Hello everyone, my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, we generally get along well because I'm not petty and I usually don't pay attention. But lately I'm starting to like it. We both have good jobs and well paid, he is a lecturer much more free time than me, I go out at 7 o'clock. and I go home at 20:00. He does most of the housework because he has 30 working hours a week. I wash when I can shop and cook something, if he has cooked I then wash things. The problem is that even when we gathered somehow, he expected me to plan some things, for me to be delighted with what he did or said and to actually do what he said. But it didn't work out, we talked we reached an agreement and even everyone can do different things or when we go to the center to separate and each with his own plan for a few hours. What I don't like is constantly grumbling at home and making remarks to me, everything has to be done in a minute. For example, why am I slamming the doors of the cupboards in the kitchen, or a plate that I accidentally dropped in the sink. Like feathers in the evening, for example, it bothers us that we shouldn't, because we can't leave the window open for the same reason, and every time I take a bath in the evening, he tries to forbid me. There is no time to bathe my hair long and even in the summer if I wash it and go out in a little wind then I am snotty or sick. When I do something in the kitchen no matter what comes and checks how I do it or tells me how to do it, something had to be done. And so it is, his opinion is the only true one, mine is wrong, how could I talk nonsense. Or why did you leave this plate in the cupboard, to be washed immediately and continue to be explained and annoyed, and at the same time there may be an unwashed cup of coffee or something else in the same kitchen cupboard. The everyday life in which it manifests itself in this way is innumerable, I can just write until tomorrow ... I think more and more often to abandon it and I know that if I solve it there will be no going back. What would you advise me to try or what to discuss at home to change the direction in which I see a denouement in our relationship? Thank you in advance for your time and advice :) and at the same time there may be an unwashed cup of coffee or something in the same kitchen cupboard. The everyday life in which it manifests itself in this way is innumerable, I can just write until tomorrow ... I think more and more often to abandon it and I know that if I solve it there will be no going back. What would you advise me to try or what to discuss at home to change the direction in which I see a denouement in our relationship? Thank you in advance for your time and advice :) and at the same time there may be an unwashed cup of coffee or something in the same kitchen cupboard. The everyday life in which it manifests itself in this way is innumerable, I can just write until tomorrow ... I think more and more often to abandon it and I know that if I solve it there will be no going back. What would you advise me to try or what to discuss at home to change the direction in which I see a denouement in our relationship? Thank you in advance for your time and advice :) to change the direction in which I see a denouement in our relationship? Thank you in advance for your time and advice :) to change the direction in which I see a denouement in our relationship? Thank you in advance for your time and advice :)
Answers 14
Talk to him? Explain to him that all this in him irritates you and that if things continue like this, he leaves you no choice but to "dump" him.
You've been together for so many years, and you haven't agreed on such trifles? This is not good. This means that you do not accept yourself as you are and subconsciously irritate each other. In five years, to be bothered by such everyday life is insane. If you are already thinking of abandoning it, this will probably be the next step. If at the household level people are not compatible and the greatest love disappears.
See basically as described and I do not understand where the logic is and why you should not wash or bathe in the evening, but most likely there is a logical explanation. Maybe he's annoyed by the noise, the noise of the washing machine in the evening, the noise of the hair dryer after your bathroom, the noise of a dropped plate. It is perfectly normal for a person to be annoyed and startled by the slamming of doors and plates, many people have a higher sensitivity to noise. For the doors of the kitchen cabinets, the solution is easy to go to a furniture store and buy shock absorbers for smooth closing, so you can't shake it if you want. There are silicone mats for the sink, so you can't rattle or break a plate. As for washing your plate, I'm of the opinion that he may be right, because since he's mostly clean at home, he's angry at the fact that other men still get married and don't do housework, and not only does he do it, but he is not properly appreciated. You should not apologize for the fact that you work, but you are not the only working woman, and other women are also absent from home for 11 hours when they work, rarely nowadays employers observe an 8-hour working day. Really, if you are not there for 11 hours and you sleep for 8 hours, then you have 5 hours every day, to do something useful for your home and family, for the common good, for caring for your husband, just look at how he takes care of you in his free time. time.
Your friend is behaving like an unemployed elderly housewife. Drop it, there's nothing to waste your nerves on. A woman.
You don't have a friend, you have a mother-in-law ...
Yes, there are people who like to control, and this may be dictated by an inner anxiety - that something if it does not happen - how will the end of the world. My guess is that he had this pattern of life somewhere before in his life. perhaps, a domineering mother who is also a well-ordered housewife. However, his warrant is better than a Balkan subject who thinks his wife is a servant, sloppy, or very inert. I know this is an extreme example. but it is much more common and probable. I think you can get along with your man through fairy tales. Or, you can work out a tactic not to put too much on your heart. Another option is to separate.
One is throwing away his socks, the other is banging on the doors, one is snoring and listening to a black veil, the other is disorganized in his free time. If you are guilty in the morning, instead of getting annoyed and joking with the other, you can: have sex, get dressed and go outside Sofia, put on work clothes and work in the workshop together. Draw a picture together, one teaching the other chess. To cook something together. Instead of fussing over what you bathe in the evening, take a break and let yourself do something together. This is the most relaxing and close for two people. I recently told a mother and now with my daughter and they bring me the most delicious cake. Their tradition is on Thursday night. On Wednesday night they are at a folk dance. Go to sports, to art therapy. On something. Something that is not OK with you is very selfish to grumble about the other. Tell him so and so and you catch him and make him not get annoyed. In addition to getting annoyed, you can also make compromises. And in order not to be invaluable, tell me about blah blah blah, I make a compromise. But you either do or you don't. Not to say I do and then a week to give a filling of countless conversations and a sense of things in common life. At work, one of the departments tells me that everyone has certain responsibilities in them - one washes one and washes windows, they help each other.
And if you are stupid enough to give birth to a child, I don't think how you will be confused ... In fact, my situation was similar - I never know how to do anything, I can't cook like people, I don't remember to do this and that - according to him. All reproaches and comments like - your wife, you must have some sense of these things ... I made the mistake of staying with him, even though he underestimated me so, we gave birth to a baby and it got worse. Worse than mother-in-law. My mother-in-law didn't say a word out of politeness when he came, and he - why did you dress him with this, why not with that, don't wear socks like that after I breastfed him - breastfed him again, maybe he's still hungry, I I explain to him that I have already fed him, he knows his own - no no, you give it to him again - it's cold here, don't let him play with this, but with that ... but it was a horror :( Not to mention, that I can't move to the store alone, we still have to be TOGETHER. Not that I mind, but it sucks to know that I can't go out alone to throw trash. Even my laundry pulls him out of his arms to make him sleep. Run at 200 km / h run and never look back. The person is pedantic, nervous, especially if you are in his home ... it's a character, a way of life, it doesn't change. He may love you endlessly, but he will never refuse to change you, to model you to his liking, and that is deadly.
It will not be.
He just either likes to be a boss or has a heavy character, I'm a man but I don't have a boyfriend for now
He tells you not to take a bath in the evening and almost forbids you to? !! I won't even comment on it, and all the other nonsense. I will tell you this - relationships need work, dialogue, adjustment, mutual respect, understanding and compromise. However, this cannot be achieved by force. A person can change his behavior and especially his inner attitudes only if he wants to. In this regard - you can try to improve your relationship, but if you see that you do not receive understanding and assistance from him, then you must accept that he is like that, he wants to be like that and has the right to be like that. Just as much as you have the right to bathe in the evening. You either accept it or you don't. However, if you, for your part, do not feel satisfied with your relationship, no one obliges you to tolerate it. The decision is yours! F31
Hello! I was in the same situation, I was talking and guess what - again my opinion was wrong, again I was talking nonsense and I was almost weak-minded. The truth is that it will not change and will only harass you in this way. This is harassment. Personally, I got to a roar of nerves, I felt depressed and controlled and mostly helpless. This is no salvation, believe me. Get away while you can, it will get worse and worse! SUCCESS!
This is very annoying. It's disgusting for a woman, let alone for a man. I would dump him in your place, but you can talk to him first. Julian
Isn't your friend a Virgo? My father is the same. It's a character, it doesn't change.