Hello! I have a problem in my love relationship that I don't know how to solve and that is already bothering me a lot. I don't know what to do and what I'm doing wrong, but the scenario happened for the third time and I don't have the strength for more. In general, it's hard to like someone, but when I like someone, it's very strong - I think about it all the time, I imagine what our relationship would be like, etc. But all three times I fall in love - if you can call falling in love with people who don't have that interest in me it seems. Because they're looking for me, but somehow it's clear that I'm not so important to them. In general, I consider myself a sensible and firmly grounded person and I do not create unnecessary illusions. That is, if I like someone, I look for him and I see that there is no answer on the other side, I do not insist, I withdraw, I let the person find what he is looking for, since he does not find it in me. And I think that's right for both sexes. That is, I am a supporter of the thesis that beauty cannot be forced. So far so good, but what happens to my feelings and thoughts - well, I sit, I think about the person, I can't forget him, I have a strong attraction to him.
As much as I force myself not to think about it, it happens by itself. And so 2-3 years pass in which I am alone, because I cannot turn my attention to another, until gradually these feelings and attraction fade away by themselves. I can't stop them myself. The first time was when I was 22-3 and I probably lost 2 years in dreams for the person. He and he gave me vain hopes, and in all three cases they gave me some hopes that more or less nurtured this to continue. But I'm already tired and I don't think that's right. It's not right for me to sit alone and think about someone, while he must have wives and look after his life, and I'm waiting for my passion to pass. I estimate I lost 6-7 years in dreams that did not come true. Now I feel like the last 3 years of fascination are starting to pass, but there is another problem. I am already afraid to like someone at all so that the same thing does not happen again - interest on my part, but not theirs, and again I sit alone and can not overcome these feelings. I don't know what to do, but it bothers me a lot and I consider it a big problem.
I can't meet a person with whom everything is mutual and things become natural as normal. Otherwise, I go on dates, I'm not sitting at home looking for other people, but it doesn't work, my thoughts are occupied only by the one I'm attracted to. In the latter case, I felt a lot of trust and harmony in the person, but I think only I felt it, there is simply no answer to my feelings. They seem to like me, invite me to meetings, compliments, but that's it. As a character, I have the positive and negative sides like everyone else, but even knowing not so attractive and positive people by nature they still found someone with whom they have reciprocity. In general, I have the feeling that everyone has found someone, only I, as a leper, dream of unrequited love. And just to mention, if someone thinks that I like some unattainable ideals - not just ordinary men, the first one, even a lot of people would consider him a little ugly. I don't know if this is a tragedy. I'm 29 if it's important and I want a serious relationship, family, but I don't know how that will happen. Are there others like me and can you tell me why this happens. I take my responsibility that there may be a problem in me, but I don't know how to solve it,
Answers 7
There is, there is ... The same story, but I'm a man and I'm 34 ... How do I still like them - ask me, I have no idea. I have no solution to this situation, only hope that the next with the next will be mutual sympathy.
Hi, I'm just like you and all sorts of thoughts are going through my head right now ... will I find anyone who is just as attached to me? Am I not pushing everyone away with just this clinging and too much attention? I keep thinking that I will be happy and I will almost be flattered to see that there are such feelings on the other side, but it seems that not everyone is like that. About men - whether they are beautiful or not does not matter, but what type of men are they? Where do you meet them? If you go out on dates with people who stop you on the street with dumb dumps or in a disco, don't expect anything ... M27
Hello! Your problem is that you come across men who are engaged or have an intimate relationship with another woman who is a problem for a serious relationship. When a man is in a serious relationship and is looking for an intimate relationship with another woman, it is easier for him. But when he has an intimate relationship and a candidate for a serious girlfriend appears to him, then it will be a problem for him not to hurt his ego by leaving the first one. The effect with both watermelons under the arm. The one she only sees for sex will constantly attack him because of someone like you who wants serious things from him. My advice is, when you find yourself in the company of a potential man who could become a serious friend, first make sure he is engaged, had a woman around his life and if he is free, you can act! How can you check if he is committed by asking him questions? " Who was at sea with last summer? ; Who does he go to a disco with? ; What does he do in his free time? ; To look at his Facebook profile immediately after the conversation and if he is busy, do nothing more. In fact, you can make a fuss about yourself by making a delicate compliment and leaving things here. If he looks for you, then he has settled his accounts with his exes and is ready for you. If he doesn't look for you, then there's nothing you can do with this person. The rest of my advice is to always keep your hair washed, combed and maintained. Shiny. Put on a little make-up, some jewelry, dress to emphasize the feminine shapes in you, perfume yourself, play with your hair often when you are in a public place. Order cocktails and keep them close to you, holding them with your hand. It is very likely that you will get lucky from somewhere, as they provoke you with a casual conversation, is the cocktail nice, do you visit this place often. Mark one or two restaurants and visit them often. Take a friend with you, if possible not so attractive and you will become noticeable! Lastly, you will see over time how many people are committed in one way or another and how few are less involved. Strive to be constantly in touch, even for a short time, but to be!
There is no way, there is no way. M85
You make the big mistake of spending so much time dramatizing from failure. You have rightly said that "beauty cannot be forced", but why do you pay so much attention to self-pity? I make the same mistakes as you until life teaches me that no one will thank you for being devoted to someone (whether it happened or not between you), nor will you give back even a tiny fraction of the time lost in whining ... I'm 31 years old, that is, about your age, so I understand you perfectly. I have been going through a broken relationship for so long, in which we have been together for almost 6 years. It took me more than a year to be able to look at a woman again in that special way, and during that time my ex managed to find a new friend, to marry him, and to have a child. And who benefited from my dramatization of things? Well, I'm certainly not ... Then I had a second long relationship, which I also experienced more than 1 year after her breakup, and during that time the woman from the separation with whom I was still recovering changed several boyfriends, and to date it is happy, though single mother. What conclusion did you draw? Well, the less you experience past and past things, the better for you. I'm 31 years old, and I'm still nowhere in my personal life, precisely because I lost years in completely unnecessary immersion in things that could have happened, but didn't. To date, I have become much more robbed of my emotions. If I like a woman, but for one reason or another it does not work - I immediately move on to the next, without wasting time. Do I make sure it's all over, or there is no chance of getting anything - move on to the next one. Remember - no one owes you anything, and no one will compensate you in any way for the wasted time, nerves, emotions, etc. In other words - if it doesn't work out, just try another as soon as possible , because life is too short, and at the age of 29 you don't have much time to dramatize your love failure for 2-3 years. And as a finale - don't think so much about it with your family and children, because it kind of starts to engulf you and the people you meet notice it and pull away from you because you look desperate. I also learned this from my own bitter experience. Go out on dates without much expectation, just with the idea of having a good time, and if there is sympathy and things work out, then even better. Don't take it as a fixed idea, because it can only hurt you. I wish you luck! I hope things work out for you! :)
To the author: where and how do you meet these men who invite you to a meeting and then there. Not by chance through dating sites, where you did not have a photo and you see each other for the first time at the meeting. And they just didn't like you. If in real life I have invited someone to a meeting, it is because I like it. And at least because I want sex with her. Even if I don't like a relationship from the very beginning, I will hardly withdraw for sex, ie I won't be "there" after the meeting. I'll look for her again until we go to bed or she cuts me off. There is something here! You don't say any details.
from the Author to number 3. Thank you for the advice, but for the fact that they may be tied, I do not know if they were, but at least they did not show that they were. However, at first I asked them if they were free and they said yes. I know there are people who lie that they are not, but I have watched other things. For example, their phones did not ring, we did not only go to certain places, but they did not hide everywhere, which I think a committed person would do. For example, if I'm tied up and hide it, I'll be a little embarrassed to go to places with a lot of people, because always someone you haven't even seen an acquaintance can see you and sing to your boyfriend. And with these men we went to different places without hiding. It is only for the first I can say that there was some secrecy, but with the others not. And as for the questions of who he was at sea with, Do you think that a committed person who hides that he is like that would say calmly - with my boyfriend. Well, I don't think he'll tell friends, even if it's a lie. As for the appearance - I take care of him, my hair is clean, I wear jewelry, normal clothes, they complimented me that I am beautiful many times, they wondered why I don't have a boyfriend. I even found it funny how some people tell me - now you can't get rid of boyfriends, and I'm hanging out with us and there's no one to go out with. But for the appearance, no matter what care you take, everyone has a taste. And to be always in a relationship can't happen, because I can't be with everyone I've met, one should hardly waste one's time with someone who doesn't attract him and they have nothing in common just to be in a relationship. Thank you anyway. I read in a psychotherapy forum, that people like me are not taught to love and be loved and therefore fall into such situations. Maybe the solution really is psychotherapy. Sometimes there are things we don't even realize, and they interfere with everything.