I feel cheated. I am currently with a man who was previously engaged. His girlfriend dumped him and he suffered a lot. They never got to a wedding. After that he listened only to sad songs. He was looking for a new girl all the time. It was as if he was erasing it from his mind. He finds me. He has been living with me for many years, but not for children. He also doesn't want to hear sad songs. I know it's because they remind him of her. He says he doesn't care about her, but when I ask he hides something and gets angry and doesn't want to talk. I've lived deluded for so many years, and I think ... I'm a substitute. I did not believe that I would get here again, I think I saved myself from this misfortune of being alone and sad and still suffering from love. Yes, maybe he's with me now, etc., but I feel bad that he caught up with me after a series of inviting girls ...
Answers 7
make him call her and get together, and let him be happy. He just loves her very much, he will take to die of grief, he doesn't live ... or he lives in vain, his life is a kind of hell, he is not happy because he wants to be with her ..
If you feel like a substitute, tell him everything you've written here. He doesn't even have to answer you, tell him how you feel, and if he doesn't want to talk, it's his problem, he loses more. Also tell him what you wrote here, that you want children, etc. Set your conditions and then step back to see his reaction. Leave the door to you open, but with clear claims and conditions. If you rethink your behavior - be together, but if you do not want to be healthy, look for a more suitable man who will not harass you mentally. Think about the fact that you put yourself in this situation and agreed to be a substitute after staying with him, forgive yourself for the act and if he does not realize after your conversation, move on without him. Give yourself a chance to be with a valuable person, who will make you happy and love you without hurting you. Success!
"but when I ask something he hides and gets angry and doesn't want to talk" - gather courage and ask your questions, it is obvious that the current situation does not satisfy you, think about what you have to lose and what you would gain if you clarify things. I've always said that misunderstandings are cleared up with an open conversation, if you have to write down the questions you want answered, be honest and tell him how you feel, maybe he will understand you, and if he doesn't understand you, you choose whether to continue to harass a person who will never love you, to ask for children, to want to see you happy, etc.
What makes you feel that way right now? Haven't you felt it over the years? How did he behave? He thinks that if he is with you, then he wants to be with you, if he would not stand alone and suffer for her, what is another person to him. According to your attitude, you can feel if there are feelings?
Number 5, this statement "if he's with you, then he wants to be with you, if not - he would stand alone and suffer for her, what is the other person for him" sounds logical, but often does not correspond to the truth, Unfortunately!
Number 6, I agree that there are people who stand in a relationship that is comfortable for them and dream of someone else. :( It's nasty to lie to the person next to you like that. And there are crises that subside and the feelings return or separate. But it's nasty to deceive someone by explaining various things to them. I think it would be felt by the attitude of whether he really wants you or you're just comfortable with him.
And my ex "abandoned" me and we were engaged, for which, according to all relatives, friends and family, I should be grateful to God. The male heart is not like the female. We can't love whole men several at once. And when it comes to an engagement to the previous one, I guess it's like me - he thought she was the only one and she will be his forever. Alas, women, when you are offered security, comfort, happiness and true love, you get tired quickly and run away, losing the meaning of the experience so far, or in the other case, the man just behaves badly and the woman rightly runs away from him. In this line of thought, he and I felt betrayed and deceived with broken hearts. Some of us become nasty bastards - that's what our exes do - others take a substitute and live with the shadow of the former. Accept it, my advice is to talk and tell him how you feel if he understands you and put in the effort - ok, if you don't give yourself time to feel what he's losing, sometimes we need the hard way to show us. And let me tell you - for most men who have experienced this cataclysm - a broken heart - the chance to believe in love, marriage and the meaning of having a child and creating a generation as it should be is minimal. Make up your mind and think first and put yourself, and then your partner, because this is not selfishness, but self-respect. I don't want you to join the club of the "mentally crippled" M23 ... And let me tell you - for most men who have experienced this cataclysm - a broken heart - the chance to believe in love, marriage and the meaning of having a child and creating a generation as it should be is minimal. Make up your mind and think first and put yourself, and then your partner, because this is not selfishness, but self-respect. I don't want you to join the club of the "mentally crippled" M23 ... And let me tell you - for most men who have experienced this cataclysm - a broken heart - the chance to believe in love, marriage and the meaning of having a child and creating a generation as it should be is minimal. Make up your mind and think first and put yourself, and then your partner, because this is not selfishness, but self-respect. I don't want you to join the club of the "mentally crippled" M23 ...