I have to tell someone, I just can't stand keeping this secret ... and I don't have the courage to admit everything in real life, so I'm writing here, anonymously, hoping you can help me in some way. I searched the internet and it was not difficult to diagnose immediately - Munchausen's Syndrome or in other words I am a big 17-year-old liar desperately looking for attention. To explain this is a kind of rare mental illness in which you pretend to be ill - the exact description for me! Now I will tell you how this brought me to the insane asylum ... It all started harmlessly when I was somewhere in the second grade and I decided that I wanted to wear glasses. I pretended not to see well and my mother took me to see an ophthalmologist, and everyone said there was no reason not to see. They did all kinds of research on me, and that was fun. Now that doesn't matter at all, so I will not tell in detail. Only where because of this stupidity of mine I damaged my eyes from the unnecessary wearing of glasses, that now my diopter is already 3. Then I wanted to have my arm plastered to attract attention. I deliberately fell and did everything but without success. I was still young, I hadn't even reached puberty yet. I accidentally broke my arm when I fell on the ice rink. All this is nothing compared to what happened last year. I am generally interested in psychology and I like to read a lot on this topic. Once, as I was reading about some mental disorders, I came across bipolar disorder and I thought I had some of the symptoms. I immediately decided that I wanted to go to a psychiatrist to diagnose me and prescribe treatment. But I thought maybe everything was normal and I looked stupid, so I read everything about this disorder and embellished the truth to such an extent that it became a completely different story. I exaggerated everything to the maximum, I made up various things and so on. However, the psychiatrist slightly suspected that something was wrong, because I spoke more with learned phrases from the Internet. I am very thin and she focuses on my weight. He said I had a serious problem and referred me urgently to a child psychiatrist. I went. So far so good, but one day I decided I wanted to go into psychiatry. It just became a fixed idea for me. Well, that's what happened (from what I've said so far, you think I'm right there, you're right, but that's just the beginning). No one in the hospital suspects I'm pretending. The more nonsense I told and did, the more attention I received from doctors, nurses, patients. This encouraged me to invent more and more. I lied, that I hear voices, that I see ghosts, that I talk to them, that they threaten me, that they watch me with cameras, that they steal my thoughts and a lot of nonsense. I hurt myself, I even tried to kill myself, of course unsuccessfully, but I attracted attention. I did perfectly, considering that as a child I went to theatrical art for 3 years. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was in the hospital twice in about a month. I finally realized how ridiculous everything is and decided not to lie anymore! There was no way to tell the truth, but I just promised myself not to invent anything more. I'd rather take pills for the mentally ill than admit it. I have a strategy - now, when I go for an examination, I say that I am fine and the doctor reduces the medication. There were many, but now there are only 3. In a year, if everything goes according to plan, I will stop them too. And here comes the problem. I'm on the verge of ruining everything. I am thirsty again for the previous attention and care, the desire to enter the hospital arises again. I suppress it, but ... for how long? I find myself starting to invent again. I have to stop! This is a dead end. There's nothing I can do. Admittedly, it's just not in my power, and even if it was - who will believe me? Everyone will tell themselves that I deny just as all the mentally ill deny, and after everything I've played so well who will believe it was just a lie - no one! People, I have no one but you to ask for help on what to do. I know it's my fault and I have to bear the consequences, but I can't. I want to kill myself - really, this time not for attention, but for salvation from everything. Please just don't judge me, as I said it's a disease, just a disease that even has a name. At least I'm not the only one ... Thank you for listening to me! What I shared with you helped me feel better. I will be happy for any comment. Thanks!
Answers 6
What happened - happened. Everyone does different nonsense to get attention or to stand out in someone's eyes. Honestly, many teenagers would pretend to be sick to impress a certain person they like. But to play such a theater that even to enter the insane asylum is too much. Plus, think about how the doctors look at you, how they sympathize with you, do their best to keep you healthy, and in the end it's all a lie that only you know. My advice is to find a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, but a psychologist who is far from all this mess and to tell him everything, the whole truth and without making it up. If you have to write what you have to tell him without ornaments without exaggeration and without pretense. Even if you tell a lie, apologize and correct yourself. Psychologists are great people, they listen to you and they point you in the right direction. Remember that you are not crazy, most importantly you are healthy. Imagine those who are really schizophrenics dreaming of being healthy, and you who are healthy are poisoned with these pills. Tighten up and take yourself in hand and remember that there is nothing better than being as healthy as you really are.
My dear, you are a confused girl, but look, we are all like that. After all, everyone thinks they are unique or at least special and believe me the lies will not make you more than what you are. From the moment you are born, you are already special enough, the fact that you live here and now makes you so. Think about whether you deserve such a life, whether lies will dictate your life. I know you are strong because you have the courage to face temptation, I know you will be able to find within you this determination to change where you are now and know no one will judge you, so you already do, but life does not is a trial and agony of guilt. It is given to you to live, not to be wasted, it is beautiful enough to keep it real.
Dear girl. If you've had everything prescribed for schizophrenia and you're still in your right mind, great. The doctors will understand if you sit down and tell them everything. Just like you wrote it here. Without any pretense and lies. Then they will send you to a psychologist and discuss your treatment. I would advise you to talk to your mother first. I want to tell you something else. It is very, very possible for doctors to know your true condition, because a schizophrenia can be seen on an MRI as far as I know.
I don't think schizophrenia can be seen on MRI, number 3, I just don't agree with that, there are a lot of variations of this disease and sometimes it's even hard to recognize. And as for what the author wrote, I must admit, I don't even know whether to believe what is written. I do not write it to offend her, on the contrary, she even just takes medication at the moment, it is possible that they suppress or distort the truth in her own eyes. And it is possible that everything written is true. In both cases it is a disease. You claim that the desire for attention is stronger than you, and you are not able to control it, you have discovered for yourself that it is still a disease, so do not be afraid and do not feel guilty. Medicines for mental illness should be very well selected, so I advise you to share everything with your mother. Don't be afraid, she's a mother and she'll understand you, and from there to share with your doctors, they will decide what you need and how to proceed. Rest assured that the doctors will judge you for the things you have done, this will not happen. Who if they do not know that some things do not depend on us, who if they do not know that sometimes the deficiency of a substance in the brain leads to a lot of problems. Write what you have decided, and I wish you success. I guess telling the whole truth in your head is going to be a big challenge. It will be difficult for you not to exaggerate or distort, but I know you will succeed. Write what you have decided, and I wish you success. I guess telling the whole truth in your head is going to be a big challenge. It will be difficult for you not to exaggerate or distort, but I know you will succeed. Write what you have decided, and I wish you success. I guess telling the whole truth in your head is going to be a big challenge. It will be difficult for you not to exaggerate or distort, but I know you will succeed.
I don't know about schizophrenia, but you do have a mental problem. Why don't I need to lie? You say you're looking for attention. Is that the way it is. I find your behavior illogical. In general, convince me that you have deviations. You have one of the signs of non-polar. Don't share about others - can you drive all night without sleeping, do you spend money like crazy, do you fall into severe depression ....
I was very sad for you, dear girl ... I don't know if you have schizophrenia, if you have bipolar disorder, but you definitely have a mental problem ... maybe as a child your parents didn't pay enough attention to you and that's why now you feel the need to do you get it from somewhere? I've heard of this syndrome, frankly it's quite dangerous because it is possible for a person in his quest to get attention to jump from the roof of a skyscraper, just to get around people ... you better make an appointment with a new psychiatrist and tell him everything, I don't think he won't believe you. there is no point in committing suicide, you are young, God has given you life and you will destroy it for something that is treatable. I wish you luck!