I have a long relationship for almost 10 years. We have experienced everything you can think of. I was 16 when we left, he was 19. We parted 3 times - 2 times in 3 months, the last time was about 5 months. During our divisions, he always dealt with some girls with whom he had nothing to do. He had reached out to me in the beginning. After our last gathering (4 years ago) everything is going very well! really. he didn't touch me, he's behaving very well. somehow we grew up together. After our reunion, the girls I found out I didn't like, but somehow I accepted. We had separated because of his attitude, the encroachments, etc ... During our last separation, tired of the bad period and the bad attitude, I started my life over. A new person has appeared in my life. He treated me well, things weren't bad for a start ... But time passed, I rethought things, and my friend and I met again. Everything has been great since then, except for one. I was afraid to share what had happened to me. Given his previous attitude towards me, how can I tell him ... We've been together non-stop for 4 years and everything is ok ... He had mentioned his short-term relationships, but somehow I didn't have the courage. I'm tired of my guilt, I always feel guilty about something, all my life. I never cheated on him ... And that boy is a closed page for me, I didn't play double games ... He was from another city ... I soon saw on the Facebook of an acquaintance of mine that he had added him (that boy) and I shivered ... And now I'm afraid that something won't come to me, and I wonder what to say :(. Don't get me wrong - I didn't cheat, as you read ... I accepted my friend's antics, I forgave him encroachments, everything! But he would not accept that there was another person in my life, I am afraid of his reaction. So the question that excites me is the question that I asked as a topic. Do you think everything is understood in 1 day, and can my secret remain just a memory from the past, which I ended a long time ago I'm afraid that boy won't start spitting at me or intriguing me on these Facebook pages. :( My only consolation is that a lot of time has passed since then, but the fear does not leave me ... Help me with an opinion, but please without reproach! I want to get out of the situation and continue my life normally! and can my secret remain just a memory of the past that I ended a long time ago? I'm afraid that boy won't spit on me or intrigue me on these Facebook pages. :( My only consolation is that a lot of time has passed since then, but the fear does not leave me ... Help me with an opinion, but please without reproach! I want to get out of the situation and continue my life normally! and can my secret remain just a memory of the past that I ended a long time ago? I'm afraid that boy won't start spitting at me or intriguing me on these Facebook pages. :( My only consolation is that a lot of time has passed since then, but the fear does not leave me ... Help me with an opinion, but please without reproach! I want to get out of the situation and continue my life normally!
Answers 16
I don't think anything will happen.
I recommend you to delete your Facebook!
the author - I don't have a personal facebook. I'm afraid of getting to my friend in some way. he also doesn't have fb, but he has a lot of acquaintances ... what do you think I'm worried about.
It will be understood sooner or later - guaranteed. Tell him to relieve you and the truth will set you free. Don't dramatize, you had another life before you reunited - a great miracle.
Why can you understand everything and forgive, and he can't even more that then you were separated and he had connections.
and is there a way not to understand? maybe he will never mention me :(. I hope it is not clear what you think?
Girl, your problem is different with this man. You live in permanent fear of him and nago "everything is forgiven". You are lost as an independent person. He crushed you (mentally). You live his life. Be a person and stand up for the right to your own life. These 4 years, why didn't you have a relationship with someone else? This is not infidelity. Either you accept it - with past and present, or you separate. I didn't touch you, so you're fine !!! What about the criteria?
"I'm tired of my guilt, I always feel guilty about something, all my life. I've never cheated on him ... And that boy is a closed page for me, I haven't played double games ... He was from another city ... "I wonder how some people can make a problem, even when it's not there ... Dear girl, look ahead and don't go back to the old movies. I admit that I can't see anything, but nothing disturbing in what you wrote ... Hardly anyone cares about your old boyfriends, except yourself. If your boy loves you, he wouldn't bother digging up old excrement. Try to get rid of those things that bother you. You see, they only bother YOU and you can get rid of them. If you leave them there, you risk your whole life, or at least long enough, to sit on a barrel of gunpowder and wait for it to explode. And the gunpowder in the barrel is simply not there ... Stop thinking about it, it's better, believe me. Look ahead, think positively and let time and good experiences overwhelm your worries. And if by chance your friend still insists on picking up such old things, then you decide - he should leave on his own or you should beat his jester. A common future could not be built with such a person ...
You're worried about nonsense — what if he finds out — you didn't commit a crime. You were separated during that time, and he also had other connections — and you — only 1. Not to be in a patriarchal society — and he also attacked you. If he touched you, why did you come back to him - he will touch you for life. And this gentleman should not be so untouchable as to think of himself as great and only he should have flirtations - and you - no, and during that time you have not been with him. You better not tell him anything at all - because as far as I understand he is no gentleman or gentleman. You shouldn't have met him - since from now on you are afraid of him, what's left for the future. A relationship is not built on fear and obedience. You are equal. You were single then - that's why you had another relationship - not to be 200 years ago when a girl had to marry a virgin and live with a man no matter what she was for the rest of her life. I don't want to tell you to cheat on him - but you shouldn't be afraid. Where there is fear, there is not so much love.
author: people, understand me! I know what my friend's character is. It's true that I can obviously forgive, and he probably can't, but that was so long ago ... I want him to stay in the past! That's why I wrote - I want to hear your opinions and share how I feel.
What is there to forgive your friend? You did not physically cheat on him; you went out with the boy in question; it was a balm for your ex-boyfriend, who was hurt at the time, but you didn't get to intimacy - or in other words - "just friends." If your friend asks you why you didn't share it with him, answer that there was nothing between you and this boy and you didn't see anything to share. Smile sweet girl and do not worry unnecessarily. I think you're guilty of instilling feelings in that other boy and you're afraid he might get revenge on you. There is nothing to share anything with your friend, because after 4 years, if you suddenly tell him about it, the other boy would become suspicious.
My opinion that you feel bad, which does not speak well of your current relationship. Think about it.
In my opinion, at the first convenient moment when it comes to the past, find a way to tell him. If you are afraid that he will touch you, you better understand it early, because you will live with him, if he touches you for every look or conversation with someone, you better decide if it is better to break up with him more now, instead of living in fear of when what will happen.
I agree with the comment of №8!
and do you think there are secrets that can remain hidden forever?
Horror ... I know that what I will write to you will sound rude, but you are very bad. You know better. There is something to feel guilty about, a lot, but in front of you! I don't have good prognoses for you, in the best case scenario, if you continue to bend your thinking like that, you will end up in a madhouse. A person's brain is so structured that it does not forgive double standards, lack of logic and justice. At one point, the fuses burn out. You are very stuck and you don't even intend to get out of there ... :( Here, this case of yours is proof for me that "love" is a mental illness, as scientists write ... If the moderators decide to delete me - then not you It's good to know what your story looks like when viewed soberly from the side, but without the therapeutic one: sweet girl.