Hello everyone, please pay attention to my story. I'm tired, of everything, but mostly of myself. It's been almost two and a half years since I've been with him, but I still can't accept him. Briefly about the problem, it is not one, but it is one of the great things. My friend has a double breast tattoo with a portrait of a girl. At the beginning of our acquaintance, I saw photos on Facebook in which he was naked to the waist and could be seen, then I said to myself oooo it will not happen. I ignored him, but you know girlfriends, external factors, hormones, it was all on the wave to give him a chance. In the beginning we had other problems and somehow this tattoo remained in the background, but something inside me was eating me, I had to know. I started asking him questions about who she was when he made her and things like that. In the beginning, the topic was taboo. He told me he didn't want to talk about it. Remember that it made me dig even harder and want to know. We've argued about this many times, and in the end what I figured out was that she was his best friend, who was his best friend's sister, but had committed suicide. I pretended to believe him, but I didn't. If so, would he hide and get annoyed if I asked him? I think this is his ex, he experienced something so special with her and kept her on him for life. Does it hurt me do you know why? Because I have been promised many things, but they never happen. He was supposed to propose marriage to me, but only ostensibly. I can't leave because I obviously love drama and pain. I just wanted him to tell me the truth like a man, and he dodged and hid like a mouse. I am angry that I will never be worthy of him. On the one hand, there is a man who boldly tattoos the image of a woman, on the other hand, they are cold in their feelings and actions. Squeezed for everything. He's just a coward who will never admit what I am to him. Oh well that's what I wanted to share with you. I'm already old for new relationships, I'm almost thirty, I don't know what to do to dump him, to continue. I just want him to stop hurting me, not care and be calm. How do I achieve it? Thanks for your time!
Answers 34
Apparently the former (supposedly the woman from the tattoo) hurt him a lot and now he is more cautious. But in two years you should have met and talked freely
Tattooed people are usually not very smart, I don't know how you got one. I know I will affect a lot of Christmas trees, but that's often the case.
Look, your friend can tell you the truth. It doesn't dig into his past, it's probably painful. If he decides he will share with you. There's no point. I think your problems are different, there is something that is not going well and this is not the tattoo of the other girl. Talk about the common future together, not the past. If he himself does not keep his promises to eb, then it's time for a new page. Give him time, talk openly about the two of you, not about past ghosts.
And what does the past of the person matter. The important thing is to be with you and not to cheat and lie. I am a man and that is why I do not tattoo images and names of current / former ones. This is the greatest simplicity for me. A friend went crazy over a muffin, and to prove how much he loved her, he tattooed her name on his arm. 1-2 months passed and she abandoned him. A big blade, he had even bought her a ring. Your friend made the mistake, he must have been no more than 20-25 years old when he made it. Everyone is confused somewhere, there is no sinless person. I don't see the point in being jealous of a portrait. If your relationship isn't going well and it's over, just split up. But if it's all because of one tattoo, there's no point in being jealous and hating it.
Hello everyone has a personal history and the past is part of his life, but it is a fact that now you are with him. Definitely I would be sick too, but he may not want to talk about it because he may be afraid that you will think, almost that you are not so special as to tattoo you on himself, which I think will be a mistake. And a lot depends on how you predispose him to these conversations, he may just not want another person to condemn him for his actions. And the comment on number 2 is super superficial, the best and most educated people I know are tattooed, but I agree that it is stupid to tattoo names or another person in general.
"He had a tattoo on his right breast with a portrait of a girl." Well, and! Well, if this tattoo with the portrait of the girl was on the left breast, close to the heart, then it would worry you less. Why are you digging like a mole in his mind? He had good memories with her, even more so she was the sister of his best friend. What are the reasons for the girl to commit suicide only he knows, but apparently they loved each other a lot and he wanted to keep the memory of her forever. But no, you have to know everything. Well, if he starts asking you until two and a half years ago how many men you were with and who your first love was, will you tell him everything in the greatest detail. I'm sure you won't want to tell him anything. Just don't say now that you were a virgin and had no sexual relations with anyone. You women keep silent about your sexual adventures more than men. It's good that at least you admit that you're already old for new relationships, you're almost thirty (plus another 33). But you do not hide his other "flaws" - cold, tight and cowardly. No man can please you. It's you. Please post my comment.
This is the level nowadays. Empty people with dreams and visions of life / man / woman built from social networks porn and chalga. You knew from the beginning that it didn't work, but now, suddenly, when you see that it doesn't work, you try to change it or convince yourself that it works. Things are simple - when you don't get what you want from someone, you leave. People's favorite mistake - they go with someone and think "oh I will change him / her" or "it will change" and wait a lifetime for someone to change.
7 said it very well. You didn't like it, but you left, and when you left, you still remembered that you didn't like it. So what did you expect? Well, it's true, it's not boring to go out with someone you like from the beginning and you don't have much to change in it. As for those who justify it, let me ask them how they will feel every time they have sex with their serious partner, with whom they want to start a family one day, to look at the photo of the ex-boyfriend pasted on his forehead and he objected in every way to remove her from there. He is so serious and he has forgotten her so much. He only uses you to forget her or just has fun with you as a backup. If he respected you, he would take her off with a laser, but he obviously doesn't want to. Why?
No problem, peel his skin and you'll forget the front one. If he doesn't want to, change him.
Open Google and read what a narcissist is and what a codependent or emotionally dependent person is. Especially if you have felt the same way in other relationships, or with one of your parents. You are neither unworthy nor crazy, nor do you need to ask for love and attention. You're just looking for men who need help to get into a situation like this and "cure" a childhood trauma. It is very likely that you had to grow up quickly and take on the role of a parent to your parents. Calmly, with the realization everything will be arranged like a puzzle.
To number 12. What you say is true, as long as there was something to attach to in the story in question. We don't all like to share our past with people who have stayed there for a reason. Most people think you have to love them the same way you loved someone else. Well, in two words: now they have to get a tattoo with her image and you see, it's validated, the drama is over. On the contrary, the man is not a coward because he does not want to share his past and the motivation to get a tattoo. Ah, can you imagine if he did that and you were hurt by what you heard. You are no less cowardly, because you do not leave his past and do not love him as he is, but look for the reasons for his cold behavior somewhere. Start taking responsibility for your actions - stop digging into the past, it's not that interesting,
I agree with the author. We are the same age with you - I understand your grief and doubts. A decent man would erase a tattoo if he saw that it was unpleasant for the woman next to him. It is terrible for a woman of our age to be waiting for a ring that does not appear and to be with a grumpy man.
She was old, as long as she was stupid, she wasn't old at all. This person is not for you and if you do not leave him you will regret it.
I agree with 12, it sounds a bit like this narcissus, but we can't tell you from one story. My opinion is that it is not normal to be with someone for two years and only now to learn such significant details from his past. Yes, it is normal not to share everything about your ex, no one is obliged. But he tattooed her for the god, she was obviously a very important person to him and it is not normal for her to hide. Also, why do you doubt that he is telling the truth, are there any indications that he is lying? Ask his relatives and if it turns out that he lied to you, you better dump him. These are indications of a pathological liar. Also, what is this nonsense that you were 30 years old? As you get older, you will laugh at your views from now on. You have time to start a new family, don't stay with someone you don't feel good with.
Such tattoos speak of the level of his intellect, as well as yours once you have decided to hang out with one.
I can tell you that everyone has someone who is always in front of you, only that they have tattooed him. I also have a woman that no one else can remove, but is hidden very deep inside me. I am with another now, I have been with others, I will marry someone else, but there will always be one that I secretly remember and sometimes think about, but no one knows about it, because it was many, many years ago and I do not need to is known. But it's always like that, I think. She has been standing there in a corner of her heart for 20 years and, unfortunately, I instinctively compare everyone to her or I remember that she doesn't do like her. But don't worry, no one comes back to someone who hurt them so much, which is why this memory. I have not seen or heard this girl, already a woman for sure, for 19 long years, so no problem :)
First, you need to learn that a person has a personal space in which you should not push yourself into slippers. If he wants, he will share. Are you stupid - he doesn't want to. Secondly, obviously, his feelings for you are not what you want and hope for. Do not torment each other. Let everyone go their own way and seek their happiness. Third, men do not like scandals and explanations.
Isn't there a padlock with a key holding another at work? What are you screaming about then?
I see that there are people here who are very open and say "what does the past matter" ... very easy to say, but if they were in your place, everyone would growl with jealousy, men and women ... You have the full right to be angry, to want to know, to be curious and to be upset ... This is a tattoo, for God's sake. Something that sits on a person's skin all his life, and his is on his chest and is clearly visible, and when he hides the story of the tattoo from you, you become even more curious and this is quite normal for me ... so, you have you're right and don't feel bad about wanting to know - this is your partner after all, you're building something together, you can't have secrets with each other ... This with the suicidal girlfriend sounds more or less adequate, but if that's the case, why would you hide it? !! Sounds like he had feelings for the girl and they had something together maybe, otherwise why tattoo her face? It's ugly. For me, all kinds of tattoos are ugly, not to mention images of people, etc. - it's so unnecessary and ugly to me ... I think you have the right to want to know the history of this tattoo, keep wanting to be talk about it, tell him it's something that really worries you and makes you feel special, and that if you keep it up with secrets from each other and cover-ups of the past, you don't know if you can last long ... like this is the softer way to tell him you would walk away from him because of his behavior. If something hurts and hurts you, don't put up with it! Talk about this thing, discuss, argue, do whatever you want - just to have progress and a solution to the problem, some change ... but to stand and hurt because of his attitude - do not tolerate it! I sincerely sympathize with you,
I'm number 12, number 13, we must be reading different stories. The author will judge, that's how I feel. Her thoughts and behavior say that she is in a codependent relationship, and she does not mention that the man is addicted, then things do not exclude each other, but overlap. Old 30, unworthy of a man (he is a liar, tight, cold), loving drama and pain, pretends to believe him (so as not to confront) that she is a manipulated woman. She identifies with his words, she has no real judgment for herself.
He may be sympathetic to her suicide and therefore not talkative on the subject.
Until 22. I don't know how he decided that the past doesn't matter, but why, for GOD's sake, the past is related to exes is such a huge factor. This is where much bigger problems come from than ignorance of them. How come one is not more interested in the traumas, the childhood, the parents, your life, all the former, all the digging. And I'm not saying it doesn't matter, believe me, I'd be curious too, and precisely because I know whose fuck I'm going to be curious about, I allow myself to talk. Because everyone wants to be more special than the other, everyone wants to be established by their partner and to have a sense of belonging. But you turn things around very dramatically when you don't get it. To catch and leave when she doesn't like it. But not. First, she wants to know what the other was special about, to turn him into a competition, and when he receives the approval in question to leave satisfied. Drama, that chatter. When he told her that she had committed suicide, I am 100% sure that questions such as how he felt after such an experience, how he experienced the collision with death and that of a loved one did not exist, and "even if it suicide why would you tattoo her if you had nothing to do with it ". You don't even know how to get what you want. That is why I say that things are two-way. Because when he sees that he can trust her, that is, this information will not be used against him in the form of jealousy, demands, nonsense, then he will share it with her. Trust is built, you are right, but on both sides.
Author, when writing a comment on your own topic, say that you are the author, not to be anonymous. You have written such anonymous comments in many of your stories, as if someone else was writing them. Shall I point out your stories, where you yourself wrote anonymous comments. It seems that comment No. 22 is yours. But you have to defend your opinion, to "justify" yourself in front of you after these "very open" people tell you "what the past means". In your opinion, the past is very important. If the past is very important to you, H.6 asked you if you would share your relationships with all the men you were with before your current boyfriend. If you started having sex at the age of 15.16 until the age of 27.28, you may have had a lot of numbers. Well, tell him how many men you've been with, but honestly, without keeping quiet about any of them. You don't dare, do you? You don't like that "very open" people told you not to dig into your friend's past. You don't like to be blamed, you like everyone to agree with you. Let's see now if you will answer me. Moderators please post my comment.
This site hit rock bottom, and I thought there was nowhere else to go. Teenproblem is a much nicer place.
Tell him, hey, the car, you know where her battery is ... when I get back from work tonight, the tattoo is gone
Thanks to everyone for the comments. I see that two or three managed to put themselves in my place and see things through my eyes. Anyway, I will not defend myself and try to justify myself to you and prove myself to you. Number 27 I answer, he never asked me to tell him how many men I've been with, but I'm definitely not a whore like you. And the other thing is that I haven't written anonymous comments, this is my first. Thanks to number 22 for the sincere words. Kill your complexes on someone else's back. You are all very broad-minded here, but only here, aren't you? Come on, good health! And number 28, since the site is so low-key, don't log in, it's so simple!
Author, this tattoo is difficult to erase. The problem is not in the tattoo, but in his attitude towards you. He promised you marriage - he didn't offer you to hang out, he probably promised you other things - he didn't fulfill them. These are the basics you need to think about. If a relationship makes you feel sad and bad most of the time, if he doesn't share with you, doesn't keep his word, then you need to talk seriously. If I don't get up, I don't get up! Happiness is in front of you. I am 36 years old and I have experienced another disappointment in my life. I will tell you this, if a man holds and loves the woman next to him, he does everything possible to make her feel good and happy, the same goes for the woman. If that doesn't work, don't bother with each other.
And what now - everyone who is in your opinion is great, and everyone with something different is complex ...? Even whores ... The people here are not your friends who will explain to you how you are always right, even when you are not ... When you hear similar answers from several different people, it may be worth thinking about whether they are wrong , could the damage be in your TV?
Number 33 just imagine for a second, there is a person you are madly in love with and every time you strip naked in front of you another person appears and you become three. It's very nice to believe. Yes, people here express an opinion, but they have not gone through what I am going through. How adequate do you think these opinions are? It's just not a question of who is right or wrong, the question is that I feel pain, jealousy and despair. I don't think you know the feelings. So keep your comment.
To number 12. I took the trouble to read the story one more time, because obviously something was missing me. Thus, the author claims that the man lied to her about the tattoo. But that's what she says. He also claims to be a coward. This is also her statement. I don't know how someone decides to take someone else's words for granted and make diagnoses like "narcissus". The author says that he is a coward towards her, and brave in his actions towards another - slightly paraphrased, but the ultimate meaning is this. By this logic, we can put codependence on him as well as on his ex. On her compassion for him and so on the Indian thread. Diagnoses are not determined on the basis of your behavior with one person, they are determined on the basis of your behavior in principle, the patterns that you express in each, say, of your relationships. It also made a very big impression on me, when the author wrote that "she can't leave" because she "loves". Honestly, I thought I would read that he can't leave because he loves him. And, alas, she loves "dramas". To be stung by a man. That you even made her the "victim". I am not saying that the friend in question is right. That the holy water is not drunk. I'm just saying that it's not serious to make such difficult diagnoses to a person who obviously has a sick topic to talk about the girl in question, and she digs, so she digs. Not to mention that even if he saved part of the story and they were really together, which he lies to her about, but she really committed suicide. Can you imagine what a trauma this is. What a fault that you couldn't do something, that you didn't notice that the person next to you had suicidal thoughts. Ah, now even ask him questions.
Again to number 12. Later I was impressed by something else. She also confronts how, because she herself wrote that there are scandals on this topic. That is, she does not keep her distance at all, maybe there is a moment of retreat, but there is certainly a confrontation. Another thing I don't understand. How do you decide that a person is being manipulated by a person who is cold. Well, maybe she has her fantasies about the prince on a white horse and manipulates herself through her expectations. Not to mention that she also puts herself in the position of "insufficient", "not good enough", because she has manipulated her other ideas about who the girl in question is. I say again. I'm not saying he's not a manipulator, but based on one sentence, someone can conclude that someone else has been manipulated - dog level 100. To the author: I can only tell you that you look like a person to me, driven by selfish motives., at 30 and self-flagels in a relationship in which he obviously does not feel well, and then pretends to be a victim. And nowhere did I see you say how you feel about the boy, except ANR, that you don't extract information, love of dramas and disappointment that he didn't meet your expectations and, in your opinion, the "promises" in question, which are quite relative. I don't sit with my boyfriend to make plans for when he will offer me, I don't know. I saw a pain coming entirely from your ego. Sitting somewhere because you're 30 and not looking for anything else doesn't mean you love the person in question. that it did not meet your expectations and, in your opinion, the "promises" in question, which are quite relative. I don't sit with my boyfriend to make plans for when he will offer me, I don't know. I saw a pain coming entirely from your ego. Sitting somewhere because you're 30 and still not looking for something else doesn't mean you love the person in question. that it did not meet your expectations and, in your opinion, the "promises" in question, which are quite relative. I don't sit with my friend to make plans for when he will offer me, I don't know. I saw a pain coming entirely from your ego. Sitting somewhere because you're 30 and still not looking for something else doesn't mean you love the person in question.
Number 13/35/36, number 12. Well, I already find reason in your words. After the author rejected any help with her comment and after not even reading about the things we are talking about with you, it is more than clear that she is not looking for help and a solution, but regret and approval. So I agree with you - Ego. Otherwise, I'm absolutely sure that this tattoo is a lie. My best friend is a tattoo artist, I even asked her about this story. He told me that people tattoo a loved one, a parent or a child, and if the person is dead, they write the year, a kind of "memory".
To number 12 I'm number 13. I'm glad we looked in one direction. Also, you publish a lot in the way you express yourself, it doesn't matter that the site is anonymous - understand it as you want :)
I design myself great, I know :)