Hello, I will soon be 23 years old. I had a three-year relationship with a boy (25, if that matters). In the beginning, everything was a fairy tale, like any beginning. Until then, I had not loved, I had not been lied to, I had not had a serious relationship, perhaps precisely because I had not been scalded, I approached this man with complete confidence. We fell in love from the very beginning ... he said he loved me, he wanted us to be together all the time ... he insisted on living together for the second month. I trust him that he really loved me, but ... Over time, I started to discover things ... at first by accident, then I deliberately dug ... I'm not proud of it, nor did I want to do it, but I was just dying to find out if he was making a fool of me ... Chats, phone calls .. when I asked him he said that they were his friends, that it was like that .. that I imagined .. yes, now as I write it, I realize what a stupid child I was ... over time I stopped being so naive, that's why he started erasing everything .. setting passwords .. making me super jealous. It was his main trump card to get out of arguments, accusing me of being jealous and rummaging through his privacy. Everything was seemingly calm, at least for him, I cried all night, I thought, I wondered if he was lying to me, if he was cheating on me ... I had become like a detective, I was discovering things he didn't even think I could find. Most of the time, I found only a trace of him writing or communicating with a girl, but I didn't find the conversations themselves because he was rubbing them and all I had to do was guess, and that was killing me. This went on for too long. I'm not saying he didn't love me and didn't take care of me, on the contrary, but one cannot compensate for the other. I even hated going out to discos and similar places, because he was just looking for someone to look at, which is quite humiliating for me ... In principle, I did not want to mention and interfere with the topic of appearance, but I think more or less and it matters .. I am an attractive girl, I would dare to say - beautiful and sexy. I've always been overwhelmed by male attention, but I never allowed myself even a naive flirtation while I was with this boy. As much as he ignored me, I was loyal to him like a puppy. At the same time, the girls he had shown interest in one way or another were quite ordinary girls, some even ugly. I can't just explain it to myself ... I never refused him anything, I always took care of him, he was always in the first place, there was nothing in sex that we didn't do or didn't like to do ... so I don't have an explanation for all these girls ... I'll stop the topic of girls here, because if I have to tell in detail it will take a lot time. Even his friends went so far as to advise me to separate, because they saw that this man was humiliating and exposing me. My friends just wondered why I put up with it. They even annoyed me ... They tried to explain to me that it is not normal for a smart, beautiful and decent girl to tolerate this thing. We broke up ... and from there everything became even more painful for me, because we kept seeing each other, but I couldn't take care of other girls anymore ... quite a bad period in general, in the end he got to the point where he limited me. from his life to bully and kill me for no reason, to let him find and "live" ... One day I just told myself that I was moving forward, no matter how hard it was for me. It was the beginning of summer, I am a student and this summer I worked as a waitress. In general, I had no desires for other boys, I did not pay attention to anyone. One day a boy appeared who I really liked .. I just looked at him for a moment .. the next day he had found me on Facebook, it turned out that he had liked me for years. We went out once ... Then my ex-boyfriend reappeared. He just called me, as if nothing had happened, as if he had never thrown me out of his life ... he wanted to hear me ... After my second meeting with this boy, my ex was like crazy, he started following me, yes he watches who drives me to work, when I come home, he waits for me in front of us, he asks me to get together, he promises me that he will change, he says I am unique, that he doesn't want anyone else, that he only needed me. I had already started a relationship with another boy. This complicated everything. I was furious that he was doing all this only when I decided to move on. I had only dreamed of hearing these words from him to promise me that he would change and to pray to me, to admit that he behaved horribly ... I really only dreamed, but I could not make fun of the other boy .. I'm not like that. To leave a wonderful boy for someone who makes a fool of me and eventually throws me out of his life. He was used to doing what he wanted, and when it occurred to him I would return to him immediately. I'm not like that, I couldn't hurt the other boy, he's wonderful, handsome, good, faithful ... I chose the mind ... before the heart. But I'm very sad. I love him very much, I miss him, but I couldn't know what would be better for me, so I chose to give the boy a chance, which he deserved, so it seemed more correct .. I chose the mind, before the heart. I know that I can not completely recreate the situation, nor can you tell me what was better, nor is there a step back, but I just needed to share :)
Answers 13
You did the right thing! Your "love" is just a complex that needs your trophy to scratch its dick ... ops, ego. These are rare and very difficult to change. It's not worth poisoning your nerves with such a creature. Experience your new relationship and be happy in it! Do not allow the primate to approach even you, to draw from your energy and to plant bad fibers in your new relationship. Success!
You did the right thing! Absolutely correct! You women have an innate tendency to cling to freaks who trample you and make you monkeys. Congratulations on making a conscious effort to break this vicious circle. Let the scumbag get along with the scumbags, and you get together with decent people and make a nice and healthy family, with many children and mutual respect. Well, sometimes in years to come, you'll be knocking on someone's heart (by no means with your current ex!), But that's life, what to do.
Congratulations! You did the right thing. One tip: get rid of the ex in your life. Delete it from Facebook and don't see it anymore. He doesn't love you and has been rude to you. Give the new boy a chance and build a good relationship. M26
The author: It was difficult for me because he told me for the first time that he would change, for the first time, and I didn't give him a chance for the first time ... but why did he have to do it only when I moved on; (
It is always good to be guided by reason.
On the contrary - we can tell you that it is that you did the right thing. The ex does not love you and for you it is a habit, pain, hurt ego and residual feelings. The new is a thrill, it is new, and time is approaching. In time you will want the new one or another.
You did the right thing. And it's not about choosing between reason and core, but about respecting yourself and having dignity. This is exactly what the ex did - he did not respect you, he trampled on your dignity. You don't need a man like that. Well done for moving on. The former is rubbish and don't deal with it at all. Stop contact with him and continue forward. You deserve to be loved and respected.
If necessary, request a restraining order. Forget about your ex. Either stay temporarily alone (to cure your pain) or go out with someone else. Forget about the past. Advice from a woman.
In fact, it is not. You already love your current friend, but you haven't realized it yet, and what you feel for the old man is the power of the habit, transmitted with pain. Don't worry, only in a year you will see how everything will fall into place. It's just a fresh breakup. Rejoice in your happiness and do not look back. Well done for getting out of this mess! No one should tolerate something like this that you have endured.
I found myself in a similar situation :) From the side it is obvious that you did the right thing. While you were with your ex, you were safe with him. He has brushed his ego with your attention and unconditional love. Hence the self-confidence to deal with a bunch of other girls ... And now he understands that you are no longer "his". This is a great loss for him, a blow to his ego ... I am writing this to you so that you understand that this person is not worthy of your love and that you never decide to return to him. Such unhealthy relationships are detrimental to your own self-esteem and happiness. I wish you to soon forget about this person and a lot of happiness in the new relationship! :) Ж28
If you allow the old man to wander through your life, there is a high probability that the new one will choose the path of parting with you. What normal man would tolerate some exes hanging around his girlfriend, writing to her, calling her to invite them for coffee ... You are not small, everything is very simple, the known has caused you pain, the unknown gives hope
Author: Thank you for the advice and support :)
Hello, I am the author of the topic. As the months went by, I learned a lot about my ex that helped me realize how right I had made by throwing him out of my life. It turned out that he regularly cheated on me. Besides, since I rejected him, he hasn't stopped lying to people, first he lied that I was still sleeping with him, then that I wanted to get together, and he didn't ... generally a complex story. I want to give advice to everyone who has fallen into such a situation - throw the garbage out of your life without thinking!