are unemployed, BGN 600-800 are not funny at all. On top of that, you have childhood traumas and you can't help but be affected. And the fact that you only think about money is not a plus for you either, but you will understand it later in your life.
What family with this mentally unbalanced woman? Jealousy is a disease. He will forbid you to walk the streets and work in a company where there are women. It will start to scare you with suicide, just wait if you have nerves. Break and move forward, according to your ideas. If you do not have a match for the vision for the near future - you do not have one.
Hello. I am familiar with the situation with starting a family, because I am in a similar situation. At 25 I have a master's degree for a year, but I am currently unemployed, my friend runs his own computer repair company and whatever he earns, except for food, bills and a car, goes to the company. I have saved about BGN 1,500 and these are all the funds we have. We have been together with my friend for 2 years and I live with him, (there are only two of us) I want to get married and then have a family, but before that we have to make major repairs to the small apartment we are in, which will not happen soon. I have acquaintances who are already mothers and after the baby appears, I understand that they took out a loan because of him, and this cannot happen with us. We want to rely on ourselves and have our own resources. We make plans to stabilize financially in a few years. We live in Tarnovo, and here you get BGN 400-500 net. I have read in various forums that there is no right time for the appearance of a child. Even if you succeed and secure the financial part, something else will go wrong. Others say that raising a baby for at least 1-2 years does not require a lot of money. I'm not of that opinion, but anyway. You could tell your girlfriend exactly what you wrote, namely that you are not ready for a family yet, firstly because you have not finished your education and secondly because you do not have the financial means to support a possible child. That your girlfriend wants to live together is good and it's good to do it before you decide to get married or start a family, because everyone is the "perfect partner" until you start living with him. Try to live together and share the costs as much as possible. After a while you will find out for yourself if this is the girl you want to have a family with. A factor that will create problems for you in the future, and it does at this stage is the jealousy of your girlfriend. Keep in mind that these bans on meeting girlfriends, jealousy of colleagues, surveillance and scandals will continue to develop. She manipulates you in this way and thinks that by controlling you, she will be able to keep you by her side, which is a super wrong strategy, figuratively speaking. I'm jealous of my boyfriend too, but not as jealous as your girlfriend. I have given him complete freedom to go out with friends for coffee, even without me, I do not cause him problems and I do not ask him to give me daily reports with whom and where he has been. He himself says how his day went. I trust him and this is one of the main things for a stable relationship, along with honest, open and timely communication between partners. On the other hand, he does not give me reason to doubt him and shows and proves to me every day that he has eyes only for me. If you can swallow your girlfriend's jealousy, she will be happy, but will you be? This type of relationship does not last long, precisely because one of the partners is manipulated, mentally abused. In a relationship, both people should be happy. You write that you couldn't dump her because you would hurt her ... and doesn't she hurt you with her jealousy? Either way, one of you will be hurt in the end, and if after you live together, you tell her that her jealousy hurts and suffocates you, and she doesn't correct her behavior, it would be better for both of you to end it. You deserve to be happy! (even if you have to separate) Because in the long run, such a relationship with a lot of jealousy does not bode well. I speak from experience, because my parents, after 20 years of marriage, separated because of my father's jealousy and total control over my mother ... I recently read an article and I liked this quote "" It's not scary to be a single, it's scary to be in a relationship that you feel like a new job position, where you have to prove yourself and prove to yourself that that's where you belong. Relationships are not tried just to prove to yourself that you will not feel better with a partner. Relationships are about growing up with another person, and if you're not capable, it's better not to try. "" It's been a little while, but I hope you get the things you need. Success woman,
So tell her that her constant distrust of you hurts you. That you want to have a job and then think about family. If necessary, go to a psychologist to heal the traumas of your childhood.
There is nothing wrong with your financial worries, but I want to reassure you as a woman raising children, children do not suddenly fall from the sky, first you need time to make a child, which sometimes takes years, then you have 9 months to be born, then the first For 3-4 years the child only wants food and panties, so if you decide to get married now you have over 5 years until the real costs per child start. However, the problem with you is not the fear of not having money, such a woman who keeps you on a leash from now on will not allow you to make money, open a business or become a manager of another's business, her biggest client is a woman, what are you doing then !? !! So author first gather your thoughts, what you want and whether this is the woman for you, to marry out of gratitude is not logical, and to keep her close to you is a punishment, you better let her find the girl's happiness. yes she will suffer first, but the younger she is the sooner she will find her happiness. And remember something from me about keeping someone on a leash is not love but selfishness!
My mother once told me that it was never the right time for a baby, that many years passed until things became perfect. My father and I really wanted a second child, they tried for a long time, they gave up. After about 2 months my mother found out that she was pregnant, she was at the beginning of a crisis, there were repairs at home. They did it. Alas, I'm young, I don't think about children, I haven't even finished my education. My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, we decided and lived together without being financially stable. This has been the case for several months now. We handle the bills and the household. Not a huge problem. I think we will start a family and get married, but less than a year has passed since we shared a bed. The important thing is to make sure you want this woman to be the mother of your children. Even if you live together, take your time. All you've written are things you need to share with her, and not with us. You are an adult, she is also developing, you can achieve a lot together, but only if you feel ready and want it.
Author, I am a woman and I tell you categorically - RUN! It will get worse in time! You are still boyfriends, so to speak, and she has already managed to put you in an emotional prison. As well as the married, there will be hell for you. There is no "cure" for jealousy. I was with a jealous man for 8 years. Well, I could never prove to him that there was no reason for him to feel that way. He is a public figure, in a very serious position ... well, it became ridiculous to follow me or to send subordinates to follow me. He often drove 2-3 cars behind me when I went out. It came suddenly to my work as a "romantic surprise" with flowers, candy, jewelry, etc. and it was just marking the territory and looking for new faces or changes in the behavior of colleagues. While drinking coffee with a friend, he walked around like a crashed helicopter with a car around the restaurant. It got worse over the years, and not to calm down as expected. He never made scandals for me, he never asked me about any suspicions, he never even raised my voice. But it was even more insulting that this absolute lack of trust, he preferred to watch everything himself. He managed to separate my friends from me extremely thinly and gently so that THEY could dilute the demands because he knew that I would not allow me to control. After I ended this relationship (I was in love with him to the last, but I finally threw his shackles in his face and left) for more than 1 year he continued to follow me (as if we happened to be everywhere). potential connections. Shame, shame, I forced myself to even talk to his father to stop this. Run! he never even raised my voice. But it was even more insulting that this absolute lack of trust, he preferred to watch everything himself. He managed to separate my friends from me extremely thinly and tenderly so that THEY would dilute the demands because he knew that I would not allow me to control. After I ended this relationship (I was in love with him to the last, but I finally threw his shackles in his face and left) for more than 1 year he continued to follow me (as if we happened to be everywhere). potential connections. Shame, shame, I forced myself to even talk to his father to stop this. Run! he never even raised my voice. But it was even more insulting that this absolute lack of trust, he preferred to watch everything himself. He managed to separate my friends from me extremely thinly and tenderly so that THEY would dilute the demands because he knew that I would not allow me to control. After I ended this relationship (I was in love with him to the last, but I finally threw his shackles in his face and left) for more than 1 year he continued to follow me (as if we happened to be everywhere). potential connections. Shame, shame, I forced myself to even talk to his father to stop this. Run! that THEY should dilute the demands because he knew that I would not allow me to control. After I ended this relationship (I was in love with him to the last, but I finally threw his shackles in his face and left) for more than 1 year he continued to follow me (as if we happened to be everywhere). potential connections. Shame, shame, I forced myself to even talk to his father to stop this. Run! that THEY should dilute the demands because he knew that I would not allow me to control. After I ended this relationship (I was in love with him to the last, but I finally threw his shackles in his face and left) for more than 1 year he continued to follow me (as if we happened to be everywhere). potential connections. Shame, shame, I forced myself to even talk to his father to stop this. Run! I'm not ashamed, I forced myself to even talk to his father to stop this. Run! I'm not ashamed, I forced myself to even talk to his father to stop this. Run!
If you want to keep her, you need an honest and necessarily calm conversation. You tell her all the problems, plus - you're trying to understand the reasons for her jealousy. People don't feel insecure about their partner by accident. If the reason is in your behavior and there is a logical explanation - you give it to her. In general, you need to eliminate the cause of her fears. Something that can help with this is to calm her down every time there is a scene of jealousy - tell her you don't have eyes for another and hug her when possible. In addition, talk instead of prohibitions and attempts to control you, she also reminds you that she loves you. However, there is one detail you need to consider - the one who is jealous is always the more in love of the two. In my opinion, one should accept such a thing as flattery on the one hand, because someone so in love will always be faithful. Just try to calm her down instead of arguing or keeping quiet and pleasing. If nothing helps in the end, then it's time to break up.
Tomorrow, because of her absurd behavior, you will ruin your life. Yes, jealousy is something very scary, it entails a lot of problems. It's good for her to work on why she's so jealous. You don't even live together and she behaves this way, tomorrow you will deal with people, will you only communicate with men.
9, you are deeply mistaken. there are insecure and complex people who are jealous simply because they are deeply convinced that they do not deserve the person next to them (even if they are equal to him in terms of social status, education, finances, etc.). you can never convince them that the person added the colleague to the face just because they are in 1 company and liked the photo because it looks good, not because he wants to sleep with her. such a person is not in love, but complex and there is no way to convince him otherwise. such an attitude, however, inevitably repulses the partner, because no matter how much he is in love, at one point he likes to prove that he does not have a sister. author, do not gather to live with a woman who burdens you and with whom you do not feel well. it will only get worse over time. F46
Number 11, what are the complexes in the case, if not subconscious fears. Building confidence and trust in the partner and the relationship is possible, as long as the person understands where the problem is and what is needed to overcome it. The very writing off of someone suffering from such fears as a "complex and hopeless case" is a sign of decreased empathy, which is a symptom of another condition.
12, overcoming the problem may be possible if, however, the other party accepts it as such and is willing to try to solve it. if the author's girlfriend thinks that her behavior is normal, and the author is guilty of talking to a colleague, then things will not get better. if the author wants, he can try and try to solve the problem together. however, my personal observations show that in a small percentage of cases such a solution is successful. just a few people are willing to admit that they have a problem, and even less - to work on its solution. it is far easier to say to yourself: but he / she is to blame. I'm sorry, but these are my observations, and if I look lowly empathetic - so be it :-) personally I would not invest years in re-education of someone with dubious success, not to mention whether the person himself wants it ... hard work ...