- You're scared, aren't you? You are afraid of falling in love, a fear that stiffens your heart ... A fear that you have to fight every day, but you have not resigned yourself. Why? -Why? Sit down, sit comfortably ... I'm not afraid to fall in love ... I'm afraid that even if you give everything to one person, he will always want more! You alone will never be enough for him! So it is in life! I am afraid of excessive perfectionism and people's pretensions. I am afraid of injuries, of all the pain I have experienced. I am afraid of the fact that I have never been, I will not be number one. People say that there must be at least one main character in every movie, and everything else is minor roles and extras. I'm afraid that in my film I'm not the main actor, I'm not even the supporting role. I'm afraid of rejection, I'm afraid of fear itself, of the fact that I will never be good enough no matter what I do. I'm afraid that there will always be a voice telling me "NOTHING IS COMING FROM YOU", "YOU ARE NOT WORTHY", "WHERE DID YOU GO AT ALL".
I am afraid of my indecision caused by the years of suffering I have experienced. You ask me if I'm afraid of love? I can't be afraid, since I've never felt it. No one allowed me to love him with all my heart. No one has ever given me that opportunity. I am sitting in the corner alone, hunched over in pain, not physical but the most terrible pain - mental. And I'm not afraid of loneliness - she is my closest friend. We've been living hand in hand for so many years - I beg her to leave, and when I do, she hugs me even tighter and whispers an ominous "I'm not going anywhere." Maybe I'm really not destined to be happy. When I say it out loud, people laugh at me, make fun of me and try to convince me that I am young and I do not need such experiences, such relationships. However, the years go by, today you are twenty, tomorrow you are thirty, another day you are fifty. It's also known that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, doesn't it? However, some wounds never heal. Memories, failures, signs of the times. And suddenly it turns out that it's all over. You look back, you see everyone around you, with whom you once had a wonderful time, turning their backs on you and saying "But I have plans with my fiancée, my girlfriend, my wife." You smile, understand them and withdraw. Your former friends, whom you saw every day, are starting to disappear little by little. Once you realize you're alone, you shut yourself in, you start to hate. The hatred grows with each passing day, perhaps because of envy, or because your only friend for the moment - loneliness has already wrapped its horrible black tentacles around your neck so tightly that you can no longer even catch your breath. When you try to seek help, no one cares, everyone tells you things like "Tighten up," "Stop filming," "Come on, please don't bother me with your nonsense." People you helped with a smile until yesterday don't even want to listen to you anymore, as if something is required of them.
At the worst hour, however, something finally happens. "SHE" appears out of nowhere. You are already thinking "THIS WAS THE END !! LONELINESS, THIS WAS YOUR LAST HOUR WITH ME, LOVE YOURSELF AND NEVER RETURN AGAIN !!!" Everything is going according to plan, everything is like people. Different scenarios are spinning in your mind. Hatred disappears. Somehow happiness returns. You are ready for anything, you are in a hurry because you have been so lonely all your life that you are no longer sure if a second such opportunity will arise at all, without suspecting that this situation you are currently experiencing was not an opportunity at all, but just a mockery of fate. At some point, the relationship and contact in question with "HER" ends and guess who enters your life without even knocking on the door - your eternal friend "Loneliness". In the arms of your so faithful companion you look around, everyone else is fine, everyone else is happy. You look to heaven and now you doubt even your faith. Your self-esteem has been hit so many times that you don't even know if it's there anymore. For people - of course everything is fine. Smiles, Happiness, Laughter! You show your loved ones your true emotions, which are the exact opposite, but they are already so fed up with these "movies" of yours that they don't even want to listen to you anymore, and you are not even talked to. You put barriers in front of you that get stronger and stronger every day.
You become a difficult person to communicate with, unpleasant even. It's getting harder and harder every day. You have no one to share with anymore, because no one is listened to. And no one owes you. What about the fact that you once helped him in the same situation, what about the fact that you were the shoulder on which he or she cried? Good gestures, of course, are remembered for a short time, if at all. The only thing left for you to do is sit in the dark, in the corner, in the embrace of loneliness and to fight with all your might not to go mad. Disappointment with others is a berry compared to self-disappointment. There comes a time when everyone turns their backs on you when you need them most. Once upon a time, in electronic games, when you lost, a screen appeared with the words "YOU LOSE!" And under it always said "Are you continuing?". So many times in so many different situations these words have come to my attention that I no longer know whether to press the bottom button. We always say that being alive and healthy is the most important thing, and the other will come. I no longer think happiness will come. I think I've been hurt so many times that even if he knocks on the door, I won't open it for him. I'm sorry, happiness ... You're obviously not for me! compared to self-disappointment. There comes a time when everyone turns their backs on you when you need them most. Once upon a time, in electronic games, when you lost, a screen appeared with the words "YOU LOSE!" And under it always said "Are you continuing?". So many times in so many different situations these words have come to my attention that I no longer know whether to press the bottom button. We always say that being alive and healthy is the most important thing, and the other will come. I no longer think happiness will come. I think I've been hurt so many times that even if he knocks on the door, I won't open it for him. I'm sorry, happiness ... You're obviously not for me! compared to self-disappointment. There comes a time when everyone turns their backs on you when you need them most.
Once upon a time, in electronic games, when you lost, a screen appeared with the words "YOU LOSE!" And under it always said "Are you continuing?". So many times in so many different situations these words have come to my attention that I no longer know whether to press the bottom button. We always say that being alive and healthy is the most important thing, and the other will come. I no longer think happiness will come. I think I've been hurt so many times that even if he knocks on the door, I won't open it for him. I'm sorry, happiness ... You're obviously not for me! and under that it always said "Are you continuing?". So many times in so many different situations these words have come to my attention that I no longer know whether to press the bottom button. We always say that being alive and healthy is the most important thing, and the other will come. I no longer think happiness will come. I think I've been hurt so many times that even if he knocks on the door, I won't open it for him. I'm sorry, happiness ... You're obviously not for me! and under that it always said "Are you continuing?". So many times in so many different situations these words have come to my attention that I no longer know whether to press the bottom button. We always say that being alive and healthy is the most important thing, and the other will come. I no longer think happiness will come. I think I've been hurt so many times that even if he knocks on the door, I won't open it for him. I'm sorry, happiness ... You're obviously not for me!
Answers 10
But you're not saying what happened to the girl you thought would banish loneliness?
You will be a happy brother, believe and fight.
author, you only torture yourself because you are in a fear that leads nowhere. Happiness does not come from the outside but from the inside - in order for it to happen and for you to be happy in a relationship, you have to listen to your heart that does not make mistakes in the choice and so take care of your comfort. But to achieve it in life you need the right approach to your relationship. With a lot of care, compromises and most of all sharing to be close and constructive. In this way you will be happy with yourself and if it is mutual you will be understood and appreciated in time. But you need to build the relationship - as a man the initiative is expected to be in your hands and to get rid of fears and hesitations and so you become close and loved.
Fear will not get you anywhere. How do you plan to continue this way? You will live in fear of being rejected and you will torment yourself. There is no point in that. Are you talking about a woman who has appeared in your life, but your communication has been interrupted? Have you ever wondered why? The problem with most people is that they don't talk when there is a problem. If he has offended you or there is a misunderstanding, look for her and do not give up.
We understand that you have succumbed to the emotion of fear too much and allowed yourself to take over and control in your life. If you want specific advice on the situation, give more details about it. This way of thinking is interesting if you meet it in a novel, for example, but in real life it is unacceptable and unconstructive. Change your thoughts and you will change your future!
I am the one who brings everyone back and risks being left alone forever, not because she is a cowardly coward, but because she is waiting for a coward to gather the courage to admit that he needs her. We all suffer, but you seem to like having something to feel sorry for. :(
From the Author: Thanks to everyone for the comments. To comment number 1: What happened to the girl? She just decided to leave. He stopped writing, ringing, picking me up. Just out of nowhere. We met 2 days ago and she said I just wasn't for her. "Another will deserve you more, I don't know what I want" It's short. To comment number 2: Hopefully, thank you for your positive thinking. By comment number 3, 4 and 5: Hello, believe me I know this is not the way. I don't want to live in fear, just as much as I try to change my thinking, for now it is. And on the issue that happiness comes from within, it is so. There are many things that should make me happy and in the last few days I have been trying to focus on them and it helps a little. To comment number 6: One thing I did not understand. How do you want a coward to tell you he needs you? given that you yourself say that you are constantly returning everyone? And believe me, I'm not self-pitying, but rather sharing, isn't that the point of this site? Thanks again for the comments. I wish everyone a pleasant and successful week
I hadn't come in to read and write here in a long time, and for good. The stories here are quite depressing. Whatever! Regarding your history (or lack thereof?) The situation is as follows - you can rest assured that not only you experience such feelings of loneliness, rejection, feeling that you are not good enough and similar depressive states and no, you are not it's your fault. We live in a model of civilization that is defective and inadequate to meet basic human emotional needs. The attitudes of the people in this model are superficial, ridiculous and selfish. Not to go into too much detail, I will just say that they are as defective as another product of this model - GMO foods. At first glance, they are your normal food, but in fact they are an ugly and harmful version, it's the same with relationships. Since it is not up to you to change the macro frame (big picture) of things, I recommend from your own experience to apply strict quarantine, that is, very selectively allow in your personal space and think only things that make you happy and make you feel good. Do you have old friends who are ungrateful, do not sympathize with you and make you feel bad? Get them out of your life, cut off all contact with them. Do you like playing video games? Play your video games! Do things that you enjoy and isolate yourself from people and things that make you depressed. Also try new things when the opportunity arises. In general, this life we live can be quite brutal emotionally and cause huge emotional wounds, and I honestly don't think anyone can go without emotional scars. I think that we are all more or less traumatized and emotionally dissatisfied and the more time passes the more such wounds accumulate. The only way to deal with this is to cultivate resilience, that is, when bad things happen to you, to have faith and be able to shake them off knowing that this is a temporary feeling that tomorrow will be a new and different day. As I said, the situation is quite brutal, and when your mind is under such a brutal psychological attack, you have to learn to switch off and withdraw and do something that gives you pleasure. that it is a temporary feeling that tomorrow will be a new and different day. As I said, the situation is quite brutal, and when your mind is under such a brutal psychological attack, you have to learn to switch off and withdraw and do something that gives you pleasure. that it is a temporary feeling that tomorrow will be a new and different day. As I said, the situation is quite brutal, and when your mind is under such a brutal psychological attack, you have to learn to switch off and withdraw and do something that gives you pleasure.
I'm №6 One thing I didn't understand: I have to make everyone happy to give him the courage to decide that he has a chance too? :)) I apologize for the rest, but I was left with the impression that out of fear you didn't even try.
Courage-My story I'm brave right? I fell in love, love filled my heart. I gave everything I could, it wasn't enough. I was used and discarded. Repeatedly. From the same person. I was hoping. Movements. Then I stood up slowly and collected the pieces, rebuilding a bearable life. And then hope appeared. The hope that this time will be different. After her disappointment. I wandered so much in this cycle. Here she is, again abandoned, alone, without friends in the silence of the empty room. There is no prospect. All the time and energy for cultivation, work and study are invested in a doomed relationship. Do you think I'm not suffering? I suffer. But I'm not sorry I tried to be happy. To make him happy. I dream of a hug. For some beautiful days, and mountains, flowers, nature, rest and escape. Something good. But there is no.