Hello, I am a 21-year-old woman and until yesterday everything in my life was well arranged and planned. I am graduating from university abroad for the second year, after a week it was assumed that I would move to my friend's city, after a 5-month relationship, try to live together and work. Let me describe myself: sometimes a little hysterical, easily attached and clinging, a little obsessed with control in their relationships, but serious, loyal, with a sense of humor, ambitious, good-looking, from a good family and self-critical, striving for improvement . At first, everyone encouraged me to stay with my partner because he was very responsive, kind, and well-meaning. 5 months later this same man became extremely nervous, constantly complaining, unable to have a normal conversation, in which everyone to present their arguments and take the best compromise solution. In the morning he repeated how much he loved me, and in the evening, after another misunderstanding, he talked about breaking up. We began to unconsciously irritate each other and put negative emotions. I was irritated by his lack of character, indecision, lack of sense of humor and desire for self-improvement. And him - I guess my negative qualities listed above, but sometimes even when I had good intentions, it also irritated him. Here's what happened in a nutshell: I got test results that showed that I had mild dysplasia and was at risk for cervical cancer, and I lost my temper. I called him and explained that it was probably something from him and he should be examined, because I do regular tests and before him I was always in excellent health. He accordingly began to defend himself fiercely and to deny it, given that there was no real evidence that he was in good health. (It's a symptom-free viral infection.) I was very upset and hoped for a little support, but we had another scandal. After 1 hour we heard each other again, he was drunk and a radically different version of the patient, smiling man I know. He admitted that he had fallen for a colleague, that he missed his ex, that he had lied to me about so many things, some of them so small, that he couldn't stand me, but he wasn't brave enough to end it. In the morning this same man explained himself to me in love and in a week we would be living together. My question is why? Will I be cured? Is it my fault or does he have a problem with himself, who is a consequence of his complexes and his unhappy childhood and earns it for me? How can I overcome shock, frustration and avoid such situations in the future? Thanks!
Answers 4
I'm sorry for everything that happened to you. I will not go into explanatory modes, I will only advise you the following: Heal yourself. Even if he is not your man, you deserve to be a healthy, happy and one day mother. Good luck, head up and follow your happiness.
I did not understand what to cure? You already speak different languages, you are constantly in antiphase. What do you think will happen in the future when you spend 100 years together, when you have children who are a source of constant problems, when you go to work, etc.? How do you think you will feel with a person who can't stand you from now on, and he annoys you immensely? Which have qualities that you consider unacceptable. Drop this job and look for a person with whom you will be happy at least in the beginning.
In vino veritas - In wine is the truth, the Romans said. That is, when a person gets drunk, he says to himself what is in his soul! I don't think you should be mad at him for that. Obviously, the person makes an incredible effort to last you, but sometimes it comes in more. Really, if you want things to be good, you have to appreciate that fact and not be so selfish. He restrains himself, although apparently he's been getting more lately and he's not succeeding, and you're not driving through the millet and you're too critical of him, and you don't have to be an iota to have a good relationship. In order to "overcome shock, disappointment and avoid such situations in the future" you must realize that there are no perfect people, that you should not blame others and demand from them, you should not be critical that good relationships require compromises, restraint in speech and behavior, that you need to be the support and comfort of the person next to you and not his judge and evaluator and to become a better, more forgiving, understanding, supportive person in general, whom he can trust and who supports him and lifts his spirits . That in a relationship the important thing is not you, your desires, goals, ambitions, views, but the important relationship and in order for it to be strong, in order to be one, not two quarreling halves, each of you must take care of the other more than for my self. This is love, you understand? The other is selfishness, selfishness and short-sightedness. in order to be the two, not two quarreling halves, each of you must take care of the other more than yourself. This is love, you understand? The other is selfishness, selfishness and short-sightedness. in order to be the two, not two quarreling halves, each of you must take care of the other more than yourself. This is love, you understand? The other is selfishness, selfishness and short-sightedness.
Don't hang out with anyone and whine to yourself. This way it is most certain that no one will irritate you and you will not catch anything from anyone. Being social and building relationships is not for everyone. And to add any of the listed qualities is not positive, except for a sense of humor and loyalty. However, this is something that others must judge. So far in what has been written, the first is definitely missing, and the second is very subjective.