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Love and affairs

He Led A Double Life All The Time

By lookatthesize July 11, 2020 12 answers Last updated July 11, 2020

Hello and thanks in advance to everyone who read this story, for your time and support.

 

In short - after a few years of relationship I learned that from the beginning I was the "second". My relationship with this person was wonderful for me, very emotional, to which I add the common interests, the conversations, the shared humor, the support in every aspect. We both had disappointments behind us, but this time it was as if we had discovered the great, full-fledged love ... Our relationship was official, relatives, colleagues, friends knew that we were together and that we were looking to a common future. He repeatedly expressed a desire for marriage and a child. He said that he had never loved in such a way that he lacked absolutely nothing in our relationship, he was looking for ways to spend more time together, to make me happy with small gestures.

 

Anyone who accuses me of stupidity here will be right, of course. You will ask me if there were any signs that something was happening in parallel. I answer you honestly - there was. I was harassed on a daily basis, but scandals erupted when I tried to question her, and there was fierce denial. And in my love, I chose to believe that, instead of my intuition screaming otherwise.

 

The pain I can't overcome comes from the lack of explanation for what happened. Why, if you are so emotionally connected, devoted, dreaming, sharing with one man, will you maintain a parallel life with another woman for years? Will you have other flirtations on top of everything? Is this a disease? Who is to blame? We've both had a lot of conversations on this subject, and we've both said we care a lot about honesty and loyalty.

 

For the first time, I have to end a serious relationship without any explanation. There is no point in asking him, because I realize that if for years he has lied systematically about big and countless small things, every day, then he is a pathological liar and the chance to learn the truth from such a person is zero. On the other hand, I am a very emotional, loyal and honest person and I have the feeling that this ambiguity will drive me crazy. Will I be able to go on with my life and trust myself again? Will I be able to turn my back, forgive and forget after years of giving so much love to a person who was actually just a fake of himself in front of me?

 

Have you ever overcome the deception of a person you loved?

 

Have you ever experienced the end of a great love knowing that you have been deceived?

 

I will be grateful for any advice or just for sharing on the topic, which could bring comfort.

Answers 12

1
misslessli answered · July 11, 2020
Those who do so are sick. At least I can't find another explanation, and I've read on the subject. It is a pathology. They suffer from emotional emptiness due to trauma, very often from childhood. Abandoned by one parent, a powerful mother, a troubled family environment ... They grow up and are emotionally disabled. They don't know what they want and they don't even know what they need. They do not know what love is, because they have seen so little. They feel the pleasure of the adrenaline of dating, sex ... And why do they hang out with their boyfriend and why do they have a boyfriend at all, after going to bed with each other? I really don't understand that anymore. They can be whores without lying and committing.
2
alcupwn answered · July 11, 2020
Well, let me tell you a story. I have been married for 17 years to the woman I love. During these years we have achieved a lot of life. In the eyes of the people we are the most ideal family. Probably one of the most stable in the country even :) About five years ago I went to work a night shift. However, I returned an hour later and forgot something important at home. When I came home and recognized women, she was gone. I called and asked her what she was doing and she said she would go to bed. Classic of the genre. From the beginning, of course, I was shocked. We are very straightforward people. I also told him to go home and that I was at home. She came crying. We did not part. Soon I caught her again without wanting to follow her. Not that I'm one of the most true prostitutes ha ha. That's life. But in front of society we are the best. We fuck and love each other again. But from time to time you need something different. I don't know how he can help you, maybe because he doesn't have a perfect family.
3
fdrst answered · July 11, 2020
I was deceived in a very bad way, but in a different way. Introduce yourself with a different identity and I, like you, saw the signs, but secretly hoped, but after a month I just decided to expose it and leave. That's what I did and I'm happy with another person right now. Only I, like you, this madness drove me crazy and I kept wondering why and why, but over time you just grow up and say to yourself that it's not worth wasting time on such things when there are men capable of loving and appreciating you! About you - darling, if you spin two at the same time, then it does not love you both, but feeds your own needs and ego. One does the sexual things, the other takes care of him, etc. In general, in most infidelities, a person looks for what he lacked in the relationship, but there are cases when they lack nothing in the relationship, but something in themselves and they they are confused and do not know what they want. They don't bother to understand what it is or seek help and do nonsense. Do not justify it in any way! You deserve more! You deserve a person who will fight with you for your common future and everything you want to come true in it. Drop it and don't look back, give yourself time, treat yourself, develop, read, study, work, take care of yourself, go out with friends, give yourself some rest and return to the love field when you are ready. Congratulations, you are not one of the girls who willingly become the "mistress" or know that there is one but still stay, because it says a lot about you!
4
mrlustfulxx answered · July 11, 2020
I was also betrayed in the ninth year of my marriage, with two small children. It took me a long time to feel it - I had full confidence, but I accidentally realized that the frequent outings for women were not for women, but for ... It turned out to be her colleague. Subsequently, they continued the communication, which I saw again. I went through the most nightmarish months of my life, and several times I don't know how I didn't have a heart attack. Eventually something in me died and I said to myself that I would never give my unconditional love to a woman again. Many years have passed since then, and we are still together, but nothing is the same anymore - sometimes we say to each other that we love each other, we have very good sex, we look after our children, but I no longer trust each other - I just always have one thing in mind.
5
adruss1 answered · July 11, 2020
It is not a disease. Compartmentalization is called. Each of your parallel lives is isolated in its own space without intersecting with each other. If you know IT is like virtual machines with a hypervisor. Or as separate roles in a play. I don't know why anyone would live like that, I personally find it very exhausting. Maybe people with great social capacity would appreciate it. I would not say that he does not love you, in my opinion the part of his consciousness that has given you loves you very much, but there are other parts that love others.
6
jk0676 answered · July 11, 2020
I experienced the same one of my exes, we spent 3 years supposedly in love, supposedly family. Until one day I decided to check her phone. Well, what turned out to be your boss. At least it was for money. Well my life has collapsed, depression is something I have never experienced. Slowly I stepped to my feet. One love is forgotten with another. So the conclusion is that you learned the lesson just, keep one thing in mind.
7
twiththebigd345 answered · July 12, 2020
Author, a wound does not heal if you constantly pick it up, the comparison is banal, but it is true. I don't understand what other explanations you're trying to find on the simple fact that a cook was having fun fucking two (or more) women in parallel. And they in their stupidity believed the lies with which he wrapped them and enjoyed the "great" love, that is, they completely excluded the mind at the expense of feelings. If you know WHAT exactly made him do this - is it a disease, a mental disorder, a problematic childhood, attention deficit, a complex of some kind, will the pain go away? Spit on this garbage and pass. And yes, I have experienced infidelity with all the "symptoms" you described and I have continued. I have not forgotten, such a thing is not forgotten, but I have made the appropriate conclusions, I hope you remember what. I did not forgive and ended with trust and great love, in this case - the big lie. I did not dig into memories and sentiments, I drew strength from pain and hatred.
8
command_me_ answered · July 12, 2020
You got rid of a little. Accept it as an earring that not everything is as it seems.
9
farah_love answered · July 12, 2020
But. 7, I put you one, because I do not agree that if you pick a job will not heal. On the contrary. After following my ex-boyfriend for a year, I finally met her and UNDERSTAND what an illusion she had lived in all along. She lied to herself. I am me too. Now I'm ok and she's the next one after which I became stronger.
10
jizzy690 answered · July 13, 2020
# 9 - I don't care about the points, I don't compete to care. I just write what I think, whether someone likes it or not, that's all. For me, the past is past and must remain so - good, bad, it's over. The former have no place in my current life. I think it's better and easier to experience various false "big" loves.
11
nicocofrench answered · July 13, 2020
Number - 9 and the rest - abe people, the "singles" or in fact the stars are put as a sign of approval! Bray, you didn't get it.
12
jepp5239 answered · July 13, 2020
Author, you came across a very dangerous person. I wish you had lost it already. Because you really don't know what to expect from people like him.
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