There is a cliché that the way to get rid of a beautiful woman is with another beautiful woman. And in this case it seems to be true. Except I don't plan to take it off anymore. Sounds like a teenage story, even though we're mature. I'm 33, my former colleague I was in love with, let's call her Ellie, is 34. We met Ellie more than four years ago at work. There was chemistry between us, flirting, but nothing happened. Shortly after we met, I left. And she preferred another to me. The other did not turn out to be a commodity - he was seriously engaged to another woman. Subsequently, when they gathered supposedly officially, he obsessed her, threatened her, cheated on her. It's her job. They separated and reunited several times. When they parted, she remembered me, we drank coffee, we talked, we brushed our egos. But nothing happened. I was the typical fool in the friend zone and the doormat.
I can't blame her, I let her. But I really loved her. And that lasted for three years, in which I ran on her ass. A year and a half ago, something in me broke. She gave me another contradictory signal. He came out with me, then made me busy. And then I said to myself, that's enough. As much as I loved her, I cut from a bone. I didn't talk to her, I didn't make dramas, I just backed away. I stopped writing to her. I stopped going to the gym where we trained together. I unfollowed her on social media and I haven't opened her account since. I cried an ocean of tears. For this year and a half, since I withdrew, we have written 2-3 times in several lines about the holidays and that's it. And two random meetings on the street. I decided to change my life, I started working on myself, fighting my complexes, training more, reading, to develop spiritually and intellectually. Also professional. The truth is, I didn't stop loving her, I thought of her often, but I said to myself, "Whatever, that's not for me. If I have to, I'll be alone for the rest of my life, fuck it. My life will make sense again, I'll create something useful ". I had a few brief affairs, but nothing to grow into a relationship. Six months ago I fell in love again, this time shared. I didn't expect it. My friend's name is Desi, 27. We like each other very much as characters. We have common themes, interests. Sex is good. And Desi is an incredibly beautiful, real doll. It's not just my opinion, it attracts a lot of attention. This is not the most important thing, but I admit that it brushes my ego. Two weeks ago, Desi and I were at a friend's birthday party. And it turned out that Ellie was there too, brought by her friend. He saw me, threw himself on my neck.
And then he saw Desi and it turned out quite confusing. I may be mistaken, but I thought they were blown away. The three of us talked, but a very common conversation. Two days later, however, Ellie wrote to me - general talk. How am I, what am I, am I okay, how is my life developing? We talked a little. And in a few days again. And he invited me for coffee. I refused. A few days later he tried again and wound me up. We went out for coffee, we talked. She said she had another love drama with someone. Ellie was openly flirting with me. He even released a line like "once upon a time if we had married you ...", supposedly a joke. After coffee, she wrote to me twice again, but we never saw each other again. I don't know what's wrong with her. He said he wanted us to reconnect. The truth is that when he wrote to me while we were having coffee, my heart was on my heels. Old memories flooded in. But I told myself it was just emotions. I love my girlfriend, we like each other a lot, I don't want to hurt her. And even if it wasn't my girlfriend, I have no future with Ellie. She likes bad boys, dramas, infidelities. And I don't want that kind of relationship. It's very likely that if I pay attention to her, she'll back off again. Or even if something happened, dump me for the first bad boy to show up. It's just weird - how when he saw me with another woman, younger and just as beautiful, Ellie suddenly changed his attitude. And I'm the same person. I haven't become a dominant alpha macho. It's just weird - how when he saw me with another woman, younger and just as beautiful, Ellie suddenly changed his attitude. And I'm the same person. I haven't become a dominant alpha macho. It's just weird - how when he saw me with another woman, younger and just as beautiful, Ellie suddenly changed his attitude. And I'm the same person. I haven't become a dominant alpha macho.
Answers 14
Brother, as a completely impartial third party who has read your story, let me tell you what I see. First, this chick (and people like her) have a serious psychological problem because they are attracted mainly to men in serious relationships. She knows that she is beautiful, she receives compliments from left and right, men are like too dumb and easy animals for her, who just follow her ass and are not worthy of her attention. Therefore, she is attracted to those who can hardly (or can not) have - such men with serious relationships. YOU SAID IT YOURSELF - while you were in the friend zone, she chased another colleague who was in a relationship. While she was alone, spending time with you, you were her rug on which she wipes her problems. In fact, you have ALWAYS been in the friendship with her, even when there was "chemistry" between you. Because if there really was chemistry, she would find a way to have sex with you, she wouldn't just talk to you. Now, you have a relationship with a girl who is your type, beautiful and also responds to your feelings (and as he told you, it even gives you even more confidence because it's a high ball and you actually took it off, which is great). This so-called Ellie, she is somewhat doomed to not be able to have a long-term relationship with anyone, due to the fact that the moment a man surrenders to her, he will cease to be interesting to her. She falls for the things she can't have - this is a problem for most beautiful women. They are taught from an early age that because they are beautiful, they can have everything. But really, for everything you haven't made yourself with your own work, you can't appreciate it and you can't love it. For example, if I give you BGN 99999999 in cash now and you "decide" material problems for life, this same life will become boring. You didn't make that money. They do not shine on you, you are not proud of them, they are "given" to you! The same with Ellie - she attracts men passively, but she herself doesn't like them so easily - she wants things that are difficult or impossible. Here you are now with Desi, in Ellie's eyes, you suddenly become an object of desire - you love someone other than Ellie, you are inaccessible, you are happy with Desi, you automatically enter the category of "successful man that she can not have ". OF COURSE, now the former colleague in question will "hang around your neck". Here's my advice - don't let her. Don't let her hang around your neck or hug you. Especially in front of Desi. You already have a serious relationship, DON'T lose it. Ellie would dump you the moment she "has" you. She would do that to any man, it's only a matter of time. For Ellie, hugging you in front of your girlfriend is like showing her middle finger that she can have you at any moment - in English it's called "ego tripping". . Just look at this Ellie from a distance, like you're watching a human experiment. Be with your current girlfriend, do not give her cause for doubt and draw your own conclusions ... usually the most attractive women have a snake body, they will literally destroy you if you do not understand in time how they think. For such, there is nothing more pleasant than destroying the relationships of others - it makes them feel powerful and strong. Don't give her pleasure, man. there is nothing more pleasant than destroying the relationships of others - it makes them feel powerful and strong. Don't give her pleasure, man. there is nothing more pleasant than destroying the relationships of others - it makes them feel powerful and strong. Don't give her pleasure, man.
Well, you realize what she's like. You have to be the biggest fool if you go after her again.
Ellie probably doesn't want a relationship with you, you want to be friends. He wants to talk to you, to go out for coffee. That she told you 'why didn't we get married on time' is a joke, a joke. She may have been shocked to learn that you have a younger and equally beautiful girlfriend, but don't be fooled - that doesn't mean she wants you in bed. Personally, I do not see what the problem is to have a boyfriend and girlfriend for coffee. You say yourself that you are in love with Desi, you also love Ellie, why not see her ... Communicate, these are natural relationships between young people.
It happened to me too, but she hadn't left me without an explanation before! A year later, she invited me to her birthday and she was pushing me, sitting inside me, but I no longer felt anything and rejected her a little nasty. Then I went with a very cool girl who turned out to be her acquaintance. She tried to scold us! I had a similar incident with another. Apparently if you go or are married to a beautiful woman you are more appetizing to other women.
Hmm. There are such people (both men and women). They understand that you are valuable only after someone else appreciates you. Otherwise you are a given. I have a similar incident. I was trying to take down a colleague. But at the same time, surprisingly (because I took her down before), she caught up with someone they met at a gathering. He was playing tricks on me until he did something pretty rude (at least that's how I took it) and I backed away. Anyway, later I got to know her from the sides and found out what kind of person she is. In short, for her, men are service personnel - ie. is one of those women who has a whole bunch of "men need ..." and "a real woman ..." There were various dramas in her relationship. He later moved to another city, to another job. I caught a boyfriend. At one point he appeared surprisingly back to his old job and began to gather attention. I watched her do it. Apparently she was convinced she could catch me because I had once pressed her. At one point, however, he realized that I had a girlfriend and just blew up. I can't say I wasn't satisfied with that. It was like revenge for her act. Anyway, I already know her well enough that I don't want to have such a relationship with her, but otherwise we are like good acquaintances - we talk about common topics by encountering each other in the corridors, but nothing more. So, in your case, although you like her a lot, you will hardly be anything more than a device for raising her self-esteem. Learn from the past. You have a boyfriend who likes you. Appreciate it! The other does not deserve this. It was like revenge for her act. Anyway, I already know her well enough that I don't want to have such a relationship with her, but otherwise we are like good acquaintances - we talk about common topics by encountering each other in the corridors, but nothing more. So, in your case, although you like her a lot, you will hardly be anything more than a device for raising her self-esteem. Learn from the past. You have a boyfriend who likes you. Appreciate it! The other does not deserve this. It was like revenge for her act. Anyway, I already know her well enough that I don't want to have such a relationship with her, but otherwise we are like good acquaintances - we talk about common topics by encountering each other in the corridors, but nothing more. So, in your case, although you like her a lot, you will hardly be anything more than a device for raising her self-esteem. Learn from the past. You have a boyfriend who likes you. Appreciate it! The other does not deserve this.
Why did you see her for coffee when you were happy with your girlfriend? Why would you even see a woman who was a thrill to you after you had a girlfriend? I think it's still in your heart, since you're even addicted to coffee and Easter eggs. I would cut off the most culturally similar attempts at friendship from ex-lovers, especially if I'm in a relationship. There is no friendship if one has loved or had a relationship. There is no such film. I would exchange remarks out of courtesy and that's it. But writing, coffee is absurd! There is no point in reviving the past and pretending to be a friend of a person I have kissed and hugged. To look at him and wonder what went wrong. You just cut your girlfriend by seeing a woman who broke your heart some time ago. The problem is not only in this Ellie, but in you, that you have only seen each other at all.
You think very well and you are aware of the whole situation. Only one thing I don't understand - what the fuck are you going to do in it again? You just blur your head and break away from your real relationship to deal with such dead things. Another coffee, some more chats and you're ready. You understand that you will not have a serious relationship with her, the moment she receives you you will become uninteresting again. And again according to the old scheme, again roar, snot, dramas, you can write us a new story "I fucked up my life, what should I do?". You know what to do, we can't do it for you here. Your story reminds me of myself a long time ago, I was in love for years with a girl I was just a friend of. Her lover was a bit of a womanizer, otherwise shiny with good manners, but he didn't treat her very well. For the dramas, I was there, but at one point I got tired. After another drama and a roar on my shoulder all night, she went to him again the next day, explaining that it was worth giving him another chance. Then I realized that it would never be mine, but only used me as a trash can. It was as if I had sobered up, picked myself up, and decided not to drive her like that again. I started going on dates, chatting with different girls from different sites and Facebook, and after a while things worked out with another girl. I fell in love again very much, but this time shared, I was very happy. I only kept in touch with my girlfriend for a while, she continued with her dramas about her boyfriend, but my new girlfriend became jealous. At one point I had to cut off all contact with her because I saw how I was threatening my relationship because of complete nonsense.
Doesn't it turn out that she always saw you only as a friend, that she still does, and you think she's taking you down? It's not bad to have women friends.
I am a man before the age of three and I consider myself relatively wise and have seen a lot of life, but I am still surprised and fascinated by the way he expresses and thinks number 1. It is really a pleasure to know that there are more such people! :) Greetings!
Get rid of her, this is another psychopath who experiences herself as a special princess who can behave with men irresponsibly and as she pleases. Such women want your attention and give you nothing in return, selfish, selfish and prone to their emotions. When there is someone like you around, they just raise their self-esteem with him without doing anything significant, then when they play, they roar that there are no real men who really love them and the like. A complete parody. Get rid of her, she still doesn't know what she's doing, she's still acting unreasonably, her duller instincts again, now she wants you because she used to have your attention and now she's lost it, if she gets it again she'll get bored again and so on, these are whims, she doesn't know what she wants and what she does, she wanders back and forth, jumps from man to man, etc. Leave her and look at her friend,
You have reasonable thoughts, although the emotions in you are raging and it is probably not easy for you. You know that Ellie is not hope, and even if he was single, you still wouldn't have a future. You ask why she thought of you now. The answer is simple. Women like her are in constant need of drama in their lives. Before there was no problem to be together, and now there is a problem and his name is Desi. Ellie is not a woman who can live without drama. She looks for problems and finds them easily. It is one thing to deal with you at a time when everything is fine and you have the opportunity for a wonderful future, and quite another to throw yourself on your neck when you have already continued your life and there is no way to be with her. Even if you end your relationship and cheat, the drama will go away in a few months and Ellie will start getting new problems so she doesn't get bored. You didn't have to make coffee appointments with her at all, you didn't have to text her back and let her in even a little bit in your life. Your story is over, let it stay that way. Eli is your weakness, remove it "surgically". Over time, feelings for her will completely evaporate. This is not exactly a thrill at the moment, it is more a shock and surprise from her behavior than love.
When you have a girlfriend, drink your coffee with her. If she, too, gets involved with someone from the past and, to chat and make appointments, will it be okay for you? Either or. I think so. Such supposedly only girlfriends from the past finally fuck up your current relationship. Don't you think that the girl will tolerate you dealing with another?
Well, when you went out, didn't you have the courage to raise the topic of what he wants now? Replace all this thinking and detailed analysis with a little action and take stock of how ridiculous this whole situation is, viewed from the side. You say it yourself - you have been a doormat for the mud of the soul, and not for long. You have continued your life, you and your girlfriend will obviously be quite happy and suddenly she appears to you. Under the pretext that she wanted friendship ... Don't deal with her. If you can't do that, there is another option. Be direct, talk about it, remember all three years and your current relationship, what he wants from you now ... such things. I am almost certain that the topic will be awkward and will pull. And if you're more insistent, he'll start explaining some nonsense to you and start slipping into it. And in the end you come to the first option.
Dad, I'm 25 and I'll join. I know people like your Ellie and believe me, they really aren't good. These are women who have something wrong. Mania to be liked by everyone at all costs, to receive constant attention from everywhere. Don't you dare tie yourself to her. Just think what a woman she is when she leaves with a committed man, and he literally does whatever he wants with her. She wants you to be around her, to adore her, to look for her. You will never have sex with her if you want to hear each other every day, see each other every day. Such women deserve to be treated like garbage, and they will adore you. But how do you love her, how do you love these women without even fucking them? Run with 300 and don't keep such women around you. Don't be friends with women at all. There is no such thing as a friendship between a man and a woman. Get lost and that's it. And look at yours with one mind, do not blindly believe that you never know what can come out and where. From experience I say, nothing, that I'm 25. And with what mind bro, you go to a meeting with this one, behind the back of your boyfriend, why are you trampling all the dignity, after it has already been crushed into thousands of pieces, you have collected it too she's ready to crush him again because you can't say no. In her eyes you have risen for a while and you will become her former friend again, seeing that you still adore her, but in your eyes don't you feel uncomfortable to see how weak you are mentally ??
Work on yourself as you see the right women appear on their own. why do you trample on all dignity, after it has already been crushed into thousands of pieces, you have collected it and she is ready to crush it again, because you cannot say No. In her eyes you have risen for a while and you will become her former friend again, seeing that you still adore her, but in your eyes don't you feel uncomfortable to see how weak you are mentally ?? Work on yourself, as you see the right women appear on their own. why do you trample on all dignity, after it has already been crushed into thousands of pieces, you have collected it and it is ready to crush it again, because you cannot say No. In her eyes you have risen for a while and you will become her former friend again, seeing that you still adore her, but in your eyes don't you feel uncomfortable to see how weak you are mentally ?? Work on yourself as you see the right women appear on their own.