Hello. I want to share my torments. Somehow I'm embarrassed to tell my friends and family. I'm afraid I'll look like a loser in their eyes, and I have a great need to share to unload. I doubt that after the end of the story I will look like that in front of you, but at least here I am anonymous. I sincerely hope that some acquaintance will not read this, because I will die of shame ... anyway. I will start with the fact that I am a desperate romantic. I often joke that our people made me a girl because I pay too much attention to feelings, or at least more than normal men. Despite or rather precisely because of this, I have never had a long-term and full-fledged relationship. At the end of last year, I befriended a girl we had known for years, but we had never been close before. We started going out and we got pretty close, but purely friendly. Somehow we quickly trusted each other, and began to share more personal stories and problems. I can say with confidence that she has become one of my best friends, as I am for her.
At one point, however, things went wrong. I assumed I fell in love with her. At first I was afraid to admit it. I was worried that he might push me away and only ruin our friendship. So I decided to try not to pay attention to my feelings. Something that unfortunately became an impossible mission for me. The more time passed, the more I fell in love with her. An internal contradiction arose in me, from which I was about to go mad. I decided and admitted it, but even though there had been signals from me before, she seemed very surprised. He claimed to have feelings for me, but I thought that she wasn't very sure about it, and like me, she was worried that a relationship could only ruin our friendship. In the end, despite the strange and timid beginning, we decided to give it a try. The first two weeks were very cool. I always had an ideal for the girl I wanted to be next to me, and she completely overlapped it. With her, I even experienced romantic moments that I dreamed of, but I never believed that they would really happen to me. Things went on like this for about a month. Then she abruptly changed her attitude towards me. Suddenly her sweetness disappeared. she became more alienated and began to treat me with contempt. I felt that something was bothering her, and I repeatedly asked her to tell me, but each time she complained only about her hectic and tiring daily life, and claimed that there was nothing more. The more days passed, the more I felt I would lose her. And so it happened.
One day she invited me out to dump me. Of course, she told me that I was dear, that she wanted us to remain friends, and that I could always count on her (the banal words for such cases, and it happened to me to say them). I tried to accept things masculinely, but even though I expected it, I was inwardly overwhelmed. At that moment, I had a lot of problems and difficulties, and I desperately needed her behind me to overcome them. The irony is that she will hardly ever understand what a difficult moment she left me for, because I never had a chance to share everything with her. We broke up and I went for a walk ... my most disgusting walk. I'm ashamed to admit it, but at one point I just sat on the ground and started crying. I had never done it before, but at that moment I couldn't stop my tears. I realized that I was losing not just my boyfriend, not just my best friend, but a huge and important part of my life. Two months passed in which we had not heard or seen each other. Two months in which I tried not to have a second of free time, because when I had one, it necessarily passed in my mind. I tore my ass off from work and workouts in the gym, and the rest of the time I spent with friends. At one point, however, I couldn't keep up, and physically gave up. I had to take a break, and accordingly, I entered the film firmly. I felt that I had nothing to fill the gap left behind, and that physical exhaustion was just a temporary solution, and I decided to grab the last straw. In this case, these were the words when we parted that he still wanted us to be friends. If I couldn't have her as a boyfriend, I was hoping that I would be able to swallow my feelings, and at least get my girlfriend back. I just didn't want him to leave my life.
I contacted her via Facebook, and after a few days, we drank coffee. Surprisingly, I had a good time, for a moment I thought it might work. A few days later she called me to run, and we went out again. After these two meetings, I seemed to calm down. I was hoping to get our daily routine back from before our relationship, and I started looking for her to go out with again. Alas, I was again faced with a sharp change in my attitude. She began to ignore me when I looked for her and refused to let me go under different pretexts. At this point, I really don't know how to proceed. We worry that if I insist, I may startle her. On the other hand, I'm afraid that if I don't, she'll never look for me again. Reading what I wrote, I realize what a loser I am, but honestly, I was relieved as I did so. I will be grateful for any advice and comments to see what my story looks like from the side.
Answers 17
First, don't feel bad about your feelings. Sincere love and tenderness are very much neglected nowadays, but that does not mean that they are not valuable and wonderful. Secondly, this friend of yours is now obviously in a period when she is looking for a serious friend, but you have not covered her ideas of a suitable boyfriend. That explains the avoidance - she's just embarrassed that she dumped you. If you ask me, you're not the loser, she's.
I think it's good to keep her as a friend. Tell her it wasn't right to make her become more than just friends, and that was your idea. I'm not saying it's right to call her to meet every day. But when you write to her, she will answer
I think you're great :) but don't deal with such a person, you deserve something more, someone to respect you, someone "grown up"
Wow, I can't believe how similar you think to me. I think that there is no remembrance left of your friendship, and that you must admit this to yourself once and for all. There is no way to bring back these times, and even if you could, the Longing will intensify and drive you crazy. "Taking out a nail slowly is not a show of tenderness." I'm sorry for the pessimistic words ...
You are not a loser. All this is normal, and time heals a lot of injuries.
Stop with this "what a loser I am", get up, go in front of the mirror, repeat it and slap yourself !! Why are you a loser, because you are not insensitive cattle, but what if you are a man - we deserve to cry, no matter how rare it is! Grit your teeth and move on, you can't be friends with a girl, and the first thing you have to do to get over it is this: Kill the hope that lies to your brain that if you're friends, if you're close to her again, if she smiles at your joke, if she looks for you, if, if, if ... isn't something going to happen - NO! If you do this - think you are half cured - listen to me - you will not go wrong! The real man doesn't try a second time - that's how it was ... Head up and forward! M 36
Hi, first I want to tell you that you are not a loser, on the contrary. Strong, real, but too vulnerable and tender. It will definitely be best for you to stop hoping for anything from this girl. She is either not aware of what she is doing, or she is just playing with them. To save yourself just crush the hope of a relationship or friendship with this girl. Believe me, it helps. True, it takes a lot of strength and stubbornness, but you will succeed, I believe in that. Believe in yourself too. Gabi
stop looking for her. you won't startle her, you'll just force her to cut you sharper at some point. we have all made this mistake, it makes no sense. you tried, it didn't work, just accept that she wasn't your girl. we all fell in love and thought we were lost without the person, it's not like that. get over it and move on. F43
Hi, I had a 7 year relationship and at the moment we are both struggling to stay friends. We broke up without scandals .. without bad feelings .. I just don't know what I want from life, and it is too purposeful. I will not bore you with details .. just understand that it makes no sense. If time does not heal you, another love will do it. Forget her ... the moment you stop thinking about her, but you really erase her from your mind and forget her, she will appear ... Well, good luck !!! I continue to struggle with myself and my consciousness.
You didn't mention the age of the girl and yours. Otherwise man, I'm more or less similar to your case right now, with a few exceptions. And for romance and feelings, it is normal in my opinion to be experienced and experienced in a real way, so to speak (with tears I mean). I'm a man too, but I cry quite often. Nerves and pain make me cry and cry. And for love it is really a very nasty and difficult thing, and I would say from personal experience that it really hurts from love, and literally. It can crush you both mentally and physically, no matter how tough you are. There were times when it was very hard for me, I said to myself that I had to become a heartless with a heart of stone and without feelings being, but when I realize I shout that it is the feelings that make me human. If I am heartless I am not a man, and some psychopath and I can't find words to call the non-human by another definition. The girls hurt me a lot, I cry like a child and I literally feel the pain and heart contraction. The heart also hurts from lpbov, so it is vulnerable. Male 22 years old
Dude, you got yourself into a heavy movie. You are a decent boy otherwise, but you are too naive and idealistic in your attitude towards women. You still don't understand what women want. It is not true that women do not know what they want as qualities, characteristics and behavior from a man. This is a good lesson for you! If you learn the right lesson, you will save yourself a lot of drama and tears! You didn't write how old you are! Dude women, they want a man to have the character of a man, not a woman. They want a man to be a man in every way. They DO NOT WANT you to be servile to them, or to be available to them, or to comply with them for everything. They want you to know what you want, to be brave in your decisions and actions, to keep your word, not to get fat on them, or to be their friend. This is exactly what happened to you and the girl, you became a friend. Women want a man to be a man in this regard, they want you to be confident and sexy, to like yourself (but not to be selfish), to indicate that you are a dude who has a strong character. You are currently showing weaknesses that are more typical for women and it is quite normal for the chick not to want to be with you. If you do not show your sexual desires, women do not take you seriously !!! Women want masculine men, not females who are constantly seeking their approval. After all, you are a man, not her son, clutching her skirt! You want her for a boyfriend, not a mother !! It's not bad that you are romantic, but everything must be in place in its time! You also licked the soles and in this way you devalued yourself, you lost yourself in it !!! If you build a character that is truly masculine, you will see more and more women fall in love with you. Yes, and then many will cut you, they will reject you, but this will be because they will not find in you, say, other things they are looking for (money, physical beauty, origin, prestigious profession). However, despite everything, a lot of women will fight for you, many women will like you, simply because you will attract them with your masculine appearance and character! The chick in question is a farted cause! There is no point in dealing with it. If you overcome these feelings and you will come out much more reasonable and sober about the female sex. Now play sports and build CHARACTER !!! Stop servile in front of the chicks, stop comforting them, don't stick to the cheap numbers. They test them constantly, through games and manipulations! Don't drool over them and don't fulfill all their crazy whims! Be a man and show that you are the one who chooses, you are a dude, you are cool, who doesn't need female attention to be happy! Don't let them fuck you when you go out on a date, telling you about other men they like, that is, don't become their girlfriend or servant to carry their bags, wipe their tears when another bastard dumps her! Be strong and independent of women !!! They are dependent on us, not us on them! I wish you to find a suitable girl and have true love! Even now, the fact that you know how to be their friend, to be romantic, etc., will help you keep the true love! But until then, learn how to light a fire in a woman! Then, only then, when the primary emotion has passed and you are mature enough, your qualities - romance, friendship, generosity, tenderness will be useful for you to build a healthy and full relationship! You have a good heart and don't be a bastard! Don't listen to the stupid bastards who will tell you that only bad boys succeed with women. You don't have to be a simpleton, or a cynic, or a bastard to be liked! Just become a real man !!! However, heal the current wounds first. It is not a pain to die. Almost all men are abandoned by women, at least once in their lives….
Number 11, let me not list the families that I know with absolute certainty that the woman holds everything on her shoulders and supports everyone. Get out of the hole, in the 21st century it is not appropriate to write nonsense like "They (women) are dependent on us, not us on them!". That's why the family - everyone to support each other and partners to be equal. The author does not sound like a sexist, there is no need to try to pour nonsense into his head. I am a woman and I like only men who have feelings and are not afraid to show them and who do not have the misunderstood goal to show themselves as matchmakers at any cost. I think we have passed this stage of our evolution to enjoy only the most bulging gorilla with the strongest roar. : D Not to mention, that suppressing feelings is the surest way to smoke and leads to many times more suicides in men. Author, don't change! You don't need a woman who enjoys the so-called "real man" ... I wish you success!
Thanks to everyone who responded. I understand your main argument that I should cut off contact with her. Honestly, internally I always knew that this would help sooner or later. I just don't want to, and I can't let one of my closest people leave my life with ease, and I don't do anything to stop her. I cannot and do not want to skip the promises I have made that I will always be by her side ready to help her, even in the current situation. The colleague from the last comment hit the top ten. In general, without knowing me personally, he described my relationship with women, or at least with those I really cared about. The problem is that I don't want to have to play a role, to pretend I'm not in order to win a woman. Call me a dreamer, but I want the girl next to me, to like me for who I am, not for what I can become. I have never liked toys of this kind and I have always avoided them. Obviously, this is my main mistake.
Author, I'm number 11. You don't have to play a role, just have more self-esteem! Friendship between a man and a woman is something very difficult and fragile. You live in illusions that pull you back, you make them methane, and they finally dump you for a cover! Just change this vicious circle! Don't listen to number 12, these women all chatter about how they want someone kind, gentle, understanding, humble, romantic and ... when they get it, they get bored, annoyed, because "there is no thrill", "no butterflies in the stomach", etc. In fact, the qualities listed are not bad, but in a relationship where there is equality. If you raise a woman on a pedestal, your otherwise good qualities will start working against you! Think about what the phrase "I'm taking off my boyfriend" means! You take her off the pedestal she climbed or other naive men put her on! You don't have to be an arrogant boar, but do not fall in love with them, do not try to get their attention. Just love yourself more, respect yourself, stop looking for their constant approval and you will see how things will turn out imperceptibly! SUCCESS M31
I am 11. It seems that number 12 did not read my comment completely. Yes, there are families in which women drag, but in most cases these families are not stable at all. You can't lie to us if the woman makes more money than the man, starts taking herself seriously and crushing the man.
15, is not true at all. My mother supports my father with the money from the properties sold, and he also lives in her apartment, constantly rubbing salt on her and getting on her head. The typical boy from a village who has settled with a dowry in the city.
Do not repel what is coming and do not keep what is going! It is a part of your life because you make it a part of your life. Now I will tell you something in which I am absolutely sure and tested. Your love was very great and weighed on her. some people give a lot of love, but the person on the other side can neither take nor return it, because it weighs and you know what, then this is not your love! Do you have dignity, do you love yourself? If so, why not choose to love yourself, and choose to be happy by freeing yourself from suffering and moving forward. You've punished yourself enough for not being in her eyes and for the mistakes you made. Enough! You have learned your mistakes, move on! :)))))