Hi, I want to share my story because I'm ashamed to share it with a friend or someone in my family. My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have known each other for so long. I got pregnant a year ago, it wasn't planned, so in the beginning he was very scared, he thought how hard it would be for us because we are in a dormitory, etc., but I think the main reason was that we live alone and he didn't want to become so engaged in life. He wanted me to get rid of him. In the end we talked, I told him how I had already removed one of it and this time it could be our last chance, how this is a human life that we have created, how I am infinitely sorry for the first, etc. He was sad and he thought, asked us to keep him. Then we didn't fight all my pregnancy, we were very good and very happy. The best period of our whole relationship! After the birth, however, everything changed. He seemed to get colder, instead of showing respect for me for enduring the pain of childbirth and loving me more after giving him the most beautiful girl, he did just the opposite. We started arguing, I cried and he turned his back on me, I will explain about sex, he didn't spend any time with the baby until we were discharged from the hospital, he didn't even want to pick him up and hug him, then only after work he hugged her for little and that was his father's care. They are still like that today, the baby is already 6 months old, and he still doesn't want to bathe him, take him out for an hour or stay home with her for an hour, he doesn't even want to hold her for 20 minutes, while cook, eat or something else. This already comes to me more. I want some time for myself so that I don't get so nervous and fight all the time. I talked to him a thousand times on this topic and he kept promising, and the next day the same song. He only took her out once so I could clean up, because he was scared of the vacuum cleaner. He doesn't understand me at all and doesn't get into my situation. After work, when he comes, we don't even talk much, because he goes to the terrace to smoke and then sits at the computer to play online games, telling him something I have to repeat 3 times to hear me and answer. The other problem. Unwittingly, I found out that he has been watching porn, watching and watching since I got pregnant. It has become a habit and there have been days when he does not miss to play porn the night before he falls asleep. We talked about this topic, he admitted that it really wasn't like that before, he watched, yes, but not so often. As a result, we did not have sex for 4 months after birth. During pregnancy we had once a week, and in recent months less often. When I asked him why he didn't raise the topic of sex or didn't start me directly, he started making excuses, he didn't know I was ready, he wasn't comfortable asking or starting and I refused. Then we had sex several times initiated by me, the next day again porn and chicks. I decided to watch what porn he likes and saw that he watches more blowjobs. I did it to him several times, each time he fell asleep immediately without returning the gesture. We talked about it again, he justified himself again, this time with the fact that he became overweight and that killed his testosterone, he couldn't maintain an erection, he had to start training and go on a diet. Yes, but he doesn't do anything about it. It's been like this for two months now. I bought some nice underwear, I walk around half naked or naked around it, I make hints, he pretends to be hit, he doesn't notice me at all, he ignores me. I feel terrible, I feel ugly, fat and unwanted. I shared these things with him, every time I started this topic he got annoyed and didn't want to talk. How he doesn't have an erection by masturbating and giving him blowjobs is all 6. He wants to change the fact that he has no strength and that the baby does not sleep in our room. Okay, but we're in the studio, the baby can't go to the kitchen. We started looking at new apartments for rent, but on the third day he no longer seems so motivated to move. Every time we have a conversation, he says he is happy. Ah, I don't feel that way, and I can't understand how happy he is to see that I'm not, he, if he weren't happy, I wouldn't be and I would do my best to make him happy. That's what we promise ourselves in vows. He makes absolutely no effort and I have the feeling that if I raise my hands our marriage will fall apart. I share this with you and ask you for advice on how to proceed, should I look for a specialist, should I let him take the initiative, should I continue my life as it is and end our relationship when it starts to last?
Answers 16
Why did you remove the first, then you saw that he didn't want the second ... It's a pity, it's just an inseminator, a father by no means. He even has the audacity to say remove it ...
It will only get better ... believe me and be patient. When the little one begins to initiate contact with the father, he has no way not to shake emotionally.
Dear author, Don't classify people as fat, ugly and unwanted, because even if you are the most beautiful with measures 60-90-60, you have no guarantee of what kind of boiler you will come across. And you were just like that, you had an abortion, you gave birth to a child. I wonder what kind of mind
It seems to me that you got married without first talking about "children and family." And this is very important because there are people who do not want to have children. I don't think your husband just wanted a child. One cannot blame oneself for not wanting children, everyone has their own ideas about happiness. The point, however, is that the child already exists and he must live in a home where he will be cared for and he will feel loved. Watching porn is not a problem. Everyone is watching. That he refuses to have sex with you I understand to some extent. Many women as mothers become completely devoted to their children and, of course, seem a little neglected. The main problem is that your husband is not fulfilling his father's duties. I advise you to tell him that if he does not change his attitude towards the child, you will end your relationship with him. Give him a deadline. 1, 2, 3 months ... As much as you decide. If you drive the same way just leave it. And separately, try to set aside some time for yourself. And half an hour a day will be useful. Not for him, but for herself. Tighten your figure, don't leave yourself like that. A mother can look great. You do not need to exercise 4 hours a day. Eat healthy, do not eat dough and fat, do exercise. In 6 months you will see a big change.
Aren't these men like a crisis when they become fathers? We had such a moment. However, instead of saving my marriage, I started saving one by one. I started going to the gym because I felt disgustingly unattractive. I took a booklet to be more independent in case my husband decided to beat his clown. I left him no choice but to look after the child. I stood with the sneakers on the door and as soon as he came in I spilled: milk on the counter and disappeared. When he was dissatisfied, I asked him if he wanted to become a whale, get depressed, or jump somewhere. !! I never intended to become a driver, I needed to be outside and I was preparing to become a single mother. In the meantime, however, he assumed that he was attached to the child. She bought him various things, took pictures of him all the time, played with him. And by saying the first word "daddy" became inseparable. They both bathe and fall asleep. Maybe men need more time to build a relationship. And little by little, I returned to normal life and looked like a human being. The first months are very difficult, nervous, surreal straight. The other mothers will make fun of me now, but listen to me - take care of yourself and give space to your husband and child. Everything will be fine. Just try to do something for yourself for at least 1 hour every day. One day of sports, one day of hairdresser, one day of coffee. No one will die and the world will not end if you go out in 1 hour. In my opinion, this is the key to not going crazy and staying a woman. And save your marriage accordingly. The first months are very difficult, nervous, surreal straight. The other mothers will make fun of me now, but listen to me - take care of yourself and give space to your husband and child. Everything will be fine. Just try to do something for yourself for at least 1 hour every day. One day of sports, one day of hairdresser, one day of coffee. No one will die and the world will not end if you go out in 1 hour. In my opinion, this is the key to not going crazy and staying a woman. And save your marriage accordingly. The first months are very difficult, nervous, surreal straight. The other mothers will make fun of me now, but listen to me - take care of yourself and give space to your husband and child. Everything will be fine. Just try to do something for yourself for at least 1 hour every day. One day of sports, one day of hairdresser, one day of coffee. No one will die and the world will not end if you go out in 1 hour. In my opinion, this is the key to not going crazy and staying a woman. And save your marriage accordingly. if you go out in 1 hour. In my opinion, this is the key to not going crazy and staying a woman. And save your marriage accordingly. if you go out in 1 hour. In my opinion, this is the key to not going crazy and staying a woman. And save your marriage accordingly.
You got pregnant by some egoist from now on, you're kidding him, he obviously wanted to have a boy and not a girl, so he frowned, if I were in his place and I would leave, it's good that I don't have children.
It's just that your husband is not motivated and is not on the same wave as you. Some men, with the birth of a baby, become very anxious, careful, always do a lot of things for the benefit of the family and get the most out of it, others fall into a mild crisis and can not recover for a long time. He was not ready for a child, he did not want it, everything that happened after the birth was due to the fact that he was not ready to make the necessary changes. It's one thing to be pregnant, the change is the belly in which you carry life, all other changes affect the woman - morning sickness, abdominal heaviness, kicking the baby ... when the baby is born, everything changes for both parents. People react differently and if women have a maternal instinct that is triggered quickly after the two dashes, then men do not have this quality, they must give birth to it in their minds, to let him grow up and accept him as a new way of life. The truth is that nothing shameful happens to you, you are not the first in this situation, you will not be the last. You feel alone and powerless, this is normal, any woman would feel bad in your place. But you have no reason to be ashamed, you do everything in your power, you look after your child, you look after your husband, you look after your household. Okay, you feel fat and ugly, but that's not the case, you gave birth to a child 6 months ago, it takes time to get your old figure back, everything is fine, your child is small. It will take a year, two, three, the little one will go to the garden, you will come out of motherhood, things will take a different look. I thank you that you care so much about your husband, I would have raised a few scandals by this time and I would have found a way to fix myself. You can talk to him, you can keep trying and there is hope that he will change, but you should not live just because of hope. Come to your senses. You have a child, it's yours, you're fine, you're young, you're not lazy, there's a lot of bread in you, you cost a lot more than you think. You can look for a specialist, but it is debatable whether this will have an effect. Specialists work with couples, but couples need to work together bilaterally. In other words, if your husband doesn't move at least a little, if he doesn't realize himself and doesn't act, there is no one else to do it for him. but it is debatable whether this will have an effect. Specialists work with couples, but couples need to work together bilaterally. In other words, if your husband doesn't move at least a little, if he doesn't realize himself and doesn't act, there is no one else to do it for him. but it is debatable whether this will have an effect. Specialists work with couples, but couples need to work together bilaterally. In other words, if your husband doesn't move at least a little, if he doesn't realize himself and doesn't act, there is no one else to do it for him.
You have a big problem, author, but the mistake is in you. You found out he watches porn where porn stars give a blowjob. But did you notice that the girls in porn who give a blowjob and swallow the semen. You gave him a blowjob a few times, but they let him empty his mouth into you and swallow him with pleasure. There is a big difference between a blowjob without swallowing sperm and a blowjob with swallowing sperm. That's where the trick is to see how happy you are to swallow his seed. Men love to watch his wife swallow the life-giving elixir. I am 32 years old and my husband is very sexy, but sometimes when he wants sex I am not in the mood and then I offer him a blowjob. He just smiles because he knows it will end up in my mouth and all his production will be swallowed with pleasure to the last drop. So, that you, the author, start drinking his semen and you will see that you will no longer have problems. Then you will see what change will happen in it for the good of both of you. I wish you success and be more relaxed and always ready for any love games.
So, I'm 20 years old and that's exactly what I wrote in a topic a few days ago to the author of the topic, I'm number 9. If you want to read it http://spodeli.net/6/story-133301.html It is a question that the author does not want to have children, and the man - yes .. I am sorry that my opinion will not be what you expect and that it will seem quite negative to you, but if you think about it you will see that I am right. So, you have already had an abortion by your husband, it became very clear to me that the man does not want to have children, but you still got pregnant again. The man didn't want him again, but you made him feel bad, telling him that "you're going to kill him, it was life" ... for your information, it's not! It is normal after your pressure and driving these primitive thoughts into his head that this is life and you will kill the person to finally tell you yes. Don `t you understand, that beauty of force does not happen? That's why I'm so annoyed and so I argued in the topic I sent you above to find out the people you want to have children, that to bring new life to this world THREE FACTORS ARE VERY IMPORTANT, and they are FIRST TO MAKE THE CHILD REALLY WANTED, SECOND TO HAVE FINANCIAL STABILITY AND THIRD WITH THE RIGHT PERSON! The consequences I wrote about in the previous topic are obvious here ... Then everyone criticized me for not wanting to have children and for being selfish, and now to ask, isn't it the same in such situations? Isn't it selfish to bring this child into this world without being wanted and now want to separate from your husband, because everything in your marriage is not going well because you didn't think before you gave birth to her? Now she will either grow up in a broken family between parents, who do not want to or you will separate and live without the support of a close-knit family .. Your husband is bitter about the situation, you live in a studio first thing, what do you want? It is stressful, and in men very often stress has a negative effect and this leads to reluctance to have sex, I tell you from personal experience with my boyfriend. Why didn't you think before you brought the poor child into this world if you would stay with this person, if he was the right one, if you had the MONEY to raise him properly? Now you are sitting for separation to think, because you were irresponsible and decided that if you want to have children, the person next to you must be of the same opinion. You explain how the happiest period of your relationship was when you were pregnant, and before that you were blind to see that you are not very well with your husband and do not bother to give birth if he is not the right person, and he himself told you that he did not want to engage in a baby? Besides, you go to rooms and not what, but you are in the studio and you expected to raise your child like that ... oh, I don't know! Now what? The child will suffer the consequences of your irresponsibility ... I am very sick when I read such stories and I do not understand you at all. Now if you want to be angry with me, but beauty doesn't happen by force, your husband didn't want it, now suck the potpourri.
From the author: I had the first abortion because I wanted to, I was very young and scared, and he reacted super calmly, even though we didn't even live alone then, but with his mother! That's why I was very happy and I couldn't wait to tell him that I was pregnant again and his reaction killed me ... That's why I wrote that I don't think he wanted to take full responsibility. The first time, his mother would help us, so he wasn't startled. I did not encourage him to make this decision, I just wanted him to make sense of the situation, he did it and changed his mind. We talked about children before we got married, he was always positive and wanted him, even I was the one who didn't want children and he made me want to have him! Thanks to numbers 5 and 8, your words encourage me! Still, maybe there is hope! Up to number 20, you have nothing to feel sorry for my child, I love her infinitely, I see him in her father's eyes, even though his actions show otherwise. The subtleties between me and him need to be ironed out, but it won't happen from today to tomorrow, so I'm here for advice, not to blame. Whatever happened, now I have two options - to fight or to beat a jester. I chose the first one, and if you're not here to help with that, beat your jester. And financially we are more than good, what's the problem that we're staying I did not understand? !! We'll move to a bigger apartment when she starts to pike and we can afford it without a problem. We didn't do it until now because I was pregnant and I couldn't help with the removal, and then the baby was quite small, so we waited. My child will not suffer at all because I will not allow it. I'm not sitting at all thinking about parting, but I think he wants that, that's why I write like this and I want advice. When I read that it happens to a lot of people, I calmed down and I will endure this period.
I meant "up to number 10"
Number 10-I only read the sentence in capital letters for obvious reasons. And if your factors are observed in BG - 97% of the children would not exist. Do you understand me correctly? That 1/3 of the babies are a coincidence but the couple is happy, even though they are not ready Full material security in the country is very difficult to get And the third dear People are changing. today was the right tomorrow you become an asshole and you beat the jester. But you learn it very little later.
Hello, I am the author. I want to tell you that things went well and I am very happy. I admit that I also have a little guilt for everything that happened. I just didn't have time for myself and I went crazy all day with the baby and I was constantly nervous, which in turn negatively affected my husband, from there he affected me and so we went in a vicious circle until I took time for myself. in peace. Every night I almost take a bath to calm down, and on the weekends I go out alone for an hour or two and my husband no longer grumbles that he is staying with the baby. He plays with her and enjoys her. I also found that my depression may have been caused by a hormonal problem that I was starting to treat and I was feeling better. We are fine with sex too, rightly initiated by me most of the time, but what to do still shows that he wants me and I have not become annoying to him. Generally, I followed the advice of number 5 and it turned out that it helped the most. Thank you very much for the words! I hope you read this. Ah, for myself, I hope things stay that way and we move forward. Good day! :)
I'm just like your husband and I don't want children I'm 25 and I don't feel ready for our family for your child if you were my wife I would dump you
Separate. Yes, it's final, but if you have such a relationship after 4 years together, imagine what it will be like after 10? When he grows up, becomes a teenager, etc. It's not worth it, he thinks about himself and your child, if he doesn't want to take responsibility and show a little that he cares - fuck him! To give alimony and see it when he wants, in my opinion, does not deserve you.
Relatively old topic, but since you have a child and most likely you are together, I still guess I can call it relevant. So, I'll tell you in the simplest way: Where was your mind when your dude told you he wanted to get rid of the child because he didn't think you were capable of raising one at this stage? He is not at all guilty of behaving in that way. Glad he wasn't even a jerk, because if I were him, I'd do it. Once you could have guessed in his head that abortions are murder, which for me is complete nonsense, because this is not a living being yet, and he has decided to please your whims, suck the pot yourself! He is not selfish at all, but the reason in the family, and you have nothing to attack him for. And as for watching porn and masturbating first, every man (and woman) does it, whether he admits it or not, and there is nothing wrong with that. Secondly, in order not to want to have sex with you, there is probably a reason other than that you are fat, ugly or have a pimple on the tip of your nose. Did it occur to you that with this attitude you disgusted him with yourself? And since you care so much about the lives of embryos and future babies, did it ever occur to you that such a family environment would destroy his psyche? I'm for the protocol girl. I do not apologize for the rude tone. And I don't think I said anything wrong. - scorpion. that such a family environment would destroy his psyche? I'm for the protocol girl. I do not apologize for the rude tone. And I don't think I said anything wrong. - scorpion. that such a family environment would destroy his psyche? I'm for the protocol girl. I do not apologize for the rude tone. And I don't think I said anything wrong. - scorpion.