I ask that my story be published, because in it I will tell something that has been confusing my thoughts for a long time. I am a 23-year-old single girl. I am about to finish my bachelor's degree this year. I have been working for two years in a company whose name I will not mention. From the very beginning, a colleague and I liked each other a lot (he holds a higher position than me, but not the highest in the company). Many of our other colleagues do not like him and consider him arrogant and arrogant, I would rather describe him as straightforward. We started writing to each other since we met, and I initiated most of the conversations. He was nice to me, answered me every time I looked for him, complimented me. There was no sign that I was bothering him in any way. A man who is indifferent to a woman wouldn't do it out of politeness, would he? I felt like I was starting to get attached to him, and I knew nothing of his personal life, but by the fact that no matter what time of day it was, and we wrote to each other, I judged him to be unattached. Little by little, he began to pay less attention to me. One day he told me that he did not want his family to suffer from writing to me. I was really embarrassed because I thought he was married and had a family that I was bothering.
Then we quarreled because I told him that not only one person is involved in the development of this relationship between us, and as much as I have some guilt, so much does he have it. He denied being married and told me not to worry, but he also said he didn't want anything between us but friendship. I respected his wish. We both went on vacation for about a month, which happened quite by accident at the same time, and during that time I tried not to bother him, because I was already very sick. He wasn't looking for me either. I watched my life, I guess he did the same. We went back to work and our relationship started to "warm up" again. He constantly praised me for doing a good job, noticed when another colleague allowed himself to look at me or talk to me, emphasized that he was puzzled that another colleague had my phone number and he didn't (I took it as a hint that my he wants the number, but I didn't give it to him), he joked that I was enchanting them, for me it was a pure flirtation, to which I did not respond. Again, there were times when he ignored me, when I tried to look for him, and when I showed that I didn't like it, he wanted to talk about what was wrong with me, whether he had done anything, and if he could help me.
If I happened to react more sharply, he wondered why I reacted like that. Again, I wonder a man who is indifferent to a woman wouldn't do that out of politeness, would he? Last month he offered me to work on a project together and I accepted. You can imagine that such a thing requires constant communication and coordination between the participants if they want their work to be done well. We had to present the project to our bosses. He was constantly taking care of me that day. He asked me how I was, if I needed anything, he wanted to help me with various things, he was joking with me, he was looking for my approval, he wanted to stand by him. I noticed him several times that he was watching my actions. At one point, I had a short conversation with another colleague we've known for a long time, and I don't know why, but instinctively after the conversation, I looked at him (the person I'm writing this story about). probably to see his reaction, and I realized that he was looking at me the whole time, he smiled slightly and immediately looked away from me. In a conversation with other colleagues later, he allowed himself to touch me in some way for the first time - he put his hand a little above my waist, telling his colleagues that he should thank me for the good teamwork. It came to me very unexpectedly and I pulled away slightly, but there was no change in his actions.
I think that when a person touches someone, in this way he shows closeness to him. I'm not saying I was uncomfortable, but I'm aware that not all people allow and like someone to touch them like that. In general, this is my story and I thank the people who will take the time to read it and give me some advice. I will benefit from any points of view and opinions, but please, no insults. I want to know if I'm paying too much attention to insignificant things or if everything that has happened between us so far has been read correctly. I will not hide that I am already attached to this person to some extent, I care about both him and our relationship. I don't know how to behave from now on - should I just let things happen, should I make any effort at all, should I avoid it?
Answers 7
You better let things happen, if you press it can have the opposite effect and recede.
"We've been writing to each other since we met, and I've initiated most of the conversations." That's all that makes me think you don't like it. What is this self-confident man standing and waiting to be taken down ... please. Be the biggest stranger, I know from experience that he will look for you if he likes you. The rest are your movies, you are one of those women who put themselves on men and want attention, which if they get a little of it, they cling like leeches.
It looks like manipulation to me ... either he doesn't know what he wants or he manipulates you. both options are not ok. from your description, I don't like this man and I would stay away from him. I say it based on experience ... N.
Author - do not get involved in such films. I agree with number 3. If a man likes you, he will look for you, and he will not ignore you and give you some mixed signals. At most he wants only sex and so much, but to be stopped by the fact that you work together. I couldn't quite understand your statement that "One day he told me he didn't want his family to suffer from writing to me." - What family - a woman and children? !? !! Because if it's about his mother and father, to interfere in his personal life to such an extent - you don't need such a mother's son !!! : D In principle, it is not bad for a woman to take the first step and show her interest in a man, but if he does not react or has some "dumb" excuses, as in this case - the options are: either bound and hiding it, or just not they like you enough! Men are "simple" creatures and we don't have the "complicated" thinking of women. With us, everything is black and white. :) Rather, orient yourself to another free man. Good luck. M. 32g.
No. If he had, he would have tried to take you down, invite you to a meeting or other contact outside of office. Stop looking for him and move on. A man who has an interest in you will not wait two years to put his hand on your waist.
I can't guess if this man is interested in you, but I will tell you my humble opinion on how it is normal to behave in such a situation. You will neither avoid it nor seek it. You used to write to each other more often and then he told you that he only wanted you to be friends. It sounds to me as if he suspected that you had feelings and made the decision that he did not want a more intimate development of your relationship. He said it completely directly, then for a month neither news nor bone. This is pure rejection, rejection, neon No. You say that after the holidays your relationship has started to warm up, but just before this warm-up you did not have any relationship, so this warm-up may turn out to be normal collegiality. You are now standing and analyzing the past as you think about possible future developments, but there is no logic in doing so. Doesn't mean no. Once you hear it, accept it and forget it. If he wants you to talk, he will come, greet you and ask for a conversation. If he wants to see you, he'll offer you a coffee. If he wants you to work on common projects, he will offer you participation in the team. If he is interested in you, he will find a way to show / express it and you will not ask questions. If you have a desire for the same things, you will accept. Once you tried to warm up your relationship, and he refused, live with that refusal and don't try to win it. Until you hear "yes" or receive direct invitations, his answer remains in the negative and there is no need to push. A woman in love is easy to spot, but a man in love is even more recognizable. They are hunters, they don't understand hints and they don't, in a man with feelings, everything is usually as clear and clear as daylight. We are the ones who hint, change the vision, make small gestures in order for the other to guess that we have an interest in him. Men in very rare cases rely on hints during a conversation and indirect actions for a hint, they usually have a completely direct, recognizable interest. If you are wondering and this bothers you somehow, just accept the last clear answer he gave you and do nothing, let him dictate your relationship.
I think you need to start by analyzing your own desire about the direction and future of this situation and decide what to do with the outcome. Ask yourself what you want. If you want to get somewhere with this person and continue, even with small steps towards something serious, then stop guessing, but demonstrate how you feel and what you would like and watch the answer. If you're not good at it, you can just ask him how he feels, you're still an adult. Yes, the first time he answered you in the negative, but there are signs that this may be the case and facts in conflict with his statement, you can ask him what they are due to and whether he still wants nothing more than friendship. And if you think you don't want anything, either let things go and probably fade, or, if you think, that it can be painful for you show cooler behavior and back off. It all depends on what you want. Until you decide, you can't have a direction or a goal or be given advice on what to do. USA