Skip to content
Sex and intimacy

He And Porn

By tasty_zv July 11, 2020 11 answers Last updated July 11, 2020

I hope the topic does not turn into a quarrel, because I know it is a prerequisite for this. I will ask only for opinions and guidelines, everyone can watch whatever they like. I'm just a little confused and I hope you can help me clarify the situation.

 

I know my boyfriend is watching porn. I did not raise the issue, he decided to share, and where he had not shared, it is clear. He told me that since he was a child, he had a problem with this - it often happened more than twice a day, he began to think that in order to have a woman, he had to humiliate her and force himself on her (rough sex ). The reason is that until late the girls did not pay attention to him and from so many movies he totally distorted his idea of ​​the man-woman relationship. He objectified them, he imagined violent scenes with random women on the street, etc. I was not pleased to hear all this, but he explained to me that since we have been together, he has changed a lot - there is a far more real and respectful attitude towards women is not absorbed in the notions of forced and aggressive sex with the opposite sex. I believed that it was so and I was very happy, because he was obviously heavy and ashamed. This happened 2-3 years ago, we've been together for a little over 4. And here ... a few months ago I opened a browser that I don't use regularly to delete its history. I look at her and my chin falls. It took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on - once my friend logged in with his Google account and it stayed that way. I didn't dig, I didn't search, but I couldn't help but see. The last searches / visits were on porn sites and names of actresses. Sometimes every other day, other times every day, several times a day, at any time - before we see each other and have sex, minutes after I left them and had sex 3 times. Naked photos of actresses are also quite common. I admit that I went deeper, but at one point I got too much and went out.

So I live with this information, I did not tell him, he must continue in the same spirit, while during this time he repeats to me how this "problem" is left behind. Emmy, I don't know, but doing it so often doesn't seem like you're okay. I don't like that he lies to me and even more that he goes to polish literally minutes after I leave. We have good sex, he seems to like it, he is passionate. We are usually honest with each other to the point of pain, so if there is anything, he will tell me.

The result is that I have lost motivation for sex. I say to myself, “He’s going to get 1-2 when he comes home, why bother?” It’s like I’m with a stranger I have to hug and kiss. I hate it. He himself has almost no problems and problems with erection and performance. He dropped it once and explained to me that he had been a chick 3 times before we saw each other. I still didn't understand why.

 

People, is all this normal? Am I exaggerating? The problem is not in the viewing, but in the quantity and this frantic search for nudity on such a scale. Many women after such a "discovery" think that something is wrong with them or do not like them enough. I don't have these thoughts, but I hate to touch this person anymore, although I really like him. Can I do something about it? I know that it will not change, it was still 6-7 grade. I want to know how I don't care, because apart from this and 2-3 other little things, he is the most beautiful and cute creature in the world.

Answers 11

1
shezhalot92 answered · July 11, 2020
He doesn't think so many men, after all, whatever he likes, he will watch, he has a great libido, so what
2
forestbearnj answered · July 11, 2020
I do not want to comment. There is a movie with Rob Brown and Scarlett Johansson he tells about such a relationship can be useful to you.
3
fingerfuckmediana answered · July 11, 2020
Get used to it, a lot of boys, even though they have girlfriends (sexual partners), watch porn and there's nothing wrong with that. This is because sexual desire is almost constant with them and secondly, it cannot be satisfied accordingly every time by their partners. Porn is like a pacifier - it deceives, but it also leads to addiction
4
moonmimi answered · July 11, 2020
Well, why, when watching porn, do you have to "shine"? !! Stupid reasoning, of an immature girl. One can simply look at oneself and enjoy oneself.
5
enrikoblue answered · July 11, 2020
I can't believe what these comments are before me. Yes, it is normal in normal amounts, but this is his psychological, he should seek help.
6
bellacarolainhot answered · July 12, 2020
Watching porn is an addictive activity, similar to smoking, drinking or gambling. Accordingly, the amount is growing. What amount is normal? I would say as long as it does not create any dysfunction for the viewer it is harmless. But as an addict, he won't just stop it. About your attitude: don't take it as your competition in sex. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like you or that you don't attract him. One does it for yourself, the other for you two. Would you try to watch porn together? So instead of a separator for you it will be something you do as a couple. You can comment from different points of view, watch yourself masturbate, help each other, etc.
7
msashleylynn answered · July 12, 2020
Author, speak up! Talk! Point. In my opinion, he will most likely cry in front of you. He will admit of course and this will launch your relationship to a super deep spiritual level of unconditional trust. Which will make you feel quite happy yourself. He doesn't tell you because he's afraid of losing you. This here is on a very personal and deep psychological level. This is the last thing he has to hide. If he tells you, and if you stay with him, he will be so relieved that you have no idea how pale. Talk! And even thank God for this obstacle, which will even strengthen your relationship. Well, it may fall apart, but you don't seem to be as naive and low-intelligence as you described it. And something else. This has nothing to do with you here. Don't be jealous of his porn. Accept that it is a small mental deviation in which EXACTLY YOU and ONLY YOU can help him. If things go wrong with you, he will become even more introverted and sink. Even after another two girls can become a real rapist. Heal his soul. Many of us are deeply hurt in the past, and unfortunately there is a bitterness that the current spouse must eat. But I am absolutely convinced that he will appreciate what you do for him. He will really feel like your HALF. By the way, I am convinced that the roots of all this lie in his mother and that there are things from the past that have happened to him that he does not remember. The mind has the ability to literally turn off and forget shocking moments sometimes.
8
michaelfranklin159 answered · July 12, 2020
Porn is one of the most serious problems in recent years. I would put it on a par with alcohol and gambling. The symptoms of porn addiction are the same. When viewed, the brain releases the hormone of happiness and over time the body gets used to it and a person needs an increasing dose, and more and more perversions, to feel anything at all. I say this because I recently realized that I have a problem with it. In my opinion, many more men than expected have a problem that they are not always ready to admit, quite often they do not consider it a problem at all. They think - What's so great, I'm just unloading! Porn is one of the main reasons for the absolute social inadequacy and indifference of many men to women. About a year ago, I stumbled upon something called NoFap. There is a great topic for this on this site as well. Generally speaking, this is a movement that preaches abstinence from watching porn and masturbation. I decided to give it a try and I can only say positive reviews about it. You can talk to your friend and mention it to him. I guarantee you that you can only win if you ignite it, because he will constantly want you and you will have stunning sex when he drives it only on the imagination, without aids.
9
grampsbucketlist answered · July 13, 2020
10, best regards. Warm my soul, really. I did not believe that there are men with brains on this site. Once again - congratulations.
10
albert_bogdan15 answered · July 13, 2020
It's like you wrote about me. I am the same. Let me tell you, there are no fixes, whatever you do, you will stop it temporarily. At least that's how it is with me. I have been fucking the woman constantly for three days and in the morning I watched porn again. Now we are talking about a threesome, but there is no literate woman. The sites are ugly and fat with confidence. A prostitute definitely not! It's just scary.
11
rossekammy answered · July 13, 2020
I am but. 8 again. I didn't go on saying that I had to change the subway, then I forgot. Thus, the mind shuts off when there is a shocking moment. the example I will give to make it clearer is not necessarily his problem or has anything to do with reality at all. Imagine that when he was little, his mother beat him through the other children and he peed, then they made fun of him. At that moment, his mind went off and he forgot. If you talk about the past there is a chance to remember. It is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, from English CBT. When he remembers, he will cultivate in himself a "observer" thought on his own behavior. Every time he wants to use violence, he will think of the reason and in a very short time all this will diminish. It will even seem funny to him. Then he will see you as the girl he loves and is not the same as his mother. After sex he will want you to stay in bed, hug you and just be with you. However, as long as he is not aware of himself, this cannot be changed. You have to constantly prove to him that not all women are like his mother. That's why I say only you can help him. Again, she may not even be his mother. It could be a completely different incident, even with strangers. Or maybe it's something that happened to him periodically. For example, my mother beat me until I was 15, say speeches every other day. It was like that with the girl, with whom we were like ass and panties 4 her. I had just healed my soul. I confessed everything to her and we were even a psychologist together. Who said that in order to fix the problem we need to fix the connection. She understood this as "he has to fix our relationship". Shortly afterwards, he started cheating on me, and now I'm even much, much worse than before. She is a hopelessly failed single mother, born of the biggest mold on the planet. I have totally lost faith in women. You don't have to get there. Fight your relationship, fight for it, so you fight for all humanity.
More in Sex and intimacy →