Hello. My confession is among the relatively common ones, but I really need to hear side opinions. Please post it. My friend and I have been together for 3 years, I am 25, he is 30. At this stage of the relationship it is assumed that we already live together or at least have serious intentions for each other, but unfortunately it does not happen. Let me tell you. Our relationship is slipping, not developing, there is no prospect of passing to the next stage. In the beginning it was crazy love, attraction, which grew into love, affection, there is a lot of trust between us. We are similar in that we are more house pots and we are not unrestrained party / life animals. But the problems come from him. Over time, I got to know his habits and there are a lot of things I can't overcome. We do not live together, so far I visit him for a day or two at most. The frictions are of two types - domestic and intimate. By household I mean: extremely ill on the subject of hygiene and order. He decides that whatever he does, so do I. It intrudes on me and imposes a pattern of behavior, washing my hands for 5 minutes for everything (even if I touch the shampoo from the bathroom). Hour by hour he remarks to me why I put my feet where the pillows usually stand (even though I removed them), why I sprayed myself with deodorant near the furniture and the computer, I would damage them and a bunch of other nonsense that I don't want to deepen. I tried to ignore him, but he wouldn't let me find him, took me by the hand to the bathroom, or pushed me to move where you were. It's intolerable and the millions of conversations don't help - it's like that and he couldn't avoid it.
The other problem, the intimate one, which seems to heat me up the most. I'm first in his bed, therefore there is no experience and this reflects very unpleasantly. From the very beginning, he demonstrated erection problems. It is difficult to get aroused in my presence, whether in underwear, completely naked, or in provocative clothes. He picks it up when he picks it, at random moments. Then he starts pressuring me to do it, but I'm not happy and I'm not prepared. It works against me when he is ready, but not because he wants to, but just so we don't miss the moment. As it happened to him, in 2 minutes everything can go to hell, not to mention the thousands of failed attempts at sex. He watches porn, claims that it is calmer and easier for him to get aroused. I'm sexual in nature, he's obviously not so much ... I thought I wasn't attractive enough, he denies. During all this time, instead of getting even closer to him, I pushed myself away. I don't want sex with him, I don't think about it and I'm annoyed that months pass before I see one, not to mention quality. Otherwise he is a very well-groomed and looking man ... Considering all the discrepancies, I realize that I have no desire to move in with him, I feel that he will be hell. He lives in a dormitory, he is alone, but it is too cramped and depressing at least for me. I don't feel like my second home. What to do, advise me. Should we keep trying to fix things and how ....? What to do, advise me. Should we keep trying to fix things and how ....? What to do, advise me. Should we keep trying to fix things and how ....?
Answers 22
In short - you have no future. No matter how much we twist and suck it, with this man if you live together and make a (God forbid) family, you will suffer. Do not compromise with yourself. You have time, but don't stay like that for so long, but part with it.
You are not compatible with all paragraphs. He has no experience, and you (since you are his first) are too big a bar at this stage. You need to start a relationship with an inexperienced girl in order for the relationship to go in sync, and you to find as experienced as you.
What normal woman would go with a 30-year-old virgin? If a man doesn't have sex at the age of 20 at the latest, then a man won't come out of it. At most, to become one from the author's story. Sex with prostitutes does not count, it makes you even more pathetic.
Horror. I don't know how you handle it. your friend has obsessive-compulsive disorder. Ask a psychiatrist and you will see.
I would break up with him if I were you. You have tried for 3 years, how much more to try? And if what irritates you in it can't change it, you will separate whether in 1 week or 2 years it is the same, only where in 2 years it will break your nerves and you will not see good sex. . And sex is very important, at least for me, if I'm not good in bed with someone, I can't wake up next to him. You are young, now is the time to find someone who will want you and have passionate and searing sex with you. In 20 years you will see soft dicks.
Wow, in the middle of your story, I was very sick of you and I really felt sorry for you. I guess you don't want people to feel sorry for your relationship with this individual, so I personally recommend that you break up with him as soon as possible. Think about it, it will not be easy, but I am convinced that this is the right decision. You have no future. If I were you, even if I loved him, I would leave without thinking. I don't know how you put up with all this. Are you a masochist? Don't you want to find true, pure and unforced love? If you think that this relationship has anything to do with your love, you are wrong.
I notice a tendency, mentioning the problems and shortcomings, the authors of the topics always blame the halves, and they consider themselves the perfect partners, isn't it strange? !! Not only in him is the cause, but in you. At the age of 25, you need to have established habits, such as cleaning, cooking and tidying up, and your problem with moms and dads is better and easier than becoming independent and taking care of your home and family on your own. First learn to work and be independent, then go to sleep for 2, 3 days with someone. You exaggerate about sex, because a man does not refuse sex, and you do not live together so that you are so tired of him. Find the problems in yourself first, then list his. And the fact that you are his first does not matter.
Drop it, shit. His obsession with hygiene is an obsession. Of course, I accept that you have normal hygiene, but still consider how often you wash your hands. His erection will never change if he doesn't give up porn. Some men don't seem to heat up because they're not sex machines.
Why do you deal with crazy people. Your friend is crazy. Run
Number 7, how did you decide that she is not clean and has no established habits? Was he in them, did I live with her, did she shine for her? How you judge from a story whether he can cook and clean, only you know. Are you a medium? It matters that he is his first, a 30-year-old virgin, this is not normal. Hold her boyfriend's hand and clean up, go through the psychologist in the meantime. Safe from misunderstood people.
Listen to the truth. I will take a lot of anger. This is not a person you need to connect with. There are consequences of prolonged and obsessive pornographic and masturbating practices. I will not go into details. The psyche of such a person is spoiled. Don't realize he's crazy. He cannot lift the plane due to erectile dysfunction. And he's obsessive, obsessed with cleanliness, because porn makes people nervous, kind of drives them crazy. He is constantly afraid and anxious. Youbraupinonporn nofap. Sites. Consider running away from such a person.
If he does not want to visit specialists (on both issues) and is not inclined to compromise and adjust (this is required of you, of course), then you have no future. Not happily like that. Clarify before yourself, let him also clarify with his Self, and then do it with each other. It has been too long for there to be any development. Make a decision. The earlier the better. Success and happiness! F29
"What to do, advise me. Should we continue to try to fix things and how ....?" .. what exactly should you try to fix. As you describe things, I understand from your words that things have never been good (except in the beginning, when you didn't know him so well, but you yourself said that over time you don't become attached to him, quite the opposite), that as a result to make them worse and you have to fix them now. I say "fix" because it's obvious that your friend doesn't have that intention, and in fact you're the one complaining. You said it yourself, this relationship, how was the expression "slipped" in one place and not developed, so from my point of view it has no future. You want advice, stop tormenting yourself and just leave it, you will see how much easier you will breathe after that. Good luck :)
№ 7 is right. When such a topic is released, it goes to extremes, the shortcomings of the other are always pointed out, and the comments are bom-bok. You are very hypocritical people on the site, you know that? When a woman or a man writes - "I'm a virgin and I'm 25", "I'm a virgin and I'm 25", you start defending the thesis that it is better to wait before taking a quick step, but mostly for men you let the fly fly for a prostitute, otherwise you don't insult them like the author's friend.The author's friend is not a virgin, is it so shameful to be a virgin? the topic was not who is a virgin, but only for this comment. As there is nothing to say, shut up. As much as the gentleman in question, so much she is guilty, she can not be an angel, everything is perfect for her, because there are no perfect people. You only know how to judge, but not to look at things from another angle. № 10, hello "perfect", why don't you keep your "opinion", which was not related to the topic. You're not a virgin, are you confused? Watch your life, because as you accuse and watch ridicule, so it will happen to you, and the site will share, in which you will complain and ask for advice.
Glad you don't live together. There is something abnormal about it. It is not normal for a virgin to be 27 years old, nor to wash his hands for five minutes. Run away from him, now he is harassing you, and if you get together it will become hell. Look for another.
Hello from the author. I doubt I'm perfect, I'm far from that thought. Yes, I have the necessary hygiene and habits, I wash my hands before eating and after I go home. Yes, I find time for women's responsibilities and housework. However, I do not think that this is the topic of conversation. I mentioned that my friend watches porn - a fact, but he doesn't do it every day, only occasionally. I don't know how this tends to weaken him sexually, rather I think he gets used to the pattern of behavior and the vision of the actors ... after which it's hard to bring him back to reality. I had several (a few) exes, but none of them had this problem (I want to clarify that two of them were also virgins). Maybe I forgot to add that a few years ago my boyfriend had a bad incident with his ex. They are leaning against the bed, but there was an interception with him and the girl ordered him and left. Since then, he had shut himself in and hated the idea of sex. I suggested we visit a psychologist or sexologist together if he doesn't dare, but he always avoids the topic. He said that it is difficult to relax talking about personal things with friends, let alone with strangers, even specialists ....
Dear girl (even a woman, I would say), do not waste your nerves and time to invest them in meaningless relationships. Do not pay attention to the "lawyers" of your "partner", most likely, just like him, obsessed purists and impotent virgins, listen to the advice of other commenters. I even wonder about your patience and loyalty, the emotional parasite you had the misfortune to get together with doesn't deserve them at all, don't waste your life, you are already at the optimal age for giving birth to your first child, think about it! Put an end to it as soon as possible before you are mentally defective. And don't suffer from a guilty conscience, enough that you have invested too much in this degenerate relationship, think for yourself!
From number 7 to number 10 When did I say I was "perfect"? It was exactly on the topic, if you did not understand the subtext, it is your personal problem. I think you also have the psychic abilities, as on number 7. You know who, where and when will complain. It's a shame to be a 30-year-old virgin, it proves that you have no approach to women, and if a man can't seduce her and put her to bed, then he's very bad at character, or something else he's very lame (A clear example of this is this story). Because, let's not lie, which man remained a virgin until he was 30, because he wanted to? !! : D in my life experience (37 years old), I have not met even one man who is a virgin after 25 and is not crazy. And I said a lot about it, in comment number 5. From what other angle can you look at the fact that she has OCD and does not allow her to perfume next to the sofa? Or this, that it doesn't suit him? Would she, if she looked at it from another angle, lose her virginity at 18 and let her perfume herself at will, where she liked it? The author asks very clearly what to do. Even if she is not an angel, she talks about abnormal things that do not happen to a normal man. Whether he is an angel or a devil, if he is a parrot, his habits are unlikely to change. And we look at it from her point of view, because she wrote the story, if her boyfriend had written it, we would have watched it from his. these habits of his are unlikely to change. And we look at it from her point of view, because she wrote the story, if her boyfriend had written it, we would have seen it from his. these habits of his are unlikely to change. And we look at it from her point of view, because she wrote the story, if her boyfriend had written it, we would have watched it from his.
At 25, you should think correctly and in the direction of your good. I don't know how you lasted three years. Why are you dragging this connection at all? And how come you're his first when he's 30? Very strange. There are some human problems. And don't live together at all. If for one or two days it irritates you like that, imagine what it will be like permanently.
If you love him, you have to be by his side and fight with him. It doesn't matter virgin or not, it doesn't matter sick psyche or not. All problems, except deadly diseases, are treatable and solvable. Calm down. If you want this person, sit down, talk, tell your opinion frankly and say you want to deal with it. Both of you, if you are a homemaker, indulge in this. In the evening, hug, go online, see what causes his manic behavior, try herbs, walks, new experiences, read psychological topics in the direction in which it affects you. If there's a will, there's a way. Do not approach with accusations, do not condemn, do not indulge in unhappy thoughts. It is even possible that the cause is a deficiency of vitamins and minerals, as well as diseases of the pituitary gland or inflamed nerve endings. Impotence is also due to physiological problems most likely. It is important to identify problem areas and seek professional help. If you can make him see the problem, then you are almost successful. The important thing is to trust each other and love each other. Not everyone would succeed, only the lover has a chance. Realistically judge for yourself whether you have the strength to fight for it with him.
Thanks for all the advice. How can I explain to you ... for these 3 years, of course, there have been a lot of conversations, for better or for worse, with different approaches, ideas, etc. At most, to tell me in return "yes, maybe you're right "but ultimately claims to be stronger than him. And I push for a specialist, but he does not dare to trust anyone for anything personal. He does not comment on his intimate problems even with his friends. Why do I give him a chance for so long? Because he is a wonderful person, with high morals, serious intentions, attractive appearance, we already have a very strong affection, curious and intelligent. So far he is my most readable partner. I always hope that against the background of everything we will be able to fix two problems ... I hope ... Author
Number 21, are you with everyone? Do you know how long this will take? While he is "cured" (although, as we have already learned from the author, he is unlikely to do so, because he himself has no desire) they will become at an age when they should already have children and live on a family basis. I don't see how a normal person would give such advice unless he is diagnosed with OCD or is impotent and sympathetic to the gentleman's pain. You have to run away from such a lunatic with 200, no matter how much you love him. Apart from dragging her down and killing her desire for sex, he is unlikely to do it. My advice is at this age to live your life, lead a full sexual life .. I don't even know how you put up with it