Hello, about a month or two ago I shared here my story related to my grandmother, with whom we had an argument for a long time, and I was afraid to go and talk to her, to apologize to her, despite the small distance that separated us. Tonight I think of her again, and I'm so sorry I left without even seeing her, without even apologizing, hugging her. Exactly on Easter, Grandma left this world, and I still can't accept it. I'm gloomy, everything is wrong with me, I hate myself to the core. And my grandmother misses me more than anything. She is the person who raised me, brought me up and taught me everything. She was the only person I trusted, she was the only person I was sure she loved me. And now she's gone. I'm sorry you're reading this, I apologize if I'm ruining your day. I just wanted to share. I know that I will never forget what happened, I will never fully experience it, I will always remember and I will always be sad. It's been almost 2 weeks and I'm starting to think about her more and more. I don't want to accept the fact that she's gone, I realize it, the funeral, everything, but I can't accept that I'll never see her again, share my grief with her, and ask for advice. I will never hug or kiss her again.
When I had this opportunity, I did not do it for fear that he would not accept my apologies, and now I feel more guilty than ever. I am 21 years old and all these years, my grandmother has always been by my side, and I could not help her, I could not save her, nor could I talk to her for the last time. I didn't appreciate what kind of person I had next to me, and now it's too late. I'm scared, I'm very scared. I want to go to her, to feel calm again, to tell me, that I am my grandmother's grown girl. I want to hear her scold me again for something I've done, or just hug me. I want to rest my head on her legs again and caress me, calm me down. I shared everything with her, good, bad, everything. She was and will forever be the only person I respect. But she is not there. And that kills me. A lump is stuck in my throat and I think about it all the time. I don't know how to deal with sadness. I started working harder and I try to do something constantly so I don't think about what happened. In the end, I don't see the point in anything, I don't feel useful. Only physically and mentally tired. Whatever I do, I don't think it's enough. When I stop doing something, my eyes immediately water, I immediately start thinking even more about her. And I remember every moment I spent with her. How do people deal with this pain? How do they move forward? Will I ever be able to do it or will I just go crazy?
I really have a feeling I'm going crazy. And Grandma was a good person. She was a proud woman, but still good. He never left me. Except now. I dreamed of her a few days before she died. I dreamed that she died and I argued with my aunt on the phone that she did not call me and did not tell me. I shared my dream with my friend and he made me go to her. He always told me to go, that she loved me in spite of everything and could not be angry with me forever, and I did not go. But now I feel it as if she will be offended forever. And I'm guilty, I don't even hide it. The day I found out she was gone, I was at work again. Now, no matter how hard I work, I hate my job, I hate the place. I remember the moment my mom called and said, that Grandma is no more. I didn't know where I was, I didn't expect it, I didn't want it. I don't feel like living now. I don't want to live with pain or guilt, I don't want to live without my grandmother, I really can't live without her, I'm not used to it, I don't want to get used to her lack. I want to go to her. I know it sounds selfish, for me hardly anyone would grieve as I grieve for my grandmother. Leave 3 children and a grandfather, 5 grandchildren, of whom I am the eldest.
Everyone says that she forgave me before she left, that she loved me the most, that I was her first grandchild, and that she could no longer be angry with me, that she would protect me and help me. And I'm still scared. I'm ashamed that I didn't help her, I'm ashamed of all the moments I made her angry, I'm ashamed that I didn't apologize to her and that I wasn't by her side when she needed me the most. I don't know what to do, I just want to go to my grandmother. I'm sorry for the long story, I'm sorry for everything, I just wanted to share. Appreciate your loved ones, even if you are angry, even if you are angry, then it's too late.
Answers 6
She has already forgiven you. Do not be afraid, she looks down on you and will always support you, even after her death.
Hello. In principle, I do not write or answer the stories of the people here, but in your case I decided that it was right to try to help you. I will not lie - I have no experience in life ... I am 16 years old and I am still discovering the world around me. But at the same time, I've lost more than you think - brother, sister and my grandmother. I won't go into too much detail about me, but I can tell you that I never managed to show my gratitude to Grandma before she died. And when that happened, in the hospital, in front of my eyes, it was as if everything around me was starting to collapse. I understand how you feel and I understand your sadness. I understand why you feel guilty and helpless in your situation. But we all make mistakes in our lives. Sometimes big and sometimes small. No matter how serious they are, we learn from them. Due to the lack of explanation why you were arguing, I can't comment on that, but I can guarantee you that love has always been there and always will be. Just because you didn't break up the right way doesn't mean that love didn't exist. Don't feel guilty. The last thing your grandmother would want is to grieve and blame yourself for what happened. If there is one thing you can do for her, it is to go on with your life and be happy. Of course, it will be hard at first, but don't give up. Although I don't know you, I can say that you are a good person, judging by what you have written, and it would be awful if you give up, no matter how difficult it is for you at the moment. Instead of doing work, getting tired and trying not to think about it, start seeing other people you love who will help you overcome grief, start doing things that you like and that are interesting to you. It will take time, but I believe that you will succeed and that you will find happiness in life. Good luck and don't forget - never give up, you are a great person and you deserve to feel good!
I haven't read the whole story, but I want to tell you to stop harassing nonsense. From an early age we are charged with guilt and duty. Don't worry about not apologizing. If it was, she would leave again and you would be sad again. Your apology doesn't change anything. Say goodbye to the past and stop tormenting yourself about past things you can't change. The grief of a deceased loved one goes away with time. I know it's nasty and you can't believe it, but it will pass, don't suffer from unnecessary remorse.
Do you know what your grandmother would like most from you? To become a Man like her! To have a nice family, and then some wonderful grandchildren, on whom to always be their support - to respect and love you. To scold them when they do something stupid, to hug them, to caress and soothe them, leaning on your arm ... Set this goal and follow it to the end! In this way you will atone for your guilt towards your grandmother. She would be proud of you! You have all the prerequisites to achieve this - you carry her genes, you have her example. All you have to do is take yourself in hand and do it! And will you never see her? Heh, I'm already winking at you ... Science is already making serious progress in unraveling the mystery of life and "death". The ancients knew it thousands of years ago ... Matter and energy are never lost, so is consciousness (soul). You will see your grandmother and hug her again. Not here and now, and not in this form ... But ... now is the time to repeat her example!
Sorry about your grandmother! What was the name of your past story? And thank you for the wonderful message! One girl
Hello, darling, I will not lie to you, few people will be able to feel your sadness, to understand your story. I'm like you, with almost the same life. People like us are too sensitive and even if you don't feel it, that's right. We tend to become strongly attached (not without reason) and suffer greatly when we lose a loved one. I also grew up with my grandparents, who replaced my late father and mother, who was constantly at work and always busy. When I lost my grandfather 10 years ago, it was as if part of me was gone. I became half human, and so far I can't overcome it. At the moment I am trembling over my grandmother, I want to provide her with a dignified life, because she is probably the only person who really understood me and was always on my side. I love her so much that I don't know how I would live without her. So I completely understand you, I will not tell you the typical tales of the sort: "tighten up, everything will be fine, time heals". No, I'll be honest, the pain in your heart will decrease, but it will always stay there, you will just learn to live with it somehow, everything will be fine if it is written for you, because not everything depends on ourselves, believe me . There are things that are determined by fate and whatever you do you will not get around them. Time does not heal, it just gets used to ... somehow. Try not to feel guilty, you have no guilt, life is unfair and you will not change it. You just have to find the strength and keep going, especially since you have a friend - what could be better than that ...? Think about how you will have a family and children, you will run in the park together and enjoy life - this will make your grandmother happy, who is watching you from above. Think about it, if something had happened to you, would you want your loved ones to suffer and suffer, or would you want to move on? Do it too, never forget your grandmother and what she gave you, but try to move forward, live in spite of everything. I wish you success and I embrace you! A boy of 28.