I don't know where to start and I apologize in advance for my chaotic story. I have been married for 8 years and we have 2 children under 3 years old. Some time ago my husband and I argued about some nonsense at the beginning of our acquaintance. I remembered that we could resolve the dispute by seeing our correspondence on Facebook, and since I no longer have an account, I entered his. He himself does not use Facebook and has not logged in for years. His last chats are from 7, 8 years ago. But ... What chats just ... A little background. When we met, he was engaged to a girl who had gone to the United States for two years. She told me that they hadn't promised anything and are now very rarely heard, it had been 8 months since she was gone. I told him I wouldn't get involved in such a relationship and stopped dating him. But we were already quite sunken, and a week later he called me to talk to them. When I went he told me he wanted to end his relationship in front of me and called the girl. He told her he wanted to be honest and admit to her that he was in love with another woman. The girl laughed and said something like "We haven't been together in a long time, do what you want." And later he found me on Facebook and wrote me "it's yours, just make sure it doesn't bother me". Maybe I should have had the light come on that there was something. Back to our days. I watch my husband's old chats, he had a lot of female attention. I found out he was systematically cheating on that girl. With colleagues from the university, a woman over 50 and even one of her friends.
The story went very, very much. I don't know how he enchanted them, but he seriously humiliated some of them. For example, one of them asked him to drink coffee at the bus station, that he didn't have time, but needed to see him, and he wrote directly to her, to call him, when they have time to play. And in a few days she writes to him "should I come to you?", And he "no, I have company" and she tries day by day to get her turn, almost. Such women are not one, two. He had "company" almost every night. I don't know him in that light, and since he's not a big handsome man, I thought he was so charming only in my eyes. For 8 years I had only one reason to doubt and did not pay the necessary attention to him. He never hid his phone from me and one night he received a message "no reason :)". In the context of the following conversation: my husband sends her contact information with another man's phone number and name, she writes "ok, we got along", later it says "see you", and my husband replies "Thank you, kisses ". I immediately looked for an explanation, and he calmly explained to me that this was how he had fixed things with my company (we were in an inspection, and the man in the message was the head of the institution that was inspecting us). He told me that he would seize us during the inspection and ruin us, and when my husband asked him if there was another option, he said he had everything, but he lacked pleasant female company and my husband "arranged things." ". When I asked what these kisses were and if he hadn't "settled down", he said, "Are you okay? I'm just bleeding, what should I write to her. What's the matter with me, I got you." Plus a bunch of compliments, what a beautiful woman I am a woman and how I give him everything he has dreamed of. This, combined with the end of the test, blinded me. But now that I see what he did before me, I wonder ... Do I know this man? Is it possible that there is a double life and that I live in some brutal delusion? He is a good father, a good husband, we are together almost constantly, he does not hide, I have not caught him lying where he is or something like that. He behaves well, helps me at home, we have an active sex life. However, I was paranoid and got there to order a hidden camera. I had a plan. I decided that if he was the womanizer I think he would be, he would take advantage of any convenient situation. I wanted to install the camera at home and go to my parents for a week. Let's see what he will do when there is room for expression. However, it does not grip me. First, he is so kind and devoted to us that I feel like a villain and a full hook. Secondly, in order for the camera to work for a whole week, I have to mount it next to a socket and it is possible that it will find it and I will die of shame. Then I'll have to tell him that I'm judging him for things from 10 years ago, which I myself realize is not normal. And third, I'm not sure if I'm ready to know the truth, and I have no idea what to do if it turns out to be ugly. So the camera is sitting in the box, my head is a mess and I've been wondering what to do for a month now.
Answers 22
Doubts are already in your head and that's because your husband wrote to some kind of kisses. You have two ways out of this situation: 1. You completely forget about your doubts and trust your husband. 2. You put the hidden camera - by the way you can use a power strip with a long cable and hide it where you want. You go to your parents. When you return, if there is nothing wrong with the camera, you can hire a detective and he will take pictures outside and everywhere. It will even put a program on your husband's phone and this program will record all chats and messages, even deleted ones. It depends on what you want to do more, how you see your future with this person from now on.
God, dear God. When people don't have problems, they create them themselves ...
Why? I ask why ?! Why are you digging into his past? You say that he is devoted to the family, that he is nice and so on, and you because paranoia has overwhelmed you and you decide to put cameras, plans ... Hey, I'm trying to understand that when everything goes well, you always find a way to ruin everything, so much years and it turns out that you don't trust him ...
If you have the opportunity, hire a detective, go somewhere for a week and during this time he will always be on his trail and it will become clear to you. Personally, I've caught two thugs this way and it definitely works
When I look at you, what a paranoid jealousy you are, then your husband needs to leave you an hour sooner, that you will make his life miserable for some things that happened literally 10 years ago, even before he was nothing ... Not to mention that as I look, for the rest of your life you will probably not give him peace of mind after seeing his youth chats, which chats I assure you that there is literally EVERY man who was not a traffic jam in his teens and did the most the normal thing for this period of his life - to take down women and sleep with them. In the interest of truth, even if your husband has cheated on you, even if it turns out that he is doing it systematically, then if there can be any victim at all, it is not you, but he, because with this monitoring, with these cameras ... You make sure he doesn't understand that you're filming him with a hidden camera, because you can't even get to court,
It is unbelievable what nonsense is going through your head! Woman, stop! You are about to break your good family and health because of your baseless delusions. Come to your senses!
I can't believe that with these judgments you managed to settle down.
You can mount the camera in a toy, which is usually charged in a socket or lamp, so it will not be obvious. There are also baby cam cameras that broadcast non-stop online. Otherwise I wouldn't be in your place, because what do you do if he really cheats on you? Scandal, explanations, separation, you take the children and he sees them twice a month. If you have a good life and he is a caring husband and father, does it make sense. Another sex, if in your relationship is lame, and you find that he staggers, why not offer him to be a couple and look for another woman, so you will not be jealous, and he will not have to hide.
Be quiet, because you will ruin your family and you will be alone with two children. As you describe your husband, he seems to be a good man. His past is his and you don't care why he cheated on his ex. Don't become a single mother. You understood me, didn't you?
If you want to be with him, don't dig, you don't know what you'll find. Every man has thoughts about other women, whether or not there is better to remain a mystery ...
Very delicate situation. I would put the camera. Such a womanizer and tailor does not change suddenly, I hope I'm wrong and he was a stranger as they say, but I would still check.
Be sure that he is still a great player, ie. is a fucker. But while you are thinking about how to get out of the impasse, start spending money recklessly. And to save, it will be useful for you.
Well, yes, he is hardly such a brat to take them home. A private detective is hired for this job. And if there is anything - then the photos in court and the divorce will be his fault. This with the camera is a little dumb, at most you can see him messing with his nose.
Hello darling. Don't dig. Let the ghosts of the past stay there. You have two wonderful little children and a business ... I had an acquaintance who had caught his wife in a mold and divorced. That's why he called his second wife before he came home from a business trip ...
No wonder he does them like that. The wolf changes his fur, but never his temper. Men can always surprise you with such things. The most interesting thing is how they manage to deceive us with thousands of compliments and good behavior, and to do thousands of dirt behind your back. For example, my friend chatted like that for half a year without me even realizing it, I didn't even suspect it. I haven't read their chats. Honestly, I don't want who knows what he wrote ... there were also numerous folders with naked women, like porn. And I dare say that then I looked perfectly long dark hair, thin, tall, tight, I had everything ... He looked at me all the time, he wanted us to do it all the time, he complimented me, good manners, etc. Abe still another person. They are dual, and even more so. I just wonder about their gift to deceive. And most of the time they marry someone, because "she's not a whore," not because he loves her. At the same time, she flirts, at least with everyone she meets. That's why I'm not getting married, it's all a farce.
I think you are one of those people who do not have serious problems and therefore dig to create them. When I read the title, I expected to see something about a man who is absent for 2 weeks a month, it is not clear where he goes, he hides, etc., and the chick didn't have a job, she started digging chats from 8 years ago and think if there is something in this work :-) Even if there was, it's long gone. If you don't have something specific from your current life that makes you think there is another, stop looking for a calf under the ox. If you keep digging, the person may get bored and decide that you don't trust him anyway, why not take advantage :-)
If in doubt, check! Hire a detective, if there is a real connection / s outside the house, he will provide you with evidence. You have to decide what to do. To sit down and think without emotions if you want to continue the game of a good family with the wonderful father and husband who is joking with you behind your back. Or you find the strength to throw the evidence on the table, stop the theater, and throw the garbage out of the house. You can take revenge on him by finding a lover and paying him with his coin, but it seems to me that you are not a woman who will want to get dirty and mimic like him.
If you are 100% sure that at the moment he is alone with you and you spend all your free time together, it is better not to delve into the past. But I'm also a little paranoid, and at the slightest doubt I'd start following him in some way. Your husband may have been a womanizer before, but he has already calmed down. However, if it gives you reason to doubt, unravel things to the end.
It's good to answer the question after you find out the truth and you don't like it, what are you going to do? Keep in mind that the life of a single mother is not easy at all. I had a colleague from the university, the amazing Don Juan. When I had communication with him, he told me that this did not change. He may have a long-term relationship with a woman, but she is never the only one because it charges him. In this line of thinking, I don't think the camera will work. Leave them these things and look after your children.
I am massively surprised by the comments justifying the man. Not that a person's past has to stain him or her for life, but people don't change just like that. I think it's normal, even reasonable, to be suspicious. And if we can stop for a moment with these judgments like "you don't want to be a single mother". And what is it - a fool who spins her x * on his little finger? On the other hand, cameras and detectives will ruin your health. If your husband is really so wonderful, I would sit down and tell him in plain text - I don't trust you. I love you, I want to believe that you are faithful to me, but I do not trust you. What can we do? His reaction will tell you a lot.
If someone with whom we are a family and have 2 children comes to me and tells me I don't trust you, because you did what you did 8 years ago ... sorry, but the only thing I will do is to leave. I have been with you for 8 years, you are happy, I look after my children, I provide for you, you have no problems and you see you do not trust me because of something that I have not done to you on top of everything. What is this great stupidity !? !? !? !? If you have doubts about something from your real life together, yes, of course, tell him, but about something from prehistory ... Enough nonsense! lo
I think you feel there is something and that's why you wrote this story. This with the camera and the detective seems a little too much to me, look for some other way to find out.