Hello, I want to share my story with you. This is the second attempt to write here and I want to ask the administrators to approve for publication what follows below. I am a 35-year-old woman. A year and a half ago I met my friend, and we have been living together for about 8 months. He is my age. We have a very harmonious relationship, we hardly fight, we have similar interests and way of life and most importantly - there is mutual love. But like any good thing, there is something else that spoils it. In our case, this is an intimate relationship. As soon as we met, there were problems - either he lost his erection or he finished very quickly. I told myself normally - we don't know each other well yet. We also went to a sexologist - there is no physiological problem, everything is on a mental basis. He also took a few erection pills enough to gain confidence. When we lived together there was a period when everything was very good, sex happened and it was good (there were no interruptions). For several months, however, it has been at high tide again. When we start, he is always very aroused and gets a full erection, but when it comes to penetration, he either loses it or ends immediately. I want to point out that when it happens, I like sex. He has told me more than once that I am very passionate and he has experienced his best moments with me. And when I ask him why this happens, he tells me that he is afraid of slapping things and filming himself even more. It bothers me a lot that he is so embarrassed and sex doesn't always work out. And he suffers from it, I see him, I feel him. We even try for a child, but with 1-2 successful attempts from rain to wind, this cannot happen in those years. Lately, I often think about separation. I don't want us to keep hurting ourselves. What helps me not to make such a final decision yet is that he is a terribly good person and loves me very much (and I love him too) and that when sex happens, he is very emotional and nice. On the other hand, I'm afraid that I won't be able to cope with this problem ... what if it gets worse ... Didn't he have to overcome his worries and fears during that time ... Maybe someone will say where you went. in those years to look for another partner, but will we both be able to continue like this, will this problem not be transferred to our other relationships and ultimately destroy everything beautiful and real that connects us. I would give anything to get better and stay together. But it seems to me that this is an increasingly difficult dream to achieve. So I wander around looking for an answer to the question: Should I stay or leave? Thanks in advance to all who will respond.
Answers 26
Do not leave. If you live in harmony, then everything is OK with you. Sex is not the most important thing. I will give you an example myself. I love passionate women, liberated and everything else, but my wife is just the opposite. Quite a bit, not to say extremely conservative in this regard, but this does not prevent us from being married for many years, to have a child and our relationship to be more than wonderful. Personally, I have found the solution, as I have several acquaintances with whom I see only for sex. They are exactly what my wife is not. Everything is without commitment, just for the experience. They know it, I know it. Neither are they jealous, nor do I think of parting with my wife for any reason. Of course, my partner doesn't know and will never know. So I advise you to find one or two, with which to do it and live in harmony with your friend. Many people will say that this is not a solution, but for me at least it is. Everyone has their own opinion.
Number 1 makes me sick of people like you. It's good that the author is smart enough not to listen to you. And what did the author tell him when he told you about his worries?
№1, to have heard of trust. Okay, keep lying to your partner, but don't be surprised if she finds out and leaves, not because of your sexual exploits, but because of the murdered trust. I personally would do so. But look, with honesty and revealing the problem (that you don't like sex and that's why you find it elsewhere, it can stay. If I love the person next to me, I would
do not part with him as long as your relationship is harmonious, you understand and love each other. sex is an element of it, but only one element. imagine having great sex and the rest of the time fighting like rabid dogs. if everything else is fine, look for a replacement: masturbating, toys, possibly a lover (this is a last resort). F42
Honey, I've been in the same situation for 15 years, but I've never thought of leaving the person next to me. №1 is right sex is not everything in a relationship at least for me it is enough that it is a domain in difficult times and loves me.
You know - don't be so passionate! Meaning - at least don't demonstrate it. Emotional moans, tremors and convulsions very quickly empty the man. Play it a little more "tree" in bed - lie down and have fun, but do not express it outwardly. This will gradually prolong the act more and more until it is good for both of you. His erection is unlikely to fall when inside, but it does not end. The point at this point is not to show him that he's driving you crazy. Try it - it helps! Excessive emotionality in a woman drains a man's sexual energy very quickly.
Sex for a woman wasn't that important, was it? In fact, no matter how much we twist it, everything revolves around it.
up to 7 even everything
Не рaзбирaм зaщо тaкa оплюхте някои тук н1. Aко в къщи успявa дa е ок, кaкъв е проблемa? Нямa пaрaлелнa връзкa, сaмо секс, който в къщи не получaвa, поне не от кaквото имa нуждa. другото си им е нaред. Един път се случи зaрaди еднa комaндировкa нa моят мъж дa стоя 5 мес нa " сухо". Е, кaто се върнa почти се кaтерех по тaвaните вече. Тогaвa му кaзaх, че еднa от причините дa съм му женa е дa могa когaто и където поискaм дa.... тaкa е било преди. И че други тaмивa месеци зa мен нямa дa имa, с него или без секс ще си прaвя. беше повече от доволен, че кaкто той кaзa: ми го изстреля прaво куме в очи. Оттогaвa не сме се рaзделяли зa повече от седмицa нa около 6 мес. Aвторкaтa- имa едни кремове, пък и други нещa в секс шоповете. провери и в aптеките, aко трябвa консултирaй се с лекaр със или без него. Зa притеснение и думa не може дa стaвa след толковa време зaедно, с товa опрaвдaвa. но пък кaк ли се чувствa той, всеки път.... ух дaли ще стaне, дaли пък не.... и то още повече му спaдa.... ентусиaзмът. Потърси решение преди дa го отсвирвaш, сaмa кaзвaш, че остaнaлото е ок.
Нещо не те разбирам, уж всичко е прекрасно и го обичаш, а не можеш да се справиш с този миниатюрен "проблем", на фона на проблемите, които има почти всяка средно статистическа двойка. Не ти ли е минавало през ума, че можеше да е доста по-зле!? Веднага ти давам като пример съседите ми от горния етаж. Постоянно се карат доста шумно, което и за мен е плашещо, а си представям какво му е на момичето. Смяташ ли, че това е по-добрият вариант? Жестоко се лъжеш, ако си мисиш, че с друг партньор всичките ти проблеми ще изчезнат. Най-вероятно ще се появят нови... Трябва да си подготвена за евентуалните проблеми, които съпътстват една връзка и да подхождаш с разбиране, ако искаш да съхраниш хубавите Ви отношения. Които между друго, както добре знаеш се срещат доста рядко! Това което ти се случва е един вид тест за любовта ти. Ако при най-малкото нещо побягавш, не ми се мисли каква сигурност би дала на семейството си в бъдеще. Намери начин да предразположиш човека, за да се справя по-успешно в секса, а не непременно да очкаваш резултати от него. Хич не се учудвам, че "страда", след като вижда постоянно недоволната ти физиономия. "Това, което ми помага да не взема такова крайно решение все още е това, че той е страшно добър човек и много ме обича (а и аз го обичам) и че когато се случва сексът, е много емоционален и хубав. От друга страна се страхувам, че аз няма да издържа с този проблем... " Сигурна ли си, че наистина го обичаш? Защото от това, което си написала долавям някакви по други чувства, а не точно обич. По-скоро чувство на съжаление примесено с привързаност.
Абе как да не е важен секса бе хора, не виждате ли, че тя и той явно са съсипани да търсят причината. Или е някъде дълбоко в емоционален план, или е най-простата-вече не го привлича жената. Щом е успяла да го завлече на сексолог е добре, знаете ли колко биха се обидили само като чуят. Осъзнали са проблема, тя има желание, той не може, а тя иска деца вече-оставяй го. Той ако все е така едва ли изневерява.
Number 7, they obviously lied to you so as not to complicate you ... I've had relationships with men who don't satisfy me sexually, but I wouldn't spend my whole life with one. It is precisely such relationships that put people in situations where they can cheat, divorce and be unhappy. Sex is the reflection of a relationship. Sorry, the problem is so serious that even children can't do it ... Talk. But not just “why is this happening and not like that?” Sit down and discuss everything that has to do with sex. How much experience does he have, does he fall in love only with women, do he have any fetishes, fantasies, how often does he really want sex, has he experienced any emotional trauma related to sex and so on and so forth ...
He's obviously disturbing. Don't insist, let him decide for himself when he's ready. In principle, I do not consider a harmonious relationship to be one in which intimacy is lacking, no matter how harmonious the other relationships are. He has a problem and has to deal with it himself. Whether it will be with you or someone else. Ask him about previous intimate relationships. You will find out for yourself whether the problem is in you or in him.
The "problem" of rapid ejaculation is clearly present in many men, so I do not believe that it is a physiological problem that has an adequate medical solution. Most sexologists say that the key to solving this "problem" is deep in a man's psyche, but I don't know how effective their treatment methods are. I use quotes on purpose because it's not a problem for me when so many people have it. And you will hardly be able to have children because of something like that. You have no right to ask a person to be good at everything. The easiest thing in the world is to love an ideal person ... Don't you have to accept all his shortcomings in the name of loving him? Well, just imagine, if you were in his situation, wouldn't you want him to support you in some way, and not to wonder how to lose you and replace you with another ??
I didn't mean to take a stand on this topic, but a little above, a woman advises the author to pretend to be on a "tree" in bed so that she doesn't arouse him a lot, so he emptied quickly !? For many men, this is exactly the reason they cum quickly. Who enjoys dealing with "wood"? If so, he'd better buy a doll from the sex shop, she'll do a better job for him. Often a woman's whims are the reason for a man to finish quickly, that is, to report quickly and not see the face of his capricious wife. №16 advises very well. Let the author imagine the situation - she really wants a child, but in practice it does not work. He immediately starts spitting at the man, ends quickly, doesn't lift the plane, doesn't do it every day, etc., etc. But in the end it turns out that this is not the cause of the childlessness, and some health problem of hers. How will it feel then? What if the man starts complaining on forums and one day decides to lose her (as some here advise the author to do)? Until now, I thought that women are gentle and compassionate beings, but after reading the comments above, I begin to doubt this truth.
Once he has an erection problem, the decision is to take the "blue" pills! I take such pills myself, although I do not have an erection problem, but this way I am ready to make love for a few hours without a problem. I'm done and in just a few minutes I'm ready for feats again. I am 45 years old and my girlfriend is only 27 and is insatiable in bed. To satisfy her great sexual needs, a friend of mine, one day, decided to buy Levitra 20 mg. I divide the pill into 4 and drink a quarter 30 minutes before making love, and believe me I work wonders in bed after that. many young people have even started taking these pills to pose for sex in front of their girlfriends
The problem is in his head. Don't show that you have high expectations every time. This frustrates him. In sex, the woman is like a captain on the high seas, but later understands it - after 40-45.
But what nonsense are you talking about? !! To leave the girl without sex? !! Even worse, with someone who only torments her? !! Those who could do without good sex, don't you think that your halves do the same ??? H1, at least he's honest, his wife must be like you, too. But the person gets it elsewhere, normally. Someday, someone will "set fire" to the author and with fidelity it will be there. Of course !!! Don't be so hypocritical! Author, talk to him to go to a sexologist or to look for pills, ointments. whatever it is, to try. If not ... well, it will always happen that you try how it is with someone else, as you say yourself. At least for sure, if we don't find a solution, I would look for pleasure elsewhere. Well ... and, we have a life, let's get rid of the most natural pleasure. It was ok for you, but yes, if a man can't offer you this, he must be incredible for everything else, because ... the outcome is clear. If this doesn't work out, you won't last long, you decide with or without children, if we assume that at least this will be possible. And it is even safer, just to do it with someone, then you will know if you can lose it and if it is worth it. I am a woman, I will ask the other commentators "chaste" to remember / look at other similar topics before they jump on me. How many of you are recognized in the stories of infidelity or deceived, dissatisfied, unhappy, namely the lack of sex. And in how many of these topics the advice is different. Don't lie to the girl! You were very good that they understood each other, and sex, you see, was a miniature problem ... Nonsense on wheels !!! I was angry! If this doesn't work out, you won't last long, you decide with or without children, if we assume that at least this will be possible. And it is even safer, just to do it with someone, then you will know if you can lose it and if it is worth it. I am a woman, I will ask the other commentators "chaste" to remember / look at other similar topics before they jump on me. How many of you are recognized in the stories of infidelity or deceived, dissatisfied, unhappy, namely the lack of sex. And in how many of these topics the advice is different. Don't lie to the girl! You were very good that they understood each other, and sex, you see, was a miniature problem ... Nonsense on wheels !!! I was angry! If this doesn't work out, you won't last long, you decide with or without children, if we assume that at least this will be possible. And it is even safer, just to do it with someone, then you will know if you can lose it and if it is worth it. I am a woman, I will ask the other commentators "chaste" to remember / look at other similar topics before they jump on me. How many of you are recognized in the stories of infidelity or deceived, dissatisfied, unhappy, namely the lack of sex. And in how many of these topics the advice is different. Don't lie to the girl! You were very good that they understood each other, and sex, you see, was a miniature problem ... Nonsense on wheels !!! I was angry! whether you can deprive yourself and whether it is worth it. I am a woman, I will ask the other commentators "chaste" to remember / look at other similar topics before they jump on me. How many of you are recognized in the stories of infidelity or deceived, dissatisfied, unhappy, namely the lack of sex. And in how many of these topics the advice is different. Don't lie to the girl! You were very good that they understood each other, and sex, you see, was a miniature problem ... Nonsense on wheels !!! I was angry! whether you can deprive yourself and whether it is worth it. I am a woman, I will ask the other commentators "chaste" to remember / look at other similar topics before they jump on me. How many of you are recognized in the stories of infidelity or deceived, dissatisfied, unhappy, namely the lack of sex. And in how many of these topics the advice is different. Don't lie to the girl! You were very good that they understood each other, and sex, you see, was a miniature problem ... Nonsense on wheels !!! I was angry! did you see it was a miniature problem ... Nonsense on wheels !!! I was angry! did you see it was a miniature problem ... Nonsense on wheels !!! I was angry!
You just need a consultation and treatment from a good sexologist. You understand that his problem is mental and this will require longer treatment!
If his problem is mental to go to a psychotherapist. It is possible that somewhere on a subconscious level there are some accumulations ... and that it "interrupts the current". What you can do is show him love and give him courage and most of all confidence. A confident man in life will also be confident in sex. During sex, show him that you like him, but don't be excited (I think that's what he meant by n6, which will make him finish faster and faster), but just a little more restrained and directing. to go on and on ... as long as you want.
Familiar, familiar! We have been like this for several years. I now live only with the vibrator, because I'm just tired. I made a compromise, I did ... poor thing, he works a lot, he must be stressed ... but I'm tired of waiting for a miracle once a year! And on top of that, he tells me how he wanted a child! If you want, go to the doctor, not to touch me once every 3 months for two minutes and then tell me how I didn't get pregnant! Well, should I get pregnant by the Holy Spirit, not to be seen by him? !! So author, I'm a little younger than you, but I have experience and I tell you, this is not life! I respect him and I will not cheat on him, but I told you, I have collected a whole collection of vibrators and I take comfort in them. It's out of the question. A young woman, supposedly married ... well, I don't have any nerves left! I hope you don't get there either!
Number 20, no one says sex matters. But the point is, people have been staring at it too much lately. The real and eternal things in the relationship between two people have been forgotten. No one talks about love and feelings, about love anymore ... We live in a world in which pleasures are leading, and that you get maximum pleasure from everything and at any cost, without thinking about tomorrow. It is as if the partners are in no other way valuable to each other than as sexual partners bringing each other sexual pleasure. And when this does not happen, for one reason or another, immediately look for a replacement partner. Who in this case is not a partner or a loved one, but only plays the role of a "damaged vibrator" that you want to replace in the sex shop for a newer model. If this is hypocrisy number 20,
I have a girlfriend of 4 and a half months and for me this is the first serious relationship in my life at the age of 23. At first I had no desire to have sex with her because I had no feelings for her, and in a sex I have to be either gentle (most of the time) or occasionally rude, I am aroused by these extremes and the fact that I know her recently , he couldn't predispose me to be gentle to her, because I had no feelings for her, and rude given that I don't know her, I still couldn't and the sex was very bad, just as we were having sex and I was choking, I liked it, and before that I was really aroused when he touched me there, but the other was lame, and I had almost no desire in the interest of truth ... it seemed hellishly immoral and frivolous for a girl to make me have sex when we've been dating for 2 weeks. .. it is immoral to sleep with 12-13 boys aged 23 and every time I think about it and have sex it is possible for me to drop and lose my desire for sex, I am quite complicated and for me monogamy is the most important thing in a relationship , psychologically I'm trying to adjust that she's just mine and she hasn't been with anyone before (she made a big mistake by telling me about her ex without asking her), but .. now sex and everything works out. Your boyfriend has to experience either tenderness (a lot of tenderness while courting you, or rudeness (we're talking in oral caresses and other things) to predispose to the real part afterwards, namely sex, I initially with my girl to I don't disappoint her so much I imagined that we were doing it from behind and I was more excited by this thought than that we were doing it in the normal place (we were doing it there too), they started to pull it out later,
Instead of listening here from nine rivers of water, go to a specialist, but good. It will not happen with advice alone.
Author: Thank you to everyone who responded! Thanks for the opinions, advice and constructive criticism! For me, finding a lover is not a solution, as some here advise, I did not even think of such an alternative. I can't imagine lying to the person next to me. The truth is that he is very worried about the consequences of failures in bed and is afraid that because of this we may separate. And the more you try not to get stuck, the more often it happens. He said that it had happened to him with other women, but then he did not realize it. Now he sticks to our relationship and therefore strains even more. We've talked a lot about this, but sometimes I think it gets worse with fairy tales. I can't say that I always manage to react adequately to what is happening, but I always try to stay by his side, to embrace him, to try to arouse him, having lost an erection, to act as if nothing is happening, but still I am not "made of wood" and this can not but affect my arousal and my desire. .. so far there has been no case in which I have refused sex, I think there are few such women ... usually women are tired, sour, have a headache and do not have sex :) I can not agree with some comments above that almost, I'm running away from the situation and that the problem is like a negligible small, that it is not clear why I react so. Having been with this man for more than a year and a half, I have not escaped the slightest difficulty ... and would I write here if I just wanted to leave him ... as I said, he is very good and I have a lot of real feelings for him, I want to be together and I want that to be okay somehow, despite, that at times I lose courage ... I had a relationship in which, apart from sex, nothing else worked and I know that sex does not make the relationship, but the relationship without sex is not complete. after all, things happen with us and that makes me hope that maybe it will still work out ... I see that there are other women who have similar problems. it is a matter of personal choice for everyone how they have found a way to communicate with the problem. whether a person stays for the other despite his problem, or stays for himself, because of his personal fears ... I have countless relationships in which people are present in them, because of habit and because of the fear of the unknown / change. I don't want my relationship to be like that, empty, lifeless, and if it becomes like that, I'd better end it ... So, if anyone has any positive experience with such a problem, let them share it, I will be very grateful!
Hello, Let me tell you what is happening to me right now. I have been seeing a man for more than a year. We only got to kiss at the end of the first month. It was wonderful, I didn't want it to stop. After about three months we touched for the first time, but that's it. Two more months passed. It's been 6 months now - we tried for the first time, but nothing came of it. And so we continued only with kisses and occasional touching. Until recently, when I offered myself to him, I couldn't stand it anymore. I told him directly that I wanted this to happen immediately. He refused, justified himself by saying that he was in a hurry, etc. After another month I made the same mistake again - I threw myself into his arms, but ... that's it. In the meantime, he doesn't fail to tell me every day how much he loves me. Tell me, dear people, is this normal? Is there love without sex or am I just disgusted with him and he doesn't want me as a woman,