Hello. I will tell you at length about the development of my life so far and my worries. Here is my story: I am a boy, 15, from Sofia. I can say that I am well-bred, well-mannered and in good health, I do not smoke or drink, I play sports. My parents separated when I was 7 (early 1st grade), I don't think I experienced it badly, although my mother has a different opinion ... Anyway .. I developed relatively well, for a boy growing up almost completely without a father, and so on until the 4th grade. Then I began to notice signs of apathy, indifference and lack of motivation for anything in myself. I don't lack self-confidence, I've never been ridiculed, but I've never been popular, for the simple reason that I've never seen the point or even tried. Then 6th and 7th grade I remember only as a dream. At some point, I got the nickname "moving" "muffin" or something. But he just washed away with time. I didn't study much, I put everything off until the last minute ... At the end of the year my textbooks were new. In general, all the prerequisites for a tragedy, right Yes, but no, I passed my graduation exams, entered an elite high school and the next school year began. Many lines ago I told you about hints of apathy towards life on my part and unfortunately it got worse over time. By 7th grade I was almost completely indifferent to absolutely everything, I pretended to care to look normal. I wondered about the meaning of life and all that nonsense. I've been thinking about suicide, even though I'm fine. I still don't know why I have to work all my life to achieve definitely from others. " but I also do not seek friendship. In a word - apathy. Then I liked a girl, not from our school, with whom we later became boyfriends (this word sounds so dumb in Bulgarian). So far, I've been training hard in basketball, but I stopped to have more time for it, and of course to pretend to "learn." Anyway, I was really in love, I was terribly in love. Little by little, she gave meaning to my life. I know that depending on one person is stupid. But I already wanted to live. I didn't think about what I would do tomorrow or at all ..., I thought about her. I was happy, and really, the others thought I was on the grass, but in fact I was happy .. My own reality had reached full balance ... I knew that good things do not last long, I was happy while I could. And after about 2-3 months the good things are really over. We broke up by mutual consent. I was angry, of course, not at her, not at myself, just angry. And so my life went on ... Apathy, indifference and lack of motivation (so laziness) returned. A new day, but the same. Banal actions again and again. Eating, sleeping, school. I went out, I played basketball, I can't say it was often, but I did. And so the 8th grade passed, like a dream. I finished, again almost without opening the textbook. I scored 5 in the external evaluation. And today I'm sitting in front of the computer and waiting for time to pass. The class wants to take me to the psychologist, because this way of thinking was not normal for a 15-year-old (and for how old is it normal?). I couldn't be so lazy, etc .. I'm not worried about the psychologist, I can be what is accepted as "normal". I don't think I'm revealing any of this at all, which I actually think, so they're going to drive me crazy. Even to you readers I can not tell everything, the words are not enough. In general, this is. Also, completely out of context, lately a lot of lyrics seem to me, I do not know, you may find it strange, but as if the lyrics understand me .. Of course, this does not make sense, just nonsense, but who am I to say, since I cannot determine for myself what makes sense and what does not. I hope you understood me, despite the complete inconsistency of writing and confused thoughts. And if someone feels the same way (if anyone has understood what I'm trying to say at all), share ... why share? I don't know, if he can, to find a reason for himself ... I plan to leave this country, and if even then the distorted reality in my brain is not smoothed out, I don't know. This is my only plan for the future, to get away, to run away. However, it is easier ... I have never been a man of work. Write honest opinions, I am not easily affected, nor do I think that I will start doing it soon .. -inventive end-
Answers 9
Hello. I think you need to start looking at things from a different angle. Be optimistic, it will be much better for you. I think you need to love someone. It is very nice! Do not despair, life is in front of you, you will find a new girlfriend who will truly love you. It is good that you want to get out of Bulgaria. You will be calmer abroad and you will not be under stress. Good luck and be happy! And most importantly - think POSITIVE !!!
Hello! I'm a 14-year-old girl who feels just like you ... I've been thinking about suicide, I'm pretending I'm fine .. I didn't take my exam after 7th grade which totally finished me .. I find meaning in the lyrics as if they were written for me! But I will give you advice :) Do not despair :) Try to cope, and know that one day you will be happy! :) :) Be strong, it hurts a lot but hold on! Everything will be fine! :): *
You have an interesting way of thinking. Unfortunately, I don't know what to say to help you. I'm in a similar situation, only I'm older. Exactly at the age when I have to be most active, I don't care about anything and I don't see meaning in life. Apathy is probably the worst condition you can be in, especially as a young person. Go to a psychologist - I'm sure they won't drive you crazy. These people have heard a lot. It may seem super crazy to you, what's in your head, but it's unlikely to be shocking to a specialist. It is important now to try to get rid of this condition, because then it becomes much more difficult. PS This is so familiar to my lyrics. What music are you listening? When I was 15, I found 90% of the comfort in music. For example, I really liked Three Days Grace. : P
Boy, you are very intelligent and gifted by fate. You write very well and competently, you take your exams without studying, you have friends without effort. Maybe it's because everything comes so easily to you, you can't be happy about anything. Go to the psychologist (I hope she understands from work) and there is no need to hide anything, she needs to understand where the reason is and help you. Do not even imagine that someone will drive you crazy, this is complete nonsense! As for fleeing abroad, don't think it's that easy. I read the vicissitudes of other expatriates who had quit their jobs and lived in very poor conditions. Don't pretend that someone will lay a red carpet on you. I hope you find purpose and meaning, otherwise most people's lives are monotonous, but something should support and excite you.
If you think that when you go abroad suddenly no one will want to work, you are wrong. Everywhere one works - one does things, one manifests oneself. Otherwise, your "problem" is not a real problem. You really have absolutely nothing, you're just like that. You obviously take it lightly as a problem because it doesn't reflect society's expectations of you (that's how your classmate told you it wasn't normal for a 15-year-old). Maybe you care too much about society's expectations? What I can advise you is to essentially stay what you are - and since you obviously just don't see the point in persecuting the Ego (the rat race, as they call it in English), you'll have to force yourself a little to be able to to function in society. By the way, I'm a bit like you - actually quite similar, in the past I've wondered what the whole thing is about. And many times I thought about just going to live in a forest or emigrating somewhere in a southern warm country and living somewhere on the beach near a forest and just go hunting to eat and so my days go by. And then I ask myself "well, then what? What would I want after that?" ... And so one reaches the Ego - that he is eternally dissatisfied with the present, eternally dissatisfied with the status quo. Our ego always wants something to "improve" in order to be satisfied, and when it improves, it still finds a reason to be dissatisfied ... The solution for me was just to accept things as they are - the world is so constructed at this stage, that there is a school, university, then a job, etc. In the past there were no such things, in the future there may not be, it is not known. It's just like that right now. The choice of whether to live in the system or not is mine, but most people choose the system because they don't know about other options, and some (like me) stay in the system because it's easier. I graduated, work and generally live my life. This is it. When we were born, no one promised us that life would be flowers and roses, honey and oil, and that we would always be happy and in a state of bliss. No.
Honestly, you sound like a very intelligent boy who has not yet found his place in this life. You are 15 years old and it is still too early to find the meaning of your life - some people fail all their lives, and never even think about it. It's an honor to think about these things at all. Forget about suicide. Doing so will not do good to anyone, including yourself. Life is one wheel - today we are fine, tomorrow not so much, but you have seen, through this girl, that life can be good - nothing that you broke up quickly, this is normal for the age you are. After a while, when you meet your partner, you will see how the feeling will continue and you will see more real and beautiful than ever. As for laziness - we have all been through this, it grows, and adversity makes us overcome it. And, Lastly, as I said, you sound like a smart boy, maybe you just need to talk to someone who understands you and is on your psycho-emotional level. A psychologist would be a good idea - it will help you to better understand yourself.
"If even then the distorted reality in my brain is not smoothed out, I don't know" - what if I tell you that "your reality" is not distorted at all? !! You're fine, you're fine, you don't need psychologists and such nonsense. 1- start meditating- you will soon see / receive your answer. 2- live here and now, despite the knowledge of something else (you will know) 3- MEDITATE!
Hello, a pretty depressed girl is writing to you. I was rather. I was depressed, maybe it's nonsense for you, but not for me, because of a boy ... He broke my heart ... How? We were boyfriends ... Love, hugs, kisses, happiness ... And here is the sad end, infidelity with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend's boyfriend = depression. I wanted to die, but I thought, I thought ... I started training, I have a diet, I met new people, here I am now a new girl, I have friends and a boyfriend, (right sounds silly) and that idiot, I tried to correct his mistake, but it was too late ... As the "wise facebook" says - when you are sad, a song replaces every emotion ... You understand the songs, in most cases if they are English, not some chalga ... I listen to heavy metal, hard rock and more, but it doesn't matter now - I just don't know, their songs are full of truth ... Hey, just look ahead, head up and if you read my comment answer me ... Let me see you too ... I'm sorry if there are spelling mistakes ... I'm 16. -Broken girl PP I was, not anymore ... I hope you get better ...
From the author. I definitely don't think I'm looking for help, for the simple reason that I don't care about such nonsense. Maybe not, I don't know much about psychologists. But, to pay, just to talk to another person ...? For the music, to be honest, I already find meaning in every good song. I only listen to Chalga by force. Some of my favorite songs are Sweather Weather, Waves, Nobody To Love and a lot of songs on the offspring. Also, what I wanted to share is that I have the opportunity to move to Germany. I am asked to finish 12th grade in my high school, then I will continue my education there. Of course, these are not my plans, but those of my family members who are more hopeful for my future than I am.