Hello! Please help me with advice! My friend and I have been together for almost 3 years and we live separately in a dormitory, and his parents are abroad. All is well, we love each other, but his mother is constantly trying to blacken me, she just calls him, she is jealous of me, she looks for all sorts of reasons to insult me and writes insulting words to me and threatens me and he doesn't even call her to ask. why he does it, on the contrary. They are in a great relationship. I love him to the bone and I feel like I will die without him. I wanted him to be the man with whom I could start a family and grow old, but alas ... It's been 5 days since I went home to my parents, and he blocks me and doesn't look for me at all, whether I'm alive or well. And they hear from her several times a day, he doesn't feel the need to hear my voice, it's enough for him to hear my mother. Are there any who have separated only for the sake of the powerful mother-in-law and the husband, who prefers mom? Give me advice on what to do, how to act, I know it's best to leave him, but I really can't, I'm mentally very weak and this separation will ruin me, because I love him very, very much ...
Answers 14
Much has been written here about such mother-son relationships. Pay attention to yourself, however - he has already broken up with you, what advice do you want ?! What you feel for him is not love and you have a great problem, deal with it yourself and then look for a new partner. Success!
Maybe he doesn't want to be with you. Don't get annoyed when you see that he wants to be with his mother, leave him.
Run! Run 100 kilometers! Such "men" do not change. Never. If you want to put you in second place after your mother for the rest of your life - stay. A woman with 28 years of marriage tells you that.
Hello! There are many of them and I am one of them. With the difference that we have a 9-year-old child. I am already looking after the child alone, and he is looking after his mother. It is! If only your boyfriend didn't have a sister, it would be scary. Such men are not worth it, you know. Nothing happens to us from them!
He has already left you, so you don't have to bother to leave him.
In our case, his mother uses him to work and spend his money and speaks against me so that we separate and he doesn't spend money on me. If his mother is more important, don't worry. This is not sustainable. And whatever you do, his mother will always be right, and you are to blame!
You are very confused. Someone talks to mom all the time, you block and you love to your bones. Is that logical? Is he a man? Mom is a mother for a while. Then the boy takes his way. When I see such a man, I run away. With us, I didn't even think about taking my nose, but my husband has been very independent since he was a child, because she hardly looked at him. There is a limit. Once it's over, he quickly set things up. And if you live nearby. Let this man grow up. But if I read and beat you, you will still be at his feet. You have a problem with the worldview and the assessment of things.
A powerful mother-in-law is defeated only with the mind. If the mother-in-law is abroad and her son receives money from her or expects other benefits from an apartment, for example, it is normal not to quarrel with her, even if she makes him a little angry. If you left him because of your mother-in-law, it is normal that he does not look for you because he is considered innocent, respectively he is angry with you, he is probably not aware of the whole situation, and if he knows he does not think that for so little (according to him) you leave him. If you really love him, it is necessary to realize, he has lived with her habits and words since he was a child, and for him they have not been offensive for a long time, but simply his mother's peculiarities, so he is not angry with her. short and passes him. He probably thinks you don't love him enough when you leave him because of his mother's peculiarities. He knows that his mother is not an angel with white wings, now is the time to realize that you are not an angel yourself, because sometimes you make mistakes too. I can't give you advice on how to fight his mother because you haven't given exact examples with her words and the reasons why she says them. Of course, if she insulted you with written words, she thinks you were wrong with your words or actions, but we don't know which ones. But whatever it is, if you love, I don't think you should attack him for his mother, and by no means do I think you should expect him to break up with his mother because you don't have enough ideas how to defend yourself against her. or to last it / to learn to pass quickly like him /. If you love him is your heart and not your armor against his mother, your armor against her is your brain, it is desirable to learn to come up with ideas so that it seems that you are innocent or not so guilty as to attack you. Such is life, unfortunately. Personally, I also have an unacceptably behaving mother-in-law, but in 5-8 years I managed to teach her that I am her daughter-in-law has no right to dream of another and if she attacks me it is to her detriment, now after 18 she behaves like an angel of fear she is attacking me, and I am the one who tells her son what will happen, even if she tries to call her word is not heard / respected /.
Think about whether you deserve a man who loves and respects you. If so, he will never allow his mother to speak ill of you and behave disrespectfully. He is a mother's child, his mother comes first and will remain so - what kind of family do you plan to build with such a person? His mother is his first mistress and he pulls the strings in you, you can possibly serve as an incubator (they just can't do that). Is that what you want and deserve? She has problems, so does he. Send him an article on the Internet about emotional addiction or give him your weaknesses to Wayne Dyer to find out from a neutral source that a person's priority should be his own family, not mom and dad. Your opinion will not be heard, who knows how the old man spits at you. It is a pity that there are such mothers who do not think for a moment, that their son deserves to have a life partner, to have children in turn, to love and be loved. I really don't understand what their mothers-in-law's problem is. Only if there is a desire and his side will change, if not, discard it - at 50 you will be with a normal family and children, and he - an old bachelor, caught in the skirt of his mother.
You are lucky that you will have nothing to do with this family in the future. Powerful mothers with stupid sons are not uncommon, and in many cases the son stays only because his mother does not approve of any of his chosen ones. I don't understand one thing - how did you stay together for 3 years. Isn't there something in your behavior recently that saves us and has influenced us to get here? Now all you have to do is stand up and regain your independence and desire to live and forget about this family. Success and no drama
Number 8. It helped me a lot. You are really right about many things. That's exactly what you say. He is considered innocent because he tries to be good, and I only see his mother's actions. And he loves me, I know he has proven it to me thousands of times, but the problem is her. It's not worth parting for this woman who doesn't know what she wants. We love each other and I will fight. There are no two good things, and every love is difficult. I will not give up my beloved, but I will fight! I don't know how you coped with your mother-in-law, I would very much like to know, but congratulations on that!
I wonder how it is possible to have such mothers. If I have a son after 18 years, I will make him more independent and I will not interfere in his life at all. People should not be owned by their parents. The child is the responsibility of the parents up to 18 years. By then, they must have raised him and taught him to be independent. And let him live his life the way he wants. And everyone must realize that his own family is then much more important than his parents.
How old are you? You sound very young and immature. What is this nonsense that you will die without him, tighten up! There are no irreplaceable people! Even fewer mother's sons. Do you seriously want a man for whom mom's word is the law and if he doesn't approve of the woman he's with, that's it? Parents need to respect each other, yes. But everything has limits. And he hasn't looked for you in 5 days and blocked you, and you're dying for him. Are you a masochist? Most women are obviously because they tolerate such jerks. There is nothing you can do, your mother has not approved of you. You should have won her first, not her son. It is possible that the "man" in question asked you to see each other secretly so that mom would not get angry and upset. But it is unlikely. Burn your mind, he's not the only one. Do you have any idea how bitter your life will be if you stay together? You won't see daylight, but if you think it's worth it ...
To have such an acquaintance! He's approaching 50 and still living ... with his mom. Maybe he took her ... shaft when he was younger. You have no job in such an environment at all! Whatever bones you love, it will cost you your mental health and your life. And if "mom" is abroad and sends money - you have no chance to tell her anything wrong ...