I always said I would never cheat. And I really believed it. I did it twice in just a few months. The first time - an old love, unshared in the past. I loved him more than anything in the world. By the time he dies, I'll probably have at least a spark to him. He was my best friend. But he did not feel the same. He knew my feelings, but he couldn't answer them. It was the biggest and awful 'What if? 'in my life, heavier even than the child lost in my womb. I met my husband, whom I really love today. This friend and I moved away. And years later, quite a bit, we started talking again as before, although only on the computer because of the distance, to read our thoughts. But it was different. Although many miles away, I could feel it. And at one point we both decided, and one day we each traveled hundreds of miles just to see each other. I admit that I left with the setting that I would sleep with him, and I would not just have sex, but make love. When we met it was the same as years ago, and nothing like then. This time he wanted me. And she gave me everything I had missed with my husband for years - understanding, support, to feel wanted. I kissed him. And it was wonderful. I knew I could have what I had dreamed of for years. I knew that I could make love to him, that he was ready to accept me with all my luggage and the child, and that he would love my son as his own child. I knew that I could be insanely happy with him and that he would love me the way I am, and unconditionally.
But I didn't. Because I remembered my husband's eyes, the moment he told me I was the woman for him. And I realized that even though he hasn't looked at me warmly for years, to tell me that he hasn't loved me for a long time, to hurt me, not to be happy, I prefer the bad with him to the good with anyone else. I turned my back on the man I had loved for so many years. We stayed with this perfect kiss, better than in my dreams. I left and confessed everything to my husband. From to. And as if this is for a little better things between us. But for too short. Then again he walked away from me, again he started accusing and hurting me, again in 9 out of 10 cases when I wanted intimacy he repelled me as if I were a leper. At times I wanted to share it with my friend, but after what happened between us, we both knew that even our friendship was over. It's been a while. I longed for my husband every day, he stood by me and seemed to be gone. I was suffering and he didn't care. I wanted him, and he showed me how unwanted I was, at least in most cases.
On rare occasions, we made love, I always told him I loved him every time, but he never responded. And every time it broke my heart again. I saw friends one day, we gathered at the home of one of them. We drank more than necessary, even more. Finally, I stayed last, we sat on the couch with the host and started talking about whatnot. We stared at the TV. At one point, he pulled me close. And I felt that he wanted me. I was drunk, but I don't think that's really an excuse. I didn't really mean it. I just felt - I felt wanted, I felt like a woman. When I felt his reactions, I felt pleasure and amazement that I had caused it. It was a surprise to me at this point that a man might find me attractive, that he may want me. I felt a certain pride, maybe complacency. But most of all, I felt that thrill of being wanted that made you feel like a woman. Just a woman - not a professional, not a mother, not a wife, but just a full-blooded woman. And I gave up. We had sex. Twice. No gentle touches, no kisses. Just sex. And we behaved the other time as if we had done nothing. And somehow I didn't feel wrong. I came home, still drunk. My husband was pouring himself a drink in front of the TV.
I drank a glass of wine and knelt before him. I didn't feel guilty. But I knew I needed to experience something with him. And I tried to seduce him. And he rejected me again. But I did not give up. I had to, I just had to be close to him, to be one with him. Because he is my husband. Because even though it often makes me not know why, I still love it. I finally managed to seduce him. I managed to make him moan and not know what world he was in. And I told him again that I love him, that I am his and he is mine. But he did not answer again. He turned his back on me, and when I woke up in the morning he wasn't even in bed next to me - after I fell asleep he went to finish his drink and slept in the other room. After waking up, I expected cruel guilt, disgust from myself. But I didn't test them. I don't experience them now. I want my husband. But I also want to feel like a woman. I want passion, I want to feel wanted. I want the things I miss. For years I lived with the shortcomings. But with each new white hair and each new wrinkle, I realize that I don't want to do it anymore. I lived my best years, living entirely for others. I was exemplary in my work, a devoted mother, a resourceful friend. I was a wife content with crumbs, while he did his best and it was still not enough. Today I realize that it will never be enough, not for my husband.
I realize I still love him. I realize that even though he doesn't love me, he has a connection to me. Today, I have already accepted that I will receive only this and I will never receive his love again, it has been lost forever for years. Love it. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I really love it. His laughter is still the most melodic in the whole world, still one of his smiles cuts my legs, I will still fight with the whole world if I have to for him. Still, in the rare moments when he hugs me, his hands are what I call home. But I know I need things he will never give me again. And now, at this stage of my life, I refuse to deprive myself of a chance to be happy, of a chance to experience good emotions, from getting everything (or almost) I need. That is why I no longer promise myself that I will not cheat. Because if I feel like I want to do it, I won't give up. I already promise myself, I struggled to feel good and happy. Like I haven't been in years. And it was at the cost of morality. I do not claim to be a good person. On the contrary. And I know what I'm doing is wrong. But for the first time in eternity, I feel at peace with myself.
Answers 23
Just try not to catch a disease. In this jumping from man to man, you hardly have sex with a condom, although he always helps us.
I was very impressed by your story. You love to be rejected, huh? Your first love that didn't suit your feelings, now your husband, who you love very much, but rejects you in every possible way. What a masochism. It's good that you finally felt it. One needs to satisfy even one's basic needs with the person next to him. And under needs, I'm talking about belonging, affirmation, emotional connection, and so on. Why don't you leave? Fate has brought you back together with your friend. Why don't you give yourself a chance?
Thanks to your husband, he has solved the woman's trick and you will be his forever, because he does not want you. For a woman, reluctance is like kryptonite - they will do EVERYTHING on earth to feel wanted by the man next to them. And he doesn't even sleep if you sleep with other people, because he doesn't want you. He just wants peace of mind and someone to do everything for him. Thanks to your husband. Brother.
Infidelity is a betrayal, you did not act correctly towards your husband. Maybe you should have left him and gone to this friend of yours, since you knew he would receive you with your child and your luggage. He would probably give you what you miss and drive you to infidelity, he would make you feel like a woman, and feelings are overcome; sooner or later you would forget about your husband, who doesn't want you anyway. Black Sabbath
These sensual, whore topics, in which you describe the butterflies and how you felt wanted, have become banal. You throw them on the assembly line in this forum. If you didn't feel guilty, you wouldn't be writing here. Men stop asking their wife for sex when they don't trust her. It is subconscious. He felt that you were a rag and that's why he didn't want you, and that trust progressively collapsed over time. It is now irreversible. I'm sorry. You took this path yourself. Oh, and then write here again about that old boyfriend HOW he took you with the suitcases and your son. I am very curious.
Hi, I was in a similar situation and I still am. I have feelings for a man who has been my friend for a long time and did not respond to them, as with the first in your story. After I caught a friend, however, he changed, and anyway, I cheated on my friend with that boy several times and I never felt guilty. The difference is that my friend is super caring, kind, our love life is more than wonderful, even now that we have a falling baby, but still I cheated on him with that boy, just because I have feelings for him. If I was in your situation and my friend was like your husband, I would leave him and live with that longing of yours, with which you never managed to experience what you want. We live a life and the main thing in it and to be happy, even if we are selfish. The child is no excuse to be with someone who does not show you that he loves you, that you are important to him and the most important thing is that he does not make you happy. You have tried to show him that you love and want, you have given him a child, and yet nothing is opposite. Do not live in the past when he was different, but in the present, when you can be happy with another and have everything you wanted. Dare and be truly happy, whatever you decide!
To the author: I'm glad you shared your story. I read it with pleasure. I am glad that there are people who think like me and have experienced something similar. When you don't get something at home, very clear. that you will look for him outside. It is not at all strange to me that you love your husband. It's one thing to love, it's another to be in love. It's different. One can experience both at the same time, towards different people. Greetings to all haters who like to give wisdom and judge others. Everyone has the right to decide how to live their life. Greetings! Be smart and careful. Do not leave traces and do not report to your husband. M37
Living by force with one person without loving you and deliberately cheating on others to fill this void is an extremely simple and superficial combination of life! This does not lead to anything good, a complete waste of time and nerves.
Well written. In a word - cancer, merak and simpleton are to the grave.
It's the abomination, garnished with worn-out clichés from mediocre series and pink romances. The whole time I was reading the slimy outpourings, Balzac's thought that some women were confusing their asses with their hearts did not leave me. If the story is true and eventually the husband had a parallel relationship, this relatively balances things out, although there is no scale in these matters. But what to do, valuable people are as rare as valuable movies, unlike countless obscene series.
Only in a woman's story can there be in one sentence an explanation for infidelity and declarations of love like the one they cheated on ... I'm sorry for your husband ... all your life you haven't had enough attention and attitude of women, egati and the creatures !!!
which is entirely his and would choose him over any other H5 - my husband and I have been together for many, many years. The distance did not come from a lack of trust. It came mostly after I fell into a very severe depression. And that changed me. He did not accept it. For him I became weak, lazy, roaring. And I was really sick. As for the other man - by luggage I meant emotional luggage, you take everything literally. But he wanted to be with me, to build something together. But I closed that door. I don't feel guilty. On the contrary, I share precisely because I do not feel guilty. H10 - I don't think he cheated on me. But I'd rather he cheated on me than hurt me the way he's been doing for years. I have not cheated before - when we were happy, when we had difficulties, but we behaved. I didn't cheat during the years he hurt me, in which they do not receive a drop of tenderness or warmth. In which I sacrificed a lot for him, and he took it for granted. In which for 6 months he refused to touch me. I'm not one to shout about sports in general. For the first time in my life, I'm cheating.
From the car: H11 - yes, I love my husband. But everyone needs to feel loved, wanted, needed, important. And I miss that. H6 - if things were going well with my husband, I wouldn't look at anyone else. As for the man who was my longing, there is no chance of anything anymore. Would it be fair to him to be my second choice? H7 - very few people understand that loving and being in love are different things. I was really in love with the man who was my friend for years and with whom I shared a kiss on my own. Then I fell in love with my husband too. Over the years, love changes. And that's not a bad thing. I have no feelings for the man I slept with. It was just sex. And my desire to feel like a woman. It doesn't change my love for my husband in any way. But many people will not understand it. H8 - when there is a whole life built together, the solutions are not simple.
from №10 - I do not understand people who say that they love their partner and sleep with another, for whatever reason and from how many ravines to carry water. Strange are these explanations how such an exemplary wife, mother, etc. receives only coldness from the almost perfect husband, with whom they were happy and whom she loves? And this lasts for years? You are either with someone completely or you are not. I do not accept the argument, but I do not want to spoil my family, but because of the child, etc. If there is no love, respect and mutual trust in a family, it is false, only on a book and it is better to end it. I know that not everyone is so firm and categorical, but I can't do otherwise. And to rub drunk with someone and then oligarchically offer yourself to your beloved husband, because you were only his and he was yours is disgusting and disgusting everywhere. Even if you are so big, you don't feel a gram of guilt and you want to be "happy" more. If you love someone and hold on to them, you are not lying to them. Because infidelity is a lie and a betrayal. You hardly confessed to your husband, but you persevere and remain silent. Out of love and respect, of course. And morality is far from an empty word, but what makes us human, not beasts devoted to their primary instincts. I don't judge you and I don't care who fucks with whom, but I don't accept lies and hypocrisy. Having infidelity makes someone underestimated, neglected and underestimated happy, ok, but let him free his partner from his presence first. Because maybe he has reasons to be cold and distant. You hardly confessed to your husband, but you persevere and remain silent. Out of love and respect, of course. And morality is far from an empty word, but what makes us human, not beasts devoted to their primary instincts. I don't judge you and I don't care who fucks whom, but I don't accept lies and hypocrisy. Having infidelity makes someone underestimated, neglected and underestimated happy, ok, but let him free his partner from his presence first. Because maybe he has reasons to be cold and distant. You have hardly confessed to your husband, but you persevere and remain silent. Out of love and respect, of course. And morality is far from an empty word, but what makes us human, not beasts devoted to their primary instincts. I don't judge you and I don't care who fucks whom, but I don't accept lies and hypocrisy. Having infidelity makes someone underestimated, neglected and underestimated happy, ok, but let him free his partner from his presence first. Because maybe he has reasons to be cold and distant. neglected and unshakable happy, ok, but let him free his partner from his presence first. Because maybe he has reasons to be cold and distant. neglected and unshakable happy, ok, but let him free his partner from his presence first. Because maybe he has reasons to be cold and distant.
H15 - things changed first after a very severe depression of mine. He could not accept it. He hadn't been perfect before, no one was, but he was caring, loving, kind, passionate. We fought, but not often and never for long. After my depression, he no longer sees me as he used to. It was very difficult to fight her, but I succeeded. But our marriage is not being restored. About the kiss and the meeting with that friend, about my intention to sleep with him then, I told him everything then. I didn't admit it to him now, I have no intention.
From № 15 - if you think that your marriage cannot be restored, why not end it? Is it better to live in a lie and silence, alienation, to raise your child in some coexistence, imitation of a family, but in fact emptied of meaning and content? Personally, I can't do that, but people are different ... I don't impose my point of view, I just say what I think.
Oh, sweetheart, both home and family, and passion :) It doesn't happen that way. Freedom and strong feelings are not related to marriage, home, comfort and sedentary. You are afraid of what the hothras will say and not be labeled a "whore", so you try to deceive yourself that you want your husband. No, you are a woman for a lot of passion and love, you have another 10-15-20 years and you want to experience them "to the max". Ok, but it's far from family and home. Be honest with yourself, and if you respect your husband at least a little, and with him, and leave while it's time. There is no point in deceiving yourself and your husband anymore. Don't care about people's opinion! Passion is stronger than anything ...
H18 - well, there was passion until before my depression. Yes, it wasn't like in the beginning and that's normal. But even after years together and after the child there was passion, I knew that my husband loved and wanted me. We had sex relatively often. I don't expect to be like teens, of course. But still for 6 months not to touch, 9/10 times to deny me when I want intimacy? This is no longer normal. But it's not just my passion that I miss. I miss tenderness, I miss being a woman. People whose opinion I care about have long persuaded me to leave because they think I deserve more. I don't care about other people's opinions. I stay because I love my husband. And I want to fix what was broken. Some part of me is still hoping. And it's not just about passion. Although I don't agree that family and passion can't go together. They went to us together for years.
To the author from H18 - Obviously you have self-confidence and you are probably charming and attractive to have high pretensions. In my opinion, maintaining the security and predictability of marriage and fucking outside is not OK and in over 80% of cases it ends in separation, divorce, in many cases - a difficult divorce. There is no secret that has not become clear. You will betray yourself. At the moment you think you love your husband only out of guilt and guilt. Everyone wants to keep order and security and does not risk it. But, really, your family is no longer working. You may not love each other. It is intelligent and civilized to understand each other in a friendly way and to separate. Don't think that you will be able to control things forever and have both a family and fuck foreign men. Leave the human opinion, you yourself will bring different moods and try to put the blame on your husband. Even if it doesn't catch you, it will further poison the marriage. So, be honest with yourself and even with your husband - you still had some connection, and set off on different paths ... Health and success!
Isn't she depressed, your husband ...?
to the Author - I counted how many times you say the word "I want" in your story. I leave it to you to count how many things your husband has "given" you in the answers to the various comments here. I will only say that this obsession and obsession of women with how to feel and the firm belief / instilled by "Cosmopolitan" and "Sex and the City" / that someone else is indebted to your happiness and guilty that you do not have it is a counterpoint to all your cries for equality and common sense. For me you are not a person worth living with, you will probably be great for someone else ... Your husband is also not doing well, not taking a new path in his life, after which he is not ok with you .. .
From the author: H22 - for years it gives me almost nothing. For years he has been explaining to me how much I can't stand for anything, how he doesn't want me. But he's not leaving. It happens that it does not touch for 6 months. To sleep for months in separate beds. When I was deeply depressed, everything broke. Instead of being next to me, he seemed to hate me. For years I endured quietly and without doing anything. And for him I sacrificed everything - I moved to another city, I sacrificed my career, I moved away from friends. And when it became difficult, real, he did so. And yes, I want to. And I have the right to want support, intimacy, intimacy.
That I'm a sensitive woman, but I don't understand the drama here either. Your husband doesn't want you, you want attention. Well, then you leave the gentleman in question as soon as he traumatizes you, and seek the attention in question. I did so. And I didn't have a gram of hesitation. The deal is fair: we have agreed on one thing, the situation has changed, he does not comply with the terms of the contract, so we break it up and that's it. Well, accept it, sometimes circumstances change. He doesn't love you anymore. What can a person do? !! Everyone goes their own way and so ... Why do you have to create these regrets and torments? The child remains common and everyone takes care of him to the best of his ability. Just don't start that boring song "me for the sake of the child". A bunch of women look after their children alone and without male support, and you say yourself, that your husband is a responsible parent and would hardly abdicate his duties. The other option is to continue as you do now. You have sex with someone, then you come home drunk, you fall to your knees melodramatically, so that your husband can't have a drink in peace and go to sleep in the other room, because you smell like a barrel.