Our relationship started in October 2018. Everything was wonderful, until the moment he started talking about his ex-girlfriend, too often. He mentioned that they were just friends. I told myself well, but at times he shared hard personal things. I decided he hadn't experienced it. I asked him to stop talking about her in front of me. Somehow I couldn't feel safe and began to torment myself internally. I was crying, thinking ... I decided that I was pathologically jealous, that I was overdoing it, etc., until I found a letter from her on February 14, in which it was written: my dear, I am kissing you ... and so on, which I poured over the cup. It hurt, I told myself I was imagining again and I forgave him. But the bitterness remained in me. I did something I hate - I opened his chats with her and ... as if the world had collapsed, I had opened the Pandora's box. I realized that they had seen each other secretly, exchanging gifts. They discussed me. I was very disappointed and left. I was impressed that she often flirts on social media and seeks the attention of other women. I just asked him to do it so I wouldn't see him. Voice in the desert. I never restricted him, nor did I forbid him to see anyone, I just wanted him to be honest with me. But alas .... On his birthday, before he got up at 00:00 while I was preparing his presents and telling him to go to his bathroom, he had written to her secretly from me, telling her that she was the first to congratulate him. Ah, I fool, with my great desire to make him happy to love him, remained betrayed. Now he is sorry, he told me that he never cheated on me, that I could not understand their friendship, and she left to live abroad in the fall. My love and trust just ... broke. I don't know how I could trust a man who has acted behind my back for so long, from the very beginning of our relationship. I ask for advice, but inside I am broken. I tried to understand it, to be tolerant, but at my own expense. For me, this is a kind of emotional infidelity - betrayal. I don't think this man loves me, even if he's sorry, I'm not sure we would have a common future together anymore, that I can trust him. I started blaming myself for what happened. I received advice from a psychologist to move on. If I decide to forgive him, I must forget all this and never talk about him. However, I think that everything has already passed and it was better that way. but at his own expense. For me, this is a kind of emotional infidelity - betrayal. I don't think this man loves me, even if he's sorry, I'm not sure we would have a common future together anymore, that I can trust him. I started blaming myself for what happened. I received advice from a psychologist to move on. If I decide to forgive him, I must forget all this and never talk about him. However, I think that everything has already passed and it was better that way. but at his own expense. For me, this is a kind of emotional infidelity - betrayal. I don't think this man loves me, even if he's sorry, I'm not sure we would have a common future together anymore, that I can trust him. I started blaming myself for what happened. I received advice from a psychologist to move on. If I decide to forgive him, I must forget all this and never talk about him. However, I think that everything has already passed and it was better that way.
Answers 8
Follow the advice of a psychologist. A relationship cannot be based on lies and lack of trust. These friendships with exes, how funny they are to me now. There are many such topics.
When you start a new relationship you leave all the former ones behind. If someone / your ex is so dear to you, you can be with her / him. Basic rule for a stable relationship. Admitted exes in the present becomes anointing. After what is written in the chats between them, I can tell you that this person has not experienced it. Maybe trying through you, but that's not the way. Your trust has been undermined and I think it is difficult to continue together. You or she can make it a condition. Being so valuable to him, you let him write to her every day and night, and you will move on with someone else. This is from me. M36
There is no friendship with exes. There is a connection, then there is no connection. Want to get together again? Stay on "friendly" relationships. Don't you have these intentions? No. One day in the life of the former comes a new man. Chances are, the new partner doesn't like you as an "ex." Normal. You will not hide love either. You accept, you continue. "Friendship" with exes is a life in the past, no longer existing.
A man still wants her to write to his ex. He may not have given himself time to forget her. You showed up, he liked you, but if he's looking for her, then you're not the only woman for him. If he feels the need to write to her in the evening, to ask her how she is, then it is still in his mind. You have his body, and she has the mind and the heart. There is no such movie as friends with exes. This is a pretext to have a place to go if the new one doesn't work. Keep it as a reserve, and you are on hand for sex and in front of people. She has a relationship with you, but in reality she has more with her, only they don't sleep together.
Keep going and forget about it! I was in such a relationship for 5 months and finally he admitted that he could not forget his ex, and cheated on me with another. He was not emotionally ready for a new relationship and was just looking for comfort. Write down what decision you made. F 36
From the Author: The decision was made more than 3 months ago - we finally broke up with him, although I cried a lot and wanted to be together again. We both realized that we were not for each other and that we had no common path together. He very quickly refused to fight for me, which is also indicative. I felt unhappy in this relationship, no matter how much I loved and suffered in the present moment. The bad thing is that I started blaming myself for being too jealous, demanding, suspicious, obsessive and not tolerant enough. That's why I'm thinking of going to therapy - I need to restore the balance in myself, to see the mistakes I make. I don't think I've ever felt such fear, pain and horror before that I could lose a loved one ... It's as if I've become paranoid. I think I choose a lot of inappropriate and immature partners,
What's more, several times we "trampled onions" with the former. She had another, I another, but something we missed was the relationship, the sex. She complained to me that hers did not satisfy her. Mine was furious at first, then he lived with me and sex died. That's why my ex and I did it several times. Our sex was the bright side of the relationship. And we didn't feel bad about that. Moreover, we had adapted to non-traditional sex, if you understand me, and she missed it a lot. After a while, I was with another and again .... I don't feel guilty.
by the Author: Our separation was more than 2 months ago * I made a mistake in the text. Anyway ... The end is a fact anyway! Good luck to all and thanks for the help and advice!