Hello, for the first time I ask for advice in public, except for a doctor and my friend. I am a woman between 25 and 30 years old and I have had a boyfriend for more than 10 years, he is the only sexual partner I have had. I fell in love literally at first sight. We are the perfect couple in an emotional relationship, but unfortunately not in a sexual one. I have several problems, below I will go into details: 1. I have never or almost never experienced an orgasm 2. In recent years, I almost always experience pain from sex and of course I have no pleasure. 3. Coincidentally (we currently live on different continents), I have not had sex for more than 11 months, but I do not miss sex at all and I have no sexual desire for other men. Details: 1. Before I started to feel pain (or if it was small), I liked sex, but it never seems to level up to say to myself "wow, it was an orgasm". Most people say that when you experience it you understand necessarily, but I don't think I've experienced it, he also thinks I haven't experienced it. 10 years ago, literally the 3rd time I did it, then I lay paralyzed on the bed for 10-15 minutes without being able to move. I liked it then, but no more than the next time, just then I became paralyzed.
Sometimes I wonder if it was an orgasm then. 2. In 80% of cases it hurts me while we do it or after / like cystitis, although I was treated many times /, I feel like dryness and scratching when penetrating, which is strange because there is always a love game, he tries very hard to any way to predispose me, I get wet, but I still feel dry. Of course in such cases we use a lubricant, but often it does not help. I was forced to start practicing anal sex so that I could have a chat-pat and have fun. I started to think that I had an anomaly in my vagina, but the doctors told me that everything was fine, it was just a psychological obstacle (maybe I don't like it enough) to relax and enjoy. Yes, I also want to enjoy it, but when it hurts me how to do it ... 3. At the moment we live temporarily in different places, we don't see each other, I don't have sex, but I don't have any desire, need to do it. I work around a lot of men, I'm charming, I have suitors, but I'm not attracted to them. Just try to imagine something and I'm disgusted. Sometimes I think I'm not a lesbian, women are beautiful creatures, unlike men, I look at them, my friend and I look at it together and comment. We talked about 3ka, but for now, I don't want to share it with anyone. In general, if I tried with a woman, I would like to be without him, and I do not know where to find such a woman and what to do at all.
Please help, do you have similar thoughts and experiences? Could that "paralysis" in 10 minutes of orgasm be? How can I repeat it? Do you also feel scratches when penetrating and dryness when you are wet? Sorry for the long story, I will find out from the comments if you liked it. Thank you very much in advance.
Answers 14
You must be a lesbian. You can't help but feel pleasure and even pain when there is a love game and you are prepared in advance. Unless your friend is someone super gifted, which you didn't mention. I think you were made for another kind of sex, namely lesbian. With which to caress, lick, etc. Not that there is no penetration in lesbian sex, but it is only in case you want, moreover, it does not have to be only with an artificial penis, which can still hurt you, there may be only finger penetration that doesn't hurt at all. Try a woman! I strongly advise you, then you can rediscover the pleasure of sex. You will have to look for a partner. Better not on a dating site though. Best directly in a gay club. (As far as I know, there are some.)
I have the same problem. I don't know anymore, I've tried everything. I broke up with my ex 8 months ago, I haven't felt any need for sex since then, and even when we were together (5 years), I haven't felt much pleasure ... does anyone know what it's due to? I loved him very much.
In my opinion, you are an unconscious lesbian who is suppressed in all sorts of ways. You don't want men, and you know it consciously. My advice is to do it with a woman. And then you will already have a base, with whom you are better with women or with men. But you're really tormented, stop. I told you, I think you're an unconscious lesbian. If you have no pleasure with a man, try a woman, it's very simple. Not all women need to sleep with men. Be honest with yourself so you can be honest with others. ...
For example, I have a very rare attraction to a man. But there was a fire for a long time. And the rest of the time I'm like you to your boyfriend, I don't feel sexual desire for random men. I mean, maybe your boyfriend isn't your man who can turn you on, even though you have an emotional connection. Yours is more like a friendship.
It is not yet known whether you are a lesbian. But it's clear to me that you just don't like your boyfriend. It does not attract you sexually. If you were sexually attracted, even without an orgasm, you would love sex.
Author: Thank you for the comments. No, my boyfriend is not super gifted, his penis is average. And he himself encourages me to experiment and find out what I like, to be more interested (of course he wants to participate ...) I should be afraid to go to a gay bar, but to hope that others will be more active, because I would definitely never take the first step: D: D: D The other thing that worries me a little is - how do lesbians protect themselves from sexually transmitted diseases? This is definitely a risk in my opinion. :) And really - how does it feel to have an orgasm? How do you know you experienced it? / question to women /
Before you decide that you are a lesbian, try other men ... I have an acquaintance who came across a man suitable for her and suddenly began to define sex as "dizzying". And before that she said she didn't care.
Author: Thanks for the comments. :) I saw in recent topics that a lot of women have a similar problem ... sad, maybe we are asexual ..... Number 3, 1, I hope one day to try with a girl and find out if I like sex more and if after all, I will one day have supreme pleasure. :) :) But regardless of the result, even if I like being with a woman more physically, I will definitely not give up my relationship with my boyfriend because I love him very much. As I said at the beginning, we are almost the "perfect couple" emotionally - we talk, share absolutely everything (he knows that I write in a forum), support each other, love each other, make plans for the future, etc. So my idea is that I don't think I'll ever meet another person like him, I'm not looking. Sex is important, but I think the things listed are more important, I'm ready to sit unsatisfied (sounds very sad), but to be with him. And if he likes it too much with a woman (whenever I try), I believe that he will find a compromise with him, so everything is decided by conversation. :)
Get a little read on the net what an orgasm is and how long it lasts, author. You're probably asexual.
Author, I don't believe you're a lesbian. I was in the same way with my first friend - we have sex, but I never finish. I got wet if there was sexual play beforehand, otherwise we always used lubricants. I always ended up with my fingers after sex and I thought something was wrong. I'm not asexual and I've always had a desire for sex, even though I didn't get pleasure. It was just cool to make my friend cum. Coincidentally, we broke up and for almost a year I only masturbated. Then I got together with my current boyfriend and completely rediscovered sex - he definitely knows how to satisfy a woman and I always end up with sex several times and most often squirt. My advice is to try with other men and see if you like it this time. If not - or you have no luck with lovers, or you have another sexual orientation.
You're not a lesbian, you're just taught that sex is a bad thing and you can't relax enough. You have emotional barriers and inhibitions that hinder your pleasure. Try alcohol and see if it cools you down
Safe from commentators who instill in people that they were "unconscious." You have no idea about the author's problem, but because you have to be competent in everything, you started to support her in some of her chatter. Because she'd heard there were lesbians, too, so you know she might be. Author, your problem is psychological. Think carefully about what your first time was like. Did you want it? Did they treat you kindly or did you come across a bully? Look at your past, how can you dislike sex? Have you watched porn as a child, especially rough porn? And no, don't go to a psychologist. It is now fashionable to go to psychologists, just as it is fashionable to be a lesbian. I have friends who have been accused by gay psychologists for years of being gay. And now they are even more confused. When a person does not understand himself and his past clings to something unknown, new. As if the new will change the old. Psychologists use this moment to report that they have helped you and to take your money. No matter how hard a man or woman tries to give you pleasure, he will not succeed as long as you do not assume that you deserve happiness and pleasure yourself.
Wow, thank you all for the comments, especially NUMBER 14. Especially the last sentence is a lot in the 10th as it seems !!! Maybe you're absolutely right, because I started thinking about really going to a psychologist (to go for another topic, my job, but sooner or later I think the topic of sex would intervene). I will think about my past, I know that the problem is not in my friend, because he really tries very hard - love game always, surprises, chocolates, strawberries, baths with candles and wine, etc., just like in fairy tales. As I said, he is my only partner and the first time he tried very hard, of course it hurts me, but it was definitely not rude.
Author: And number 14, if you do not recommend psychologists, do you have other suggestions on how to "overcome" this? As he said, "as long as you don't assume that you deserve happiness and pleasure yourself, it won't work," I think that affects other areas of my life. Even if I rethink my past and find the reason, how to "fight"?