I am a man of 30+ years and it is time for me to settle down. I have a girlfriend recently and in general I hope she is the woman in my life, but there are still things to quarrel about and in general it seems like I can't fall in love with her so much and say to myself - this is the woman I have to we'll be right there. On the other hand, there is a girl at work a little younger than me, with whom I get along very well. There is always something to talk about and I am very pleased with her. At times, I feel like I'm thinking about her a lot, like I'm in love. She has a boyfriend and I wouldn't want to even hint at anything. I have no idea if he likes me, but even if he likes me, it is not right for our relationship to be anything more than purely friendly. What bothers me is that something is wrong with my mind. It's like my brain keeps ringing, that if there was a way I would immediately marry the girl from work and I would like to spend my life with her, and at the same time she does not give me the same signals for my girlfriend, who is also quite a decent person. Why does this happen and why does my mind not think correctly and rationally, but subject me to such torments
Answers 9
Because in your head you idealize love, you want things in love to happen according to plan. Well, I'm sorry, but in love there are quarrels, anger, negative thoughts, etc. There is no couple who does not quarrel, no one is perfect. Stop thinking that things should happen the way you put them in your mind. You don't know your colleague well enough, that's why you idealize her in your eyes. Tip: If you really want to have a relationship with your colleague, then break up with your boyfriend, so your conscience will be clear.
Do you know what I will advise you (as your older friend) - take the girl you get along with a lot! Because the "feelings" are up to a time (at most 2-3 years), and friendship and mutual respect is for life. Does it have a solid foundation from before - will it exist after them ... It is no coincidence that a person is called a "partner" for life, not a "lover" or something like that. There is nothing wrong with your brain - you are one of the few lucky ones who has reached a consensus between the "brain" and the "heart" ...
Because your heart prevails over the mind. Look for the girl from work and ask her now how she is and what she is doing. He will be happy. When you get closer to her, you will know if her relationship is going well and if she is happy. Until then, you should be aware of your relationship and your feelings. Then you can decide what to do. For now, just keep in touch with her.
I don't know, but I am a woman and I am in the same situation with a colleague. I really like it, but it's from before my current friend. For years. I changed a few boyfriends because my colleague has a girlfriend, and by the time I find out he's gone, he's with another. My mind even tells me that it's not really like we fit together. We talk, we have fun together, it's nice, but in reality our way of life, spending free time for both of us is a little different. Even at the level of principles we are different. But I just really like being with him, I'm very attracted to him visually, I feel good even though sometimes we have different opinions. He is one of the few people around me who makes me smart, calm, reasonable, judgmental. Ugh, sorry, I'm not helping you. If you have the courage to be honest, I would bet you to share your sympathy with her colleague despite the circumstances and see how she will respond. If it's positive, why not break up with your girlfriend and she with hers and let things happen. 2-3 years ago, a newcomer to us fell in love with a newcomer and broke up with her longtime friend. They are still together and happy. This would not have happened if the boy had not paid special attention to her and flirted because she had a boyfriend.
Pure and simple biology ... and the thousands of nonsense about attraction, which unfortunately are true. Don't start a family with your girlfriend, as long as you don't feel it from the inside at least ... children of divorced parents, or of those who sleep with their backs to each other, are 70%. And for the girl Fri the work ... didn't work? !! Why exactly ?? You won't ruin a family after all. Be a little more masculine, do you want a woman to win her, you take her and that's it. What ethical considerations do you use to cover up your fears? !! Boldly to her .. if not, read the 10 clichéd opinions about how you don't value your girlfriend, what you men are like, how you will regret it, and how family is not just 'attraction' ..
From the author: The girl from work is happy with her friends. I know him and they are both very decent. That's why I don't want to interfere. Things aren't going well with my relationship and we're unlikely to last long, but that doesn't mean I want to fuck someone else's relationship. On the other hand, I feel that the girl from work hardly considers me more than a colleague. From time to time we go out together for lunch, but I don't feel like she's fallen for me. Rather, I think that there may be many other women like my colleague - with whom I will be very pleased, we will be able to talk about everything, they will attract me a lot and I will be in love, while my current girlfriend and I seem like two sharpen the stone and I can not get to this strong love, which I think is normal at least in the first years of the relationship.
Author, you have to decide if you want to fight for the girl you are currently with, or you want to find another one that would make you happier. If you have any problems in your current relationship, try to solve them. If it doesn't, just stop it before it's too late. And as for your colleague - there is no way to know exactly what her relationship is. Very often things are actually the same, but from the side they look different. I advise you not to be attached to your colleague and try not to look at her as more than a friend. You don't have to stop communicating with her, even as he said №3 - make contact with her now. The sooner you start working on clarifying the situation, the better, but only time will tell what needs to happen. The important thing is to be aware of your feelings.
A lot of people prefer to be in a relationship with any person who happens and be, just to be in a relationship - 'not to sit alone'. And at the same time you try to force unattached people, especially if they are women, that they shouldn't 'pick' ... what you mean by 'pick' there, because I don't like someone - so I don't like them either. that's it. I don't understand people like the author going with someone with the expectation that love will come ... well, it won't come because she either has it or she doesn't. I am writing these things because until recently I was in the topic: "Where are those decent, good and beautiful women who stand alone?" And I was affected by comments 14 and 7, which preach that almost the women who 'choose' 'have nothing to do with reality'. In fact, the opposite is true - people have nothing to do with reality, who do not choose, or at least not much .. or as I said - do not think that the person they date really do not like, they close their eyes even to themselves for this fact, so that only 'not to sit alone ', right to be in a relationship. Some like this author realize in time. Yes, I must admit that in these situations men realize more often in time than women, who come to their senses only after giving birth to 1-2 children .. You correctly judged the author that the girl from work does not like you, but it's just friendly. I'm like that - I easily talk to all kinds of people and it has happened to me that some men think that I fall in love with them. ж30 they close their eyes even to themselves for this fact, just to 'not sit alone', to be in a relationship. Some like this author realize in time. Yes, I must admit that in these situations men realize more often in time than women, who come to their senses only after giving birth to 1-2 children .. You correctly judged the author that the girl from work does not like you, but it's just friendly. I'm like that - I easily talk to all kinds of people and it has happened to me that some men think that I fall in love with them. ж30 they close their eyes even to themselves for this fact, just to 'not sit alone', to be in a relationship. Some like this author realize in time. Yes, I have to admit that in these situations men realize more often in time than women, who come to their senses only after giving birth to 1-2 children. friendly. I'm like that - I easily talk to all kinds of people and it has happened to me that some men think that I fall in love with them. ж30 that the girl at work doesn't like you, she's just friendly. I'm like that - I easily talk to all kinds of people and it has happened to me that some men think that I fall in love with them. ж30 that the girl at work doesn't like you, she's just friendly. I'm like that - I easily talk to all kinds of people and it has happened to me that some men think that I fall in love with them. ж30
Separate with your girlfriend as soon as you feel that she is not the woman for you - so it will be fairest for both of you, and not then torment together and separate after you have created a child / children.