Going Out Without A Partner - A Problem

   Just because the model in your family was like that doesn't mean it applies to everyone else. People are different. Besides, couples like your parents are almost always jealous. For them, this is normal and they accept it as an expression of love. They live not as separate units in the whole, but as halves and through each other. For me, this is abnormal. I think that everyone needs personal space, which includes going out with friends, where your husband or boyfriend has no place. When you trust a person to yourself, you have no problem with that. Find someone who looks at things like you, otherwise if you don't do something and I see that you are not on this wave, they expect a lot of unpleasant emotions.

   You can't ask one person to be together for almost 24 hours. Let him go out from time to time. If it's not too much, I don't see what the problem is. I know you're used to it, but that's why a person is a person to change and develop. If a person does not want to change for the better, then he will spend his whole life in this place. If you don't realize it and change it in yourself, it is very unlikely that you will find a man like your father. In general, women are always looking for men like their fathers, but remember that if this brings them unhappiness, it is better to realize and change it. For example, why should he marry an alcoholic if the father was one? There are such examples. Just realize that every man needs to go out at least once a week and have a beer with a friend. If you love him, you will give him this freedom, because every man deserves it and he is no exception. Even less should the woman next to him take away this experience from him. A person's needs are not limited to his partner and there is nothing wrong with that. Thus one enriches oneself and brings this wealth and harmony into the relationship as well. I know it's hard for you to change your mind, but just relax and don't think so. Everything will be fine.

   For information, if you intend to impose these 17th century stereotypes on your partner, there is a good chance that you will lose him. When I go out with my wife, we always hold hands, but for other things, come on, there is no need .... And she has complete freedom to go out with friends and colleagues, like me, we only agreed to talk about not to worry about the other, from then on and at 6 o'clock in the morning to go home for me is not a problem. In a relationship, it is important to have trust, if there is no trust, then why are you together? Will your friend decide to go to a game, to a fish, to a banquet and will he feel obliged to drag you like a trailer? !! And if he doesn't become yours, will he feel guilty that he didn't respect your wishes? !! Hey, things like that poison a relationship and make people break up, and it's not worth losing a person for such flaws, who really might really love you. If he decides to break from the right path, he will always find a way, even as he is kept on a leash, the forbidden fruit will seem the sweetest to him;)

   "... I don't plan on sitting in front of the TV." What is your problem? What's wrong with watching a game with friends when you're not watching games? You act like a tyrant .... Take yourself tight and give the man freedom, that as I look, he will not tolerate much and you will probably be lonely for a long time ...

   Number 5 is the most correct. There is nothing wrong with everyone keeping their freedom - you go out in a feminine way, and he - with friends. Imagine being forced to spend an entire evening with a company you have nothing to do with. You will get bored, nervous or quiet and bother everyone with your strange behavior. Or he doesn't like your best friend. How then are you going to force him to see her? Eventually you will come to a situation where each of you will have to choose between your friends and the other. Not good for anyone, not even for the relationship. If you love him, give him freedom, learn to be free too. A relationship like your parents is very rare. Most people, in order to live happily together, need freedom - to enrich their lives with another important person, not because of this person to have to give up everything so far.

   I think just like you. If he wants to be together, what prevents him from going and watching the match with them. He will suffocate you and you will watch the match. My friend would do anything with me. Well, now I have to admit, when he sometimes calls me and says, "Can I go out with friends" or "We'll go for a quick meal with friends," of course I don't mind because I trust him. Sometimes I don't like it that often, everyone needs a little bit of their own space. And remember that if you force him to be with you all the time and as you say he "suffocates" him, in time he will start to withdraw from you, he will become cold, etc. Everything in this life should be normal and in measure.

   We have been living together for almost a year .. he has had male outings I also female .. with us the strange thing is that he does not want us to have common outings .. if we have only the two of us or with relatives .. he does not want to be with his friends because you are they have no halves and I was the only girl there I would bother them and they would not be able to relax and behave as they want .. which offends me personally .. and we have talked countless times about it .. nor can he be I don't understand him either .. he doesn't want to go out with my friends for no reason .. he just always refuses when I invite him .. he didn't like it (I guess they aren't interesting to him) .. it's good that everyone has their own space but somehow I can't understand his and accept it .. I don't know .. somehow I still think that when we live together it's normal to go out together with our friends ..

   The idea is that a person needs a variety of relationships with people in order to grow spiritually, to develop. One is the relationship with the intimate partner, another with the parent, a third with the brother / sister, a fourth with the friends, a fifth with the teacher / employer, etc. From everyone can learn something, each of these relationships is a different type of relationship. It is not enough for a person to have an intimate partner, he needs other contacts. Attending his meetings with his friends is exactly the same as, for example, requiring him to come to your workplace and sit in a chair to watch you work, because it is an invasion of privacy. It's okay to take you sometime, but don't overdo it. You look at things very limitedly.

   And when he goes to the toilet, where are you? A. S5

   I support with both hands the opinion of №5. F on 41

   Dear girl, there is a golden rule: "If you want a man tied to you, keep him untied." Obviously you have a long way to go ...

   Your mother and father are probably MARRIED and have made mutual friends over the years. You and your friend have not known each other for years, you are not married and stop blaming your mother and father for your confused behavior. Don't be a freak and look outside the covers.

   From the author 1. I don't want to be 24 together. He goes to trainings, I go to trainings, etc. 2. I don't blame my family вам I take revenge on them! 3. When he goes to the toilet… mm yes and I go in with him and watch him ??? Very stupid comment !!! 4. Yes, my parents are married ... but their friends are not common in terms of "finding" them after their marriage. It's just that from the very beginning when they decided that they had a serious relationship, they no longer existed - mine and your friends - but ours! Nowadays, the negative thinking that a couple is always together when it comes to going out is 98% and is actually accepted as something normal. But I don't understand that. It can't be normal for a person who claims to love me to need to have fun without me and vice versa. I'm a sociable person enough so that I don't get bored in the company of 2-3 more or more men. The same is true in the opposite situation for my friend. I remind you that he is also of this opinion… with some very rare exceptions. Yes, but it's hard for me to accept them, they hurt me. I was brought up that the family is the most important thing in the world. And every moment must be "set aside" for him. When two people decide to have a serious relationship ... they become one. I don't think my thinking is from 18-19 or any century there. Of course, I told my friend what he thought, but I think that if I try to "impose" it, I will only lose it. There is no way a relationship can be complete when one does something out of absolute obligation. I will only wait to see how the situation develops in the future. I prefer to be alone all my life, than to have a relationship that makes me feel hurt. I have full confidence in the person next to me, and I don't give it to him… if he decides to cheat, he can do it during his vacation at work… not at all and he has to go out at night. So, no - this "requirement" of mine is not due to a lack of trust. And purely and simply to my views on what a relationship must be to be real. And in the end, just as I gave up some things for him, so if he loves me, he will experience the fact that the way out from now on will be only if we are both And purely and simply to my views on what a relationship must be to be real. And in the end, just as I gave up some things for him, so if he loves me, he will experience the fact that the way out from now on will be only if we are both And purely and simply to my views on what a relationship must be to be real. And in the end, just as I gave up some things for him, so if he loves me, he will experience the fact that the way out from now on will be only if we are both

   Author, author, you are supposedly over 20 years old, and your thinking is of a 12-year-old child. There is nothing wrong with your parents, I am for such families. But in 95% of cases this closeness is due to the attitude of the woman to the man in the family. Why do you write on forums and not drink from the source next to you / your mother /, ask her how and why they have never separated and never go out separately. These things don't happen the way you think, saying "I want this and that will happen", wanting to break someone to moan on yours is pure imposition. By grumbling and showing displeasure, you will achieve nothing, whether your mother grumbles so that your father does not go out alone, whether she tells him that his job, which he has chosen, is inappropriate and it cannot last so long. works where he wants. You have to leave your partner free to choose, how and where to spend your time. Then try to be interesting enough and a good interlocutor to choose for himself, to spend his free time with you, to be a good friend who does not reproach to share his secrets with you. To learn to like his hobbies in order to attach to him in watching a match without being a burden. So it's all up to you, without even having to forget your principles and dreams. You just have the wrong concept of family. Two people are not together at hand in the park because they are a family, and vice versa they are a family because they are together at hand. The key word is together, the family is a consequence of the joint, when the joint is missing and the family disappears. to be a good friend who does not rebuke to share his secrets with you. To learn to like his hobbies in order to attach to him in watching a match without being a burden. So it's all up to you, without even having to forget your principles and dreams. You just have the wrong concept of family. Two people are not together at hand in the park because they are a family, and vice versa they are a family because they are together at hand. The key word is together, the family is a consequence of the joint, when the joint is missing and the family disappears. to be a good friend who does not rebuke to share his secrets with you. To learn to like his hobbies in order to attach to him in watching a match without being a burden. So it's all up to you, without even having to forget your principles and dreams. You just have the wrong concept of family. Two people are not together at hand in the park because they are a family, and vice versa they are a family because they are together at hand. The key word is together, the family is a consequence of the joint, when the joint is missing and the family disappears. Two people are not together at hand in the park because they are a family, and vice versa they are a family because they are together at hand. The key word is together, the family is a consequence of the joint, when the joint is missing and the family disappears. Two people are not together at hand in the park because they are a family, and vice versa they are a family because they are together at hand. The key word is together, the family is a consequence of the joint, when the joint is missing and the family disappears.

   author, it is not bad for people to follow any model in their relationship, to go out only together, only separately, in both ways, not to go out at all, etc., if, however, for BOTH this is ok. however, as you have seen for yourself, few people tend to go out with their partner alone for a variety of reasons, especially when they are young and want to go out. it will be difficult to find a person who can fully share your views and make you a part of absolutely every aspect of your life. for most people, this is tantamount to obsession, suffocation, not love and self-sacrifice. I also go out sometimes, though rarely because of the obligations and the children, without my husband - company banquets, cafes or women's shops. it's normal for him to take me hunting, for coffee with a friend or for car repairs? this sounds rather manipulative: "

   "If he loves me, he will experience the facts that the way out from now on will be only if we are both" ... Crazy. From number 14

   Numbers 16 and 17 thank you for the nice comments. To give you an answer, I will say that I asked my mother. It's just that my father didn't want to be without her. Their thinking in every respect overlapped 100%. My friend should have a free minute to spend it with me ... and his friends and colleagues liked me a lot, at least according to him ... but you are also very right. I don't want to be with him when he's out at work ... I just want to be together when we're out for coffee, etc .... For me, this is not suffocation - suffocation would be if I wanted to go to the store to be always together. We have agreed - no travel, etc. without each other and by mutual desire. For the other, we were supposed to be ... but with the idea on his part that every rule has an exception. Whatever... time will make us wiser and stronger to take the proper development of our relationship. I apologize for the lack of commas - but it doesn't work !!

   Honey, he'll appreciate it if you give him some freedom. And I'm sure he won't abuse her (as you describe him, he's decent and cares about you). Make a small gesture - let him go out with his friends calmly, without worrying that he will have a problem with you, and you will see that he will thank you. My husband very rarely goes out without me, but he is free to do so whenever he wants. And precisely because he has no problem doing so, he does so extremely rarely. The last time was summer, he asked if I minded going to the sea with a friend for one night. He went to Nessebar, I went out with my friends and we exchanged text messages, it was a lot of fun. The following week he suggested that we both go to Greece for the weekend. Would he have done it if we had quarreled about the trip to the sea? And before you explain to me, that he went to sea with another woman and feels guilty is not. There is nothing wrong with going out alone from time to time. Don't bother, have a good time. You probably also need personal space, enjoy it.

   I'm number 17. I'm glad you understand the comments and try to look the other way. Well, it's obviously unfamiliar and boring for your father to go out without your mother, even from time to time, but it's really rare. it is difficult to bring two different people together and have the same opinion on 100% of the topics. Come to think of it, there seems to be no one with whom we can always agree. there is nothing wrong with making a small compromise with your understandings when it comes to exceptions. as far as men have told me, at such gatherings they talk about technique, football, women, exchange more peppery phrases, and in the presence of women they are forced to comply, no matter how sociable women are, and to find common ground with them. it's like you and your girlfriends start discussing cosmetics, tights and pie recipes - really few men will find it interesting and fun. so these exceptions (if they really are) do not interfere with the connection. try to spend this time pleasantly - shop, go to a beautician, hairdresser or go for a walk with a friend.

   Your desire is basically complex - proving your importance to your friend and demonstrating this importance to the world. In short, you are quite uncertain about this relationship and how much and for how long you will be really important to your man. You may really trust him, but you don't believe you're good enough for him. Although I still think it's a sign of jealousy. Otherwise you can write to yourself here and tell him all sorts of things you believed in, but you are definitely manipulating him. The latter is not among the advantages of any relationship. Besides, I doubt your mother told you the whole truth about your father's stickiness. Because this is a stickiness in which there is nothing normal, unless it is like him. There are people - stickers who do not know what to do if left alone. Time will tell what will happen to you, but people with more experience know how things will develop. №3

   Honey, once a man said the following. In the world, couples are divided into 3 groups. 10% are happy, they really love each other and have never fought, 10% can barely stand each other and it's a miracle how they didn't kill each other and 80% are in the middle. Apparently your parents are 10% lucky, but you and your friend are not, you are about 80%. This does not mean that you do not love, respect, etc., but you just do not have such an incredible match of characters and worldview as your parents have. And that's exactly where the problem starts. You have one understanding of your relationship, your boyfriend seems to have another, and if you don't want your life to turn into a nightmare, you'll both have to make some compromises. I'm not saying you have to give up your principles altogether, or make him change to your liking, you're just going to have to come to terms with both, that you have different worldviews and different interests. So my idea is, don't make scenes every time your boyfriend decides to watch the game with the boys. You trust him, don't you? And you know he's with the company, so why embitter the lives of both of you with scandals? Instead, use this time for yourself, read a book, watch a movie that would be boring to him ... and so when he comes home you will both be happy that he watched the match with Pesho, that you are watched a cool movie and instead of arguing you will be able to hug and share how the time went when you were not together. And if you are so jealous that he goes out without you, ask him once to take you too, to meet his friends, to see that they are cool and then when he says "I'm going to watch a game with the boys" you will be better off easier because you will know who the boys are and you won't feel so bad. At the same time, you can introduce him to your girlfriends, and by telling him that you are talking on the phone with Vanya, he will know which Vanya it is. So, if you love someone, you want to introduce them to everything in your life, including the people who are important to you. So it doesn't cause problems for something so small. If you believe him, what's wrong with sometimes, I don't say often, going out with your friends?

   No problem going out alone from time to time. You say it happened 3 times in 6 months. This is not a pain to die. Just make plans for the time you are not together. What you want is not "suffocation", but not every person is capable of such surrender in their relationship. Besides, the fact that once every two months you will go out separately does not mean that your friends will not be common, or that you will not understand and love each other. My friend and I are OURS and the friends are OURS, but when he wants to go out "with the boys" and get drunk, I have no place there. Not that I can't drink and have fun, but there are purely male conversations that they will be afraid to hold in front of me. Like I go out with female friends - believe me he doesn't want to hear gossip, who has how many pairs of shoes and what sale she came across last week. Otherwise we are inseparable, we understand each other, we love each other and sometimes we pull each other :) but that's okay. Don't cling to this idea. I'm not saying give up your understandings, but don't turn them into a FIX idea. Just try to show understanding. Maybe in time he will change and "find himself". Success in love :) F27

   I want to make you look at things from a slightly different angle. Have you ever wondered how your friend would look at your stay on this site, isn't this "going out" without him, will he be fascinated if he finds out that you are discussing your relationship with strangers - think about where the difference is and whether it is essential? In short, when you impose restrictions and have requirements on others, think about whether you fully meet the conditions you set! Success!

   25, I support your comment. If she is free to discuss her relationship in this forum, then she is free to enter any other site or chat, or whatever. Her boyfriend does not hang on her head, right? He doesn't lurk next to her on the computer, laptop or tablet ... She's not allowed to muffle it, well, let her go out sometime during the day without her with male friends ... But why go around the streets or pubs and discos at night, supposedly more masculine? When you live with your partner, is it right to go out separately at night ... walks ...

   I'm number 24 again. I got an interesting comment 26 ... What is the difference between going out for coffee with friends during the day without a boyfriend and going out to a disco with friends without a boyfriend? In my opinion, there is no difference. I went out alone with my colleagues from work - to a cafe, bar, disco, pub. What should my friend do with people he does not know and with whom he has no common topics and interests?

   You know ... that's how you're going to lose it - it's going to happen in the end. Men and women have different dates. When you see a friend of yours and she wants to share her problems with the menstrual cycle and painful ovulation, your boyfriend is unlikely to enjoy this and would prefer not to be there, right? No, you won't mind if you go out with them, but he will always take into account that you are with him - for example, if his friends look at a chick and start messing around like "Hey, guys, look at this drum ", if he is without you, he will laugh at their joke, but if he is with you - he will not. And he will instantly become a "man under a slipper" for his avers. You will be a "cobra" for them and they will start talking to him and making fun of him, and this will only affect you badly. I have the opposite problem with you. He doesn't want to go out without me. It always makes me want to be with him, well, but I don't like listening to cars and watching them drink beer. If there were other girls in the company - ok, I'll go out and chat with them, but otherwise I sit on the sidelines and struggle. However, let's say like you, he thinks he won't mind if he goes out with me and my girlfriend and gets angry. It's disgustingly stressful. She told me she had a problem with her mother and she wanted us to talk about it, and he said, "But I won't bother you." And I'm between a rock and a hard place. If I take it, she will feel bad because she wanted to share something with me personally, and in front of him she will not do it, and on the other side is the one who tells me "but what so much - I will not bother you" or more the more desperate "if you don't want to take me, then there's something to hide" Now my friend has invited me to a disco with her colleagues. Yes, there will be men there, but I know them. And everyone will take someone. She called me. I tell him - I'm coming with you. But wait a minute - where did you go. I'm dumb to tell her because she has to tell her colleagues. It's one thing to take me, it's another to take my suitcase. and finally I refused her so I wouldn't have any problems. But I like it a lot and I'm angry with him, because he doesn't like discos and will never take me, and in order to go - we have to fight first. I tell you things from your friend's side - you think and draw your own conclusions. because she has to tell her colleagues. It's one thing to take me, it's another to take my suitcase. and finally I refused her so I wouldn't have any problems. But I like it a lot and I'm angry with him, because he doesn't like discos and will never take me, and in order to go - we have to fight first. I tell you things from your friend's side - you think and draw your own conclusions. because she has to tell her colleagues. It's one thing to take me, it's another to take my suitcase. and finally I refused her so I wouldn't have any problems. But I like it a lot and I'm angry with him, because he doesn't like discos and will never take me, and in order to go - we have to fight first. I tell you things from your friend's side - you think and draw your own conclusions.

   I have the feeling that you live under a glass cover, bass, and the strangest thing is that you covered it yourself. A relationship to be real ..? !! WTF? !? !? !! "So, no - this 'requirement' of mine is not due to a lack of trust. It's simply my views on what a relationship needs to be to be real." Let me shock you a little. A real relationship is one in which the two ... I repeat BOTH have accepted as their relationship that this or that will be normal. Example: There are relationships in which the partners do not have sex, their love is platonic and that is enough for them. Does that make their relationship fake? No! There are open relationships in which partners have sexual, emotional and social relationships with people outside the relationship. Does that make their relationship fake? No! There are relationships in which the two are glued to each other - constantly. Does that make their relationship fake? No! There are relationships in which one is married. Does that make their relationship fake? No! Summary: There is no real and false connection. Everyone understands differently how it will manifest itself in a relationship. The only condition for the relationship to claim TRUTH is when the TWO together have created the microclimate of their relationship (whatever it may be) and by both this situation is accepted as the only true one. You will not have a real relationship as long as you manifest yourself as a total egoist and do not respect the opinion and desire, as well as the understanding of your person. That you understand the things of life and love in one way, why does it automatically mean that this way is unique, right and true? There is no real and false connection. Everyone understands differently how it will manifest itself in a relationship. The only condition for the relationship to claim TRUTH is when the TWO together have created the microclimate of their relationship (whatever it may be) and by both this situation is accepted as the only true one. You will not have a real relationship as long as you manifest yourself as a total egoist and do not respect the opinion and desire, as well as the understanding of your person. That you understand the things of life and love in one way, why does it automatically mean that this way is unique, right and true? There is no real and false connection. Everyone understands differently how it will manifest itself in a relationship. The only condition for the relationship to claim TRUTH is when the TWO together have created the microclimate of their relationship (whatever it may be) and by both this situation is accepted as the only true one. You will not have a real relationship as long as you manifest yourself as a total egoist and do not respect the opinion and desire, as well as the understanding of your person. That you understand the things of life and love in one way, why does it automatically mean that this way is unique, right and true? The only condition for the relationship to claim TRUTH is when the TWO together have created the microclimate of their relationship (whatever it may be) and by both this situation is accepted as the only true one. You will not have a real relationship as long as you manifest yourself as a total egoist and do not respect the opinion and desire, as well as the understanding of your person. That you understand the things of life and love in one way, why does it automatically mean that this way is unique, right and true? The only condition for the relationship to claim TRUTH is when the TWO together have created the microclimate of their relationship (whatever it may be) and by both this situation is accepted as the only true one. You will not have a real relationship as long as you manifest yourself as a total egoist and do not respect the opinion and desire, as well as the understanding of your person. That you understand the things of life and love in one way, why does it automatically mean that this way is unique, right and true?

   I completely agree with number 29! The author slammed the board very seriously: D Last night I went to a disco without my friend, because he didn't like it, but he told me to go, not to comply with him, I went and came back and hugged him! And then we ate pizza. And then we slept. Happy end! From numbers 14 and 18

   Do not listen to them. Your mother and father are completely normal people and this is the understanding of family. Freedom shattered people's notions of family and the masses thought they lived in one. They live in pseudo-families and cheat on each other en masse.