My father was operated on more than 10 years ago for a benign prostate tumor. He later had a colon adenoma removed, but said he had more polyps. He was prescribed some drugs that he did not take. At some point he had a microstroke - one or more. I don't know exactly, because whatever the doctors told him, he wanted to hide his diagnoses from my mother and me. So until 5 years ago. Then he began to have difficulty moving his right leg. Gradually he began to walk harder and harder. We went with him to Alexandrovska Hospital, lay there in neurology for a few days and he was discharged with a diagnosis: initial stage of Alzheimer's. Both diagnoses must have been correct because he had already begun to show signs of dementia and we had him take the medication prescribed by neurologists on a regular basis. We also went to a gastroenterologist for polyps, but they refused to do a colonoscopy again because he was over 75 years old and said he would not pass the test. And we come to that day - the day he died. Not unexpectedly, because his condition had deteriorated a lot, especially in the last 6-7 months. He could barely move, was very weak, and choked on every meal or simply could not swallow normally, had reflux and pain in the esophagus and back, except for his hip pain. I felt that this was not just Alzheimer's, because these pains could hardly be directly linked to dementia. Apparently he has already developed cancer, perhaps with metastases.
At least that's what I think after reading all sorts of information on the Internet, because there was no way we could take him to the hospital, and the doctors would hardly be willing to examine him after he was 82 years old ... So that day, he ate two pieces in the morning and got some severe internal grunting. That's what my mother says. Then he got something like a seizure or suffocation. When I entered the room, he had slipped off the sofa he was sitting on. Maybe he was still alive at the time, I don't know. We tried to lift him to sit up again, but we couldn't because he was very relaxed. I decided he was choking and started patting him on the back, bending him forward and trying to press a few in the diaphragm area as first aid for choking. He vomited something, I can not say consciously or as a spontaneous reaction of the body from movement and pressure. And he never came to himself again. After a few more attempts to bring him back to life somehow, I realized that it was too late. .. Then the doctors came and confirmed his death. But I can't stop blaming myself, and the thought just doesn't leave me that maybe, in my desire to help him, I've done something wrong to hasten his end. Maybe he could have lived at least a little longer if I hadn't intervened, but just waited for the doctors. Or if I hadn't tried to move him and left him lying in the position in which he was relaxing on the couch ...
I don't know, I have no experience with these things, although I attended an emergency course, but obviously I didn't succeed. to apply the knowledge properly from there, when necessary in practice ... Please tell me what you think and be honest! Your opinion will help me a lot, whether you tell me that I killed him or not ..... But I can't stop blaming myself, and the thought just doesn't leave me that maybe, in my desire to help him, I've done something wrong to hasten his end. Maybe he could have lived at least a little longer if I hadn't intervened, but just waited for the doctors. Or if I hadn't tried to move him and left him lying in the position in which he was relaxing on the couch ... I don't know, I have no experience with these things, although I attended an emergency course, but obviously I didn't succeed. to apply the knowledge properly from there, when necessary in practice ... Please tell me what you think and be honest! Your opinion will help me a lot, whether you tell me that I killed him or not ..... But I can't stop blaming myself, and the thought just doesn't leave me that maybe, in my desire to help him, I've done something wrong to hasten his end. Maybe he could have lived at least a little longer if I hadn't intervened, but just waited for the doctors. Or if I hadn't tried to move him and left him lying in the position in which he was relaxing on the couch ...
I don't know, I have no experience with these things, although I attended an emergency course, but obviously I didn't succeed. to apply the knowledge properly from there, when necessary in practice ... Please tell me what you think and be honest! Your opinion will help me a lot, whether you tell me that I killed him or not ..... Maybe he could have lived at least a little longer if I hadn't intervened, but just waited for the doctors. Or if I hadn't tried to move him and left him lying in the position in which he was relaxing on the couch ... I don't know, I have no experience with these things, although I attended an emergency course, but obviously I didn't succeed. to apply the knowledge properly from there, when necessary in practice ... Please tell me what you think and be honest! Your opinion will help me a lot, whether you tell me that I killed him or not ..... Maybe he could have lived at least a little longer if I hadn't intervened, but just waited for the doctors.
Or if I hadn't tried to move him and left him lying in the position in which he was relaxing on the couch ... I don't know, I have no experience with these things, although I attended an emergency course, but obviously I didn't succeed. to apply the knowledge properly from there, when necessary in practice ... Please tell me what you think and be honest! Your opinion will help me a lot, whether you tell me that I killed him or not ..... when necessary in practice ... Please tell me what you think and be honest! Your opinion will help me a lot, whether you tell me that I killed him or not ..... when necessary in practice ... Please tell me what you think and be honest! Your opinion will help me a lot, whether you tell me that I killed him or not .....
Answers 12
It is absurd to blame yourself for this. By that logic, doctors who have studied and practiced for decades must live in constant guilt if they miss a patient. You did what you could in a hopeless situation. You had no right choice at all - if you had done nothing, you would have thought that you had killed him by your inaction. If you had positioned it differently, you would have thought the same. When the time comes, we are all powerless. Your father lived in agony and, in my opinion, in addition to grief, it is normal to feel relief that his pain is over. I don't know what he would do to live a little longer. How much? A few days, a month? The grief for him and his family would be equally strong. He's gone at a solid age, loved ... there's nothing to blame.
My father died in my arms - literally. I will not go into details, I will only tell you that in his last minutes I prayed for him to end so that he could get rid of it, that's why I had some remorse, not that I killed him, but because I consciously wanted him to die. Then I said to myself - why am I tormented? I conscientiously fulfilled my filial duty, I took care of him for more than ten years, I always accompanied him during his hospital stays, I served him after operations ... And what kind of life would he have been if he had jumped the ladder - suffering and growing stronger pain, and for how much - for a day, for a week, for a month? Don't bother, you have no guilt - look ahead and remember the good moments with your father.
To live a little longer? Do you call this life? The man has reached a good age, has led a life in which he has indulged himself and has not cared very much. It's not your fault for anyone and don't think about it! You've done everything you can to help him, so you can't call an ambulance every time someone slips off the couch.
When a person comes, whatever you do ...
Hard, firm NO, NO and NO !!! . You don't have a gram of guilt for what happened. God has taken away his soul, and you know where his body is laid. Forgive yourself, relieve your psyche, get rid of your dark thoughts and continue your father is in you / DNA / and lives through you.
Hello, author! Always after the death of a sick relative, we blame ourselves for whether we did everything we could for him or vice versa ... whether we did not go too far in trying to help him. If you had left him without trying to give him first aid and waiting for an ambulance, he would have died again ... but then you would have blamed yourself for not trying. At least you tried to help him, it's just that the man was already quite ill and apparently that was his days. Try to find solace and understand that whatever you did or did not do, death was imminent.
First condolences to your father! It is difficult to say what and whether anything other than the advanced stage and concomitant diseases could be interpreted as a reason for his death. No one here is competent to give this assessment. To know for sure you need to read what is written in the death certificate as the cause of death. Has an autopsy been done? It is very difficult to say from your description what his condition was at the time. Was he conscious when you found him, was he breathing rhythmically, was there a pulse? What were his vital signs at the moment ... Questions with many unknowns. In general, I do not find the main reading of your story to conclude that you are directly to blame for the death of your father. Let the pathologists do their job and determine the cause that led to this outcome. In the meantime, don't blame yourself. Like I said, you're hardly guilty,
Don't worry, you couldn't have caused his death, it's technically impossible.
It's not your fault, if he wanted to live, he would take care of his health and take his medication. It was his choice. You didn't do anything with a chest press, calm down.
I will tell you my story. I will come to Bulgaria with my young child. I ask my father to find a child car seat from friends. Going to pick her up, there was an accident and he died of his injuries. For five years I have been asking myself: Did I kill him? It is as if we, the living, are just bitten by guilt that we are alive and that our life goes on without our loved ones ....
as I read the title, I thought of a completely different story. In cancer, and in the last stage, how can you even think such a thing? You did what you instinctively decided to do to help at that moment. What do you think you did to him - did he damage an organ? This is impossible when trying to lift, as you describe. Do you think a person dies from vomiting? And who would leave a sick person without even trying to help, what kind of person would he be? Get those thoughts out of your head, there was nothing else to do
It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. Your father's death has nothing to do with your actions.