Hello, A 49-year-old woman with heart pain is writing to you. Married to two big boys, aged 22 and 20, my husband is the same age and until recently I thought he loved me or at least had the most basic respect for me. There are no perfect people, but in my marriage I strived to be a good wife and mother, to approach the problems of each member of the family with understanding and patience. I worked no less than him, I looked after children, his and my parents, and what I got in the end - a great humiliation. My husband has been in an extramarital affair for five years with a married woman of 38 with two boys aged 11 and 8. Five years!!! Five years was not just sex, he just loved this woman and gave himself for her. Since he no longer loves me, why do we live together, why didn't he just leave me? Should I live in delusion, lie, hypocrisy? Don't I have the right to feel loved, wanted? Or am I just a donkey that has to wash, clean, cook, conform to the gentleman's mood, maintain family comfort and go to work, because he also has to bring money? I don't want to interfere with anyone's happiness, but honest people share the problem and if they can't solve it, they split up. I know that it is more convenient to live in a pink world without commitments and to return home to a safe and cozy place, but there is no first happiness. And we moralists, no matter how stupid and naive we may seem, sooner or later see and do not always forgive. The husband of my husband's mistress finds out about their relationship, but waits to nail them. At one of their next meetings in a hidden family hotel, he waits for them and tells me, yours is with the children, taking both boys. He tells her not to try to pardon him, because they will see each other in court. Both mine and his mistress look like shit, along with the children. The pink life ends and the problems begin. The children are screaming, the mistress is crying, and my mean one is coming down because he doesn't care about his problems. At first she lives in the hotel and with various friends, then she goes to her parents, but the money runs out and hangs around my husband's neck. He runs, she chases him, he runs, she chases him. Eventually, my husband develops aggression and to her, love evaporates. At home it is like a storm cloud. Nothing can please him until I finally understand. The pain and humiliation I felt turned into rage. I didn't talk to him much, I told him to stand up, he refused. Then I just packed his luggage while he was at work and changed the keys to the door. The property is mine before the marriage and has no right to it. He realized I wasn't kidding. Then I became the sweetest, best and most beautiful woman for him. Terrible underdog behavior. He has been hiding for a month and a half and refuses to receive the divorce lawsuit because he refused to divorce us by mutual consent. The children stood firm and did not reproach me at all. They keep in touch with him, but in a restrained way. I ask myself the question: why was all this? Who won what? She is left with a single mother with two children who has no way back to her husband, and her lover, in the face of my husband, also abandoned her. It's easy for men. They will get better somehow. I personally feel good. I cried and thought a lot, but I will find the strength to move on. My children have their own path of development, they are adults. They will manage without their father's financial help, who has been on a salary all his life, I will not leave them. But why did you get here? I read on this site a statement from an unfaithful woman that we moralists have been afraid to draw from a handful of life and are not able to love? Ah, are they capable? Why do they live with us and not indulge in their new love? Don't we who are lost have no right to be happy with someone who loves us? Are we moralists who do not hide behind various clichés (such as love itself comes, it does not ask, etc.) second category of people and deserve to be lied to and deceived? I will divorce anyway, my husband's numbers will not pass, but I wish he had taken the initiative earlier as a man. Just to say - I don't love you, I have another in my life, thank you for caring so far and for the children, which gave birth to me and as a man to stand before the whole world and clearly take responsibility. It's that simple ... Thank you for your attention. I wish you health and love.
Answers 29
You are the strongest and most sensible victim on this site. Congratulations, you have a mind and you know how to use it, you see how things are real and you move on. Obviously, your husband lost a lot the day he met his mistress. My advice is: give yourself some time, take care of yourself (mostly), your home, your children and return to the love field. I doubt you're dying alone? You deserve a little pampering and meeting someone to put you first. It is a pity that all over the world people can no longer be honest with each other and build their relationships on lies .. 5 years .. 5 years you lied in one relationship and you "built" another, and for what? Sometimes just because people are big doesn't make them smarter. I learned this from these lies.
Precisely in order not to reach such fairs, my wife and I once agreed that it was better to have sex with others with the approval, presence and participation of the other, but never to keep secrets from each other. Many people do not accept this, but it is 100 times better than similar circuses in the post, from which in the end no one benefits. We both know that human nature wants diversity after so many years of living together. I'm not saying it's good, but it's better than infidelity and suppressing natural needs.
Well, the truth is that quite a few people just look for comfortable partners and get together with them not for love, but for interests that may not even be financial. I think your husband is that type. There was no way to feel it, because in principle the other side plays the role very well. It is also made easier by the fact that such a situation really suits her. In addition, one is set up to think positively and no one wants to assume that everything he has built over the years has been just a lie. I have such acquaintances and in front of people they are just perfect, even in front of their halves. I can give an example with my so-called friend. His taste has always been for twisted chicks, more like muffins and silicones. At the same time, however, he always said that he wanted his future wife to be educated, to have a profession and to behave in a position, ie, in short, he was planning to marry a woman in front of people. That's exactly what he did. He found a modest and curvy girl who was the complete opposite of anyone he had ever dated or liked. At one point I even started to think that he really liked her, but once, when we were just the two of us, he spat out the pebble. Without asking him or anything like that, he opened a topic about infidelity in general and said that it was best to order a prostitute so that no one would understand you and keep your authority. In my opinion, something similar happened to you. Your husband did not love his mistress, he just had fun, as they say. 90% of infidels have no love, only one naked, animal sex. Those who really love each other get divorced. It is the adulterers who cannot love because they do not love their spouses either,
Two reasons. 1. The side link fills in gaps in the main. Whether they are more serious or just a desire for diversity, reuniting with the bystander will not change much - there are deficits in any relationship and who is willing to fill them with side by side, instead of accepting that it is part of things or to try to fill them within the relationship will do so in the new relationship. 2. The main relationship does not work, but the separation comes with losses - quarrels, divisions, children. These losses for one are burdens for the other and the side partner is not always ready to take them. If the relationship is of the type of the first case, there is no reason to take the risk. If the main connection is naughty, these possible losses require courage and determination, which are usually not enough. And so, the author. I don't know if the story is true, that is quite reminiscent of many others that are posted on the site by one person. Things are usually very simple, but when they are personal and feelings come in, we don't want to see them. And something else I thought affects, especially in the second case. A phenomenon called sunk cost fallacy. The more time, effort and money we invest in something, the harder it is to leave it, even when it already brings us more negatives. These types of connections are a typical example. even when it already brings us more negatives. These types of connections are a typical example. even when it already brings us more negatives. These types of connections are a typical example.
Well, that's his mistake - that he didn't provide his own home. Otherwise, now you would be sniffing on the stairs, along with all your thoughts ...
It is possible that you are "pure white" and he is "pure black" ... but it is very unlikely. How moralistic you are, how well your life has turned out, is also not certain. Now, under the influence of emotion, from the position that you have a house and the children are on your side, it is normal to think and talk like that. There may be many little things that don't just say good things about you, but of course you didn't tell us. Or you may not be aware of them as such. I will say how it is with me. He gained an awful lot of weight. It does almost nothing to look good. At home, her clothes are sloppy. He does not try much with his personal hygiene. Sex ... when she decides, but not more often than once a month. And there she thinks it's just my job to serve her. And I do. With maximum diligence and dedication. Otherwise she goes to work too, does his other homework. Like me, there are many, many more things she can't do. I go to work and that ... Many times I had the opportunity to break. I will add - and a reason. I didn't do it not because I'm a moralist. It just doesn't come from inside me. So, put the tape back. Analyze a little deeper how you gave yourself to him. Will you really be better off without him? It is not excluded. But in that case, why didn't you get rid of him earlier and him get rid of yourself? Analyze a little deeper how you gave yourself to him. Will you really be better off without him? It is not excluded. But in that case, why didn't you get rid of him earlier and him get rid of yourself? Analyze a little deeper how you gave yourself to him. Will you really be better off without him? It is not excluded. But in that case, why didn't you get rid of him earlier and him get rid of yourself?
Dear author, I sincerely sympathize with you. My late mother and she, like you, have suffered all their lives, however ... Thanks to the family example I had, I myself protect myself from men, I do not avoid them, but I can easily distinguish the hypocrites, as number 3 said, who give a perfect description, these men play their role wonderfully, but it's good that I'm too sensitive (as they called me) to be able to feel what a commodity they are - selfish and hypocritical. It's not worth communicating with what's left, to suffer for such ... Don't suffer, author, I know you feel betrayed, used and unloved, but think - is it worth getting recognition from an unfortunate person, yes will you be loved by an unfortunate person? He was like that in the very beginning, that's how he was brought up, to be a coward. The fact is that we are forming as individuals in the first 7 years, and the changes then occur if we are aware and work on our character, but the majority is left to its own devices. And don't think that he has changed over time, that you are responsible for his infidelities, or that human nature was like number 2 said - wanting diversity - no, it's not, variety, to change bigger breasts with smaller? Because if it is a change in feelings, then it will not be a secret infidelity, but a direct divorce and marriage with the new love, and in this case it is just a superficial, physical change .... We are not animals, we are people with souls experiencing different feelings, much more than primary, much more conscious than animals, because animals abandon the old and the sick, and we do not, or at least those of us who are aware and have humanity. We don't have sex for variety, but out of love, at least the conscious ones, and you with your animal behavior,
None of the infidels can give you an adequate answer! Not for a man with morals! You're absolutely right, they generally hide like mice, it doesn't affect their morals or pride, just because they don't! However, you are not right about one thing! It is not easier for men, on the contrary! A woman if she is alone is only because she wants to! You are at an age when you are now completely free, you have no serious commitments to children, you are not yet looking for a husband for a family and you want to build a future! You already have this! It will be much easier for you if you want another relationship. Let your husband think that he has lived in your home so far, a man of those years on a salary ... well, another is conveniently married to a hard-working and good housewife and he can blow it and the woman to wear backup family and him inclusive. I applaud you for the quick and correct reaction! It's a pity, but many women humiliate themselves to the point of whining and whining in a corner just so as not to lose their "marital status" and perhaps out of shame in front of people. And they kill each other mentally. You are strong and proud, yours is generally easy. I know you don't care now, but you're a very appetizing bite for men! Smile, life is ahead of you and fortunately no burden anymore!
I understand what you're going through, I'm in the same situation right now. I don't know what to tell you, just don't feel alone because it happens in almost every family. I thought and read a lot on the subject and came to the conclusion that there are infidelities in 90% of families. Both men and women cheat equally. Our mistress is extremely insidious, her mission is not so much to sleep with my husband and have a common future, but to hurt me. Quite deliberately and purposefully. And she is 38 years old. I am 26 ... I decided that I would not allow any woman, who appeared out of nowhere, to invade my thoughts and rule my life! Keep your head up! You are more than her because you are a respectable woman. Don't let them ruin you mentally. Go out, smile, hold on and never show your pain !! Neither in front of your ex-husband nor in front of his mistress!
Author, I can only wish that from now on fate will be with you and you will find inner peace, and from there to create new relationships that will continue in antiquity. There is no point in turning to infidels, there is a lost cause. Let's turn to those who are thinking of doing it or feel they can. I hope before they happen to try to CREATE the much desired "diversity". Not to look for it and wait outside. To change their habits, gestures to the other, even preferences. Ask him to change too. Isn't that diversity? You keep moving forward the same, but actually different. And enough with the clichés that they have to accept us as we are. When we love, we should be able to become at least one more person. Why be our third person? This may not work in 1, 2 connections, but a third will be saved ...
How does a good wife not notice a 5 year relationship?
Yes, an unpleasant situation, but transient ... and your ego is too big and the feeling of control and importance. That and a villain. Have fun with me and what are you chasing him for, especially after they're done and he's sitting at home after all. In the old days, you would croak if you did that. And if your goal was to lose it, it worked out great. And now what you are complaining about is not clear. You are great people, understand each other ... but this sounds very bad with my apartment, I packed his luggage, etc. What can I tell you, get well. No one owes anyone ... the truth of life. Everyone brings their individuality, needs and way of life. Understand these things even more gently. I am 55 years old. a smart woman with a divorce behind her and two older children. And mine staggered and I said to myself, come on, let her and I be distracted, but without him knowing. I lived and paid no attention to him, even he wondered how I shone. It is peaceful and quiet in our country, the household is in order, without dramas and scandals. I myself raised the issue of personal space, the children are big, now I will not stand and serve alone. He agreed and now we are ok. I pretended not to notice and looked at my pleasure, without looking into his eyes, that I also had my distracting moments. Without many questions, we are even kinder than before. New clothes, lipstick, hairstyle, manicure, going out, excursions, dating net ... we are modern people after all. What can I spoil the money we have built. They are thus lived to antiquity, when there is no more movement. But there will be memories. Think of my words ... safe from morality !!! / it is pseudo / now I will not stand and serve alone. He agreed and now we are ok. I pretended not to notice and looked at my pleasure, without looking into his eyes, that I also had my distracting moments. Without many questions, we are even kinder than before. New clothes, lipstick, hairstyle, manicure, going out, excursions, dating net ... we are modern people after all. What can I spoil the money we have built. They are thus lived to antiquity, when there is no more movement. But there will be memories. Think of my words ... safe from morality !!! / it is pseudo / now I will not stand and serve alone. He agreed and now we are ok. I pretended not to notice and looked at my pleasure, without looking into his eyes, that I also had my distracting moments. Without many questions, we are even kinder than before. New clothes, lipstick, hairstyle, manicure, going out, excursions, dating net ... we are modern people after all. What can I spoil the money we have built. They are thus lived to antiquity, when there is no more movement. But there will be memories. Think of my words ... safe from morality !!! / it is pseudo / we are modern people after all. What can I spoil the money we have built. They are thus lived to antiquity, when there is no more movement. But there will be memories. Think of my words ... safe from morality !!! / it is pseudo / we are modern people after all. What can I spoil the money we have built. They are thus lived to antiquity, when there is no more movement. But there will be memories. Think of my words ... safe from morality !!! / it is pseudo /
Author, you are a very worthy woman! Admirations!
I'll tell you my opinion, ma'am, I hope it calms you down a bit. I support №3 and I am almost convinced that your husband does not love his mistress, he just has fun with her, so that he is where he has a fairy tale - Barabar Petko with men. Who really loves divorce, three men from my family did just that. If you love, nothing scares you, you don't think about anything, you don't comply with anyone. It does not matter that the relationship lasts 5 years. You decide how to proceed - just think it over, don't let the whore-op, I'm sorry, but I can't name another female creature who is subjected to a married man - don't let her enjoy that except she broke her own life and yours. You understand me, right?
Author, I'm number 3, I wrote to you about the people who got together with their spouses only for their own benefit and here is a living example under number 13. Divorced once (guess why) and cheating on her current husband - a complete idyll and according to her everything is more than perfect. Otherwise, you are mean, most likely because you did not allow yours to take your mistress home. On top of that, you are also a pseudo-moralist, most likely because you don't open your legs to the first person you meet and thus "spoil" the family coziness! I think her comment is indicative enough, there is nothing more to add.
Number 10 - Hello, what's your story with the old mistress and why does she want to hurt you so much? Envy of you? Otherwise, a nasty story about the author, but still maybe for the good of all she should reconcile and forgive her husband instead of being in a negative state. Number 13 - dumb steals the jokes with the raha from the other topic :-)
Number 14 said it, there is nothing more to add. I was pleased with number 13 :) At 55, that "smart" woman :) Once such a grandmother took me down. I was kind of sick of it, considering I'm not disgusting. I was sick because seconds before the playful smiles and the generously provided cleavage, she was cooing with her husband on the phone. "Yes, darling, why don't we go to this restaurant. I love you too." She and she, like you, valued each other and did not fail to swallow a passing dick. Very "smart" behavior. Dignified, completely in tune with her age. Morality has nothing to do with the case. The public one is a complete parody and farce. The personal one is the only thing that is yours, and it is worth building. Because everything else is transient. As status, money, housing, "rahat". And beauty. I'm not just talking about your drooping ass. And no matter what hairstyle you make, and no matter how much make-up you put on, only some hot old stick will pay attention to you. Most importantly - sooner or later people like you play.
That a man can love two women at once. As you love your two children. Why should we break up with our wives after finding a mistress? I do not understand that.
A woman can also love 3 men at the same time, as she loves her 3 children;)
Humans are not made to love just one person. They can be loved or liked several at once. Morals are a suppression of natural nature.
Admirations, why didn't I act like you 10 years ago ...
Ah, let men be as understanding when a woman loves another man and fixes him while she is married as they are to their own "big heart." But still to answer # 21. If you do not hide from your wife and do not waste your mistress's time, then there is no problem. However, such cases are an exception, if they exist at all. You usually lie and manipulate both, and on top of that, if the roles are reversed, you make a fuss to God.
To 26 of 21: It is one thing for a man to have a mistress and quite another for a woman to have a lover. It is no coincidence that a woman who sleeps with many men is called a whore, and a man who sleeps with many women is called a player. If a woman brags that she sleeps with many men, she is not looked upon favorably. But if a man brags that he sleeps with many women, his friends support him and even envy him. The difference is that when a married man has a mistress, the only bad thing he can bring to his own family is some sexually transmitted disease, while if a married woman has a mistress, she can bring something more terrible - a foreign child.
26 to 27 Do you know why the shape of the male genitalia is like this? To remove the remnants of a woman's sexual intercourse with another man. Nature has not set a woman to sleep with only one man. Which whore and which stallion is imposed by society and especially by the man's fear that through natural competition, they will not be able to continue their gene. Which brings me to the second point. The mistress can also become pregnant, and sexually transmitted diseases can lead to sterility. So, your arguments are absurd. You and a lot of other men want to do what you want, and rest assured that the same thing will not happen to you. For me, this is cowardly and base behavior. As I said in my previous post, if you can keep a woman and a mistress without lying and manipulating them, thank you. And if you let your wife do the same, then we can talk about some honor.
It's over where the man is with his wife the fact that he was with someone it doesn't matter it was just a variety for him
He was with her do not see and will not see It was a mistake
Unfortunately, infidels are mentally ill, but they do not realize it. It infects, diseases do not pass through their heads at all. Does he use a condom? Nonsense. And I removed a cattle from my life and I do not regret a gram. However, I feel sorry for their lovers, who have no dignity, but imagine some pink series, but they also quickly sober up after being caught by their husbands.
Even if their husbands don't catch them, №32 they will eventually regret it. Sooner or later, they always realize that they are just used and discarded. I don't know if the infidels are mentally ill. I would use another word-egoists.I think this is more accurate
What does love have to do with commitment?!?