Hello. I wrote some time ago that my girlfriend and I happened to get pregnant unplanned. I was shocked then. She's a decent girl, but overall I don't think we're exactly for each other. We decided to keep the child, although many people told me I would not be happy. I decided that I would be able to live with her. The problem is that the problems are getting worse. We don't have many common interests, we don't have common friends. She stubbornly avoids going out with my friends. These are all prerequisites for a difficult future life. I have a feeling that I will hate myself for allowing this to happen. A passive aggression arises in it, which may be a defensive reaction because of my behavior. But no matter how much I explain that we should now be one, to have common interests, to have common friends, the answer is yes, well, to continue in the same way ... Does anyone have a similar case? I made a huge mistake, a huge one ... for which I will pay for my whole life, I have the feeling. Please don't answer me with "if you watched in time / where you look / you choose it for me" I say again, it was unplanned. I don't wish this on anyone, because there is no money, no children's crying, no accommodation, no friends ... It doesn't matter if we don't understand each other and martial law is at home. I'm sure it will ruin me, and I feel like I'm going there. Give advice or just share something. Thanks! if we don't understand each other, martial law is at home. I'm sure it will ruin me, and I feel like I'm going there. Give advice or just share something. Thanks! if we don't understand each other, martial law is at home. I'm sure it will ruin me, and I feel like I'm going there. Give advice or just share something. Thanks!
Answers 23
I'm sorry it happened ... I hope there is at least someone to help you with the child. I congratulate you otherwise, that you think in the interest of the child, how well it is, I suspect that you are both young and the girl. Don't despair, maybe when you are born and grow up, it will become your very source of happiness. Yes, at first the babies don't understand, they roar, they drive you crazy, but then it becomes more and more interesting to build a new person.
But you are also interesting - what kind of friends do you interfere in a relationship and family? You will see that in time they will disappear, and even if they do not, they are not so important at all. You dramatize.
The advice, man, is very simple and universal - first think, then act. Much of the problem comes from doing the opposite. I remember the previous topic and they advised you not to get together, you decided otherwise. Ok, your life, your choice. If you don't think at least a little about what they write to you and don't draw any conclusions, what are your advice and opinions for? They can't help you once you make the WRONG decision. There is no emotional and spiritual closeness between you, only physical. And there is no desire for anything more, in the end you will hate yourself completely and you will turn each other's life into hell plus that of the child. The fact that it was not planned is no excuse for the recklessness and irresponsibility of both of you. See how bad the consequences are. I only feel sorry for the child created by people like you. I don't see how you can stand two years, let alone a lifetime. You don't get that much. You better break up now, at least you won't traumatize him with scandals and more. simplicity. You will pay your alimony, you will help, you will see him, you will walk, etc., because you will always be connected with this woman through the child. So she will have a chance, although not a big one, to get together with another more suitable person. And I hope you learned a lesson for the future from what happened. I think so, I do not engage anyone with my opinion.
That's why children are made as planned, and when they both want to. And it didn't happen, so let's be together.
To use condoms, sorry. And to think in time
How old are you? You are already a family, you will not have time for friends, you cannot force her to like them. Stay home and look after your child. She wasn't for me, so why? Why isn't it for you? My husband and I like a lot of different things, but that doesn't mean we have to break up. The relationship with the child changes a lot. Stay where you are and help the woman with the baby.
My advice is to seek professional help on behalf of the child. Candy
I think that your problem is rooted in your demands for your interests to become common, but in fact the common interests are the result of consensus and the corresponding compromises. With this way of thinking you will not find a woman, in fact it is possible to find someone who will give up everything in your favor, but she will not be your partner in life, and your subordinate, with such you will not get anywhere. , because a person who gives up everything in your favor will never be able to give you good advice and will never be your support, and dragging all the responsibilities alone is not easy at all and does not go far.
She doesn't have to go out with your friends every time or invite her to your and similar things every week. She may be an introverted person. She doesn't forbid you from seeing your friends. Go out with them from time to time and so on.
Your arguments that you have no common interests, common friends and avoiding going out with your friends are baseless. It is very clear that she will not go out, and I do not go out with my husband's friends unless their wives are also present. And for the interests I will tell you that he watches matches, goes fishing, I love shopping and chatting with friends. It is perfectly normal for a man and a woman to have different interests. To me you are immature and your wife is rightly annoyed. How can you take into account people's opinions that you will not be happy? Well, you realize you're not happy. I have not read, not a single thing to say, yes, the problem is in the woman. Well, the problem is in you. You are immature.
You're wrong - you don't have to have common friends or common interests. Of course, this would be a bonus, but in many relationships it is not. The most important thing is to love and respect each other. Everyone can see their friends and pursue their favorite hobbies. And over time, you may find something in common that interests you. You obviously don't give her enough time and attention and that's why she behaves like that. I also don't like my husband's friends, I have nothing to say to them, otherwise I don't mind people. But they meet once every two weeks and that's not a problem for me, I don't go with him. If you have a hobby that takes up all your free time, this is also a big problem. Once you have decided to try to be a family, you should dedicate most of your time to your wife and child. Maybe you're not ready,
Calm down first. Everything will be fine if you realize that our lives and friends and cafes. Don't expect her to be friends with your friends. You will be a family. Then everyone else drops out. Look around and see the older ones, that everyone is looking after their family and not that they are stupid, but that this is just life, and be glad that you will have it, you will not be one of those childless and lonely angry people. Be tolerant of the girl and make compromises. Let her in. Say you're next to her. Don't demand. I just love her. Get some food, talk to each other ... be home together ... nothing else matters.
Are you shouting from where to where this female will continue in the same way and will wait for me to disturb my peace? !! Tell him the parasite and don't insult him anymore.
If you do not want this child, there is an abortion option. In my opinion, look at your own happiness in the first place, because after the child is born and there is a misunderstanding between you and your girlfriend, the situation will become very bad and you will be really unhappy - not only you, but also the child and the woman next to you. If your girlfriend does not want an abortion, you can help support the child financially, but not struggle with living with her. The last option is to try to talk to her about this problem; if she doesn't want to go out with your friends, try going out with hers first; I offer you some joint activities, even if you are bored of being offered (it can be uninitiative, not boring), go on vacation or try something new for both of you. If nothing really comes of this conversation,
In such a situation, try to talk to her and clarify your differences. You have had a child and it will be good for his good future not to be a child of divorced parents. I am sure you will find a solution to your problems. Try to be positive and things will work out!
The fact that you do not have VERY common interests is not a problem, on the contrary - so everyone will have their own personal activity or topics to practice or discuss with friends, and this enriches social life and personal. You have pointed out only one, the only problem - he does not want to go out with your friends. I mean, he doesn't want to force your friends to like you because you decided to? !! It does not live up to your expectations. Accordingly, you do not have to like her friends. See, the important thing is to support each other, to understand each other, to have sexual compatibility between you and common family models. It is NORMAL not to be like docked vessels and everyone to have friends. It is also normal to have family friends. So, since she doesn't like your friends, you will just see them without her, and TOGETHER you will create social contacts with NEW friends, which you both like without breaking up with your old friends, of course. They may be relatives, they may be neighbors, etc. Do not incarnate unnecessarily. No one will deprive you of your friends. Nor is it right for you to force her and explain to her that she must like semi-acquaintances. You think a little strangely, respect her individuality, and she will respect yours and there will be no tension between you. Each of us has learned to build family and relationships. Don't panic, try to love and respect each other and help each other, and your social life is a separate thing, and it's best for everyone to communicate with friends when there is no mutual sympathy. No one will deprive you of your friends. Nor is it right for you to force her and explain to her that she must like semi-acquaintances. You think a little strangely, respect her individuality, and she will respect yours and there will be no tension between you. Each of us has learned to build family and relationships. Don't panic, try to love and respect each other and help each other, and your social life is a separate thing, and it's best for everyone to communicate with friends when there is no mutual sympathy. No one will deprive you of your friends. Nor is it right for you to force her and explain to her that she must like semi-acquaintances. You think a little strangely, respect her individuality, and she will respect yours and there will be no tension between you. Each of us has learned to build family and relationships. Don't panic, try to love and respect each other and help each other, and your social life is a separate thing, and it's best for everyone to communicate with friends when there is no mutual sympathy.
I would part with her in your place, I will look after the child. Having a child does not oblige you to be together.
Yeah! For a while, you will be driving second-hand clothes and you will not have new models of phones and equipment. Nooooooo you will be raising children. The good news is that it's been about 10 years. Then you will have a lot of power because instead of looking only at yourself, you will learn to look at 2 more. And who knows, you can drive another one ...
I can say that in the previous topic, most people told me that I had to take responsibility. I hope that in time we will be able to work together, because she is a decent girl. Otherwise, I told you again that I don't need opinions of the sort to think. It happened. Otherwise I'm 27 and she's 29. I don't think we're that small.
Number 10 made me laugh - a woman who spends her time shopping and gossiping with other bites, to talk about "maturity" :) Leaving your vagina and womb aside, there is really nothing else to offer a man. What the author is looking for, and what every normal person is looking for, is sharing, something that unites and unites you. Come on, children are clear, this cherished mission of yours in life is genetically set and it is normal for an average intelligent person to look for something more than that ...
A similar situation with me. Pregnant and living together, the bad thing is that she's some kind of super dumb chick who just wonders what to complain about. We have no common interests, the level of general culture and professional level are many times different. And I'm wondering now ... I don't see my life with her the way I wanted her to be. Neither the place nor the time, much less the girl is appropriate. This was only due to the fact that she was not like that until she got pregnant. (every woman's strategy) I'll probably wait for her to get up and leave me, because that's what I've only heard every day for a month. From there I will see something else ... another city, another job ... and hopefully another person. I feel sorry for our child because he doesn't deserve it, but because of such blood-sucking creatures as women ... that's the situation. I will pay for it and that's it. I'm even looking on the net for how much per month. Don't do it to yourself. There is no point in living with someone if you are not happy, your life will pass like this ... in problems, quarrels and happiness. You have a choice ... life and happiness is yours - chase them! Of course, don't get up without a responsible father after a while. Allocate your time and for your child you have finally done it, at least enjoy it, if not the person next to you.
Eh, boy, what friends, what five levs ... I was 23 years old and very nice, my husband introduced me to his friends, we all have one specialty and we have common topics, including hobby photography. I didn't like them because they had nasty sexual allusions and allusions. Some married, others divorced and old bachelors. They met every Tuesday and went on photo trips every Sunday. Well, when she left, when she didn't, one Tuesday mine had a job and I went without him earlier and sat in the next booth and waited. They came, they didn't see me and I heard such things about him and myself, I lost my mind and my words. The waitress saw that I looked like a dead man came and told me that they were gossiping about the missing person. I told my husband and took him to the cafe and that's it. Friends, friends, no matter how many friends you have if they don't take into account that you have a child. Your child is yours to the grave, your blood, friends are day to noon as long as they have interest. I know from my own 35-year-old son what they are. What does your mother advise you?
Calm down, you'll grow up and settle down, we've all been this way. When the child starts to get on your head, you will forget about your friends. Buy comfortable slippers and sit on your ass.